I think that the most profound things happen so slowly, and on such a large scale, that we need time and distance to perceive them. Even then, the changes aren’t revealed in some grand display, they tend to show up as little things here and there. Becoming a poly family has been like that. This morning I looked around and suddenly felt content that all was right and good with our family – that we have dreamed into being the things we that wanted.
The four of us (Joel, me, Harold, and his wife, Melanie) decided to have a baby together. Our daughter is currently about 18 months old. This journey of becoming parents and collectively forming a family has been much more difficult than any of us imagined, but we do love each other. Somehow, it all works.
This morning Melanie brought the baby back to my house around 7:30. Joel and I were still in bed and everyone else was sleeping. Melanie sat on the bed and we talked about our weekends and generally gossiped. I poked Joel into making coffee. The baby ran around and hugged and kissed everyone.
After a while, we got out of bed. We drank coffee, put on clothes, changed the baby, made breakfast – all that kind of stuff – but we just hung out together. Joel sat at the dining room table with his laptop and browsed mail-order brides. He chose to look at the Russian girls because Harold could help him translate. I pointed out that the girls on this site are looking to get married, and Joel countered that polyamory can be a long-term relationship. (Don’t worry, he’s not really serious. I think.) Just the normal family stuff…
At some point during the hour or so that Melanie was there, I looked around and realized that this is it. This is the family that we’ve worked so hard to build. And it has been hard. We’ve all four brought our own issues to this, as people do in any relationship, but multiplied by however many possible configurations four people can make. We’ve all wanted to run away at some point or another. And we’ve haven’t. We’ve chosen to stay. We’ve decided to be a family in this way that’s just right for us. We’re doing it.