Nov 172010

Super close-up cuntWe did a photo shoot yesterday with a lot of pictures of me. Some of them even came out! But it’s brought up interesting body image issues for me. I stared at this picture for a long time. And then I started to cry.

I never see my cunt. I’ve made love to women, so I’m not a stranger to the anatomy, but I never really see myself like this – up close. It seems so alien and strange. It looks weird, but not in a bad way. My cunt is so obviously a portal. I’m in love with this part of my body that brings me so much joy.

Staring at this picture though, I start to see my body’s history. I see the place where I tore my labia right near my clitoris, giving birth too quickly. I remember how much that hurt and how I felt damaged after. I see the place I have scars and scar tissue from an episiotomy during birth. When I complained to my doctor about sex being painful, I was told to just have more sex because the prostaglandins in semen would help to soften the tissue. I see the little tab of skin that hangs out. I’ve always hated it. It’s been there since the painful and violent first time I was penetrated. I thought that something was very wrong with me – that something was hanging out because I was broken.

That’s the thing. I have several painful and emotional associations with a part of my body that’s kept secret. So secret, I don’t even see it. I share this part of my body with the people I care about. They think my cunt is beautiful. And looking at this photo, I go beyond the things that hurt, to a place of beauty and joy. Our bodies are so mysterious and amazing. I cry because now I can see, with my own eyes, that my cunt is all of these things – memories of pain, a portal to mystery, a weird alien thing, a tool of love and joy, and just mine.

Pussy Pride

  • Human-crouton

    This makes me think of how it is to be Trangender… it’s a misconcenption that all Transgender /hate/ the parts of thier bodies that are thier bio-sex, and that’s why they change them. Many TG’s just change thier /gender/ and not a whole lot of surgery to ‘fix’ anything… but it can lead to some VERY complicated feelings about one’s own body, because of how OTHERS see you. It’s an interesting thing to contemplate!

  • Evoe

    Thank you for sharing this! I think everyone struggles with some complicated emotions around their bodies – especially the sex related bits – but the few transgendered people I’ve known have put more effort into untangling these feelings than most folks do. As you can see in my blog, I spend a lot of time working through my body issues and trying to figure out what gender means to me. I’m happy that something I wrote spoke to you!

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