Nov 212010

Select studThe name says it all – HARDware. Something about the hardware store just turns me on. It’s so sexy. And it’s like people don’t even know that hardware stores sell sex.

I can’t walk down the aisles without contemplating the utility of each item as a sex toy or tool. I’ve purchased a variety of rope, red electrical tape, nylon strapping, pallet wrap, chain, eyebolts, and  carabiners for bondage use. Fiberglass reflector posts make wicked canes. Clothes pins, feather dusters, and plastic tubing can be fun in all sorts of ways! I just pick something up and try to imagine how I would use that item to turn someone on.

Creative kinky people can get into all kinds of trouble at the hardware store. Just think of the things you could make – spreader bars, racks, vices, paddles, sounds, ball stocks – hell, even a fucking machine! All you need is a little imagination.

This morning Harold, Melanie, and I went shopping. We found a 48″ purple bungee cord with carabiners at both ends and something that is like a giant twist tie, yet soft. I anticipate lots of fun experimenting with these, but I have to wait for Christmas.

Even if you aren’t into making things, the hardware store is rife with bad sexual innuendo. For example, today Harold needed some studs. He picked out a few premium studs, but he felt that perhaps the cost was too high. He was relieved to find some cheap select studs. And really, all he needed was for those studs to be physically sound, appearances didn’t matter. Did I mention that hardware shop can mean a male escort service in the UK?

Bondage ropeI think there’s a reason that so many sexual terms come from hardware related things. Think about it – let’s screw, I’m going to nail that girl, it’s hammer time, let’s hook up, I can’t wait to get ahold of his nuts and bolts, he’s got wood, how big is his tool – all reflect the reciprocal nature of  sexuality and the hardware store. Sex and hardware share a similar intent, namely creative force. And that gritty, glittery potential gets me hot.

Try it some time. I challenge you to let yourself be turned on the next time you happen to be in the sexy, sexy hardware store. Buy an item just because you think it might enhance your sex life, even if it’s just something that you think will feel good against your skin. I dare you.