Dec 012010

Monkey in the middleHarold and I sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to make love with another person. Our lives are pretty full and we don’t have a lot of time to offer, but the fantasy is nice. A few weeks ago it came up again when we stayed on Whidbey Island and I just decided – okay, let’s do this! Within days I had several people contact me on social networking sites. I emailed back and forth and set up dates with two of them. Yesterday was the first of these dates.

I was so nervous! And a little bit scared. It makes me realize how long it’s been since I had anything resembling a first date. Luckily, John is a sweetheart. (Yes, that’s his real name.) I think he initially contacted me because we share an interest in CBT. He’s in his early 30’s and has been active at the CSPC for a while. This is good because it means that he’s spent some time thinking about what he likes. He had all of the right answers in his emails. He even read all of my blog!

The three of us talked for a while about ourselves and about CBT, as well as sex in general. I got a really good feeling from John. We compared feelings and agreed to go down to the cabin together. Once there, we got naked and climbed onto the bed together. It takes a lot of courage to be naked with someone you’ve just met.

It’s a very weird thing to make love with someone you don’t know. It’s all by feel – none of those little shortcuts that you take with a long term partner. The upside is that you tend to take your time with someone new. I floated in a blissful place, at once both very present and surfing the waves of desire. The intimacy wasn’t as deep as I sometimes go, but it was amazingly grounded and sweet for a first time. It didn’t even feel awkward that there was three of us. Mostly, we did a lot of touching. Physical touch is so powerful. It’s easy for me to forget how good it feels to simply have someone’s hands hands all over my body. Two people’s hands all over my body is even nicer!

John in the viceAnd the CBT! This girl was very happy. What’s better than ball crushing? Crushing balls in both hands! John does more stuff with his cock than Harold does so it was cool to experiment with some new things. Including a Little Devil Electric Toy that John had stashed in his bag of goodies. Oh my. I’m very wanty. My favorite thing, though, was torturing his middle name out of him. And watching Harold show John his ball vice. Boys are hot together!

I think I might actually be a top, maybe even a sadist. John said something that implied I was a top and I immediately thought, what? No, not me. I’m not really a top. I don’t think of myself as a top. How funny, he thinks I’m a top! But I really thought about it, and I’ve been a top for a long time. What I do with CBT technically makes me a top because I’m applying a specialized sexual skill. Even Harold has come around to admitting that I top him. Huh, I’m a top. But a sadist? I don’t really get off on causing people pain. I do like to hurt people if they like it. And maybe a wee bit beyond that. Does that make me a sadist?

I did a good job following my boundaries. I only did what felt good and right in the moment. And I didn’t do anything that I didn’t want to do. There were probably other things I would have happily done, but I followed the flow of the date and went with what felt right. It worked very well. I think all three of us really enjoyed ourselves. I didn’t have any particular expectations going into this date with John, but the outcome was very positive. I believe he called me genuine, comforting, fun, and lovely! We might be seeing John again.