Intelligence is sexy. People who think about things are hot! Have you ever met someone that you clicked with instantly and then spent hours talking about all kinds of things? Yeah, I have a kink for that. I want to crawl into people’s minds. I want to open them up and hear about the things that interest them. An articulate, intelligent person who keeps their brain engaged is a total turn-on.
I want knowledge – I love to figure out how things work and to gain new skills. One of the ways I do this is through voracious reading. Books are my great escape and the doorway to these new thoughts and ideas. Any time I want to find out about something I go to the library. But it’s hard to find good books about sex. At least that was true when I was younger. So when I found a book that made an impression on me, it was a big deal.
These are some of the books that have shaped my sex life in good ways, and I’m thankful for every one…
Our Bodies, Ourselves, by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, got me through puberty. It sat on my mom’s bookshelf and any time I had a question about anything to do with my body or sexuality I could smuggle it into my room. It reassured me that I was normal.
As a young adult, I read Exit to Eden by Anne Rice. It totally changed my life because, for the first time I realized that other people had the same thoughts that I did. Not only did they have sick perverted fantasies, they acted on them! BDSM was now a real thing that people did with each other. Wow!
Then I read My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies by Nancy Friday. I was so turned on. Other women thought about all kinds of sexy things that I had never considered before. I started to act out some of my fantasies because the book helped to see that it was okay .
I finally figured out that I was into bondage! Okay. What to do next? Get Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman, of course. Ooooh. I read the book with great interest, writing out a shopping list as I went. I not only learned about bondage, but I began to know about safety practices and basic BDSM etiquette. A fire was lit. I required more knowledge.
So when a new girlfriend handed me A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington, I went home and read it cover to cover. I never got to try the techniques I learned on that girlfriend, but a couple of years later I had a chance to fist Joel’s girlfriend. I was like, hey, I totally read that book on fisting, so I know just what to do! It was AMAZING.
Sometimes I haven’t felt very good about my body. When I was worried that my cunt didn’t look right, Harold handed me Femalia edited by Joani Blank. The whole book is close up color photographs of women’s cunts. It’s so beautiful. Even as a bisexual woman, I have not seen this many cunts up close, in good light. I could actually see that “normal” is a broad range. This book helped me to feel beautiful too.
I’ve spent the past 2 years actively working through childhood sexual abuse. Harold bought six copies of The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis so that we would all have a copy. I haven’t read the whole thing, just little bits here and there as I’ve needed to. It’s helped me to heal and be whole, including my sexuality.
Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan, Ph.D. & Cacilda Jethá, M.D. was so much fun to read. While their bias is obvious, I tended to agree with their premises. I learned so many good and interesting things, like the fact that men ejaculating inside of women actually enhances women’s moods. I think about this book all of the time!
Finally, I recently read S.E.X. by Heather Corinna of Scarleteen. As the mother of five, I am always looking for good resources for them. Well, this book is probably the best book about sex I’ve ever seen – for anyone. I think it’s amazing. I found it at the library, but I immediately purchased it for the household. It’s fabulous.
Books… they’re such satisfying food for the mind, where so much of our sex lives take place!