Dec 192010

This morning I was fishing for inspiration and Harold suggested I look at porn on the internet. I wasn’t terribly inspired. But it did get me thinking about a post I wrote recently about innuendo and how much I love old blues songs. Using those songs as inspiration, I decided to write my own poem/song in honor of the holidays. The innuendo is pretty bad, but it scans better when you imagine a sexy blues singer performing it…


Pay attention, Santa Dear,
There’s something we all need,
The boys, the girls, the gender queer…
Bring us some lovin’, make some speed!

Now Santa, you must know
I’ve been good, but I’m not nice
I’m just an angel in the snow
So please don’t ask me twice!

Come and stuff my stocking
Light me up like a Christmas tree
Baby, set my manger rocking
Unwrap that great big package for me!

I’ll trim your candle’s wick
(And you know that I’m no rookie)
I’ll give your candy cane a lick,
I’ll pack your fudge if you frost my cookie!

Santa, let me ride your sleigh
And I’ll get your Yule log hot!
Like busy elves, we’ll play and play
So show me everything you’ve got!

I need you under my mistletoe
And I know you’d like some fruitcake
I’ve wrapped my man up in a bow
So be good to us for goodness sake!

Santa, I can be terribly naughty
But I’m waiting for you, never fear
When Christmas comes, you hottie
So will you, Santa, my dear!