Jan 102011

Evoe at the cabinI’ve been shocked to discover that I’m someone’s freak of the week. My sexual practices seem so normal to me. I’m not used to being in a position where I feel like I have to defend them. Actually, I’ve never been in the position of defending my sexuality. Maybe this is good practice. Here’s the situation, making efforts to avoid a flame war…

I’ve been joining groups on FetLife, trying to meet some people and exchange ideas about things that I enjoy. Up until now, it’s been fun, although a few of the groups seem to be slightly negative and depressive about sex. There are a lot of groups on FetLife and finding the right fit can be hit and miss. I’ve been trying to find a good needle-play group, but there are surprisingly few. I finally joined one with approximately 200 people and posted my intro which stated, among other things, that I enjoy putting needles through testicles.

Evoe by the fenceI guess that I thought that would be normal on a needle group, but I instantly hit the freak meter for several folks. The issue being that putting needles through testicles is dangerous. Of course it is. So are many things that people do to get off. Breath-play springs to mind, and there are several breath-play groups on FetLife, including one with over 5,200 members. I find breath-play too dangerous to consider doing myself, but these groups talk about the risks and the best ways to proceed, because people are going to do it anyway.

That’s basically what I was trying to do on the needle play group – the CBT groups all talk about needles through testicles. I went over the dangers, I linked to the best medical research I’ve been able to find about the risks of needle puncture to testes, and I explained the safety precautions I take when engaging in this activity. I said that the risks were acceptable to me, but not everyone would feel the same. It wasn’t enough.

Sun and snowThe moderator did not delete the thread, to his credit, but he said he would delete it if people kept encouraging the practice, because it was too risky. Based on what he says, I strongly suspect that his decision is not evidence-based but rather that I’ve squicked him out. It’s a good reminder to me that everyone’s sexual mores are their own. For example, this moderator also belongs to several incest fantasy groups and one where over 800 people fantasize about kidnaping a woman and forcibly impregnating her. That squicks me out! And seems way more dangerous to me than talking about putting needles through testicles, but every person gets to be into whatever floats their boat.

At least, everyone is entitled to their fantasies as long as no one is harmed. Gauging the potential for harm is being responsible for your actions. I believe that this moderator felt that he was being responsible by determining that my interests were too dangerous for public consumption. That’s a strange feeling for me, being thought a menace to society. I’m so normal, so responsible, so boring, so straight-laced! Okay, I can see where most people would disagree, but it’s how I see myself.

Evoe in the snowNeedle-play always run the risk of infection. We take this seriously. Harold grew up with stories of his grandfather, who cut himself shaving and was dead within 18 hours from blood poisoning. And I’ve been dealing with a diabetic child for 8 years now. We are very careful any time we do something that punctures the skin, but that doesn’t mean we can’t explore the scary stuff. That’s why it’s called edge play – we’re skirting that fine edge between danger and excitement.

Ultimately, I believe in my choices. And I support that moderator’s choices about how he runs his group. I’ll just take my toys and find some other sandbox to play in. I’m slowly getting over the shock and hurt of being thought too freaky – irresponsible and extreme – and starting to enjoy the idea of being a notorious rebel. At least until the next freak of the week.