Jan 122011

Evoe in pinkI love talking about sex, but it’s tricky. How do I know what to say, to whom, and when? How honest can I be about my life?

A couple of times a month I spend a few hours in the company of other moms at my child’s school. This was one of those mornings. I have such a hard time because I don’t know what to say. And the way that women bond is by talking about their personal lives. Despite having a lot in common with these women, I feel like my life is light years away from where they are. I worry that if I am honest and forthright about my life, I will offend them. I could care less if they approve of me or not, I just don’t want to give them more than they can handle. It wouldn’t be appropriate to thrust it on them.

Of course, I’m not at all in the closet. Today I explained to a woman about Harold, Melanie, Joel, and me all deciding to have a baby together. I told her that Harold and I were the biological parents. I just didn’t mention that we still fuck every chance we get. That would be inappropriate. I admit that once, in a fit of malicious mischief, I told a woman I have two husbands. She sputtered and asked if I was Mormon. That was not fair of me and she hasn’t spoken to me since. I do tell other parents what I do for a living if they ask me: I am the CEO of a company designing a social networking site, aimed at women, and focused on sexuality.

I have pretty clear boundaries around my children. I only give them as much sex information as they ask for, but when they ask, I am totally straightforward. I keep my sex life quiet. My kids basically know what I do, they just don’t really care. It’s not important to my function as a mom.

I think I’m lucky that my job requires me to be very out and loud about sex. I know a lot of people who feel they have to keep a major part of their lives secret, usually so they can keep their jobs. A woman I know is a nanny and feels that she must be very careful while exploring her kinky side. As though kinky people are more likely to abuse children! I haven’t seen the research to prove it, but I personally believe that sexual repression leads to sexual abuse, so self-knowledge in the realm of sexuality can only be for the good.

Pink thongSadly, I think that anyone who talks about sex openly, without embarrassment, is regarded with suspicion in general society. So is anyone with any kind of alternative lifestyle, non-standard sexual orientation, or unusual gender. I’d actually prefer to have someone who is sexually open taking care of my children. We love our nanny, but at first she wasn’t so sure about us. As it is, we have a deal with her that we won’t talk to her about our lifestyle and she won’t talk to the kids about her religion. It works great.

What I’ve found is that people really want to talk about their sex lives. If I can get people in the right place and let them know that I don’t mind, they will tell me all kinds of things that are normally kept private. It’s like all of that stuff bottles up and come pouring out when you shake things up. I love to listen to what people have to say about sex. In fact, send me an email at evoe@wholesexlife.com with the story of your sexuality and maybe I’ll publish it!