The background here is that I’ve always kind of wanted to get breast reduction. I started needing a bra at age nine. I was in a D cup at the start of high school. It made for some uncomfortable situations. I think my breasts have just continued to get larger at the rate of about a cup size per child. After 5 kids, I now wear a 36G. I love my breasts, but I dream of fitting in off-the-rack bikinis and ditching the constant back pain. I want medium-sized perky breasts.
Years ago I went in for a consultation for reduction and was told that I had to lose weight first. Well fuck, I’d lose a bunch of weight if you made my breasts smaller. So now, I’m on week three of my diet and slowly but steadily losing weight. Somewhere in the back of my mind I keep replaying a recent conversation with a friend who lost a bunch of weight. She warned me that I would also lose weight in my breasts and they would sag quite a bit. I guess she briefly considered surgery, but knows that it’s not for her. “Besides,” she said, “you wouldn’t want to give up nipple sensitivity!”
Um… Yeah, actually I think I would. Maybe I really am that vain. I’ve wanted breast surgery for 20 years. My nipples are plenty sensitive, but I would give that up. I have a clitoris don’t I? An opportunity to design my own breasts? I would absolutely consider surgery. I have breast envy.
I’ve talked to several people who have had surgery – both augmentation and reduction – and every single one of them was thrilled with the result. It changed their life to feel like their body finally fit them. I think that’s the key. Being comfortable and feeling attractive in your body.
I mentioned these thoughts to Harold and was surprised by the strength of his reaction. Mr. Refuses to Top Me said that he forbid me from having breast surgery! As if he had a say. But we talked about it. He says that if I get down to 145 pounds, I can have the procedure. That’s 20 pound lighter than my target weight. Maybe he thinks it’s impossible or that I won’t feel like I need surgery if I get down to that weight. Maybe it’s a delaying tactic. He obviously feels strongly and that’s important to me.
It’s true that any kind of surgery scares me. I don’t want to be cut into. My breasts are part of my identity and it’s hard to imagine what life would be like if they were different. I’d have to get all new lingerie, but that’s going to be true anyway. And maybe everything will just end up perfect without any fuss. Do I want to be an artificially constructed person? Can I handle scars?
It comes down to being in a position right now to dream myself into being. I love my self as I am and I feel powerful enough to create what I want for myself. I will use whatever tools I can find to help on this journey. Surgery is certainly an option I would consider when and if I get to that point. Because having a body I feel right in matters.