Saturday, 8:17 am – Joel is ordering room service! I’m all sleepy and warm and someone is going to bring me breakfast. This is heaven. I’m even being bad and wicked and getting orange juice. I haven’t had orange juice since I started dieting 6 weeks ago! Now Joel is explaining how a male ejaculation is a data transfer of 1587 terabytes of data in about 3 seconds. He got this off of Twitter from an 18 year-old gay furry. I love my life.
Saturday, 9:00 am – Room service! There’s something so wonderful about hearing that knock at the door. I also really love that the guy brought the tray in while I was wearing only a sheet. And he put the try down on the desk, right next to my vibrator. They did mix our order up with someone else’s, but they fixed it quickly. Freshly squeezed orange juice, hot coffee with cream, and a vegetable and cheese frittata. Fabulous.
Saturday, 10:32 am – I’m still lazing about in bed. I called home to check on everything and got stricken with a wave of panic. I’m so far away from my children. It would take me hours to get home if anything happened. I feel horrible about taking time off. I tried to explain it to Harold and ask for reassurances, but he just got defensive and confused. I just want to know that my children are safe and that I am loved. I’m not good at this lax and indulgent conduct. I’m horrible at relaxing. Everything I’m holding in comes out when I let go. I want to sit in the (very nice) closet and cry. Instead I’m going to trust everyone at home to take care of things and get over myself. Maybe with a shower and an orgasm…
Saturday, 11:03 am – Menstruating. Might explain the weepiness, anxiety, and vague crampiness in my midsection. Thankfully I don’t bleed very much due to the IUD. It wouldn’t do to stain the nice white sheets.
Saturday, 12:26 pm – Okay. After an orgasm, a shower, a valium, and another call home, I am ready to venture out into the city. Fuck, all of this relaxing is stressful.
Saturday, 4:11 pm – We’re back at our hotel room after roaming around Portland’s Saturday market and all of the blocks in between. I had heard that Portland has a lot of strip clubs and I am finding this to be true. Nude girls dancing everywhere! The market itself was great. I’m amazed at how many people were there and the diversity of the goods offered. We bought some amazing spices, some birthday presents for our oldest, and some greek food from a man wearing a shirt that said, ” I have a feta-ish.” I approve. We walked past Voodoo Doughnut where “the magic is in the hole” because Joel was curious, but the line literally stretched around the block. I’m just not that into donuts. Came back to the hotel to discover that I’m bleeding more heavily than I thought and managed to soak both my panties and my jeans. Suck.
Saturday, 10:45 pm – Dinner was AMAZING. We went to Castagna and had the chef’s tasting menu. It’s totally sex. This is what making love is all about – small tastes of many different things, each one a work of art, served slowly with style, to delight your senses. Joel had the wine pairings as well, so he had 11 or 12 half glasses of wine. He’s pretty toasted. I can’t get over how good this food is. I ate truffles! And candied beets with goats milk ice cream and hay crackers. And just so many creative and beautiful dishes. I feel so inspired. And Joel and I really enjoyed taking the time to sit and talk together. Dinner took 3.5 hours from start to finish! Maybe because they kept taking away all of our silverware and bringing fresh. I’m so happy!
Sunday, 12:14 am – On the way back from the restaurant I asked our cab driver about all of the strip places I’ve seen in the city. Portland must be full of gentlemen since there are so many gentlemen’s clubs. He said that even some restaurants have put in small stages and offer strip shows. I’m all for nudity, but this seems excessive. Joel and I went into the dive of a strip club down the block from our hotel. I knew what to expect, but it still seems depressing. The girls performing are just doing a job. They seem kind of vacant or bored. I’d hoped for some energy, something sexy. One of them was pretty good. She was a bit of a contortionist. Joel tipped her on our way out because she reminded him of me, only 15 years younger. Ouch, but I know he meant it to be complimentary. I’d hoped to make love tonight, but Joel is completely asleep. I’m going to drift off to sleep now, thinking about how blessed I am and how in love…