Apr 172011

contemplating lubricantsLube is a vital ingredient for good sex. It just makes everything flow. From anal penetration to good vibrations to tit fucking to hand jobs to fisting – personal lubricant makes it all possible and pleasant. It’s really amazing what a little more slip will do for your favorite activities!

Several months ago I realized that my favorite silicone lube wasn’t working for me anymore. I discovered that it was damaging some of my silicone toys. And I kept getting bladder infections, which we figure was the silicone lube covering my urethra and trapping bacteria. The infections stopped when I quit using silicone lube. The message was clear: time to switch to a water-based lubricant, as it would be easier for my body to absorb and for me to clean up.

I have a very delicate system. Many lubricants make me feel stingy or give me vaginal yeast infections. It can be a big damper on my sex life – so not the point! So when I started searching for a new water-based lube I had some basic criteria: no glycerin (because it tends to cause infections for many women), and no parabens if possible (because they cause allergic reactions in some people). During this process I discovered that I react badly to an ingredient added to many commercial lubes – propylene glycol.

Lube in the handUpon doing some internet research, I found that propylene glycol can be toxic in large enough amounts, causes eye irritation, and in many women produces burning sensations when it comes in contact with their skin. Well. That explains why I can’t use lubricated condoms. With my sensitivities, I also avoid anything with color, flavor, scent, or warming ability. I just want a straight-forward, simple, inexpensive, slippery, all-purpose lube that won’t cause me pain or problems. Easy, right?

Um, not really. I’ve been testing lubes for months with varying degrees of success. Here are my results, starting with lousy and moving up to lubricious:

Lube: Almost Naked from Good Clean Love
Average cost: $14 for 4 ounces
I had high hopes for this lube because it’s all natural (no parabens or petrochemicals) and seems to get good reviews. I hated it. While it had a nice consistency, it dried up almost instantly. It’s supposed to be reactivated by water or our natural moisture, but here’s the problem with that – first, if I wanted to be spit on, I would forgo lube in the first place, and second, it makes this lube impossible to wash off with water. I didn’t like the sticky feel. I kept wiping my hands on the sheets, which of course made the sheets sticky. It took a lot of the product to work and at the expensive price, it isn’t worth it. To top it all off, Almost Naked smells weird. I like that some woman cooked this up in her kitchen, but it sucks.
Grade: D+

Lube: Liquid Silk by Bodywise Ltd.
Average cost:  $16 for 8.45 ounces
I had high hopes for this lube because it seems to be popular, widely available, and inexpensive. Unfortunately Liquid Silk contains parabens and propylene glycol and incites unpleasant warm burning sensations in my vagina. It also tastes kind of funny – but hey, it’s gluten free! The packaging claims that this product is non-tacky, but that wasn’t exactly my experience. It did maintain a fair amount of slipperiness for as long as I would usually need it, but it did start to get sticky after a while. While quite messy, Liquid Silk cleaned up great on toys, okay on hands with warm water, and left my pubic hair feeling oily.
Grade: C

Lube: Gun Oil 29 Whacks
Lubing the tip of the pirate vibratorAverage cost:$14 for 3.3 ounces
Okay, I admit that I had to try this one out because I like Gun Oil and 29 Whacks is a cool name. For some reason, masturbatory lube for men really turns me on. It does contain propylene glycol so I didn’t try it on myself, but I used it both of my guys with varied results. The product is a thick white cream that looks and feels like Noxema, but turns clear with repeated friction. Kinda weird, but it works. I did find that I needed to add more over time to keep the glide going, but I was trying to prolong the action. Joel said it felt very good, but it was messy, matted in his pubic hair, and was a pain to wash off. Harold found it non-stingy and non-sticky. It was tasteless when I used my mouth in addition to some hand pumping. Gun Oil 29 Whacks was what I was using on Harold when we had the coming blood incident, which means the lube definitely went down inside his cock. I’m not blaming the lube, but it is not an experience I wish to have again.
Grade: C+

Lube: System Jo H2O
Average cost: $13 for 4.5 ounces
Despite containing parabens and glycerin, this lube was fairly bland. It was great with toys and fingers and the only drawback was it’s slight scent. Unexceptional can be a good thing in a personal lubricant, but I want more because I’m a demanding bitch. I need a lube that rocks my world and this just doesn’t.
Grade: B

Lube: Frolic by Pink
Average cost: $21 for 3.3 ounces
This is the Pink specialty lubricant for women to use with sex toys. I found it to be a good all-around lube, almost identical to Pink H2O (see below), but it’s supposed to be slightly thicker and have anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and anti-viral properties. It is considerably more expensive than Pink H2O, so it gets a slightly lower grade.
Grade: B

Lube and vibe hand jobLube: Pink H2O
Average cost: $10 for 3.3 ounces
I expected this to be my new lubricant of choice since Pink is exactly the same as Gun Oil, the lube I’ve been using for the past 5 years, but it wasn’t fabulous. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good product and I like it. I just wasn’t wowed. The consistency  is slightly runny and kind of like aloe vera gel (in fact, it contains aloe). In use it gets a bit sticky, but mostly stays smooth. Pink works well with toys. There is no scent or taste and it washes up nicely. Best of all, I had no negative reactions to the product, even though it has parabens!
Grade: B+

Lube: Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula
Average cost: $15 for 4.2 ounces
Sassy Booty is another product I picked for the awesome name – and the fact that it’s formulated for anal play so it’s thicker. It does not contain anything irritating and has a very smooth glide. Harold did feel that it might be a bit stingy when we used it on his ass. We used it on me for fisting and it rocked! We didn’t even need to add more lube in the process of vaginal stretching. It didn’t make a mess. It doesn’t smell strange. It tastes like nothing. It is, however, my new lube of choice for all around play. Ironically, I may have to find a new anal lube for Harold if it continues to sting – other than that, I’m sold!
Grade: A

I know there are many other lubes out there to try. I’ll probably keep experimenting with other products to see what I like best. My booty will only stay sassy for as long as Sliquid is the best thing I’ve used. If you have a personal lubricant that meets my requirements and I haven’t mentioned it here, leave me a comment about why you love it and I’ll be happy to try it out!

(See a few more water-based lubes reviewed here.)