May 312011

Yin-yangI’ve had a revelation. It’s nothing that millions of people haven’t already discovered – some of them at least once a week. But I feel changed. I have found balance and bliss. And about damn time, too.

It happened on my date with Harold. We were concerned about having penetrative sex because I’ve been bleeding profusely and just got it stopped. I would have risked it anyway, but I’m not one to interrupt the flow of something good. So, we were debating different options and I was having fun tormenting Harold’s cock and balls. Then he was past articulate thought, except for begging for my cunt.

I had some vague thought of pushing Harold to the edge of orgasm over and over then riding him until he came. I may have managed to bring him right up to the edge a couple of times before conceding to his wish that I straddle his face. Now, I love receiving oral sex, but 69 tends to drive me wild because I can’t concentrate on myself or my partner fully. I tend not to come. I lose track of what I’m doing. Essentially, I can’t focus enough to be a control freak.

I don’t know what was different about today. Perhaps it was feeling Harold’s excitement. Or the fact that most of our sex lately has been in public and today we were alone. Or maybe it was just time for me to be enlightened. Whatever it was, as I lay down on top of him and his tongue made contact with my clit, it was like closing an electrical circuit. I took his cock in my mouth. It felt so good. No, it felt perfect.

I still thought that I would stop at some point and we would fuck. Then I came. And came again. And I stopped thinking anything. I was all nerve endings. Harold had his arms wrapped tight around my back. I squeezed his balls and sucked his cock, moaning and writhing back and forth. Everything felt divine. I suddenly understood why Zeus shows up as a shaft of golden light when he seduces girls in those myths. I was a shaft of golden light. In a path from mouth to cunt.

It was one of those moments that you hope will last forever but you desperately strive to pass on the way to the goal. If I had been capable of thought I would have gotten up and fucked him hard. But we were in a zone. All was warmth and light. Everything opened up and I poured out. We came in each other’s mouths. Total balance and bliss.

So here’s my revelation: this is what the yin-yang symbol is all about. 69 even looks like a yin-yang. I’ve even thought about this in sexual terms before, but today I got it. I felt it. You have to give up control to achieve balance. The energy cycles through both people and builds, creating something more powerful than two individuals. Bliss.

This epiphany comes at a good time for me. I have been hurting so much emotionally that it’s hard for me to reach past myself to connect to someone else. I’ve been isolated. Not in any overt ways – just in the deep important ones. This golden bliss and balance gives me enough strength that I was able to talk to Harold about a relationship thing that’s been between us for weeks, deepening our connection when I feel heard and important. But I had to give up my desire to control the conversation.

All in all, I feel more whole. I won’t be looking at yin-yang symbols the same after this. I hope the sight fills me with a shaft of golden light, reminding me of electric sex and both of us filling each other’s mouths with come at the same time, balance and bliss.