May 042011

My JoelThe little things in my life always make a big difference. I’m feeling sad and struggly today, and parts of me want to run away and hide. The big thing that keeps me here and moving forward is love. Being loved and being in love matters so much. But it’s the small gestures throughout the day that remind me of all the love that surrounds me. These moments make everything worth it…

When he brings me a cup of coffee before I even get out of bed, I well up with gratitude and love. It’s so thoughtful and generous. Lingering in bed as I savor my coffee is pure joy.

Our fingers intertwined. The image reminds me of our limbs intertwined while making love – it’s hard for me to pick out him from me when we are this close.

Hearing his ring tone on my phone and feeling my heart rate speed up, knowing that he’s thinking of me.

Laughing together at silly things we’ve done or said. Even when I’m so fragile that smiling feels like it might break me, I find myself gasping for air as I laugh with all my body. All the tension uncoils from the hold it had on my center and I begin to feel alive again.

My fingers in his hair. This simple motion feels so familiar and intimate. I know I have him. It’s one of the many ways I express my love.

The pauses just before or right after a slow kiss. I adore kissing him, but there is something poignant and sweet about the tension that draws out between us in that moment laden with promise.

The way we tell each other everything. It’s such a relief to know that I can safely be myself without having to hold back pieces. We carry on long ongoing conversations, in and out of days and wedged in between life’s detritus. I love that we talk hard.

My HaroldOur eyes meeting over the sleeping baby before we fall asleep ourselves. The weary sense of accomplishment, of having made it through another day together, is priceless. I feel connected to him as a partner – this is our journey together, and we do pretty fucking well.

Sometimes life is bounding strides and sometimes it’s a slow slog. Either way, I need these little reminders of how blessed my life is.