May 252011

EvoëSometimes I lose sight of my vision. This week things have come together in such a way that I am reminded of why I do this work. Of my reasoning behind WholeSexLife as it will be when we launch the actual site. I want to eradicate sex abuse.

There’s a lot of fear around abuse. It’s occurred to me recently that real safety comes in knowing yourself and being very open about who you are. It’s somewhat counter-intuitive. When I’m scared I want to pull everything in close, but I know that self confidence is a huge deterrent to abuse. I don’t look like an easy mark. I won’t put up with any crap that isn’t good for me and I will actively seek out healthy relationships. When I am open about my sexuality I am establishing clear boundaries about what is acceptable to me. It lets others know that I don’t have any handles around stuff I haven’t worked through yet – no shame to be used against me.

I want our website to be a place where people can learn about themselves and explore their sexuality. It’s important that everyone feels safe. I want to make sure that we create a community and an environment where abusive or predatory behavior is not accepted in any way. In turn, I believe that WholeSexLife will reduce the number of abusers out there. I think that many abusers become so because they are repressed and don’t have an outlet to learn about themselves.

I think it’s time for everyone to feel good about themselves as a sexual being and feel free to express that in positive ways. It’s also time for us as a society to demand safety, to demand an end to sex abuse, to demand culture that supports healthy sexuality. Let it start right here.