I can’t seem to get enough. Each orgasm seems to inflame my desire rather than sating me. My nipples ache and I long for them to be squeezed. My cunt is so wet that my panties are soaked. I feel desperate. It’s starting to scare me how out of control I feel. I’m obsessed.
It’s this teacher/student power dynamic role-playing that Harold and I have been doing. It’s come up at odd times all day. Even when we’re not actively engaged in the play, I’m fantasizing – thinking about what he might do to me next. I am so turned on. I’ve masturbated twice today and we had sex once. Until Mr. Henry became my Health teacher, I spent 2 or 3 weeks feeling uninterested in sex. Why am I suddenly on fire?
The fantasy is so strong and the reactions that get triggered in me have their roots in childhood abuse. I’m doing my best to get all of the good out of a bad experience, even if that means that I get turned on by things I’m ashamed of. It’s rocky. I’m constantly on edge, thinking that Harold will be appalled by what a slut I am and reject me. I don’t normally worry about that at all. He loves how sexual I am. But when I’m in this submissive kind of space it’s different. I’m scared that he won’t want me. It makes me act strangely.
Harold is good. He reigns me back in. He claims me and feeds my fantasy. He talks in my ear, telling me what to do. Today he said he needed me to model human anatomy for the class. He had his fingers inside me while he pinched my nipples. He said that I couldn’t come. He told me that he was going to let boys beat off above me and ejaculate all over me. It got me so fucking hot.
I’m hot all over again just writing about it. Obviously this is working. It’s a good thing to explore things that enhance your sex life, but when it gets out of control, what do you do? I think I might do anything Harold asked me to right now. Is there a point at which it becomes too much? What if it reaches obsession level?
I don’t think I’m there yet – I’m still taking care of the kids and working on my projects. But I am going to go get myself off again. This feels good.