Aug 272011

FlirtHow open should I be about my lifestyle? I have my husband, my partner, and my partner’s wife as important people in my life. We’re a family. We’ve chosen to parent together. With things pertaining to the children, any of the four of us could be involved, so I tend to be pretty open and honest about being polyamorous. It’s who I am and how our family looks. We care deeply about taking care of the children. Our children should know that they can be proud of their family. They should know how lucky they are to be so loved.

I have always been upfront with school and medical forms. We have attended school functions en masse when possible. I’m rarely asked about our situation because lots of kids have step parents and such. Well, one of my children is starting a private high school next week. I was completely honest on our admission forms and they asked us about being poly during her admission interview. Joel, Harold, and I attended orientation together. Today there was another parent meeting that Joel and I went to. While we were sitting in the hall waiting, we were snuggling a bit. A mom that we’ve known for 7 years and seen sporadically, came up to talk to us.

“Are you two still together?” she asked, “Because I thought you were with that other guy. I hope you don’t mind my asking.” Actually, I’m thrilled that she asked. I would prefer to discuss it openly. I happily went through my whole spiel about how we manage homes and time and such. What I’m trying to communicate is that this is my normal. It’s not weird or shameful. This mom kind of gets it, but she still asked, “You mean, you have two guys?” before we move on to talk about bus schedules.

Yes, I am blessed with two incredible relationships with men I love very much. And we still need to figure out the bus schedule.

I wonder how many more conversations I will have like this. Will rumors spread? There are only 28 students in my daughter’s class. I’ll see a lot of these parents over the next 4 years. I want straightforward honesty instead of wild speculation. I haven’t even begun to think about how to talk about what I do for a living. That strikes me as not really anyone’s business, but it’s not secret either. I don’t like secrets.

I’m trying to find that good balance between being open and not revealing more than is necessary. I’m also trying to be on good behavior. For example, I didn’t ask the extremely hot parent if they are poly or if they would like to go out with me. See, isn’t that good? And I didn’t once mention sex toys or porn. But I think I helped expand awareness and began to create a safe environment for our poly family. Yes, I think we’re off to a good start.

Aug 262011

This morning I dreamed that I was getting it on with one of Harold’s friends, someone he went to school with over 40 years ago. I’ve never thought that I was attracted to this friend before, but there we were in dreamland, making out. The action was getting hot and heavy, he was sliding his fingers into my cunt, and – I stopped him and said, “You don’t mind getting messy, do you?”

I made myself wake up right away and ran for the bathroom. Yep, I had started my period. My underwear were soaked. I sat there staring at the blood, marveling at my unconscious mind’s ability to recognize my body’s processes and translate them into symbols I can recognize and interpret. Dreams are amazing.

My menstrual cycle is also amazing, but less cool. I didn’t have periods for 3 or 4 years because I was pregnant, then breast feeding, then using an IUD. I got the IUD removed a few months ago, but I still haven’t gotten used to bleeding heavily for 5 days a month. Plus cramps. I wanted to know what it was like for my body to follow natural rhythms again. I like being in touch with my body. But I’m really struggling with having periods.

Bleeding is inferring with my life. I’m not yet back in the habit of carrying feminine hygiene products with me all the time. Activities like backpacking are made more frustrating by being “on the rag.” Cramps and blood tend to trigger my sex abuse issues. I feel less comfortable and confident in my body. Of course this puts a damper on my sex life. It’s hard to feel sexy when I feel like I’m hemorrhaging.

Menstrual messI haven’t always felt like this. Sometimes that time of the month is an incredible turn on. For a while it was very freeing for me because I felt I was safe from getting pregnant. If I’m not worried about mess, sex during menstruation can be incredibly sensual. Actually, when I get turned on, I tend to stop bleeding, so there’s usually very little mess. I just need to get myself past my reservations and inhibitions – convince myself that my partner is into me, mess or not.

So as I get ready for bed, I am re-imagining my dream from this morning. We’re making out. He slips his fingers into my cunt, slick with blood and my juices. He kisses his way down my chest and belly to lick my clit. Yes, he wants to get messy. I will have good dreams…

Aug 242011

njoy Fun WandWhere beauty and function meet, you’ll find good design. Njoy seems to live at that junction, making gorgeous toys that are versatile and effective at pleasuring the body. The Fun Wand is a prime example of their genius. Many people have reviewed njoy’s products, but I have to share my glee at finally owning one!

My Fun Wand came all nestled in a velvety contoured case – very elegant and swanky. But my toddler found it, dismantled the box, and hid the toy. We searched for a whole day. I offered a reward of $10 to any child who successfully found Momma’s shiny silver wand. I finally found my precious new toy snuggled into a washcloth on top of the drier, covered by a drier sheet blankie. I wept.

Since then, I have gotten to test my Fun Wand on several occasions. I totally love it. I adore how it looks and how easy it is to clean. I like the weight of the wand (12 ounces) and the length (8 inches). The curve is pleasant in my hand and makes reaching out-of-the-way places easier.

njoy Fun WandBoth ends of the Fun Wand work well on Harold’s end. I covered the bulbous tip with lube and slid it in. I moved it around it bit, looking for that sweet spot – the prostate. I could tell when I found it because Harold groaned. I rubbed his cock a few times and drops of come beaded at the tip. The wand doesn’t stay in place by itself very well, so I don’t think I could insert it and move on to other torments. It’s not a butt plug, it’s an active toy.

The other spot this wand is good for is the g-spot. I will mention that the Fun Wand is really fucking cold if you don’t warm it first. It’s a great tool for sensation play. But when we used it I was in a bit of a hurry and didn’t bother to run it under warm water so I was full of flinching. My g-spot can be difficult to reach with fingers. Fun Wand hit it just right. What worked best for me was to use a kind of rocking motion that pushed hard toward my pelvic bone. Harold took care of that for me and I operated the vibrator. Sadly, I did not use lube. I didn’t think that I needed to because I was pretty wet. I think I should have though because when I came incredibly hard it felt kind of bad. I think a combination of lube and less pressure on my g-spot will yield better results. I need to remember that Fun Wand is hard and unyielding.

njoy Fun WandThe Fun Wand is aptly named. I’m certainly having fun exploring all of the ways it can be used. And wand makes me think of both magic and majesty – also qualities that I believe are beneficial to my sex life. Actually, I don’t think the Fun Wand is limited to my sex life. It has spent time in my briefcase. I don’t mind if it sits out in my living room because it isn’t obviously a sex toy. As I mentioned earlier, it has been a little dolly to put to bed. And it makes a truly excellent elephant trunk. If you’re into that.

Bottom line: This is a sex tool made of WIN.

Grade: A

Aug 232011

Pay attention!Visiting the ocean was lovely. I feel more relaxed than I have in months. I so needed to get away for a few days! We spent hours walking along the shore, picking up pretty rocks and feathers. I opened up and started talking in a way that I haven’t been able to manage. We prepared and ate good food. We drank whiskey and red wine (although not together). We listened to Adele and Lady Gaga. I got to dress up in lingerie and Harold took pictures. And we had lots of sex. I lost track of the orgasms after I’d come about five times before lunch. We did the thing that I love so much, where the sex is sort of ongoing and blends with eating and walking and talking and everything we do.

One of the things that I really wanted to do was some anal play, after all, it is National Anal Sex Month. I love fucking Harold in the ass because I feel so close to him. I like filling him, taking him, being one with him. I adore using my two-way because not only am I penetrating Harold like I would with a real cock, but all of the sensation translates to me via my clit and g-spot. I actually orgasm this way, no harness needed. It’s a brilliant design.

Pay attention!Be reassured, we did have amazing anal sex, but it wasn’t seamless. Sometimes sex has little hitches because we are dealing with the human body. We learned something this weekend, but it came at a price. It gets graphic after this, so if you are squeamish, stop reading.

I think you’ll see where this is going pretty quickly… So, Harold really loves blueberries. He can eat a lot at a time. Leaving town for the ocean, we bought 3 pounds of blueberries. He ate maybe a pound of them in the car and once we were at the cabin. The next morning he gave himself an enema to prepare for any activities we might get up to. It was just a warm water enema. He mentioned that it was difficult to wash out all of the blueberry bits. He kept adding more water and eliminating to try to get everything.

Pay attention!Fast forward about two hours. Things were getting hot and heavy. I had my two-way in. I was sitting in a wooden chair with arms. Harold rubbed lube all over my cock. He turned around and lowered himself onto me. I guided my cock into his asshole. All of a sudden he froze and went rigid. He spasms sometimes with penetration so I thought that was the problem at first. Then he pulled off my cock. And that’s when it happened. A stream of watery blue-green shit poured into the valley my legs made when pressed together.

Now, I have five children, and it takes more than a little poop to scare me off, but being shit on is still a bit of a turn off. Harold immediately wiped me off with paper towels and went to the bathroom. Then we tried again. Strangely enough, the poop wasn’t a problem. It didn’t ruin the mood, it just gave us a bit of a pause because it was so unexpected. I’ve never gotten a lap full of shit in a sexual context before.

Our second try was highly successful. It felt fantastic. Our energy was fully engaged in the experience. Harold bouncing up and down on my cock felt fabulous. I could reach around to rub Harold’s cock. I was consumed by the sensations, reveling under Harold’s weight and my world shrunk to the moment. I came. I felt very close to Harold.

Pay attention!In the end, the poop didn’t matter. We still had great anal sex. I didn’t enjoy having shit all over my legs, but I didn’t let it get to me either. The funny thing is that if our roles had been reversed, and I had dumped a load on Harold, I would have been mortified. I would have been so embarrassed. But as it was, I understood and it didn’t concern me overly. Things happen. We cleaned everything up really well. We took showers. Thankfully, we weren’t in bed or on the sofa or over carpet or anything. It ended well.

But there is definitely a moral to this story: if your partner eats a ton of blueberries before engaging in anal sex, be braced for the consequences!

Aug 202011

At the beachI’m getting away to the ocean for a couple of nights. Harold and I are going to stay in a nice little cabin. I need this time so much. I’m at maximum stress and I think the next stop for this runaway train is an ulcer or cardiac arrest or some such. I want to carry on a conversation and not have it be interrupted every other sentence. I could even stand to discuss adult topics – like politics and religion! I need to soothe my soul, so that means the ocean.

In typical, overachiever fashion, I am packing for every eventuality. I want to be prepared for whatever comes. Really, it’s an anxiety reaction – if I worry about it now, I won’t worry about it later. And instead of thinking about relaxing, I’m thinking about work and how much work I can get done while I’m gone. Problem is, my job involves sex. And I want to have sex. (You can see how things go around in my head as I pack.)

I have my clothes ready. I packed the lingerie first. We might want to shoot some lingerie pics, right? I have my jogging clothes because I will go running, right? And my swim suit because it’s the beach. It might be nice out for once. I also have regular clothes, but the reality is that I will probably be naked for most of the weekend. I even packed some makeup, including some new purple stuff that I haven’t had a chance to play with yet.

I want to make sure we have enough food, or at least the important things like sulfite-free wine, Perrier, and Via coffee packets. Fresh fruits and veggies, chocolate, and tofu also top my list.

I have my cameras and gear, including tripods. We could decide to make sexy movies. I have my briefcase with my sketchpad and pencils and pens. I have my laptop, phone, and charging cables. There might be wifi. Then I could post real time erotic updates!

And of course we have the sex toys. I have my normal compliment plus the enema bag, the new njoy Pfun Wand, and the Wahl plug-in vibrator. I’m anticipating a fair amount of anal play over the weekend. And orgasms. That would certainly help the relaxation process, but I’ve noticed that it’s harder to be in the mood when I’m all wound up.

beach shellSo the main thing will be just spending time by the ocean, not thinking. I’m going to dig my toes in the sand, let the wind tangle my hair, feel the salt sting my skin. I’m going to let my mind drift with the tides until the waves bring me back to myself. Once I can be in my body without emotional pain and anxiety overwhelming me, then I will consider having sex. To recap: first be calm in the body, then wild rumpus around the cabin. I think I’ve got it. I may not need any props at all.

Aug 182011

I went into Babeland in Seattle this morning to see what’s new. Money is tight, so I was window shopping. It was all I could do to not spend money. So many good things! And I have to say that Babeland has the best customer service of any place I’ve ever been. It’s like having a guided tour of the best sex toys on the market. I can ask all of my questions and get informed, articulate answers. I love this! Oh, I am sooooo wanty. It’s worse than needy. Let me tell you about the things I want…



Perhaps the coolest vibrator ever, Ola by M!nna, is available exclusively at Babeland until September 15th. This brilliant toy lets you design your own vibration pattern – just press on the soft pad and Ola will follow your rhythm. It will even vary the intensity based on the amount of pressure you exert. Using the controls on this vibrator is totally intuitive and infinitely variable. I haven’t had a chance to use it yet, but I suspect that Ola will be more responsive than most lovers. It can be used externally or internally. It’s waterproof. It’s rechargeable. The materials feel good to the touch. I think it might be perfect and I can’t wait to try it out.



Another vibrator I’m longing for is We Vibe’s Tango. The Tango is small and powerful, about the size and shape of  lipstick, with an angled tip I can just imagine would feel inspiring against my clit. It’s very small and discrete and doesn’t scream sex. I could see carrying it in my purse for those moments when I wish I was properly equipped. I wouldn’t even be embarrassed if it accidentally slipped out of my purse, say, at the bank. Tango only takes 90 minutes to charge, then goes for two hours. It’s waterproof, so it could live in the shower for those rare alone moments. Tango really is a lot of power packed into a small package. It has a bunch of different vibration patterns. I love the rockin’ purple color and I’m curious about how that smooth, hard surface is gonna feel!

Pfun Plug

Pfun Plug

Now that I’m fired up to do more anal play, I want an njoy Pfun Plug. It looks amazing! It’s really weighty, all stainless steel. I couldn’t believe how heavy it felt in my hand. It seems as though the Pfun Plug would insert easily and stay put. I like the handle and the fact that it would sit nicely between your buns. This particular plug is supposed to be good for prostate stimulation, which is awesome. I really want something I can fill Harold with while I do other things to him. Pfun Plug is just so pretty. I covet this sexy, shiny toy.

Another thing I want to do more of is watch good porn. Visiting Babeland today reminded me that I’ve been wanting to check out the Crash Pad Series for a while. While I’ve heard that Crash Pad is very good, the important thing is to fuel my Jiz Lee crush. I look forward to watching them and enjoying some well executed queer porn. I came *this close* to buying Vol. 6 of the Crash Pad Series today. But I’m a good grrrl. Wait, don’t good grrrls deserve porn? I should get to order it, right?

There were so many other things that I liked as well. My favorite lube, Sliquid Sassy, is now available in single use size!!! I saw the new RodeoH Harness, which makes me very excited because my pair should be in the mail right now. I can’t wait to try them out! I looked at the packers. I checked out all of the condoms. I saw vibrators shaped like fruit. In short, I had a good time.

I think being wanty is good for me. It helps me build character. Besides, to be honest, I already spent $75 on an innovative vibrator this week. (Check out Crave’s Duet!) How many vibrators does a grrrl need?

That’s a rhetorical question, by the way.

Aug 172011

Daisies in the bathThis is my 250th post. That seems like a big deal. Those 250 posts were written over the past 14 months, documenting pretty much the whole of my sexual experience and thoughts. Writing for the blog has become a part of my life, just a part of what I do.  It is a record of my life as a sex maven, but it’s also about me, stripped naked and talking about something real.

It seems to work. Our site is not huge, but it’s been building steadily from the beginning. We’ve had visitors from 123 countries around the world. We get between 150 and 350 visitors per day and between 500 and 1000 page-views per day. Our most popular posts of all time have been our Figging Experiment posts, which have been viewed a collective 18,000 times.  We started letting women tell their stories about their sexuality. I’ve written 15 review posts, spanning a variety of objects and experiences. We’ve made 7 explicit videos. We did a week-long special on gender. We’ve been featured on various websites and gotten good reviews. We’ve made friends with fabulous people.

I really appreciate all of the support we’ve gotten as we grow. It’s the community and the culture of WholeSexLife that are really important to me and to our overall vision. We are still working on creating the sex positive social networking, erotic marketplace, and education site we designed 18 months ago. The going is slow and our lives are busy. Keeping this blog keeps me going.  I’m having a blast. All of the people who open up their lives to me keep me going. Thank you!

Daisies in the bathI’m just going to keep blogging and keep expanding. There’s so much more to do and I’m having so much fun. If you’d like to help out and get involved, I’m looking to open up WholeSexLife forums and I could use some moderators. (Do you want to get used?) I’d also love to get more female-identified people sharing their stories in the Sirens section. I want to hear about what is real for you. If there are other ways you’d like to be involved, let me know.  Email me at

I’m so grateful to you all!

Aug 132011

All sex, no runningToday, instead of going jogging, I seduced my partner. This is what I get for deciding that running is a part of my sex life. It’s just that I got bored waiting for my child to be finished with the eye doctor. I started thinking sexy thoughts. I called my husband to tell him that I was lusting after him, but I won’t see him until tomorrow. I thought about sex all the way to meeting Harold for running, and I showed up in his office all on fire and ready for action.

I wanted rough sex – slamming into walls, nails raking flesh, wrestling for dominance, bites and slaps… I explained it all to Harold, straddling him in his desk chair. I could feel his interest. We kissed with some serious intent. My tongue thrust into his mouth, claiming him, making us both wild with desire. I held him by hair and throat. His fingers dug into my breasts, ass, hips. Here was my rough sex – open need speaking to open need.

We stood up, somehow thinking that we would go somewhere and maybe fuck, but we didn’t get far. My back was to him. His clothes seemed to disappear. He pulled my pants clean off. We kept hurting each other in delicious ways. I pressed his balls between my fingers, he pinched my nipples. Our hands and mouths were everywhere at once. We were suspended in tension and arousal, inflamed by the immediacy of our need. I take you NOW. I struggled out of my running shoes and I found myself totally naked, bent over, with Harold’s cock in my cunt. Perfect. He griped my hips, pulling me toward him with each thrust. I braced myself against a chair and the desk. I stared at our feet and the filing cabinets.

It was totally hot. I loved the physical struggle between us, the animal energy. I could feel that he enjoyed it too. He warned me that he was going to come and I laughed. Please come, please come, please! When the energy is working I want it to keep going to the natural climax. It feels so good. I like the raw spontaneous sex. And he came for a very long time, giving me time to catch up.

After we stopped shivering, I led Harold to the couch, where I sat on his lap. I looked into his face and had one of those rare moments when I catch a glimpse of the real person behind his eyes. I always feel like, oh, there you are! How often do you catch your lover in a totally unguarded moment? It’s a rare jewel. I treasure that glimpse and the transition from rough sex to gentle intimacy. Once I’ve claimed him physically, he’s mine, body and soul.

So maybe I should have gone running, but it’s hard to regret the seduction, some hot, hot sex, and a pure moment.

Aug 122011

Glow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesCalifornia Exotics has sent me yet another astonishing sex toy to review. This time it’s a “Glow-in-the-Dark Life-Like Vibrating 8″ Emperor,” a beautifully hand sculpted, multi-speed dong with suction cup base. The shaft circumference is 6.5 inches/16.5 cm and the insertable length is 6.75 inches/17.25 cm. The dildo is made of phthalate-free PVC. The packaging says interesting things like, “Better than real, plus” and inexplicably, “I’m an American Stud and made in the USA.” Overall, this toy is so appallingly over-the-top that I’m speechless.

Sometimes the best thing you can say for a sex toy is that it made you laugh. That’s certainly true here. I looked at this glow-in-the-dark toy and swore that I would never use it. It smells bad. It feels weird and clammy against my skin. It’s too big to reasonably consider penetration. All this I explained to Joel as we were snuggled up falling asleep one night. He told me to show him this vibrator. I turned the light back on and pulled the toy out. He promptly stuck the giant dong to his forehead. I turned out the light to see it glow. It’s fabulous! It really does glow in the dark. I was giggling like crazy to see Joel bounce around with the glowing dong vibrating on his forehead like an excited atomic pornicorn. Totally hilarious.

I did actually try the “Emperor” out. I felt like I ought to give it a good go. The first thing I did was to wash the vibrator, hoping to mute the smell and make it clean enough to play with. The packaging says that it’s maintenance free, but I’m not sure what that means. It also says not to immerse in water, but to wash before and after each use. We carefully used the kitchen facet. Around this time, I started having double penetration fantasies about this dong. We experimented with putting the vibrator in my strap-on harness, trying to see if Harold could fuck me with both the “Emperor” and his erection. Although I think we worked out the kinks (so to speak), we did not attempt this venture.

Glow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesGlow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesGlow-in-the-Dark Life-Likes

I tried getting off with the “Emperor.” It didn’t work. The vibration is variable, but the 2 AA batteries that power it are not enough for clitoral stimulation. Internally, the vibration didn’t hit my g-spot, although it certainly vibrated my perineum and anus. It felt funny! And that’s not the only thing that felt funny – the dong itself was very cold and sticky feeling, kind of like the gummy hands that my kids get out of vending machines. I used a water-based lube as recommended by Cal Exotics for the materials. I gather that the phthalate-free PVC is fairly safe for sex toys, but it feels gross.

Glow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesHonestly, this isn’t a toy that I’m likely to ever use, but I do appreciate the sheer audacity of such a giant fucking vibrating life-like schlong, that fucking glows-in-the-dark and has balls! (Why does it have balls?) But it GLOWS in the DARK! And the suction-cuppy goodness allows one to wear it on one’s forehead! Surely this leads to bliss.

Bottom line: the “Emperor” is a ton of fun, but doesn’t turn me on.

Grade: C-

Aug 112011

Sex in the morningHarold gets up early every morning in order to work. This morning he slid into bed on my side and snuggled up to me. It’s such a nice feeling, his body firm and strong behind me, his breath in my hair, his fingers on my skin – all warmth and safety. It’s one of the little moments that lets me know that I am blessed. I like to drift in that place of sleepy contentment.

I didn’t plan for us to have sex. I just liked feeling close. In fact, I had to roll over and kiss Harold. Then I asked him to roll over so I could spoon against him. My hands couldn’t get enough. I needed to feel him. I gripped his ass. My hand slipped inside his underwear. I cupped his balls and his cock, which began to stiffen in my hand. I began to stroke and it got harder. It’s nice to just go with the flow of the moment.

Harold’s hand came around to rub at my clit. I ground my pelvis against him and rubbed his cock harder. Before I knew it, Harold’s shorts had disappeared and my panties were wrapped around one ankle. He poised above me whispering, “should I go down on you?” I shook my head and pulled him to me. I was just barely turned on enough for penetration. Normally, I would want more warm up, but there was something so wonderfully clandestine about fucking like this. I just wanted him inside me.

He drove into me and I rose to meet him. We moved together, tightly wrapped around each other, making quietly intense noises. Wouldn’t want to wake the children! Our energy built until we suddenly passed a point at which I knew neither of us were likely to come. He seemed to know it too because we quietly slowed and then stilled. We held each other with him still inside me.

It’s difficult to explain how good that felt. It wasn’t about orgasms, it was about intimacy. There was a kind of deep stillness to that exchange – few words, just unspoken love and physical connection. I’m grateful for the simple things.

After that, I fished my panties up and figured out how to put them back on. Harold kissed me and went off to work. I drifted back into sleep, blissful and gratified, with just a slight edge of wanting more. The wanting is infinite, I always want to be closer to him – under his skin, in his head. But for today, I have a kind of armor, the knowledge that we have this undercover bond, the power of sex in the morning.