How open should I be about my lifestyle? I have my husband, my partner, and my partner’s wife as important people in my life. We’re a family. We’ve chosen to parent together. With things pertaining to the children, any of the four of us could be involved, so I tend to be pretty open and honest about being polyamorous. It’s who I am and how our family looks. We care deeply about taking care of the children. Our children should know that they can be proud of their family. They should know how lucky they are to be so loved.
I have always been upfront with school and medical forms. We have attended school functions en masse when possible. I’m rarely asked about our situation because lots of kids have step parents and such. Well, one of my children is starting a private high school next week. I was completely honest on our admission forms and they asked us about being poly during her admission interview. Joel, Harold, and I attended orientation together. Today there was another parent meeting that Joel and I went to. While we were sitting in the hall waiting, we were snuggling a bit. A mom that we’ve known for 7 years and seen sporadically, came up to talk to us.
“Are you two still together?” she asked, “Because I thought you were with that other guy. I hope you don’t mind my asking.” Actually, I’m thrilled that she asked. I would prefer to discuss it openly. I happily went through my whole spiel about how we manage homes and time and such. What I’m trying to communicate is that this is my normal. It’s not weird or shameful. This mom kind of gets it, but she still asked, “You mean, you have two guys?” before we move on to talk about bus schedules.
Yes, I am blessed with two incredible relationships with men I love very much. And we still need to figure out the bus schedule.
I wonder how many more conversations I will have like this. Will rumors spread? There are only 28 students in my daughter’s class. I’ll see a lot of these parents over the next 4 years. I want straightforward honesty instead of wild speculation. I haven’t even begun to think about how to talk about what I do for a living. That strikes me as not really anyone’s business, but it’s not secret either. I don’t like secrets.
I’m trying to find that good balance between being open and not revealing more than is necessary. I’m also trying to be on good behavior. For example, I didn’t ask the extremely hot parent if they are poly or if they would like to go out with me. See, isn’t that good? And I didn’t once mention sex toys or porn. But I think I helped expand awareness and began to create a safe environment for our poly family. Yes, I think we’re off to a good start.