I’ve managed to survive parenthood through a process my sister-in-law calls banking foreplay. Banking foreplay means that you take every available moment to feel desire for each other so that you are ready to seize the moment if an opportunity to fuck comes along. It can mean a quantum thought shift for people used to playing around for hours before getting down to business. Basically, instead of bringing sexual energy slowly to a peak, people who bank foreplay make installments, saving up so they will be ready if a chance for sex arises.
One of the downsides to being a parent is that you no longer have chunks of time to be alone with your partner unless you have a babysitter. Usually a babysitter comes to your home and that usually means that you have to go somewhere else to be alone together. Not conducive to sex, but we have found options, like the hot tub place that rents by the hour. But if you bank foreplay, you have hours of low level lust built up in your system and you are ready to rock that hour.
How do you bank foreplay? Parents have to get creative. It can be a foot rub, or gazing lovingly into each others eyes. It can be sending each other sexually explicit text messages or leaving little love notes around the house. Make out sessions in the laundry room work well. So does getting frisky in bed on a weekend morning while the little ones watch television. Anything that focuses on the love between you and adds to the growing sexual energy is banking foreplay.
When will you be able to cash out? Be open to opportunities. If you feel desire and you have a few minutes, go for it. I’ve always felt that a little bit of risk turned me on more. If it’s your child’s nap time, go for it. If you can both get away for lunch together, maybe a broom closet will present itself. Or just make love to each other verbally all day and make love physically as soon as the kids are asleep. The anticipation you felt all day will carry you into the night’s possibilities.
This is where I am today. After a couple of minutes of intense naked snuggles at 4:30 am, there has been a steady stream of very sexually explicit messaging. We seriously considered a nooner – me driving to him at lunch time to see if we could park somewhere and get it on – but we both had too much work. I know that when I see him tonight, we will kiss and grope each other. We will cook together, which always manages to feel erotic. When night time comes, we will have banked quite a lot of foreplay. I’ll be ready to cash out.