Nov 212011

Evoë and Joel go blues dancingI step forward, he steps back. We sway to the music, our hips pressed against each other. His eyes are closed. Our lips brush. His body spins away from me and back again. I show him what I want him to do with subtle cues from my body. He’s following my lead.

Joel and I go on a date every week. It’s our investment in our relationship, the time when we can catch up about everything going on in our lives, a chance to strengthen our connection and enjoy each other. We tend to be fairly traditional. Usually we go out to dinner. Sometimes we catch a movie. Sometimes we have sex. We always relax and have a good time, but occasionally I just have to mix it up a bit. Last night we went blues dancing.

The Center for Sex Positive Culture in Seattle was offering blues dancing after their monthly poly potluck. We opted for spending more family time at home rather than attend the potluck, but we were in for the dancing. It sounded like a great idea – a chance to go dancing among other people who understand that even though we’re together, we may be open to other people. Poly blues dancing seemed like an inexpensive, yet fun date.

It can be hard to get out of the house. I tend to feel ambivalent about going out. I’m tired at the end of the day. I get involved with projects at home, but I do love to go out. I like to get dressed up. Last night I was feeling kind of butch so it was a tank top, pinstripe pants, and combat boots. Then we had a 45 minute drive. It let us talk and sync up.

We arrived just in time for the beginner’s lesson on how to blues dance. Five couples circled up on the dance floor. We practiced stepping from side to side in a standard high-school shuffle. We danced forward and back. We were asked to find a partner. Easy enough since everyone had arrived as couples. Then we were told to figure out who was the lead and who was the follow. I appreciate that there was not an immediate gender assumption about who would lead.

There was a bit of a scuffle between Joel and me. I always want to lead when I dance. Joel didn’t feel comfortable leading because he’s very new to this kind of dancing. Yet there is the tradition of men leading. We realized that everyone was waiting for us to figure out our power dynamics and quickly settled on me leading. I placed my right hand on his shoulder blade and my left hand up “as though I was holding a beverage.” We practiced our shuffle.

Then our instructor told the follows to thank the leads and move to the right. Wait a minute, what? I greeted my new female partner and smirked at Joel in the arms of another man. We were certainly mixing things up. I learned a lot from the people I danced with. Each of them had good advice for how to be an effective lead. Joel also got a bunch of advice. While I felt a bit awkward at first, being a lead was turning out to be fun.

Blues dancing is sex-on-a-stick. I adore blues and watching people dance was hot. It felt good to dance too. You have to be in your body to blues dance. I could feel myself relax and open up to Joel. I loved leading him around the floor, firmly in control, yet letting the sexy flow.

The vibe followed us off the floor as well. Joel started rubbing my back and planting little kisses all over. The fantastic thing about being at the Center was that I could invite Joel into the back room, where we got naked. Joel kept telling me that I was the lead. It made me feel very much in control, which made me feel safe and turned me on. I’m such a top!

The blues music oozed through the walls. We kissed, slowly and passionately, our hands roaming all over each other’s skin. We floated in that place of pure sensuality. Eventually, I rolled him over and climbed on top of his face so he could lick my clit. I returned the favor by going down on him. Then I couldn’t stand it, I just wanted him. I told him to get on his knees. I rested my feet on his shoulders and he fucked me, cock plunging deep into me.

Afterward, we lay still, listening to the blues and softly talking. It’s such a luxury to be together like that. It’s a space that isn’t always easy for us to get to with all that we have going on in our lives. I love him so much and I feel so blessed to have him.

A chill in the air and a desire to use the bathroom got us back in our clothes. We danced to one more song then we made our way to the car. Exhausted and blissed out, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open on the drive home. Joel took care of everything and let me tumble directly into bed. I dreamed of him following my lead.