Dec 282011

fishnet tightsI’m getting ready to go on a date with my husband. I like spending time with him and I hope that this will be a romantic date. My preparations are a form of foreplay. Every action puts me mentally, physically, and emotionally in a sexually receptive state. Initially, I was hurrying to be ready when the sitter arrived, but Joel told me that women have the right to take as long as they want. So I am lingering in each sensation.

Our holidays were very good, but I’ve had very little time to myself. All the small things matter right now. The sparkly red polish on my toes, the hot shower spray on the tense muscles of my neck and shoulders, letting go of the details I’ve had to hold in my mind. I belong to myself right now.

I feel so much better in the shower that I bring myself to orgasm for the first time in a while. Sex has not been an active part of my life during the past couple of weeks. Coming puts me back in my body. I play with the energy a bit, drawing out the pleasurable spasms. The rest of my cares slide away for now. I’m in a good place.

I wonder what Joel and I will do tonight. Maybe we will make love. I’m in the mood to tease him. I want him to find me attractive. Wherever we go, I want every head to turn to watch me walk across the room. But it’s all for him. No, that’s not really true. It’s for me. I want to feel shiny and new and sexy. And I do.

Evoë ready for her dateI put on a light amount of make up. I try something new with my hair. I wear the new earrings that Joel gave me for the holidays. I like them and I hope that he will notice I’m wearing them. I put on the sexy fishnet tights that were also a gift. They’re wild and wonderful. Everyone will notice them! I add low heels and a short button-down denim dress. Casual and comfortable, yet glamorous. It works.

I’m done nearly on time anyway, but I feel so much better than I would have if I rushed. I’m in a sexy frame of mind and I can tell that Joel appreciates the extra effort I took getting ready. It looks to be a good date.

Dec 182011

Strip teaseI’m going to a holiday gathering with a gift exchange today, where we are encouraged to make our gifts. This year I decided to share several of my passions by making a compilation of my favorite songs to strip to. I started with a list of about 50 songs from a bunch of genres and slowly narrowed it down to 80 minutes worth of bump and grind. My musical tastes and age certainly show in my choices, but I tried for some variety. My final selections tend to reflect sexy content and a beat suitable for taking it off and getting it on. Of course, I had to include a few classics!

I’m sharing my playlist in the hopes that some of you will feel inspired to gift that special someone with a sexy striptease for the holidays! It’s very empowering to get into your erotic energy and perform for a lover. A few hints: Dress in layers with things that are easy to remove – buttons and zippers can both be sexy to undo. Remember to wear smokin’ hot undies. And have some sensuous fun…

Ms. Evoë’s Songs to Strip to
  1. Buttons/The Pussycat Dolls
  2. Bread & Butter/Hugo
  3. Lick/Joi
  4. Come On Closer/Jem
  5. Take It Off/Ke$ha
  6. Everybody Knows/Leonard Cohen
  7. Howlin’ for You/The Black Keys
  8. Nasty Naughty Boy/Christina Aguilera
  9. Tonight (I’m Fuckin’ You)/Enrique Iglesias [feat. Ludacris & DJ Frank E]
  10. Feeling Good/Michael Bublé
  11. I’m too Sexy/Right Said Fred
  12. Let Me Be Your Underwear/Club 69
  13. Bad Things (Club Mix)/Jace Everett
  14. SexyBack/Justin Timberlake [feat. Timbaland]
  15. You Know I’m No Good/Amy Winehouse
  16. Darling Nikki/Prince
  17. Me and You (Remix)/Miss Cassie [Feat. Elephant Man]
  18. Glory Box/Portishead
  19. All She Wants to Do Is Dance/Don Henley
Dec 172011

Harold Santa & Evoë under the mistletoe Sex is a place where I can snuggle down and feel warm and good. Sex is where I let myself go wild, rejecting outside rules that people try to impose on me. Sex is the intense moment where I lose all sense of myself and surrender to whoever I’m making love with. Sex is deeply private and full of personal revelation – a venture into the world of spirit. Sex is the gift I give to my partners and to myself.

I’m under a lot of stress right now. It’s easy to feel bad. Even easier to be looking for escape. I’ve broken most of my bad habits. I’ve had to figure out healthy ways of dealing. Sex is at the top of my list of coping mechanisms. There are so many benefits to sex: it feels fantastic, it’s good exercise, I forget about my troubles for a while, I get to connect with my partner, and I can’t help being who I really am when I get into my body for sex. Sex reminds me to be my higher self.

Sex is occasionally a challenge for me. It can be difficult for me to let go of my worries, make my brain stop looping. At times it’s hard to be trusting and to open up to my partner. I can get caught up in the physical aspects of sex and then ignore my emotional needs and then sex feels empty and achey. I even have flashbacks of abuse in the middle of sex, but that’s thankfully rare now. Sex is not necessarily easy, but even so, sex is worth the effort.

I like having sex. I manage to have sex with others 2 or 3 times a week on average. It would be great to have more sex, but the reality is that I can only fit in that much sex, usually. I masturbate as time allows – maybe once a day – because it’s easier than hooking up with one or both of my guys. So you can get an idea of how stressed I am when I say that I’ve had sex with a partner once or twice a day, every day this week. Not that I’m complaining!

I feel a lot more grounded after fucking. I tend to be relaxed and recharged, ready to tackle the world again. Or, sometimes, ready to go to sleep – but that’s also a blessing. It can be hard to fall asleep when I’ve got all kinds of things running around in my mind. Sex is my favorite soporific.

Sex is good for so many things. Sex is my health and wellness solution. (Sex is also my fitness plan! All you have to do is keep your heart rate up, right?) I’m glad that I have sex as an option as I move through a struggley time. This time of year can be difficult, but sex helps me to hold onto the joy. Sex is awesome!

Dec 112011

Duet Crave, compact luxury vibeBack in August I heard about a beautiful new vibrator that was in the process of being created. Lots of thought was going into its design and function. I was charmed by every piece of information that I heard about this vibrator, the Duet by a company called Crave. The creators of the Duet, Ti Chang and Michael Topolovac, put their project up on CKIE, a crowd-funding platform for product design, on August 16th. I pledged my support and placed my order before 8:00 am of that day. In two days time, Crave reached their funding goals, which is amazing! At the end of the funding period they had raised over $100,000 with support from over 900 people. It actually brings me to tears.

Not anticipating this level of interest, Crave has had to revise some of their manufacturing plans. Every step of the way they have chosen to make this vibrator as high quality as possible. All of which means Crave charmthat I did not get my Duet until last week. I don’t think that I have ever been as excited to get a sex toy, as when I opened that package. And let me tell you, Duet is gorgeous.

So much careful thought went into every aspect of Duet’s production. Every single detail is the result of deliberate decisions. The packaging is minimalist and streamlined. The quick start guide is printed inside the box with full instructions here. A small folded card contains a silver Crave charm as a special thank you, but the back of the charm is engraved with the url for the product information. The leather carrying case is simple and subtle.

In fact, everything about Crave Duet is elegant. This is not the gaudy, tacky strip-mall sex toy that many women dread. This is a sleek and sexy object of beauty. It is not obviously a sex toy. It doesn’t have cords to get tangled in or batteries to replace. Duet has a USB charger. I can just pull the two halves apart and plug it into my laptop. It looks perfectly natural there. Some versions of Duet are available with USB storage, but mine is not. When the two parts are together, the whole thing is waterproof, fully submersible up to 3 meters. It’s also virtually silent, something very hard to find in a vibrator.

So after all of this impressive build-up of the product I was excited to try it out. I’d been waiting so long. And initially, I was disappointed in Duet’s performance. Although the motor is powerful, the vibrations Crave Duet halves separateddidn’t get me off. Bummer. I tried again on another day, with slightly better results. The different surfaces of Duet yield up slightly different sensations. There are 5 power levels and 4 vibration modes. I tried a variety of things, even pinching my clitoris between the two prongs. Eventually I orgasmed. I kept trying Duet and I started learning how to use it best with my body.

My favorite vibrator has been the Mystic Wand. My clitoris is very sensitive, so I tend to put powerful vibrations more on the root of the clitoris and press hard, rather than having buzzy vibration on my clit. With Crave Duet, I do better using it directly on the tip of my clitoris. I wouldn’t have discovered the difference if I hadn’t been so determined to make Duet work for me. It’s incredibly intense (and not always comfortable) to orgasm like this. It also takes longer, but the journey is pleasurable.

Crave plugged into the USB portAll in all, I am terribly impressed with the work that has gone into Crave Duet. If I came with Duet like I do with my Mystic Wand, Duet would easily be my new favorite. As it is, I’m liking Duet a lot. I hope that Crave continues to produce the Duet and then goes on to design more elegant sex toys for women. If you would like to be on the wait list for you own Duet, you can sign up: here.

Bottom line: It may take some getting used to, but Crave Duet is a gorgeous work of art.

Grade: A-

Dec 102011

Evoë in wild socksI’ve gone over a week without posting, which hasn’t happened for a long time. It’s a combination of factors, like having a bad cold, working on other projects, and generally feeling bad about myself. But there have been some sexy moments…

For the first time, I got to photograph a couple making love. It was an incredible experience. I went into the photo shoot without expectations, but certainly hoping that they would feel comfortable enough to be intimate together. I feel very honored that they trusted me enough that they could follow their desire where it led. I tried to create a safe space and I’m pleased that it worked. It’s actually very hard work to take photos over an hours-long shoot. I kept thinking that it’s so much easier for me to be in front of the lens having sex! I’m still struggling to figure out the technical aspects of photography so I was disappointed in the overall quality of the results, but there are some shots that I really love. An erotic photo shoot is quite a creative rush. My models were amazing! If they decide they are comfortable with publishing any of these pics, I will certainly share. I’m hoping to practice more photography in the near future, so if you are in the Seattle area and want to model, drop me a line.

Evoë with her cameraI spent an evening cuddling in bed with Joel and giggling about a few R&B/Blues songs by the light of the Yule tree. I adore nasty blues and these are great. The first one was Denise LaSalle singing “Lick it before you stick it,” with great lyrics like, “You’re makin’ her feel good, but you can make her feel better/ If you treat your lady like a stamp and a letter/Lick it/Before you stick it” and advises men to “find the little man in the boat.” Then there’s “Strokin’,” by Clarence Carter with these lyrics, “I remember one time I made love/On the back seat of a car/An’ the police came an’ shined/His light on me, an’ I said/I’m strokin’/That’s what I’m doin’/I be strokin’.” And finally, Barbara Carr with, “If you really want to please me/You know you’ve got to stake your claim/And make hot love to me boy/’til I want to wear your name” from a song with the best title ever, “Bone me like you own me.” I so enjoy that these songs are strongly about owning your sexuality and prioritizing pleasure.

Harold S. HenryI’ve been masturbating a fair amount – sometimes testing out products that I’ll be reviewing this month, sometimes just to spend quality time with myself. I end up touching myself when I’m in the shower or alone in bed. It helps me to feel focused and grounded. I love drawing out the orgasms and playing with sensations. I also think that it’s easier right now to be with myself than to be with other people. I’m just more inwardly focused.

Which isn’t to say that I haven’t had sex with other people. Harold and I had some heavy foreplay going on one evening, but the wee one’s stamina was greater than ours. We all snuggled in to sleep instead of fucking. It was nice to be cozy, but I still fell asleep wanting more and feeling lonely. Thankfully, Harold and I had a date the next day.

Our date sex was fairly simple. We had sexted about all of the kinky things we wanted to do to each other, but when it came down to it, our love making was about intimate touch and making out. There was some power exchange. I kept him pinned while I caressed him with my nipples and kissed him all over. It’s totally hot to use my whole body Menstrual blood on cock and ballsto bring pleasure. The really amazing thing is that I’m currently menstruating so we got blood everywhere. I know that some people are squeamish about menstrual blood, but I love it. We got blood all over my thighs and Harold’s cock, balls, and hands. Beautiful!

Like most people, right now I’m struggling to balance home, work, family, and self-care with the holidays tossed in for extra fun. It’s actually going fine, but I want to make sure that sex stays on the list. In reality, sex is so much a part of who I am that I’m not really worried. More important than sex, is love. I am lucky to have so much love in my life. I think that’s my lesson for the holidays – letting the light of love fill me up. Even the places where I don’t love myself.

Dec 012011

Self-reflection Today marks 18 months of blogging since my first post on June 1st, 2010. This is also my 300th post!

When I first agreed to blog my sex life, I didn’t have any idea what I was getting into, I just did it, without thinking about how it would impact my life. It took me a while to find my voice. I still like to experiment with different formats and approaches. While sex has always been a big part of my life, it’s been interesting to frame my life in terms of sex. It’s made me broaden my definition of sex.

I find I’m sometimes tempted to do something sexually just because it would make a good blog post, but that doesn’t make a huge difference because I’m also just adventurous. Many times my sex dates include testing out products for review. My partners know that anything is fair game for the blog. But my life is by no means all sex. I am the mother of 5 children, and you wouldn’t believe (or maybe you would) how many posts I write with Blues Clues or Barney in the background.

It’s been a great trip – and I plan to keep going! I want to share with you some of my favorite experiences so far…

I am most proud of my gender series. I learned so much interviewing Colleen, David, Jim, Kyle, and Aleksa. I’m still learning about gender all of the time, especially my own. I wrote about my experience packing a cock in My Inner Boy. I’ve worked harder on this series than anything else I’ve done for the blog and it’s been totally worth it in terms of what I got out of it – especially the friends I made.

Hedgehog bondage in "More Love"Making erotic videos is something that I’d like to get better at. (I have plans!) Of the ones we’ve already made, a few stand out for me. The Rainy Afternoon video is precious to me because of the energy between Harold and me. We had a lot of technical difficulties, so the result is very “art house,” but I was pleased with it; a genuine connection is harder to capture than anything. I also have to mention the More Love video that we made for all the poly people on Valentine’s Day (and for a fan who wanted to see some plushy sex). Harold and I should both be embarrassed by our acting, but it was sooooo fun to make. I like being so totally silly. I was disappointed that it didn’t provoke more of a reaction.

We got a huge reaction over our Figging Lab Experiment and the Figging Lab Results. Our labs are written rather tongue-in-cheek, but people took them pretty seriously. I am disappointed that I made up such a beautiful data sheet, but that no one to date has returned a completed experiment to me. That’s too bad! Another post discusses the mathematics of Viagra. Did you know that Viagra leads to math?

Some of my posts have been deeply emotional and reveal much of my inner workings. You can see my journey over time working through sex abuse issues and wanting to be topped in The Opposite of Love, Sex in the ShadowOkay on the OutsideWalking through the Darkness, Fear and Arousal, Magic Words, and Deep Dark Fantasies.

Flower in HawaiiMy trip to Hawaii was big for me. I got to spend time with my girlfriend, Erika, and I met a bunch of really fabulous people. All of the foliage in Hawaii looks erotic.

Another pivotal moment for me was the first close up picture of my cunt I’d ever seen. I wrote about it in Ready for my Close Up, talking about all of my conflicting feelings.

It’s interesting to read Is Thin the Only Sexy? written almost a year ago. I talk about my body image after seeing nude pictures of myself and realizing that I was fat. I decided that fat is still sexy. It totally is. But I also realize that I’ve lost 35 pounds since then. I feel much more comfortable in my body now, but I still look at pictures of myself and feel unhappy.

Some of my favorite posts have to do with being part of a family. My children drew pictures for Secret Life of a Mommy. In Love Song for my Metamour I got to express all of the wonderful things I feel about sharing my life with Melanie. A Poly Jolly Christmas talks about how blessed I feel to have my large poly family together over the holidays.

Finally, I do a lot of reviews, but a few things have really changed my life. One of them is the book, I’ll Show You Mine, which features gorgeous photographs of vulvas. Another is Buck Angel’s Sexing the Transman, a documentary/porn flick that taught me a ton about transmen. Also, working with the photographer, David Steinberg, over two photo sessions was deeply moving.

Photo by David Steinberg, 2011

Photo by David Steinberg, 2011

As you can see, blogging has had a huge impact on my life. These posts represent my highs and lows, ins and outs of the last 18 months. I want to thank all of our readers for your thoughtful comments and constant support. Your participation means so much to me!