Feb 042012
 

In the showerI took a really long shower today. I’ve been so turned on lately. Harold and I had sex before I even got out of bed this morning, but then the children got into an argument and needed us before I came. It’s difficult for me to let go enough to orgasm with the children downstairs. I know that I might need to launch into mommy mode at any second so I don’t fully relax. But the shower is another matter.

The kids rarely enter the bathroom when I’m there – and they never open the shower door. I’m supposed to be naked there, so nothing is unusual. This morning Harold was handling everything for me anyway so no interruptions. I could luxuriate to my heart’s content – or until the hot water ran out.

I take my time when I make love to a partner, but when I masturbate it’s often very brief and businesslike. Today I focused on sensation, loving myself, and honoring my sexuality. Yes, I got myself off and it was hot.

I used the rough shower stream on my nipples, a vibrator on my clit, and an internal bullet vibe to come against. All the sensations combined to put me over the top. But I also spent time just letting the warm water flow against my skin. I let go of my wandering thoughts and watched the droplets form and reform against the tile. I basked in the rare Seattle sun, shadows of leaves dancing across my thighs. I spent a good long time soaping myself up, letting my hands slide over my body, celebrating each part. Even brushing my teeth became an erotic exercise. I felt fresh, clean, and sacred.

That’s the funny thing. Self care and good hygiene become so routine and boring, but really everything we do to take care of our bodies is sacred. Today I took a shower as an act of love – love for myself. I slowed down and remembered how to breathe. I was respectful of myself. I slowly built to release. I lingered in the lovely sensations. It’s a gift, this time I gave to myself, lovemaking for one.