“Like so many things in my life, sex is no longer what it was to me a year ago; the end of a 22 year relationship changed sex for me by its very definition. I sometimes think people stop maturing once they get married, almost as if we subconsciously believe marriage makes us legitimate adults and there is no more need for personal development. My standards for sex were set when I married at 21 and they didn’t change much. Masturbation? Masturbation was okay but lonely, it was for people who had no other options and it wasn’t sex, sex required two people and they should be sharing the same space for it to count. Phone sex, chat sex, virtual sex..these seemed unfulfilling and cold to me.
I’m not sure why I felt qualified to lay down this judgment on what was and wasn’t sex; I was arrogant in my assumptions, and by what right? The example of my own marriage showed me to be no expert at creating a happy and fulfilling sexual life. Long term relationships do allow room for boundaries to be tested and inhibitions to come down but it had been so many years since there was any kind of passion in our relationship that I cannot even remember if it ever existed in the first place.
My lover lives on the opposite coast. My relationship with him has drastically expanded my understanding of what sex is and what it can be. Most of the sex we have happens electronically, we chat and text and video phone. We can have sex on the train to New York when I start texting him during his travel, we can explore fantasies in the safety of a chat platform and when we meet for a long weekend together, there is no shyness or hesitation, only ease and love and the fantasies are realized. I can look into his eyes during a video call and see how turned on he is to see me play with my naked nipples, and I know my trust in him is as much a turn on as my nakedness.
There are times when the distance makes me ache for my lover but I am happy for the creativity and inventiveness the distance forces us to bring to our lovemaking. My panties travel through the mail to him after we have fucked and they are soaked with my come. Masturbating with him, knowing he will soon be enjoying the panties I am wearing makes me even wetter. I pull them tight against my cunt and push them inside of me, so they will hold my scent for him. Later, he tells me about the time he spent with them, and it is one of the hottest things I have ever heard. I am masturbating as I think of him and how hard his cock is when he brings my panties to his face. Sometimes they come back to me, his come inside of them and I wear those dirty panties. I feel him between my legs all day and at night I masturbate while I wear them, rubbing them against and inside of me until any trace of him is gone.
I hope that someday he and I manage to put our lives closer together, but even then I think we would still spend the occasional evening in separate rooms, making love to each other via the internet.”