Jun 302012

JoelMy husband, Joel,  just left the house for a first date with a woman he’s been talking to online for about a month. He’s got the normal mix of excitement and anxiety that goes with a first date. He groomed himself carefully. Checked and double checked and triple checked the driving directions. After careful consideration he hand crafted a gift for his date – a necklace with a pendant of her role playing game character’s religious symbol. It’s incredibly geeky, yet very personal. I hope she likes it.

I have a good feeling about this. From what Joel says, she seems very clean with her emotions. She seems to know herself pretty well. I know they have had lots of good email interaction. They may not have that spark of connection, but we’ll have a better idea after tonight. For right now, I am happy seeing Joel happy. There is so much intense, life-affirming energy around a relationship that is just starting. I am reaping the benefits of being within basking range.

This is what compersion is. Compersion is the term that non-monogamous people use to describe that feeling of deriving pleasure from your partner’s happiness with another person. Some people say that it’s the opposite of jealousy, but I know that both can exist at the same time.

I’m not all joy. There is a small voice inside me that I have to acknowledge. It’s the voice that says that he might fall in love with someone else and leave me. He’s dated other people before and that hasn’t happened yet, but I still worry. Change can be scary. I have to have faith in Joel. I believe in our relationship because we’ve made it through a lot together and it hasn’t broken us. I know deep down that I am important to Joel. As long as I feel secure in myself, I think it will be okay.

And he hasn’t forgotten me just because he’s going out. He made me tomatillo soup before he left. We talked through everything a few times before he left. I don’t know if he’ll be back before morning. I suspect he will, but I want to give him the opportunity to follow the date to it’s natural conclusion. He’s done the same for me countless times. I hope that he gets laid, if that feels like the right thing.

We’ve been a bit more sexual together lately and I believe that Joel’s interactions and flirting with another woman are responsible. It’s woken him up, thinking that someone else might find him attractive and interesting. He doesn’t always have the best social skills so I sometimes feel protective. I want other people to be able to see the wonderful man that I know.

But for now I need to stop worrying. Joel is on his way. I love him. I’m happy for him and excited because he is. I can’t wait to hear about his adventures when he returns home, whenever that is. I’m going to play with the children and read a good book. My partner is on a first date and I am full of compersion.


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