I meet a lot of fascinating people in my line of work, but even so, sometimes a person really stands out. Meet Xochiquetzal Duti Odinsdottir. She runs a website, sacredprofanity.com, where she talks about kink, magic, sexwork, leather, ordeals, and taboo in ways that make my heart melt. I heard her give a presentation in San Francisco last month and I think she is one of the best presenters I’ve ever seen. Tears streamed down my face while Xochiquetzal Duti spoke truths to my soul. She is a powerful priestess.
Sacred sexuality is deeply important to my own practice, but I had never before considered kink, pain, and power dynamics as potential for sacrifice, both to the divine and to the betterment of the world. Xochiquetzal Duti changed forever the way I view sex by giving me permission to fully actualize the shadow side of my sexuality. I had the opportunity to speak with her in person and have been emailing. I asked her to answer a few questions and here are her answers for all of you…
What do you mean by sacred and profane and how do those concepts shape your sexuality?
I mean those things that we can’t seem to do without, the materials we can’t seem to leave alone, that define us; our identities, our positions within structures, our way of looking at ourselves and where we stand. Sacred and profane come together in one beautiful word; taboo. Together those two words mean and describe the space I try to create within my sexuality. The things that we hold sacred, how can I corrupt them? Make them profane? Once I’ve accomplished that, how can I make them holy again? What has changed about them in their profane state to take away their sacredness? What change has it caused in me to do that?
Your spirituality is deeply intertwined with your sexuality. Do you believe that to be true for everyone?
I don’t. I think that we all have the capability to intertwine the two, and that we experience these things, but we lack the terminology to explain what we’re experiencing. It takes someone willing to delve deeper into those moments of attempted integration; of joining all our disparate parts of self, into Self. We can all achieve it to some degree, but more importantly, I think we need to work to bring all of our facets in our lives; our views of self as parents, friends, coworkers, etc. need to come together to be a whole person.
What are the benefits of a spiritual sex life?
The biggest benefit to me has been an ability to live an authentic life. I don’t have to ‘hide’ facets of who I am, I just am and if the person has issues with that, I will do what I can to answer their questions but that doesn’t detract from me being who I am meant to be. I live fully and completely in the knowledge that all parts of me see the light of day, I lose the shame that we’re expected to have around our desires, it’s very liberating.
You view BDSM as an ordeal practice. Please explain how you use the energy created through consensual sexual pain.
It’s dependent on what areas my brain and my heart lead me to. At times, the scene is where the energy is directed; if the scene is playing to some abuse that is systemic, then the energy I create does two things, maintains the connection with the top or bottom, and goes toward ending that issue. For example, doing a heavy abuse scene, domestic or otherwise, will lead me to use energy and intent to feed the idea of ridding the world of those issues, that today I be the only one that suffers this slap to the face and thus save that fate from a child struggling with alcoholic parents. So much of what I think about and struggle with is how ugly this world has been made by human hands. So many issues that we created because of our need to hold onto those sacred cows of power and prestige, the need to subjugate another so that we have pedestals to stand on, that we become blind to the suffering of the people we stand on. I use the energy of consensual sexual pain, to try and do what I can, to end the very issues I deal with on a daily basis; most of them are based in marginalization and lack of recognition of one another’s basic humanity.
What projects you are currently working on and where people can contact you or get more information?
My most current writing projects are two essays in two different anthologies, one for the Morrighan and the other for Odin, both are currently in the gathering the works phase, so I don’t know when they are expected to reach publication. I have articles that I write for Kink-E-Zine (http://kink-e-zine.com) and on my website, SacredProfanity.com.
The other non-writing project that I am currently investing time and energy into are the Pagans of Color Hospitality Suite for Pantheacon 2013 (and beyond?) and that can be found by this link.
To contact me, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let me know that you found me through Whole Sex Life and I will do my best to respond within 24-48 hours of receiving the email. I offer divination and ritual creation/counseling but am not a certified counselor so I cannot venture into those areas but I am a really good ear for spiritual talk and rabble-rousing.