Jan 262013
 

I have a strong masculine side that I’ve been exploring over the past couple of years. I don’t feel any less feminine, it’s just that sometimes I feel more like a boy. I’ve needed to pay attention to some pretty deep stuff. It’s confusing to acknowledge a piece of me that is so different.

At first I considered more of a butch persona. I appreciate butch women, but I don’t feel like one. At least part of the time I am a man. A gay man, who doesn’t want to be gay. I call him Jaxx.

There is a sexual component. I want to have sex as a man. Strap-on sex becomes more important, but not necessary. Jaxx is not as mature as I am – perhaps late teens or early adulthood. I have all of the sex drive, teen angst, and body image issues.

When I look in the mirror, I don’t look like I imagine myself to appear. I guess no one does, but it’s hard to figure out what kind of boy I am. How do I dress? What are my mannerisms? Who are my role models? How do I fit those things with my current limitations?

For example, I have large breasts – G cups. I have a compression vest to try to minimize my chest, but it still tends to be a problem. I need to layer shirts. I don’t have the chest I want to have as a boy. However, I can use a soft pack to give myself that all important bulge in my pants.

I’m still trying to figure out how I want to look, and I’ve only been brave enough to go out in public once, but I’m starting to own this part of me. I’m slowly feeling more confident as Jaxx. Ultimately I am who I am, regardless of gender. Here are a few photos we recently took of him…

Jaxx

Jaxx lighting up

Paxx Jaxx

 

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Sinful Sunday

  • Kyle

    umm… uh.. whew, when you go boy, you do it very well. Hello, Jaxx, I’m Kyle, you’re a handsome little fuck, aren’t ya?

  • http://beckandherkinks.com/ Beck

    I like the smoking image. It reminds me of one of my all time favorite movies…The Outsiders.

    ~ Beck

  • Miss July

    You look wonderful as a boy. Don’t be afraid to embrace who you are.

    xxx Miss July xxx

  • http://twitter.com/SpaceBunnyKink Space Bunny

    Awesome images!! You look fantastic as a guy. It’s very cool that you live occasionally as both.

  • http://twitter.com/Josephine_KK MrsJoJo

    btrilliant photos, your persona comes out well :) have you considered getting a floppy dildo to pack your panties, as a bulge?

  • http://curvaceousdee.com/ Curvaceous Dee

    Yowza! Hello, Jaxx. Yes, I’m just picking my tongue up off the floor over here …

    xx Dee

  • http://twitter.com/itsjustahobby Jemima101

    Awesome pics, and brilliant words to go with them. Gender and sexuality are complex fluid things, especially as the world seems to want to pigeonhole us, really glad to have found your blog.

  • http://rebelsnotes.com/ Rebel’s Notes

    I love how you embrace all of who you are! You are a very handsome boy for sure!

    Rebel xox

  • http://twitter.com/Mollysdailykiss Molly

    I have to stay you make a remarkably handsome young man but there is tenderness about him in these images as if he not 100% sure of himself and I guess having read your words that is the case… which actually shows what intimate and well shot images these are

    Mollyxxx

  • KaziGrrl

    It’s good to be able to explore and define different parts of ourselves. Bravo to you!!

    ~Kazi xxx

  • http://silverdropstoybox.blogspot.com/ Silverdrops

    I love exploring my male energy as well, and that exploration is enhanced by the fact that SilverHubby is bisexual/pansexual and is as attracted to both my masculine and feminine energies (often at the same time). He also thinks you look very attractive as a man.

  • http://dirtylittlewhispers.com/ Emma Whispers

    This is really interesting! Love the photo with the writing on the hands and Jaxx slightly blurred, looks ace.

  • http://WholeSexLife.com Evoe Thorne

    Aw, thanks Kyle. *blush*

  • http://WholeSexLife.com Evoe Thorne

    Yep, I’ve got one, but I don’t always use it. At first I felt like I really needed a penis to be a guy, but that seems less true as time goes on. It depends on my mood.

  • http://WholeSexLife.com Evoe Thorne

    *wink* Hey Baby…

  • http://WholeSexLife.com Evoe Thorne

    Thank you!

  • http://WholeSexLife.com Evoe Thorne

    Molly, that’s so true. Our personalities are very different. It’s interesting to watch Jaxx emerge. It is intimate to share this process with outsiders.

  • http://WholeSexLife.com Evoe Thorne

    Yes! Harold is very much in love with Jaxx. We have incredibly fantastic sex as men together. Exploring gender has expanded our connection. I’m so happy that you’ve had similar experiences!

  • http://twitter.com/AnnMorette Ann Morette

    Thank you for sharing this, and I love that you embrace everything and everybody that you are. You look great in these photos and I enjoy getting a sexy glimpse at your male persona!

  • Emily Daniel

    It is nice to meet you Jaxx, you are handsome and I look forward to hearing more from you. I hope you come to love yourself more and find the strength to go out in public.
    BTW The first image? Holy fuck, that is hot!

  • http://www.pennysdirtythoughts.com/ Penny

    I love the honesty and emotion in all of the images and your post; inspiring!
    xxPenny

  • Yes, THAT Tonya (@TisforTMI)

    I have a part of myself that is similar to that, but it’s been dormant for a long time. For the last 6.5 years I’ve been with Roland, I’ve felt more feminine than I ever have in my whole life. But years ago when I went through a period when I was almost totally a lesbian, I definitely felt more butch and manly.

    Btw, Jaxx is dead sexy. Unf!