Nov 252013

I am a big fan of masturbation. You gotta learn to be with yourself before you can share what brings you pleasure with another person, right? When Joel told me that he was interested in purchasing a Fleshlight I was entirely supportive and intensely curious.

I’ve helped him use the Fleshlight twice now, and it’s an interesting experience watching his face. I know that he has gone through a period of using it every day and that has helped him release tension and relax. It’s been beneficial to our relationship in that we’ve been able to explore our sexual connection without him bringing a sexual intensity that has, at times, felt intimidating to me.

In fact, Fleshlight seems to work so well for Joel that I asked him to write a review for WholeSexLife…

Masturbation made easy, a guest post by Joel

Joel shows the Fleshlight's stretchThis all starts with a desire for masturbation.  I used to masturbate daily, sometimes several times a day, but then things went downhill.  Due to a variety of medical problems and medication side effects, my sex drive declined (it might also have to do with my age, but I’m choosing not to go there).

A positive attitude and working on my health did wonders for my libido. After a hiatus of several years, I was once again often feeling the urge to touch myself in an intimate fashion.

I had a few options ­– I could enlist my wonderful partner and wife to help, but our sexual relationship has shifted during the years that my libido was depressed.  This meant that a lot of our sexual contact was unmapped territory, and I felt it was unfair to thrust into that new space without taking the time to make sure we were both on the same page.

I could look for a girlfriend outside of my marriage, a definite advantage to being polyamorous, but I am slow to meet people. Again, pouncing on a new relationship with a needy demand for sex seemed unfair and unbalanced from the start.

The third option was simply to take matters into my own hands more often, and the Internet was certainly well supplied with material to inspire me.  If I went this route, I could take the pressure off of sex, which would free me to work on options one and two at a more leisurely pace. This seemed like a good idea all around.

Fleshlight in the canI hadn’t used masturbatory aids much before other than pictures and videos, not even lube.  I’ve certainly experimented with a number of different products and devices over the years.  Evoë’s blog gives her access to some pretty amazing things, and I’ve been called upon to help test some of the more male oriented products.  I now felt inspired to explore the available options more thoroughly. It took me a few weeks of looking to finally nerve up enough to mention all this to Evoë, but she was very positive in her support of masturbation.

I browsed some of the seedier places on the Internet and eBay looking for “sheaths” shaped like girls and other equally bizarre items (I admit that I occasionally have a taste for the odd, the strange, and even the perverse).  Amidst all these explorations I remembered the Fleshlight, whose website embarrassed, aroused, and intrigued me in equal measures. I was particularly curious about the many options that are available.

Perusing the Fleshlight “Girls” section, there was… Stoya. She is an actual woman who has been a personal fantasy of mine for some time through Twitter and the web.  I don’t remember exactly when I first found her, but I believe that it was one of those roundabout web explorations that start with one thing and lead to clicking on a link to another, and then another, etc…  What most intrigues me about Stoya is not her smokin’ hot bod, but rather her biting social commentary, her fabulous feminism, and her knowledge of circus arts.  Now this is a porn star that I can lust after. Could the Fleshlight bring her pussy to my cock?

Fleshlight StoyaI placed an order for “Stoya Destroya” and awaited her arrival with some trepidation.  My new treasure came in a plain brown box which I unpacked with intense curiosity and anticipation.

There are two basic parts to a Fleshlight: the holder, and the fleshy tube itself.  Out of its shell, the rubbery tube looks very odd indeed, like some sort of floppy, fleshy worm.  One end of the one I ordered has a beautifully sculpted vaginal opening with Stoya’s signature in raised lettering right next to the opening.  The other end has a much smaller circular opening with the name ‘Destroya’ stamped around the edge.

The cover is simple, high strength opalescent plastic, with a screw-on lid and bottom.  I was a bit disturbed to find a bit of the plastic molding left on the outside of the case, but figured it was just a manufacturing defect.  Once I scraped off this little extra tab, though, the case seemed otherwise blemish-free.

I was intrigued by the screw-on end, as I hadn’t known its function until I read the instructions.  Coupled with the vents on the bottom of the cover, this cap can apparently be used to vary the amount of vacuum created and thus increase or decrease suction.   The changes it makes seem pretty subtle, however— I haven’t noticed that adjusting the amount of suction makes much difference.

I had to wait several days for my first trial run. I wanted Evoë to be present for the device’s maiden voyage. Bedtime came and I got super nervous, not only because of the Fleshlight, but also with the prospect of masturbating in front of someone else – taking what is essentially a solo activity and giving it an audience.

Fleshlight in useEvoë helped me calm down and provided some nice water based lube and we were ready. I screwed the end cap all the way on for maximum suction, spread lube all over the copy of Stoya’s pussy and my still mostly flaccid penis.  I was pleased to note that just like in real life, it was possible to partially enter the fake pussy even if I was not fully hard. Lube was essential here.

Through some manual manipulation and some Fleshlight fucking, my cock started to get hard.  My mostly naked wife was also a great help.

The harder I got, the deeper I was able to penetrate into the Destroya, and I have to say that the feeling was amazing.  The flesh had warmed up, and the lube made everything nice and slippery.  I could just move the Fleshlight back and forth, but I found that the most pleasing sensation was for Evoë to hold the Fleshlight stationary so I could fuck it like a real pussy.  Even after I bottomed out (when the molded pussy met the skin of my crotch), I found that I was able to get another inch or so of penetration due to the soft pillow-like material that the artificial pussy has been crafted from.

My climax came far too soon, with an explosive release that left me panting for breath.  Just like normal, my cock was super sensitive post orgasm and sliding the Fleshlight off of me was an electrifying experience.  There was a soft sucking sound as Stoya’s pussy slowly released my cock, and I was left feeling spent and a little weirded out, holding a disembodied pussy in my hands.

All the come I could shake outClean up was quick and painless, simply a hot water rinse of all parts and an air dry.  Once everything was dry I screwed on the cap and it once again became a non-descript giant opalescent flashlight looking thing.

I would definitely recommend the Fleshlight to anyone looking to enhance their masturbatory experience, not only because of the sensations it produces, but also because of the idea that a beautiful woman is providing you with a surrogate of her pussy.  Or other orifice.  In fact, I’ve found myself looking at the Fleshlight website again and thinking about getting another internal sleeve for my Fleshlight.

This time, I’d like to try a mouth.

Nov 192013

EvoëSometimes I want so much for Harold to take me. I love the safety we’ve created in our relationship around consent and equality, but every once in a while I deeply long for him to take my submission. It consumes me at times. I enjoy Topping him and all of the ways we connect, but it frustrates me to no end to have this particular part of my sexuality go ignored.

Perhaps I can’t expect one person to meet all my needs. It’s just that…we are so good together. He knows me so well. I can’t help having my feelings hurt. It feels like a rejection, or at the very best, that part of me is invisible to him.

We keep talking about my fantasies. It gets harder and harder for me to articulate my emotions and desires. My fear of rejection makes me anticipate it – maybe even create it. I want Harold to Top me so badly it’s like an ache in my throat, a pounding in my chest. The wanting itself feels dangerous. I want him to play with that energy, make the longing sexually charged, give me a container in which to come undone. I am so strong. It takes a strong person to persuade me to let go.

Harold has that kind of strength, but what I want him to do is alien to his nature. I don’t know how to teach him to Top me. I can get him to do Topping type activities: bondage, flogging, needle play, and the like. But what about the energy? How do I show him what I want emotionally?

As a strong empowered woman, I feel some embarrassment around wanting to be dominated. As a survivor of abuse, I feel some shame around wanting to be in a position that sometimes reminds me of being a victim. As an active partner in this relationship, I feel guilty for wanting to change our power balance, even temporarily. It makes everything come out sideways. How can I want something so much and not be able to speak clearly about it? It hurts so much.

When we talk about him being dominant, it turns me on. I have a thrill of excitement and danger similar to being on a roller coaster. I want this sooooo bad. I’ve had this feeling all morning as I think about our date today. This is a delicate balancing act for me. If I don’t keep the energy sexual and positive it turns into something closer to anxiety and squicky discomfort. I’ve been trying to manage the energy myself, but eventually had to check in with Harold.

He doesn’t understand and I don’t have the skill to try to show him. We are so good about everything else. Why does this particular fetish render me senseless? I want him. I want him to take me. I am here trying to keep this possibility open, but I feel crushed. Has he already rejected me? Will he find me in the place where I want to give myself? I’ll know in an hour.

Nov 172013


Photo courtesy of  Secretly Sensuous

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust].  Want to be included in e[lust] #53? Start with the newly updated rules, come back December 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

He came in my shoes

Secret Pleasures and a Lifeline

Vulnerability as courage


~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Golden Showers



~ Readers Choice from  Sexbytes ~

Erotic Non-Fiction

Adressing my Master T
Afterglow, Wounded
Fantasy is Reality, or is it the other way…
Pig Tails? Really?
The Kilt and a Prom Dress
what i want
Whipped & Fucked
Because When You Look at Me, You See Me.

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

SexyLittleIdeas – My Sex Rules
New Rule
Collar Envy (Warning this post is Mushy)
the flood.
Today I cried
Why I love NRE even when it scares me
Love, or Lack Thereof, for an Abuser
a) monogamy b) polyamory c) neither

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

More Than Just Orgasms
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Bed
Sex By Numbers = Bad Sex

Erotic Fiction

Such a Good Girl
Spontaneous Combustion
Seasonal Changes
Wet…bound and gagged
Larry’s Prom Date
Property’s Prospective
Evie and the Trainspotter
Don’t Miss A Drop

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Sub Silent
7(Random)Suggestions for Submissives & Slaves
Communication in D/s Relationships

Writing About Writing

Seven Sex Books I Read, Plus One I Didn’t
Thoughts on: The Blood Mage’s Sacrifice
Desiring Faggotry


EroticonUSA- Penny’s Perspective


From Prude to Proud Sex Blogger

Nov 172013

My hands are bound. My soul is laid bare. This cage you keep me in is the the arena of our desire. I am yours – utterly, completely, totally. I like to struggle. I enjoy the frustration of your teasing touch. I am breathless, wondering what you will do to me.


We have built a web, strand by strand, kiss by kiss, and I wait for you at the center. I like the anticipation of knowing you are coming, my mate, my friend. I will let you sneak up on me, then perhaps I will devour you.

inside the web

I am your canvas. Trace your vision across my flesh. There is art in every charged touch of your hand, every flick of your wicked tongue, every slow thrust of your hips. Teach me to dance and release me from this cage.

Teach me to fly



See what other people are doing for Sinful Sunday…

Sinful Sunday

Nov 112013

You want to what?I get a lot of correspondence around WholeSexLife and my various social media profiles – some very sweet and some quite strange. I hear from people of all ages from all over the world. These communications roughly break down into several categories: business related, complimentary, looking for education, looking to hook up, and looking for a Top. Contacting someone you don’t know and asking questions that are intimate takes bravery. Even when I don’t appreciate the message, I respect the effort to reach out.

I decided to take some of the messages I’ve received over the past couple of years and create found poetry. I didn’t use the business related or foreign language items (that’s fodder for a whole new poem). Here is the result, a kind of meta-message, comprised wholly of actual messages I have received, without any corrections for spelling or grammer.



Hi a warm morning to you
What are you up to?
Did you have a nice day???

Hey whats up
woooow u r beautifullll
you are looking gorgeous,i am single are you
I love your hot pics! You are amazing! You make me throb so hard!
Do you like to share pics?
You do have a gorgeous smile :)
I would love to lick ur pussy.. U real so hot
who are you ? Dracula..

hi how r u
I want to learn abt sex can u help me??
how do u get the person u are in a relationship with to understand that u are into bondage?
Do you like to wrestle ?
Are you good at it?
i bet you would be simply wild in a catfight.
So I got to ask does size matter? what is the consensus among your girlfriends?
But ,is it lesbo pleasurable ? Didn’t u like cock ?
Plz..i want guidance 4m u….


Sorry if my massage may offend you.
Hey, so it’s a little awkward to bring up
I was wondering if u were able to help others with acting out fantasies
You seem very experienced in this lifestyle
I wish I could live with u and be ur sex slave
To be a plaything for you, or someone like you. . .heaven.)
I definitely enjoy a dominant lady who knows how to take the reins
Would love to suffer for you and worship every little part of your divine body.
you can abuse my nipples any time you want…
take charge and own my balls for as often as you are in a playful mood.
I ache to obey you. Please let me know if you feel so inclined. :)
At your feet Mistress
Please Mistress… I beg you


I am not a creepy stalker
Write back with your email address so that I will tell you more about myself.
I found your e-mail address and straight away wanted to write you.
I developed an interest in you. send me information material or souvenirs.
I looked at your website and I got depressed from my lack of intimacy and all.
I join ur website but i need one to stay with me im so needy
i want, i need!
I am only expressing my desires, not being a stalker.


hello Lady…thanks for the add…
hi , just read ur profile , and u dont want meaningless sex . just thought i check it out
attractive man looking to fulfill fantasies of being with older (please no offense) woman
I am a closet bisexual man.
look in my profile and if you think that we have a chance please text me something
We should chat though, regardless if I can think of something to say or not.
I am looking for friends only, at this time, just as you are.
Got really horny imagining myself in the place of the fluffy bunny!
Cup size gets you noticed? Well mine holds 18 oz
I too am sex crazed..
you seem really nifty–and possibly we’ve met before?
It seems like we have a lot in common. I love food and sex-positivity
I would like to make a friend request, mostly cause your interesting.
Like your Tumblr. Thanks.


You might be looking for someone like me…
I don’t know if I’m exactly what you are looking for, but if you got to know me, you would like me…in more ways than one…
Does that sound like what you might be looking for, hmm? If so, I’m ready
you look cute
could i get to know more of you
If you ever want someone to masturbate with on that Friday night, hit me up!
apart from Mrs I seem to be a balanced person and consistent.
We are looking for the elusive unicorn.
I’d also be very interested in posing with a woman, clothed or not.
I hope you were not under the impression I wished for anything more than just to chat with you.
Wanna meet
i wonder if you can arrange a little favor to me….kisses..
Like a ladies’ tea that includes ballbusting or some such.
I assure you this is a fully fledged genuine request.


And if you ever need some one to listen to you or a shoulder to cry on,
Hope to hear from you soon,
as always, an admiring fan of your blog,
message or massage me,
Take care,

P.S. You have really cute 2nd & 3rd photos !!!
P.P.S. Your husband is really a lucky man.

Nov 082013

PolyamoryMy polyamory has taken the form of a multi-parent family for the past six years. We’ve made it through some rough stuff as a unit, but the other night we had a serious medical emergency that made me realize how good we are together. In the day-to-day it’s easy for me to see our challenges as a poly family, but it took a crisis to make it clear that the sacrifices we make to be together have a clear pay-off.

Polyamory can look lots of different ways, as every relationship is different. Our family consists of two legally married couples: me and Joel, and Harold and Melanie. Harold and I also consider ourselves married. Our ceremony was performed by Melanie and Joel, and witnessed by around 70 of our friends and relatives. The four of us came together as a family when we decided to have a child together. Over time, we have come to all parent the five children I gave birth to. The oldest is now launched in out in the world, largely thanks to Melanie’s support of her.

A few nights ago something happened that made me scared of losing everything.  The night started well. Harold and I fell asleep talking about how he is starting to show his age physically. I am fascinated to see the body I know better than my own begin to transform. I want to reassure him that I desire spending time with him in his body, no matter what kind of condition that body is in. We were also discussing estate planning and our fears that the other one will die first. I fell asleep with my head on his chest. We were feeling blessed in our intimacy.

Four hours later, Harold got up and went into the bathroom, suddenly feeling intensely dizzy and nauseous. I knew immediately that something was not right. A few minutes later he was lying on the floor, unable to move, sweating so profusely that a puddle formed in his belly button. His breathing was so labored that each rapid exhale ended in a moan. I called 911 and tried to get Melanie. Although I was unable to get her (her phone’s ringer was off), it still felt reassuring knowing that she was right around the corner.

I mobilized the older children to help guide the first-responders upstairs. Thankfully, I managed to keep any of the children from seeing Harold when he was so ill. No need to worry them more. It wasn’t until I had two ambulances full of paramedics in the house that I realized how ill suited we are for this sort of thing. With the crystal clarity of crisis management I saw how long it’s been since I cleaned the master bathroom and how Christopher Lowell lied and you really need more than 18 inches of walking space. Also, with two long flights of stairs, a gurney is not an option.

All this came to me in a place of total calm. I answered questions. I put my hand on Harold’s feet (the only part of him I could reach) to reassure him that I was there. He was still responding to questions, but he felt far away. I ran logistics in my head. I tried to call Melanie again. I asked questions about his status. I ignored my fear. I reassured the children and explained what was happening.

The medics moved Harold down to the bottom stairs, carrying him on a piece of canvas with handles. I’m not sure how. I watched them pass by me, Harold’s head and arm bouncing over the side. He was pale and didn’t know I was there. A sliver of fear made its icy way through my calm.

I left the children in capable hands of my teen, stopping to snuggle the little one for a moment. She slept through many men tromping through the room with all kinds of equipment. For a split second I wondered if she would ever see her daddy again. Forcing those thoughts away, I went down to the ambulance. Harold had passed the heart evaluation, which was a huge relief. A paramedic joked with me, skillfully relieving a bit of my tension. I went into the ambulance to let Harold know that I would go get Melanie and we would meet them at the hospital. He showed no signs of hearing me.

Once in the car, I called Joel. He was out of town, two hours away. I knew that he would drive to my side in a heartbeat, but right then all I needed was his strength and understanding. I shed a few tears in the safety of the dark, feeling his voice like a hug. He loves Harold too.

I went and woke up Melanie. It felt very surreal to have to explain to her. Harold and I have done many adventurous sexual things where I was afraid I would have to call 911 (and Melanie) and explain what happened: the coffee enema, the needle through his balls, ejaculating blood, and possible drowning by golden shower – to name a few. This was like my worst nightmares coming true, but I hadn’t even done anything this time! I didn’t express this to Melanie, but her presence was very reassuring. I had an ally, someone who had as much to lose as I did.

The whole drive to the emergency room, in the dark stormy rain, I felt exceptionally close to Harold. I talked out loud to him, telling him that we would be there soon, that he wasn’t alone, that he needed to stay on this plane. I could feel him as though he was in the car with me. I was both glad for his presence and alarmed that he wasn’t more with his body. I worried that he might die before I got there. Then I got lost on the way to the hospital.

Again, Melanie was very sweet and helped me get my bearings. As it was, we arrived just after Harold did. We swept into the reception area, empty except for a woman behind the desk. We announced our desire to see Harold. The woman brightened, “Is one of you his wife?” Melanie and I both paused and looked at each other. We’ve never rehearsed this situation. “I’m his wife and Evoë is another family member,” Melanie said smoothly. This meant that Melanie got to sign all of the paperwork and hand over the insurance card. I have one in my wallet too. We had to wait while they got Harold settled into a room. I was ready to kick down doors to get to him.

After a couple of minutes (that felt more like an eternity), they led us to his side. We naturally flanked him, petting him and speaking to him. It was hard to see him with his skin ashen, covered with tubes and wires. He opened his eyes a little and saw us both there. “I am so lucky,” he murmured. I bent down to his ear so he could hear me, “You are lucky. I know that it isn’t comfortable in your body right now, but you need to come back. Your body needs you. We need you.”

His system was in shock. They treated him for possible inner ear disturbances, dehydration, and hypothermia. At first the nurse seemed concerned, but after a while he started breathing better and his body temperature rose. Melanie and I comforted each other and talked to Harold about each step the medical staff wanted to take. The doctor was great. Actually, everyone we saw treated us with respect, even after Melanie explained that we were both Harold’s partners. We each had important information to contribute about Harold’s medical history.

At some point Melanie quietly apologized for calling me Harold’s partner because she didn’t thnk they would understand him having two wives. Partner is my preferred relationship designation because I’m not wild about being anyone’s wife, but I was deeply touched at her thoughtfulness. I know that she considers my connection to Harold to be as intimate and as valid as her own. This is such a gift to me. In that moment of crisis, her recognition made me feel seen and supported. I know that she will never try to shut me out of Harold’s life, even when she has a right to legally.

Harold bounced back remarkably swiftly. He went from unable to move to getting up to walk to the bathroom in about 90 minutes. I left to get our children off to school, leaning on Joel some more over the phone as I drove home. Harold and Melanie were home 45 minutes after I was. We still don’t really know what happened. He suspects it was some sort of poisoning. He says it’s the worst he’s ever felt in his life. He spent the day sleeping mostly and woke up this morning like always and went to work.

I am so thankful. I’m grateful that this is likely an anomaly. Now that the emergency is over, life has lost that keen edge and the surreal quality, my fears are bubbling up. I’m processing like crazy. What has distilled for me, is how much I value our family system. While I am incredibly good at handling a crisis, I don’t have to do it by myself any more. These bonds that we’ve formed, our shared values and commitments, how much we care about each other, how we’ve chosen to share our lives – this is real.

With the standard monogamous family, it tends to be more clear what will happen if someone is seriously ill or dies. For us, it’s not so obvious. Melanie and I have worked together to support a relationship where we share a husband and children, but would we take care of each other without those ties? I feel like we’ve somehow transformed from a chain of couples to a fierce cluster. We’ve got each other’s backs. These are people I trust down to the ground.

How we live seems normal for us. We’ve chosen a relationship model that is often very challenging. We invest a lot of time in communication with each other. Even so, at times each of us feels that our needs are not being met. We have our ups and downs, but we have thoughtfully and deliberately formed our lives together. We are polyamorous on purpose. We are an intentional family.

Nov 052013

JoelI feel like Joel and I are getting our groove back. We are rediscovering our sexual connection. It’s not like we ever stopped having sex, but many years back it went from a passionate flood to an affectionate stream. We’ve found other ways of staying intimate and expressing our love – lots of hugging and caresses, talking about everything, weekly dates, sharing experiences, and taking care of each other. We know that skin-to-skin contact releases oxytocin (the “love hormone”) even without sex. Last night something happened that made me believe that we can have the passionate flood back.

Joel has some medical problems that have affected his libido and sexual performance. Recently, he’s taken charge of his health with overwhelmingly positive results, including a new sex drive like WHOA! All of a sudden he’s beating off every night with a cock that’s way bigger than it’s been for a decade. Sex feels good again. I’m so happy for him because I know it’s hard to be missing that part of yourself, but I’ve also had a difficult time adjusting.

My own sexuality has undergone a lot of changes since we were first together. It would not feel comfortable for me to try to pick up where we left off. The intensity of Joel’s desire right now tends to feel pressuring rather than flattering. We have been attempting to figure out how we want to be sexually together. I’ve gotten used to our relationship functioning the way it has for the last 10 years, but I want to have every part of Joel.

Last night, during our date, Joel had a brilliant suggestion. He recently read an article in Vice about the Orgasmic Meditation (OM) movement and One Taste. The idea is that two people spend 15 minutes focused on the clitoris. The One Taste website says, “It’s a meditation, equally powerful for both partners – only the object of focus is the clitoris.” They have some rules about what you are supposed to do, but Joel and I did what felt right to us.

It took me some time to relax into 15 minutes of pure clitoral stimulation. I wanted my vibrator so I could just come. I wanted to touch Joel’s cock which responded to his finger on my clit pretty much immediately. I really wanted to get fucked already. When I let go of all of that, I realized that I have never given Joel a guided tour of my clitoris before. He didn’t know that the very tip is super sensitive and likes a light tickle-like touch (maybe even a fingernail). When that got to be too much I showed him the bundle of nerves at the top of the hood that wants firm back-and-forth pressure. For 15 minutes we both connected with my body and that made me feel very open and loving with Joel.

I was right on the edge of orgasm for the whole time, without ever coming. I looked at him kneeling beside me with an expression between a blissful smile and a superior sneer on his face. It was obvious that he was experiencing OM as a Top, which made me laugh. Some things don’t change. I didn’t feel like I needed to bottom, but I appreciated that he was getting those needs met within the context of OM. At first 15 minutes seemed like an eternity, but as I got into meditative space, it was not nearly long enough.

All about the clitorisI was sort of disappointed when the timer went off. Then I realized that we were in a perfect position to play around. Joel’s cock is super sensitive, which is great for experiencing sensations, but I have to be careful not to let him come before I’m ready. We focused on my orgasm first – another teaching moment. Oral sex pushed each of us to the edge before we gave in to desire with some amazing doggy-style fucking. We finished with one more orgasm for me, assisted by some incredible nipple stimulation from Joel.

We are back in the groove! Our sex wasn’t particularly kinky, yet it pushed us in ways I couldn’t have predicted. Amazingly, this simple Orgasmic Meditation technique opened a door for us that I couldn’t even find. This gives us a tool to use if we need help finding our connection. I’m relieved and hopeful, finally seeing that the sexual relationship I’ve wanted is possible. It seems so obvious now that I don’t know why I never guessed: the way into my soul is through the clitoris.


Nov 012013

Beautiful morningA few days ago Harold (my partner in life, love, and hare-brained scheming) turned 65.  He’s not much for celebrating, but we wanted to do something special. Of course we wanted to make love, but what else? We couldn’t think of just the right thing until the day before. I don’t remember now, how tattoos came up. Initially it was sort of a dare or a jest, then we started talking about tattoos as a form of submission to each other – how cool it would be to channel the energy of pain and excitement into sexual energy.

What if I gave my pain to him while I was being marked by his symbol? What if he actually brought me to orgasm while I was being tattooed? We were intrigued by the possibilities, but neither of us was sure there was a permanent mark we were willing to take on. We had feverish conversations throughout the eve of his birthday. Optimistically I made us an appointment.

The next morning we got together early. I wanted to shower and spend some time connecting, so I started up some Janis Joplin and both of us squeezed into a shower clearly made for one. I adore hot water and slick soapy skin. Things were starting to heat up.

With his cock hard in my hand, I asked Harold what he wanted sexually. Like normal, he temporized, telling me to just go with what I felt was right. I’ve been pushing him more to think about and vocalize the things he desires, so I didn’t let him off the hook.

Going downHe began to talk about me punishing him somehow. I was in an excited sexy place, so it took me a few minutes to realize that the energy had changed between us. It stopped feeling sexy. I immediately centered myself and opened up to Harold. I sat him down on the toilet seat and straddled him, wrapping my arms around him. I could feel some pain from his childhood there – something that I had triggered when we fought  last week. We talked through it until it felt okay for us both. We do this kind of thing a lot and it makes for much better sex.

We walked down to the cabin in the glorious morning sunshine, wearing only shoes and coats. The chill air on my thighs and the thrill of being naked outdoors started to make me wet. There was already a fire going in the cabin. We proceeded to have some of the hottest sex we’ve had in a long time. He went down on me until I came. I strung him up in cuffs and did wicked things to his nipples and balls. I pushed him more than I ever have before and we both reached new heights.

IMG_3613When neither of us could wait another second, I bent over in front of him and let him fuck me from behind, his arms still suspended above his head. This is one of my favorite positions. I bent over the bed, where I had all of my tools spread out. He pounded into me. I rocked forward with each thrust, my breath coming out in harsh gasps, escalating to full throated moans, followed shortly by Harold’s ecstatic bellows.

Evidently my head was bumping my phone in the final throes of Harold’s birthday sex and Siri heard our vocalizations. Her voice surprised us, “I do not understand ‘who, who, who, who.’ I could search the Internet for you.” I laughed hysterically when I figured out what was going on.

From there we drove to to get tattoos, anticipation and anxiety sharing equal space. We knew what we wanted but we weren’t sure where. We talked through the positives and negatives of every possible location. Eventually we went with what felt right for each of us.

Harold and his tattooHarold went first. You have to understand that he’s never wanted a tattoo before. The fact that he celebrated turning 65 by getting his first tattoo is very inspirational to me. I think he enjoyed the process. He got spacey in a charming way, holding my hand. Afterwards, he was proud and blissed out. I love him so much.

This was not my first dance, but I was shocked by how intense the pain was in the tender flesh of my upper stomach. It got better over time, but initially there was no way that I could have sexualized that sensation. I’m just not a masochist. What I did do, over and over, was send the energy to Harold, giving him my pain, taking his mark. He held my hand and touched my face.

After, we were so high on endorphins. I felt amazing. We had so much fun.

We went home to my darling husband, who had prepared an incredible and gorgeous conch and squid ceviche just for Harold. Joel had even managed to find Harold’s favorite alcoholic beverage, Punt è Mes, which is rare in these parts. (Have I mentioned that sometimes it is unbelievably awesome to have two partners who care about each other?) The children had all made birthday cards and gotten him flowers. More glowy happiness!

Heart and delta tattooHarold spent some time talking with his wife and I put the kids to bed. We fell into each other’s arms and the softness of bed. Tired happiness gave way to gentle kisses. deep probing kisses became grinding gyrations. Without any thought we were making love again. Happy birthday Baby and many more…