Dec 312013
 

Evoe new years eveCongratulations, we’ve reached the end of yet another year! To celebrate, I’ve put together a list of our highlights of 2013. There have been some ups and downs, but overall I feel blessed.

  1. Thoughts on rape – We started out 2013 with a very serious discussion on rape, responding to the Republican’s war on women and the ridiculous arguments about what constitutes rape. This post stresses how important it is to acknowledge feelings of violation, regardless of how rape is defined. Heavy stuff, but very important to us.
  2. Blood, life, sex – I can’t think of anything that pushes my primal sexual urges more than blood. Playing with blood makes me feel wild, dark, and intensely alive. This is not a post for the squeamish or those triggered by cutting, but it does tap into a powerful sexual edge.
  3. Piece of ass – Sometimes I flat out objectify the people I love. These photos of Harold’s ass make me incredibly happy!
  4. Spontaneous – As Spring started to heat up, I found myself in some pretty hot spontaneous sex situations. Ever just feel turned on all of the time? Ever have sex someplace unusual?
  5. STD/STI – Sudden anxiety about having a sexually transmitted disease or infection overwhelmed me in May. I went through huge emotions trying to get what I needed from the medical system. Thankfully, all of my test results were negative, but the whole process taught me a lot about myself and encouraged me to take my risks seriously.
  6. Blogiversary – We celebrated our 3rd blogiversary on June 1st with a retrospective of each year, our favorite reviews, an explanation of my sex blogging philosophy. Then we threw our very first erotic image contest! Harold started us off with one of my favorite images of all time.
  7. Let the rain come – Summer heat and the stresses of life started to get me down, but we managed to escape into the woods. Huge raindrops broke the oppressive humidity as Harold slowly made love to me, gently opening me up to some of the most intensely honest sex I’ve ever had.
  8. Seattle Erotic Art Festival – I had two images in this year’s SEAF. Attending the festival was some of the best fun I had all year, and a big boost to my identifying as an artist. I’m proud of this achievement!
  9. Scent – I adore this image and the words that go with it. We are animals and scent is important. I love my natural armpits and the way Harold nestles in.
  10. Golden showers – I was surprised that this post took off, but it must speak to people about exploring fetishes. I was very forthcoming about my reactions to Harold’s request that I pee in his mouth. So much so that I wondered if I ought to post it!
  11. UR so SXY – In the years that I have been blogging my sex life I have received numerous communications from people looking for something. I distilled these messages into a poem.
  12. The 12 days of Sexmas – We got into the holiday spirit this year.

Best wishes for the new year to all of you. May 2014 see the realization of all of your dreams (in bed)!

Dec 262013
 

Wrapped in lightsI’ve discovered that the normal holiday stresses are greatly alleviated by lots of sex. All the orgasms put me in a floaty, happy place full of love and tolerance. Whiny, overexcited little children? Let’s cuddle and tell stories. Partner’s anxiety spilling over? Oodles of hugs and kisses. It’s all good. The best gift I got this year was the space and time to make love as much as I wanted because it made every aspect of my holiday deeply satisfying.

It started Christmas Eve morning when I was sitting in bed working on my computer. Joel leaned over and said, “I want to go down on you for about 45 minutes. You don’t even have to put down your coffee, just lift your laptop.” Well of course I put my computer down. And it certainly wasn’t 45 minutes before I begged him to put his fingers inside me and use the vibrator. As soon as I came, I wanted him to fuck me. I came again when he did. Harold walked through the bedroom a minute later and we talked about how nice it would be for the three of us to go away again.

Harold and I took advantage of the holiday by having a longer date than normal. We’ve been getting 2 or 3 hours (for which I am extremely grateful), but Christmas Eve we were able to get 6 hours – 6 whole hours of debauchery! In the little cabin, on the soft down comforter, in front of the roaring fire, we slowly melted into each other. We made love in that place where our bodies were merely receptive units for sensation, our egos on vacation, our emotions perfectly in sync. We fucked in waves, sweat covering our skin, then stopped to kiss tenderly, or massage each other’s muscles, or engage in oral sex. I milked his prostate to take his jism then fucked him some more.

He gave me the best spanking of my life. He turned me over his knee and placed the vibrator against my clit. As his gentle pats built to stinging swats then firm paddling, I entered a drifty meditative space. I could have done that forever, it felt so good. Harold started proposing marriage to me. I laughed and said that we are already married. He pleaded for me to marry him, saying, “If you don’t say yes, I’ll stop.” In that frame of mind, I couldn’t puzzle out what I was supposed to do so he would keep spanking. (I still haven’t given him an answer on the proposal, but he knows I’m his.)

We rejoined the family just in time for the amazing dinner that Joel had prepared, the excitement of the children, and my grown-up daughter joining us. We had fabulous fun together as a family. We ate, drank, played games, snuggled, and laughed. I often feel exceedingly lucky in the life I have created for myself. This is the first year that I haven’t been a total stress monster about the holidays, trying to make sure every detail is perfect. It’s the first year I felt like it was safe to just be me and not worry about inadvertently offending my metamour with how much I adore our shared husband. It feels great.

Christmas morning, as usual, I was the first person awake. I love stockings, love the Santa mythos. It’s my favorite part of the holidays and really the only reason we celebrate Christmas. By 5:00 am my son was awake and quivering with excitement. We managed to put him off for an hour and a half so everyone else could wake up a bit, but I love him for being 12 and still believing in the magic. That sense of wonder and excitement is something I nurture and cherish in my children.

I totally believe in Santa. That guy brought me a good webcam so I can make naughty videos, and a bunch of sexy new panties, and a TENS unit so I can treat my sore muscles (and/or zap his balls until he comes). I can’t decide if he thought I was naughty or nice.

After Santa presents it was time to exchange family presents, but I needed to run home (just around the corner) and take care of the animals. I asked Harold to come with and keep me company. We took care of the chickens and the dogs. We wondered what things we should grab and take back with us. Then suddenly, I was totally turned on and we fucked quickly and efficiently, bringing me a couple of much appreciated orgasms.

Passionate kissLater, after the presents were all opened and before more family showed up, there was a natural lull. The children played with their new things or watched a movie. I tried to get the youngest to nap, but instead ended up between both of my guys, the little one off to play quietly with her brothers. I think I must be a naughty girl. My partners both fucked me, one after the other so I was loaded with come. There was something about that sweaty, giggly, cozy, semi-secretive sex that makes me so happy. It makes me feel like I belong to both of them, without either of them having any issues with the other, and without competition. I love them both and they love me. And they even love each other!

I spent the afternoon working on the kids’ gingerbread house and taking the older children to fire rifles in the woods. We played more games and ate dinner. I so rarely have unstructured time. It feels incredible to just do what I feel like doing. Not surprisingly, what I want to do is show the people that I care about how much I love them. What a gift to make love when I feel like it! What a joy to spend time with my family just having fun! I am full of gratitude for the best Christmas I’ve ever had.

Dec 232013
 

Evoë on datingI never thought I’d see the day, but I actually met a man I’m interested in dating on OKCupid. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to date. I’ve never really done it before — what I’m used to is letting friendships evolve over time into sexual and/or romantic relationships. As a result, I’m finding my current interest rather excruciating. Getting to know each other is fascinating, and playing with our mutual attraction is exciting, but we haven’t earned each other’s trust yet. I’m tearing myself up inside over this guy with whom I’ve spent exactly 90 minutes in person.

I’m really taken with him – he’s intelligent, very physically fit, good looking with a gorgeous smile, spiritual without being religious, a good communicator, and deeply respectful. I was impressed when I asked him for more photos and he didn’t send me a cock shot. Perhaps my favorite thing is that he’s very sexual without seeming desperate or sticky. He wants a chance to explore his sexuality and this appeals to me on many levels. I get so much pleasure out of helping people open up and showing them new things.

But not having established trust is getting to me. I don’t know how to find a good balance. My desire wants to just go for it, make a sexual connection, and use it to build trust later. The rest of me is freaking out a bit. I’ve been through date rape, and I certainly don’t want to put myself in that position again.

I sense that he’s not being totally forthcoming with me. I can’t find him in a Google search, which may mean that he’s being private online or it may mean that he isn’t who he says he is. He told me that he wouldn’t want me to blog about him because he likes his secrecy. I’m violating that request right now because it’s essential to me to be able to talk about my feelings and my process. I’m thinking about being alone with him, vulnerable and intimate, without really knowing who he is. How do I know he can be held accountable? What is a reasonable amount of faith before you have a solid foundation of trust?

He tells me he’s married, been married for over 20 years. They’ve just recently opened their marriage. This could be a very good thing for me, since I am so busy with my family that I have very little time and energy to give to another relationship. But here is my warning bell: he and his wife evidently have a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. He doesn’t want to meet my other partners and he won’t be telling his wife about us. He seemed confused by me trying to explain that I tell my husbands everything. Actually, I am unlikely to share his private confessions, but I would certainly be telling them about my emotional experience and the overall shape of the relationship. I don’t want to have to keep one part of my life separate from the others, and I doubt I’m even capable of it. I am profoundly suspicious of anything that must be kept secret. How, for example, do I know that I’m not causing harm to his wife?

There is also the body hair issue. After it became clear that we are attracted to each other, he asked me if I shave below the neck. While I’ve shaved in the past (body, head, everything at one time or another), I am currently really enjoying my body in a natural state. I love my hairy armpits. I trim my pubic hair, but I won’t be getting a Brazilian any time soon. I think I look ridiculous with a bald pussy and I hate going down on someone all stubbly. I don’t find shaved genitals attractive in general, but I do respect people’s right to do things they like with their body.

For him, however, this seems to be a deal breaker – he says he can’t get turned on if his partner has body hair below the neck. In his favor, he has wanted to know why it seems important to me not to shave. He is respectfully waiting to see what I want to do. Do I want to modify my body to make him happy? Don’t I want him to like me the way I am?

I suspect he may want clandestine sex. An affair. I understand the allure of something forbidden, a kind of exciting shame-fueled sexual adventure. I understand the attraction to the fetish-like taboo of secretive sex, but this is so not me. He says that he’s interested in my passion for normalizing sex, so I’m curious to see if he’s willing to step out of his comfort zones to meet me. But how far should I go to meet him? Where is the right balance between pleasing a prospective lover and holding your own boundaries?

I’ve been enjoying our interactions – mostly texting or sexting. I’m having fun! Sadly, this week is super busy. I had to cancel the second meeting we had scheduled because I am so overwhelmed with holidays, work, and child wrangling. Since I broke that appointment, I haven’t heard from him. Maybe he’s giving me space in this crazy chaotic time. Maybe he’s given up on me. Maybe, like me, he’s trying to figure out how to trust.

I’m not sure how to do this dating thing. I’ve had sex with strangers in the heat of the moment, but never this negotiation of preferences and boundaries, dreaming of steamy relationship potential while trying to navigate all the risk factors. Figuring out public transportation in a foreign country has caused me less stress than this. And yet… I want him. I want him to meet my challenge.