I made love with two hot men while a third sexy man took care of the children and cooked me amazing Thai food! I’ve been thinking about that all day while contemplating how amazingly awesome my life is. I mean, really, I am in awe that I have somehow done something so right as to have three beautiful people doting on my pleasure. And this leads me to think about the fact that sex never happens in a vacuum. There is always a backstory, always a context.
When you watch porn or read erotica, the context is often stripped away so that only the sex remains. You might get a few clues about who the characters are and what happened to bring them together, but mostly it’s just titillating sex. If sex isn’t part of an ongoing conversation, it becomes something separate, maybe even secret. I’m realizing that part of what I do as an educator is give sex the same weight as everything else in life. I talk about sex as much as I talk about food or books or health issues.
Actually, health issues were kind of my context for making love yesterday. Yesterday morning I had a needle biopsy to check for cancer cells in my thyroid. (Don’t worry, it came back benign!) I was pretty anxious about having needles poked into my throat, but I had so much support. (If you read my post about why I practice polyamory, you will know how important this is to me.) I had Harold with me and lots of love over text.
I chose to do this procedure, but it still triggered me. Needles are invasive. Having to hold completely still was unbearable. The sensation of my skin, my protective covering, being breached while I sat helpless felt like rape. Then at one point, the sensation of the needle in my thyroid made me wonder if this is how it feels for Harold when I put a needle through his balls. That sexy thought got me past a difficult moment!
After that ordeal I felt super strong, but I also wanted to be wrapped up in love. I needed to let go of all of the tensions and anxieties of the morning. I longed to be caressed and covered in kisses. When I got home, Joel was there with his big strong arms to hug me and hold me. With his love as a solid foundation, I went off to spend the afternoon with Harold and Woody.
This was the first time I had been naked with Woody. It’s always exciting getting to know a new lover, figuring out what makes them gasp, letting them explore your body. It was surprisingly fluid for a first time, especially after we worked out that the men were okay touching each other, rather than it just being me in the middle. In fact, the men seemed to really enjoy each other, which makes me all kinds of happy.
One of my favorite sensations in the whole universe is being in a tangled naked pile, hands and mouths exploring whatever flesh happens to be presenting. I let myself be purely in the moment, wholly focused on pleasure. It ceases to be about individuals or ego, and becomes supercharged sensation. It’s amazing.
We mostly did sensation play. I adore how responsive Woody is to my fingernails, or the Wartenberg wheel, or electostim. He shuttered in pleasure in Harold’s arms as I applied each kind or stimulus to his back. It was delicious!
Another one of my favorite moments was spooning into Woody’s arms while he was sitting. We were all talking, then he spread my legs and held my labia open for Harold to lick at my clit. I liked that a lot! They asked me how I was doing and I admitted that being restrained was turning me on. I struggled for a few moments, enjoying the “forced” oral sex. Amazingly hot!
We made love for hours – sweet, rough, intimate, loud, wet, sweaty, slow, intense love. This process let me take back my body from the medical vehicle of the morning. Every kiss and caress I consented to was validation that I owned my body. Every act I instigated verified that I am whole and unbroken. If I can love, I am powerful.
Equanimity restored, we returned to Joel and the chaos of home. It is such a joy be relaxed and happy and come home to the people I love. Joel was producing incredible scents on the stove and the children were excited to share about their days. Having the freedom of sexual expression makes me such a better partner and mother.
That’s my context – mother, partner, lover, friend, human – with faults, and problems, and worries – and I am blessed, beyond my ability to imagine, with people who have my back. And are willing to help me come at a moment’s notice.