Sunday I posted a photo series called Room Service that my friend Kyle and I put together. We kind of went with a fantasy idea I had about hotel sex, gender, and some power dynamics. I am pleased with the results. It’s fun to play with fantasies and Kyle is awesome. We’ve been friends for a few years and helped each other through some rough spots. We like each other and trust each other and it shows in our fantasy pics.
The amusing thing about posting about a fantasy is that Kyle and I have been talking about how sexy authenticity is. It’s really fucking hot to be your whole self with your partner. So often, in the past, I have found myself only bringing forward the parts of myself I think my partner wants. I felt like polyamory was the only way to get all my needs met, because I would never be able to find one person who could meet me everywhere.
It turns out that I was wrong. It’s terrifying to be my whole self, all of the time, but after trying it out on Harold and realizing that the world didn’t end, it’s gotten easier. Now that I can be authentically me with one person, I’m trying it out with everyone. When I connect with someone, it is solid and fulfilling. It is seriously fucking hot. Authenticity is sexy. It just is. I like it in myself, and I like it in my partners. Authenticity lets me connect with people in ways I could never dream up!
What does authenticity look like? Not holding back when you have something to say. Being brave enough to be honest about your desires. Letting all of your voices speak. Challenging your fears, connecting to the people who move you. Don’t let people give you less than everything they have.
So let me tell you what it was really like when Kyle and I spent a morning together in a hotel room. Harold took pictures, they didn’t spontaneously happen. I was excited and a little nervous. The artist part of myself was gauging details and angles – creating a scene. I wanted our shoot to say something about gender, but also play with some standard stereotypes. I was packing in my pantyhose and that felt strange and pretty powerful.
In between takes and all through the morning, we talked openly and honestly about all kinds of things: polyamory, families, gender, transitioning, sex, friendship. We were hilariously silly. We jumped on the bed, had a jerk-off competition with our strap-ons, attempted CBT on a dildo, snuggled, and giggled. We were authentic with each other. Even when shooting the fantasy pics, we were authentic, which is why it looks sweet and intimate rather than like anonymous D/s.
I guess what I’m saying is this: bring your whole self. Don’t ever assume that what you are seeing is the whole story. Find real connections, inside and out. And have fun!
(Click on images above to enlarge.)