Evoë’s Blog

Feb 242014
 
Evoë Thorne

Evoë Thorne, Sex Maven

This is my personal blog, with all of my kinks and silliness. Just my whole sex life, open and honest. Other people enjoy other things, and any sex act practiced by consenting adult is a-okay.

I’m here because I love sex. I really LOVE sex. I love to do it and I love to talk about it! I find it fascinating how different and how the same people’s sex lives are. What I adore is the beautiful intensity of connection between people, however they get there.

As a writer, artist, educator, activist, parent, partner, and friend, my goal is to open people up to feeling empowered in (and by) their sexuality. I dream of eliminating the fear that seems to permeate sexual culture.

I want to change the world. One orgasm at a time if I have to. Can I count on yours?

Evoë Thorne

Apr 202014
 

I find myself seeking a sensation that will put me over the top – something that feels a little dirty, yet incredibly sensuous. I am masturbating and I long to drive myself crazy with extra stimulation that won’t make me come immediately. I reach round back. With my fingers wet from sliding in and out of my cunt, I slide along the crease of my ass. Though the sphincter tightens in response to my teasing, a single finger presses inside, then works in and out. It feels good.

I find a way to work it all: g-spot, clitoris, nipples, and asshole. This is intense. Amazing. Too much to hold out. I orgasm like crazy. All of the muscles spasm around my fingers. I come hard. 

Seeking

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Sinful Sunday

Apr 172014
 

Right after spankingOkay, so I’ve been doing some complaining lately about how Harold isn’t doing the things I’d like him to sexually – namely, Topping me. Harold, I’m sorry for being such an instant gratification grrrl and not letting you come into power dynamics on your own. I think you are getting it now. Totally getting it. Especially the spanking.

I never knew spanking could be so much fun! Once years ago, Joel tried to spank me and I jumped up, ran away, and locked myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. After that, I just sort of figured it wasn’t my thing. But Harold and I have slowly worked up to the full spanking he gave me the other day. And he Topped me! He held me over his knees with a vibrator on my clit and whacked me over and over until I was squirming and screaming. He left marks on my ass. I thought I was going to die from pleasure.

And the fun continues… My bottom is very sore. Every time I sit down I am reminded of being bent over Harold’s knees. The pain is a sweet reminder of our love. Every time I hug him, he kneads the sensitive flesh of my ass, just to remind me that I belong to him. He grins when I suck in my breath.

He seems freer with my body right now, sitting with his arm around my shoulder, hand cupping my breast. I love it. I finally feel like he is taking what I am giving to him. He is meeting me in this place where I am unsure, but full of lust. Darling, my heart (and my ass) are yours!

Apr 092014
 

Bound and tiedA friend once told me that you can’t teach someone to be your Top. It would be like instructing a comedian on a stand-up routine – you would always know the punchlines before they were uttered. I do understand this point of view, but I also believe that you should ask for what you want in a relationship. Everyone needs time and opportunity to develop sexual skills.

For a long time I’ve wanted Harold to take on the role of a Top, Master, or Daddy with me. Just occasionally, just when we are in that mood. We’ve been building our sexual relationship for years – building trust, releasing our fears, aligning our energies. We have awesome hot sex. I’ve enjoyed pushing Harold past his perceived limits in ways that turned us both on like crazy. Now I want him to do the same for me. I’m pushing him to find his inner Top so we can find new limits.

It’s working. Lately he’s been confident enough in us both to mix elements of power play into our lovemaking. It even comes out in the casual flirting/foreplay we engage in all the time. He will grip my face in both hands and kiss me hard, pull my hair, put his hand on my throat – all things that get me going. We do more spanking. He instructs me to do something and, “make Daddy proud.” We explore power differentials through casual role-play. So far we aren’t doing full sessions, but it lets us both get comfortable with uncomfortable roles.

Why would I want to have sex that made me uncomfortable? Because it’s super hot. Because I have deep dark fantasies. I’ve spent a lot of time looking at what arouses me, and power play is right up at the top of the list. I don’t like to feel pain (mostly) and I don’t want to be humiliated (usually), but I want a partner who can take charge of me. With my consent, of course. I don’t want to submit in a way that breaks my spirit, but to serve in a way that allows me to excel. I long for approval. I want to be seduced, swept off my feet. I want a partner who will hold me so I can let go. I need the energy to be just right.

Sound hard? Oh hell yeah. Especially since I get in my own way of getting Topped. Sometimes I feel crushed that I can’t seem to get what I want. I desire very specific sensations or emotions, but I am entirely vague on how they might be achieved. I’m so ready to feel let down that I am hardly able let Harold take me in his own way. I am guilty of Topping from the bottom, when I really want Harold to take the reins.

ankle bondageYesterday was a breakthrough of sorts, but extremely painful for us both. We started to make love, cautiously feeling our way through a power dynamic that Harold led. (This is huge. I think it’s the first time Harold has taken charge of a sexual encounter between us.) I was feeling the energy the way that I want it, opening up under his touch, and feeling owned in a loving way. The excitement was turning me on and obviously affecting Harold as well, if the massive hard-on leaking pre-cum was any indication.

Then something in the energy changed. Later Harold said that he sensed I was in a lot of emotional pain and it halted the sexual energy for him. What I remember is Harold getting intense and dead serious. He looked in my eyes and demanded that I give myself to him. Then he was silent and staring. For a long time. In sub space I had no idea what to do. I was already giving myself to him. I gave everything, even my pain. Why wasn’t he taking it?

We both ended up pretty freaked out, but we handled it really well. Harold brought me back into a loving and neutral position where he gently patted me on the back. We were able talk through everything in a reasonable, if somewhat passionate way. I managed to get across the idea that when he Topped me I needed clear instructions and a chance to succeed. I might not always be able to complete tasks, but I have to be able feel successful sometimes.

Bondage reflectionsThe whole difficult experience brought into stark reality for us the fact that we need to work through this somehow if we want to continue being as close as we are. I would be deeply resentful if there was a part of me that Harold rejected. Part of me wondered why I was messing up the good thing that we share by demanding that we explore a part of my sexuality that is (probably) very small. But wanting to submit is a part of me, in a place where I feel ashamed. I don’t want to carry that shame into my relationship. We both see the dilemma and we want to share everything.

So, despite it being painful for both of us, despite feeling slightly ludicrous, we are committed to learning how to connect in a D/s dynamic. It goes  a little against how I normally approach sex – following the energy to it’s natural conclusion. I’m not used to having to work so hard to fulfill a fantasy, but I’ve met too many people who did not feel they could talk to their partners about what they wanted in bed. I have to believe that the payoff here is going to be huge, or at least that it is worth unraveling this stuck energy.

Apr 072014
 

On the beachI suspect that, at some point, everyone has to look at how sex defines their life. How do I identify as a sexual (or non-sexual) person? Where does sex stand in my hierarchy of values? What is sex anyway?

Harold and I went away for the weekend and we discussed many of these concepts because I’ve been struggling with thyroid problems again. My sexuality as I have known it is on hiatus. I wrote a post about thyroid function and sexuality a while ago. When I reread that list of possible symptoms for hypothyroidism, I realize that I have been experiencing every single one. If I look back I can recognize a very gradual decline of my thyroid function over the past 3-6 months, with the last month being extremely difficult.

We needed some time away by ourselves. My extreme fatigue and lack of desire make it hard for us to just flow together sexually the way that we are used to doing. I’m missing that sensation of immediate lust that feels like sap rising in tree or riding a carnival ride – a thrill of warmth that starts in my cunt and moves up to my heart. Intellectually, I am still very interested in making love, I just don’t feel it. It takes more time for me to get my mind, body, and emotions aligned so sex flows. 

When sex stops being easy for me, I am forced to examine all of my assumptions about who I am as a person and in a relationship. Harold and I spent a lot of time talking, as I tearfully wondered if I would ever really want to have sex again (which is kind of silly because we then went on to have lots of sex, but I needed to examine my fears). We sat on the beach and I poured out my heart, asking him if he would still love me and want me if we never had sex again. How would we connect? And slowly, I remembered all of the ways that we love each other. We make love in many ways that I would not consider “sex” and while I adore our sexual connection, it was a relief to realize that I will not lose him if I cannot recover my lust.

Leave your hat onTo be clear, the only person pressuring me to be sexual is me. I get really frustrated that this isn’t something I can think my way through. I get scared that I might never feel that thrill and transcendence through sex again. Much of this weekend was spent processing a loss I don’t even believe is permanent. But sex is strong like that.

Sometimes just knowing that a “no” is okay, lets me say yes. Knowing that I didn’t have to perform sexually in any particular way freed me to simply be present in the moment. I knew that Harold would meet me no matter what I brought to our lovemaking. This is an amazing gift and it’s what keeps us together.

For any couple that’s having troubles connecting sexually, I have this advice: get naked, get in bed together, and talk. It’s okay to touch and snuggle. Look into each other’s eyes. It works for me every time. Being naked is vulnerable, and skin to skin contact makes me feel closer as oxytocin is released through this basic intimacy. As our bodies, minds, and emotions sync up internally and with each other, we naturally flow into lovemaking.

We made love in a tiny little loft, warming our bodies after sitting on the cold beach. We kissed slowly, then more urgently, opening to each other. Hands explored flesh, squeezing and caressing. I lay on top of him, feeling him harden against me. We took turns going down on each other, then switched to 69 because we had to have everything all at once. I wanted to take him with my strap-on, but we got caught up in the moment. I had to feel him inside me, just for a minute…

Sex still isn’t easy for me right now. I normally orgasm in about a minute and am capable of multiple orgasms, but we have to really work for me to cum right now. It feels great to be riding that edge for so long, but sometimes I just want to get there already! The fact that the batteries were failing on my vibrator didn’t help. I worried that Harold would get bored or tired, but he was perfectly willing to do whatever for as long as I was enjoying it.

Fields of springThe next morning, I took a shower while Harold worked on his laptop. I ended up masturbating, wanting to see how my body responded to my own touch. It took a lot of fantasizing, but I was eventually able to get myself off. Immediately, I started wishing that Harold was there (never mind that we were in a tiny cabin and he could hear everything), and feeling resentful that he didn’t care to be sexual with me (never mind that I had told him to go ahead and work and I hadn’t invited him to shower).  I had to laugh at myself for being so passive-agressive, then went and seduced him into fucking me right there in the kitchen. He didn’t mind at all.

I’m glad that we had time for me to examine the recent changes in my sexuality. We had awesome sex, but I am most grateful to spend time together doing relaxed things – talking, shopping, walking on the beach, drinking lambic out of the bottle like teenagers, looking at flowers, watching a movie, napping, and sharing meals. It’s the first time we’ve gone away and I brought my crocheting rather than, say, a trample table.

I don’t feel kinky. I don’t feel like much of a Top. I don’t feel particularly sexy. In fact, I feel sick a lot of the time. I am not up for wild rodeo sex, but that doesn’t mean that I am not sexual. I still want to kiss, to be close, to share dreams. If I think about it, I still want to orgasm. I want to connect with my partners. Everything is an effort right now, but sex is worth the effort.

Flip offIf I never feel that hot lust again, it will be like losing a limb. For now, I am content redefining my sexuality to make wherever I am the perfect place to be. It’s a relief to know that I don’t have to be crazy kinky to be loved. I happen to like pushing my sexual limits most of the time, but that isn’t the whole of my identity. I can define sex any way I like.

Mar 232014
 

elustheaderPhoto courtesy of Understanding Flutterby

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #57? Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

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Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Sadists

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

 

Erotic Fiction

The Watchman
Short Story: Tucked Away
Property’s Progress
Glass Houses
Proud and Prejudged
You’ll Do…. Now Step Closer.
Pet Ballerina
Superotica Valentine – Day 7
Get In Me, Daddy
White Gloves

Blogging

Posting a photo a day!
How to Handle Your Junk in Public
My first trick on a corner
Mid Morning Musings ~ The Catharsis of Pain
Francesca Woodman Inspired Self Portraits
Eve’s Quandary – Blogging Between Fig Leaves
What I Be

Sex News,Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Why 3 out of 4 young women don’t masturbate
An Open Letter To Sex Toy Manufacturers
Daily Photo – Day 1: Full Disclosure

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Fantasies, deep and dark
Fun with ropes
Where we started from
Kink from a humbler perspective
To Err Is Human, To Punish May be Advisable
Reader Q&A: How does a sub say ‘no’?
Finding Balance

Erotic Non-Fiction

Suspended
Sister, Oh Sister
My First Trick
This one’s for you
Angela’s orgasm 
His Rope Show
Finger Banging With Daddy
Feeding Submission
Valentine’s Day Diary
Balance at the Boat Launch
Rope, Rhino Cock, and a Balancing Act
Exquisite

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Monogamous, Kinky Couple-Friends
As Lust Fades
A discussion with Mom
When Did You Realize You Were Dominant?
How to Fake an Orgasm
How To Increase Your Libido Without Cialis

Writing About Writing

Talking Dirty
Fiction! Thank You!

Poetry

I’m Willing To Earn The Right
Bad habits

Mar 092014
 

FlirtIt’s too bad that I don’t have a fetish for dirty linens because that’s what we faced when we arrived at our rental cabin – nothing had been cleaned. Dirty towels sat piled at the foot of the bed, which was rumpled and obviously not fresh. The thermostat said it was 50 degrees. It was late at night and Harold and I had driven for miles to get there. Not to be discouraged, we tossed everything into the wash, turned on the heat, and snuggled up on the couch.

I had gloried in fantasies of what we would do when we arrived, what manner of depravity I would inflict on Harold. I had lovingly packed our toy bag with needle-play paraphernalia and an assortment of rope. Harold’s breath caught in his throat when I told him of my plans to take him – I would tie him up, blindfold him, put in earbuds with a special playlist, overload his senses, bring him to the edge of orgasm over and over, put needles in sensitive places, come on his face while he was helpless…

But it wasn’t to be. At least not that night. It’s funny how things work. I have such an active fantasy life. Being able to imagine pleasure is awesome, as long as I don’t get too hung up on things happening exactly as envisioned. I’ve learned to trust my instincts. Going with the flow of erotic energy is always very rewarding.

When we woke up the next morning, the attraction between us was practically magnetic. We don’t wake up in bed together very often so it felt kind of amazing, maybe like waking up next to your favorite movie star crush. We smiled and gazed at one another in adoration. The room was still cool, but we explored each other’s bodies under the safety of three comforters. He tied me to the bed.

By the windowI’m not sure how we manage to know each other so well and still surprise each other with the things we do in bed. Harold can bring me to orgasm in minutes. He knows exactly how much pressure to apply and where. He knows when to tweak a nipple hard or how to make me beg for the vibrator. This time, I asked him to talk dirty to me (not a usual request) and he knew exactly what I wanted to hear, how to make me come hard around his fingers with his words and conjured images. I am lucky to have this experienced lover who is happy to excite me with new experiences.

Of course, it goes both ways. I meant to draw out the erotic sensations of sexual bonding as much as possible, but sometimes fucking just feels too good. I was just going to tease a little with penetration. We moved between positions and I stayed in control, not letting either of us climax, until he got behind me. I love being fucked doggy-style. This time I even had the vibrator on my clitoris. I knew I was fast approaching orgasm and I was beyond caring. Harold told me he was about to come, but by the time I was able to process that information, I was spasming around his cock and then he lost control.

It’s difficult to feel disappointed in an orgasm like that. I am always amazed at how powerful it is to peak together. I expressed some regret over not being able to torment him more and he said, “You could milk me into my mouth.” Uhhh…what? He explained that I could massage what was left of his ejaculate out of his prostate and into his open mouth. Like he would rest on his shoulders with his knees near his ears. And catch his own jism.

!!!!!!!!!

I love my life. We waited a bit. We ate breakfast. I painted his nails purple. We took a shower together. Always, we talk and talk. He gave himself an enema. I tied off his balls and we played around with some ball torment.

ReflectionWhen it felt right, I told him to get his ass in the air. It took a bit of positioning, with a pillow behind his shoulders, but Harold is flexible enough to position his cock over his face. (Have I mentioned how hot that is?) That left his asshole vulnerable to my lubed finger.

I enjoy prostate stimulation very much. Harold obviously gets pleasure out of what I do – just a firm stroke with a slightly curled finger. I have milked the semen out of him before. It makes me feel powerful to take his seed without granting an orgasm, but one of my favorite things is bring him to orgasm while doing prostate massage. What we did yesterday was like the best kind of sexual circus acts.

As I stroked Harold’s prostate, big fat drops of semen fell and he caught them in his mouth! Best trick ever. I wondered if he would be grossed out or humiliated, but he wasn’t. He sometimes longs for a boyfriend to go down on. If it were possible for me to love him more, I would!

Milking into his mouthWe managed to fill the weekend with more sex and good times. I may have come enough in the past couple of days to make up for how sparse things have been in the past few weeks, but as much as my pleasure is a priority for me, Harold’s trick of coming into his own mouth totally wins as my favorite moment of the weekend. Things may not have turned out the way I hoped they would – I think the mischief we came up with was better!

Mar 012014
 
Vixen Creations Ride On and Colossus

Colossus (top) and Ride On (bottom)

I’m going to start this review of penis prostheses by saying that I think that once a guy stops worrying about his erection and when he is going to come, sex is a much more enjoyable experience for both of us.

Don’t get me wrong, I really like fucking. A hard man is good to find and all that, but I prefer to focus on pleasure rather than penetration. I didn’t even realize how much more pleasure there is to explore until I started having sex with Harold. He was 58 at the time. As is normal for men his age, his cock doesn’t always work the way he wants it to, yet we have so much fun together.

Harold and I are very adventurous sexually. I suspect that Harold has always been a considerate and playful lover, but I appreciate that he is interested in taking his time and exploring every possibility with me. Ironically, we started wondering what it would be like if he could have more erections. What if he could stay harder longer? What if he could fuck again right after coming? These questions led us to investigate some fascinating products…

Vixen Creations makes two PPA (Prosthetic Penis Attachment)/Extenders – Ride On and Colossus – that seem to be miles ahead of the competition. I contacted them and they happily sent us one of each to review. I asked for two different colors so we could compare. We have Ride On in Vanilla and Colossus in Caramel (the third option is chocolate), but neither shade is close to Harold’s skin color.

Trying to get into Ride On

Scrotum should go through first

These are made of soft silicone. Vixen is famous for their VixSkin, a proprietary realistic feeling skin-like material. These PPAs are supposedly a bit softer than their standard formula. They feel and look more realistic than any dildoes I’ve ever owned. Sadly, my cunt did not react well to this silicone. I am pretty delicate and fucking with these the first time made my vagina burn. After that we used condoms and that worked fine. This material does pick up lint and things fairly easily, but washes up with warm water and mild soap.

I think a sense of humor is mandatory for PPAs. Even when it works well, there is still something kind of ridiculous about a prosthetic penis. For us, the laughter started when we eagerly attempted to put the device on. Of course we hadn’t bothered to read the instructions. How hard can it be? You stick the penis in the tube part and pull the balls through the hole. Right.

Here’s the quick guide from Vixen’s website:

  • Roll the sleeve one third of the way down.
  • Apply lubricant to the inside of the Ride On and your penis.
  • Squeeze out the air.
  • Place your penis into the opening and gradually release the pressure.
  • Unroll the Ride On to the base.
  • Pull the scrotum through the hole.
  • Pull to one side and push through one testicle.
  • Repeat with the other.
  • Have fun!
Vixen Creations Ride On

What an impressive hard on!

Even following these instructions, it was not easy to secure the extenders. You are supposed to be able to use Ride On with or without an erection, simply create a vacuum around your penis and push your balls through the hole at the base. Harold and I are used to handling his balls, but this was a chore – not exactly spontaneous, but funny as hell trying to capture each testicle and send it through the hole. We had better luck tying off the base of his scrotum, but I don’t really recommend this method. I think there is a learning curve and it gets easier each time, so definitely practice a bunch before you find yourself in a “fuck me now” moment.

Ride On was a great fit for Harold (when not fully hard) at 4″ x 1″. It added some interesting length for me with outer dimensions of 6.25″ x 1.75″. I think it makes Harold look like a porn star. Colossus, however, never really fit well. The first time we tried it was right after he had orgasmed, so he wasn’t at all hard and couldn’t create any vacuum to keep his penis inside. It kept buckling when he tried to fuck me. We were almost hysterical with laughter. I finally asked for one of his socks, stuffed it inside, and we were able to proceed.

When I asked Joel to try out these PPAs, his experience was opposite Harold’s. With an erection, Joel was unable to fit in Ride On, no matter what he tried. Joel’s scrotum is not dangly or very stretchy, so he found the application of the device painful, however, Colossus fit his cock well with inner dimensions of 5.5″ x 1.375″. The outside is 6.75″ x 2.25″, which doesn’t seem that large, but looks and feels impressive.

Vixen Creations Colossus

Stuffing a sock inside Colossus

Lube is a necessity with these extenders. Lots of lube inside seems to improve fit as well as pleasure. Our experience was that the PPA served kind of as a masturbation sleeve. More lube outside made fucking more comfortable for me as well, but nothing replaces fabulous foreplay. (I like to be begging to be fucked before anything goes inside my cunt.) One note: I would recommend warming the PPA before use if at all possible. Otherwise it feels very cold and weird!

I prefer Ride On to Colossus in terms of my comfort, but both are amazing in concept. I love that these PPAs allow sex to happen in all of the ways I might want it to. For example, getting fucked in the ass is not possible without a firm hard-on. I’m a person who likes options. At first the $124 – $130 price tag seemed a little steep, but then I realized that we are currently paying $30 a pill for Viagra, so it seems like a good investment, as well as being more flexible and reliable.

I make love to feel connected to my partner. Vixen Creation’s PPAs do not feel like the real thing, but they can help me to feel more connected. If nothing else, we have the shared experience of laughing over introducing something called Colossus to my privates.

These are my thoughts, but it seems wrong to review what is a product designed to fit over penises without getting some opinions from people who have penises…

Harold says, “I’ve always thought this kind of product would be cool, because it would give me the option to keep fucking right after coming if that was what my partner wanted. Also, now that I’ve gotten older and don’t always get a good erection (or sometimes even any erection at all), it could make penetrative sex possible if that was something we wanted.

“The funny thing is, although Ride-on works pretty well just as I thought it might, it seems much less interesting than I’d anticipated. We love to fuck, but having a prosthesis involved clarified for me again something I’ve known for a long time, namely that what you do is really not nearly as important as what you feel emotionally. It was fun to try out the Ride-on and Collossus, but using them had little relationship to what we experience when we’re normally fucking.”

Vixen Ride On in action

Ride On in action

Joel says, “I don’t suffer from a small cock and generally don’t have a problem with erectile dysfunction so the stunt cock is not normally something that I would be interested in.  That said, when my sexy wife showed me a giant hollow cock and asked for my help with an experiment how could I possibly say no.

“There is something amazing about wielding a giant cock that never gets soft.  Seeing and feeling that massive appendage swinging between my legs was certainly a rush.

“I needed lots of lubrication to slide my cock into the hollow inside, even partially flaccid, and the strap that went around my testicles was a bit snug for my tastes, but the overall experience was certainly worth it.”

Bottom line: Make love with everything you’ve got, and then if you still want to improve your ability to penetrate, buy a Ride On or a Colossus.

Grade: B+

Feb 222014
 

It’s been a super stressful month, what with one thing and another, deadlines, and crises. While I haven’t had much time to write or take photos, I have had the blessing of intimate time with my partners. In periods of high stress, I would go crazy without the release of sex. The best part is the peacefulness of just being relaxed in each other’s arms.

A rest from stress

What else is happening for Sinful Sunday? Click below…

Sinful Sunday