Bondage

Feb 082015
 

CuppingJust when I think that the new relationship energy must be over – that maybe we’ve exhausted our passion, or built up too much resentment for intimacy to feel good – sex is suddenly better than ever. The past month has brought a sea change in my relationship with Harold, perhaps born of many hours working through old pain in our relationship, but more likely simply paying more attention to some health issues.

It’s amazing how different our relationship is when my thyroid levels are back in balance and Harold gets enough sleep and takes vitamins. He says that vitamins give him the ability to act on the fact that he wants me all the time. Amazing! I can’t wait to see what happens when we both start exercising on a regular basis.

Our connection has always been sexual, but now we can’t get enough of each other – it’s been five times a week, sometimes twice a day. We are suddenly able to experience each other in ways that we’ve wanted but been unable to quite achieve. Harold topped me for a whole session, sending me into spasms of delight. I put needles through his balls, deeply satisfying his adventurous spirit. We played around with cupping while listening to old vinyl on the record player, bonding through a shared love of the blues. We’ve been seriously kinky and had so much fun!

My new favorite thing is being tied up and spanked while I’m on top of the Magic Wand. I don’t come quickly, but the ride is intense. Also, I’m enjoying being fucked from behind with a butt plug in, so it feels like I’m being fucked in both holes. Coming like that is beyond description. I’ve never felt so close to Harold as in those moments of pure pulsing pleasure.

NeedleWe are more romantic right now too. All of that oxytocin surging through us is making us all mushy. We’ve been doing sweet little things to help each other, getting small presents that would bring joy, and leaving love notes. I feel like he is understanding me in ways that were out of reach before. We are both stretching, trying hard to be big enough for this fire that is our passion.

Not everything is roses. I can see how important it is for us to take care of our bodies and our psyches so we can keep having unbelievable sex. We still have moments nearly every day where we feel some twinge of pain or frustration, but now we have the golden nectar of love and sexual connection buoying our souls. For that balm, I will brave a few thorns.

Dec 232014
 

For the seventh night of Chanukah I got to try suspension bondage for the first time! I guess DW had a personal challenge to complete a different suspension for each night of Chanukah. I love bondage, but this was my first try at suspension. Guess what, it’s fabulous!

Bondage makes me giddy. I grin a lot and get goofy. Being tied up tends to relax me. I was a little nervous about being suspended, but DW is so competent and solid. I knew I was in good hands. I liked the feeling of flying, and of having different parts of my body supported. There was a bit of a feeling of being on display or made pretty that was totally hot. Also, there’s just something about being restrained that makes me feel safe and cared for.

I was surprised to find that suspension bondage brought up some of my body issues. Like, that deep down I’ve always thought that I was way to heavy to be suspend. In fact, when I look at the pictures, the first thing I think is that I look fat, not how cool the rope work is. I am usually way more comfortable in my body than that! I was also interested to discover that I am fairly motion sensitive. Thankfully, DW didn’t want me to hurl on his pretty white carpet, so he didn’t spin me round.

Suspension bondage is really freeing. I can see it being a part of many of my fantasies – being on display, having many people’s hands on me while being helpless to move. Even the idea of being fucked while suspended because of the motion and different pressure points. I’m sure it would have it’s challenges, but the idea turns me on!

Suspension bondage

Bondage reflection

In his hands

Yay! Suspended!

 

Thank you DW for an awesome experience! Next time I’ll make sure to allow more time to explore the possibilities…

Nov 222014
 

Sexually shyThis morning I had the disturbing realization that I tend to explore new sexual relationships from the safety of a threesome. It makes sense in a polyamorous world. I don’t have enough time to spend alone with each of my lovers so why not economize? Or something. I also get very nervous about being in sexual situations alone with someone I don’t know very well, so a threesome lets me get to know someone gradually. You can learn a lot about someone by watching them interact with others. So I’ve been setting up playdates with multiple partners.

Actually, making love with multiple partners at once is the best thing ever. It never seems like there are enough hands, mouths, genitals to do all of the things with just two people. How awesome is it to have hands everywhere? I love the feeling of being overwhelmed by sensation. Having more people in bed means being more creative. It often means communicating more, but I feel more confident, less on the spot to perform.

Tied up

Photo by Shawna

I just didn’t know that I had a habit of arranging threesomes for my first naked times with partners. It’s not something that I’ve been conscious of doing, but I can see the pattern. 

Although Woody and I had made out and done some heavy petting, the first time I was naked with him was with Harold. That worked beautifully. Wood still calls Harold his boyfriend and they are very affectionate with each other. (Come to think of it, that’s also beneficial in a poly relationship – my partners liking each other!)

DW tied me up in his living room while Shawna took photos, but after that DW and I played alone. Still, I made love to Shawna with DW in an intensly mind-blowing way. That was an incredible experience because I was able to do things that I enjoy and get tips from DW and Shawna about what the other person might like – kind of native guides.

My first time with Abby was also with Woody. They are very sweet together. I feel so much tenderness toward them both and watching them together just melted my heart. But Abby is wicked! I Controlwanted to try her Magic Wand because I have limited experience. Abby operated the add-on controller while I held the Magic Wand. That was absolutely incredible. I like having my pleasure in her hands. The three of us were remarkably at ease with each other, naturally exploring bodies and what is possible to do together.

While it wasn’t a playdate, Harold and I went to a hot spring with Woody and Hobbit. There was a certain amount of sex play that happened during our time there. Something about hot naked people turns me on. At one point, Hobbit put her fingers inside me, each guy focused on a nipple, and I used my vibrator to a super orgasm. I love floating in desire – literally and figuratively.

Hot springsMaybe I shouldn’t worry too much about this trend. It seems to be working for me. Each of these trysts came about fairly organically. I do have some (probably legitimate) fears about being physically vulnerable when first exploring sexual relationships. Having been raped, I want to be as safe as possible, but my reasoning is not totally about that. I just like group sex. I like having the people I care about love each other. While I don’t ever want threesomes (or more!) to take the place of the intimacy possible between two people, I have to admit that I feel pretty lucky.

Oct 262014
 

Boots and cuffsThere are some really great things about being polyamorous. One of them was coming home around one in the morning (wearing only knee high boots and bondage cuffs) and having my partner, Joel, only cock an eyebrow and ask if I had a good time.

I had a fabulous time with DW! When I showed up at his door the kissing was passionate and intense. It lead to me, on my knees, appreciating the finer points of button-fly Levis. And then to DW buckling handcrafted black leather cuffs around my wrists. It made me very happy.

Cuffs and bootsWe went to a party full of poly folk. I realized how odd and awesome it is to not know who people are in relationships with. It’s different than most social situations where everyone is seen as part of a package. In fact, it felt strange for me to be at a party without one of my primary partners.

That didn’t stop me from ditching my clothes as soon as possible. I joined a cuddle pile. DW tied me up in beautiful ways and did things that made me come. I got the spanking I asked for, with people passing by the room. Have I mentioned that I like to kiss this man? When it was time to go, DW shook his head when I picked up my clothes, handing me his leather jacket instead. It felt deliciously deviant to go home that way!

So yes, Joel, I had a good time.
Sinful Sunday

Aug 042014
 

I used to be able to have sex without using anything other than body parts – mouths, hands, cunts, cocks. Nothing will ever take the place of flesh, but I now find that there are certain…tools…that I pretty much can’t live without. Since I don’t often have kinky sex at home, I have a sex kit and I carry it around in an innocuous black backpack. I never use everything in one sitting, but I never know what I might want. It’s become a bit of an art determining what my necessities are.

Wanna know which sex toys/tools I care enough about to carry around with me? I recently emptied out my bag and took a picture so I could share…

Sex kit

  1. Play piercing supplies – I have sharps of various lengths and gages, antibiotic cream, and tiny corks to put on the ends of needles if people want to wear them around a bit.
  2. Scalpel – This is a surgical grade scalpel with disposable blades that I use for blood play. Sometimes I just feel moved to carve a heart in Harold’s ass!
  3. Nitrile gloves – A must have! These non-latex babies get used any time someone puts fingers inside my vagina (my pH balance is delicate) and for anal play.
  4. Condoms – Not just for safer sex! Condoms are also awesome for easy toy clean up. Mine are latex free and non-lubricated if I can find them. I react badly to most lubes.
  5. Lubricant – My current favorite is Sliquid Naturals Sassy because it’s thicker, lasts longer, is non-irritating, and doesn’t taste like anything.
  6. Band-aids – This is more about being prepared for little mishaps than anything sexy. Not shown in this picture, but equally important is feminine hygiene products!
  7. Lip balm – For kissable lips and smooth blow jobs.
  8. Nipple clamps – I carry four types of nipple clamps and a set of sugar tongs for pinching. I have to admit, I like using the clothes pins best (on other people).
  9. Vibrator – Inside the mysterious black bag is my Mystic Wand. I have several because I want to have one within reach at all times. If I could only have one sex tool, this would be the one. Not only do I use it to get myself off, a vibrator is tons of fun on a cock.
  10. Lil Devil – This battery powered electrosex toy produces an electrical shock when both prongs touch skin. It can make for some intense sensations.
  11. Stronic Zwei – Delivers strong pulse action to the prostate or g-spot.
  12. Aneros – We’ve tried many different butt plugs and Aneros is far and away the best. Everyone seems to orgasm harder with one of these in their ass. SERIOUSLY.
  13. njoy Fun Wand – Although this is heavy, it’s so worth the weight. This is the most versatile sex tool I own. And it’s shiny.
  14. Wartenberg wheel – One of my favorites for sensation play. I have to admit that I like to use it on scrotums so I can watch little drops of blood well up.
  15. Strap-on harness – My harness is red leather. I love it for pegging. And feeling butch.
  16. Dildo – I can’t remember what brand this is, but it’s a perfectly average silicone dildo. At about a handspan, it seems to be a perfect size for almost everything I want a dildo to do.
  17. Rope – I like to carry a variety of rope because you just never know what kind of situations you’ll find yourself in. No wait, I have a variety of rope because I know I’ll be up to mischief! I like the lighter weight stuff for things like cock bondage. Heavier rope is great for tying people to trees.
  18. Carabiners – Handy for stringing people up! Also good for a quick release when I need to fuck them instantly.
  19. Chain – This is a 6 foot length of chain. I suppose in theory I could use it for bondage, but really what I like is to insert the length of it into my cunt one link at a time with lots of lube. That’s why it’s sterilized and sealed in a plastic bag.
  20. Ball whackers – Harold made both of these tools for ball torture. I usually start with the soft solid black one then work up to the harder wooden-handled one. His pleasure really turns me on.
  21. Fleshwrap – This clever device is like a push-up bra for scrotums. Goes well with #1 and #14.
  22. Ball Ties – Harold likes binding his balls. Through extensive experimentation, he has discovered that lengths from women’s tights work best. I like bright colors!
  23. Vise – When I want maximum impact, I reach for the vise. It’s another tool that Harold made for ball torture. See it here and here. We’ve even tried fitting a breast in there!
  24. Collar – Harold has a purple leather/leopard fur collar that I put on him when I’m feeling especially Toppy.
  25. Rabbit fur – My rabbit fur is painted to look like leopard, of course. Nothing beats the sensual feel of fur.
  26. Cuffs – Black leather wrist and ankle cuffs are a necessity. I have a set that Joel handcrafted for me, but it feels wrong to use them with everybody else. This is my general use set.
  27. Leather paddles – Harold made both of these larger ones. The black one is very well made and fairly standard. The pink heart is like a child’s valentine gone horribly wrong, but I love it. It stings like fuck! (The teeny one off to the side is great on cocks.)
  28. Floggers – We own a several floggers, but these two ended up in my bag. The black one is a commercial model and Harold made the green leather one. It’s heavier and generally better.
Mar 092014
 

FlirtIt’s too bad that I don’t have a fetish for dirty linens because that’s what we faced when we arrived at our rental cabin – nothing had been cleaned. Dirty towels sat piled at the foot of the bed, which was rumpled and obviously not fresh. The thermostat said it was 50 degrees. It was late at night and Harold and I had driven for miles to get there. Not to be discouraged, we tossed everything into the wash, turned on the heat, and snuggled up on the couch.

I had gloried in fantasies of what we would do when we arrived, what manner of depravity I would inflict on Harold. I had lovingly packed our toy bag with needle-play paraphernalia and an assortment of rope. Harold’s breath caught in his throat when I told him of my plans to take him – I would tie him up, blindfold him, put in earbuds with a special playlist, overload his senses, bring him to the edge of orgasm over and over, put needles in sensitive places, come on his face while he was helpless…

But it wasn’t to be. At least not that night. It’s funny how things work. I have such an active fantasy life. Being able to imagine pleasure is awesome, as long as I don’t get too hung up on things happening exactly as envisioned. I’ve learned to trust my instincts. Going with the flow of erotic energy is always very rewarding.

When we woke up the next morning, the attraction between us was practically magnetic. We don’t wake up in bed together very often so it felt kind of amazing, maybe like waking up next to your favorite movie star crush. We smiled and gazed at one another in adoration. The room was still cool, but we explored each other’s bodies under the safety of three comforters. He tied me to the bed.

By the windowI’m not sure how we manage to know each other so well and still surprise each other with the things we do in bed. Harold can bring me to orgasm in minutes. He knows exactly how much pressure to apply and where. He knows when to tweak a nipple hard or how to make me beg for the vibrator. This time, I asked him to talk dirty to me (not a usual request) and he knew exactly what I wanted to hear, how to make me come hard around his fingers with his words and conjured images. I am lucky to have this experienced lover who is happy to excite me with new experiences.

Of course, it goes both ways. I meant to draw out the erotic sensations of sexual bonding as much as possible, but sometimes fucking just feels too good. I was just going to tease a little with penetration. We moved between positions and I stayed in control, not letting either of us climax, until he got behind me. I love being fucked doggy-style. This time I even had the vibrator on my clitoris. I knew I was fast approaching orgasm and I was beyond caring. Harold told me he was about to come, but by the time I was able to process that information, I was spasming around his cock and then he lost control.

It’s difficult to feel disappointed in an orgasm like that. I am always amazed at how powerful it is to peak together. I expressed some regret over not being able to torment him more and he said, “You could milk me into my mouth.” Uhhh…what? He explained that I could massage what was left of his ejaculate out of his prostate and into his open mouth. Like he would rest on his shoulders with his knees near his ears. And catch his own jism.

!!!!!!!!!

I love my life. We waited a bit. We ate breakfast. I painted his nails purple. We took a shower together. Always, we talk and talk. He gave himself an enema. I tied off his balls and we played around with some ball torment.

ReflectionWhen it felt right, I told him to get his ass in the air. It took a bit of positioning, with a pillow behind his shoulders, but Harold is flexible enough to position his cock over his face. (Have I mentioned how hot that is?) That left his asshole vulnerable to my lubed finger.

I enjoy prostate stimulation very much. Harold obviously gets pleasure out of what I do – just a firm stroke with a slightly curled finger. I have milked the semen out of him before. It makes me feel powerful to take his seed without granting an orgasm, but one of my favorite things is bring him to orgasm while doing prostate massage. What we did yesterday was like the best kind of sexual circus acts.

As I stroked Harold’s prostate, big fat drops of semen fell and he caught them in his mouth! Best trick ever. I wondered if he would be grossed out or humiliated, but he wasn’t. He sometimes longs for a boyfriend to go down on. If it were possible for me to love him more, I would!

Milking into his mouthWe managed to fill the weekend with more sex and good times. I may have come enough in the past couple of days to make up for how sparse things have been in the past few weeks, but as much as my pleasure is a priority for me, Harold’s trick of coming into his own mouth totally wins as my favorite moment of the weekend. Things may not have turned out the way I hoped they would – I think the mischief we came up with was better!

Dec 072013
 

Ready for something fun and a little different?

When I was a kid, one of my favorite things was trying to decipher the puzzles inside beer bottle caps when my parents had a party. These puzzles, called rebus,  were like a corny code that got easier to crack the more you practiced. I loved it and lately I’ve been thinking about those caps again, wondering how to recapture the magic.

With the help of my lovely partner, Joel, I have created our own WholeSexLife rebus puzzles. They are the grown up version of the bottle cap puzzles I loved. See if you can figure them out, then click through to check your answers!

  1. WholeSexLife rebus 1
  2.  WholeSexLife rebus 5
  3. WholeSexLife rebus 2
  4.  WholeSexLife rebus 4
  5.  WholeSexLife rebus 3

 

Show the other sinful folk your love by clicking below!

Sinful Sunday

Dec 012013
 

It’s the 1st of December and already the holiday season is in full swing! Sinful Sunday is kicking off the debauchery with a friendly competition – interpret a holiday song in a truly wicked way. We chose what is likely the most famous Christmas song of all time, and we think it sums up the essence of a really good bondage scene…


Silent night, holy night
“Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright…”

And let me assure you that before I slept in heavenly peace, there was quaking, love’s pure light, glories, heavenly hosts singing, radiant beams, and redeeming grace.

Happy holidays to all, and may you all find your Sunday to be sinful!

Sinful Sunday

Nov 012013
 

Beautiful morningA few days ago Harold (my partner in life, love, and hare-brained scheming) turned 65.  He’s not much for celebrating, but we wanted to do something special. Of course we wanted to make love, but what else? We couldn’t think of just the right thing until the day before. I don’t remember now, how tattoos came up. Initially it was sort of a dare or a jest, then we started talking about tattoos as a form of submission to each other – how cool it would be to channel the energy of pain and excitement into sexual energy.

What if I gave my pain to him while I was being marked by his symbol? What if he actually brought me to orgasm while I was being tattooed? We were intrigued by the possibilities, but neither of us was sure there was a permanent mark we were willing to take on. We had feverish conversations throughout the eve of his birthday. Optimistically I made us an appointment.

The next morning we got together early. I wanted to shower and spend some time connecting, so I started up some Janis Joplin and both of us squeezed into a shower clearly made for one. I adore hot water and slick soapy skin. Things were starting to heat up.

With his cock hard in my hand, I asked Harold what he wanted sexually. Like normal, he temporized, telling me to just go with what I felt was right. I’ve been pushing him more to think about and vocalize the things he desires, so I didn’t let him off the hook.

Going downHe began to talk about me punishing him somehow. I was in an excited sexy place, so it took me a few minutes to realize that the energy had changed between us. It stopped feeling sexy. I immediately centered myself and opened up to Harold. I sat him down on the toilet seat and straddled him, wrapping my arms around him. I could feel some pain from his childhood there – something that I had triggered when we fought  last week. We talked through it until it felt okay for us both. We do this kind of thing a lot and it makes for much better sex.

We walked down to the cabin in the glorious morning sunshine, wearing only shoes and coats. The chill air on my thighs and the thrill of being naked outdoors started to make me wet. There was already a fire going in the cabin. We proceeded to have some of the hottest sex we’ve had in a long time. He went down on me until I came. I strung him up in cuffs and did wicked things to his nipples and balls. I pushed him more than I ever have before and we both reached new heights.

IMG_3613When neither of us could wait another second, I bent over in front of him and let him fuck me from behind, his arms still suspended above his head. This is one of my favorite positions. I bent over the bed, where I had all of my tools spread out. He pounded into me. I rocked forward with each thrust, my breath coming out in harsh gasps, escalating to full throated moans, followed shortly by Harold’s ecstatic bellows.

Evidently my head was bumping my phone in the final throes of Harold’s birthday sex and Siri heard our vocalizations. Her voice surprised us, “I do not understand ‘who, who, who, who.’ I could search the Internet for you.” I laughed hysterically when I figured out what was going on.

From there we drove to to get tattoos, anticipation and anxiety sharing equal space. We knew what we wanted but we weren’t sure where. We talked through the positives and negatives of every possible location. Eventually we went with what felt right for each of us.

Harold and his tattooHarold went first. You have to understand that he’s never wanted a tattoo before. The fact that he celebrated turning 65 by getting his first tattoo is very inspirational to me. I think he enjoyed the process. He got spacey in a charming way, holding my hand. Afterwards, he was proud and blissed out. I love him so much.

This was not my first dance, but I was shocked by how intense the pain was in the tender flesh of my upper stomach. It got better over time, but initially there was no way that I could have sexualized that sensation. I’m just not a masochist. What I did do, over and over, was send the energy to Harold, giving him my pain, taking his mark. He held my hand and touched my face.

After, we were so high on endorphins. I felt amazing. We had so much fun.

We went home to my darling husband, who had prepared an incredible and gorgeous conch and squid ceviche just for Harold. Joel had even managed to find Harold’s favorite alcoholic beverage, Punt è Mes, which is rare in these parts. (Have I mentioned that sometimes it is unbelievably awesome to have two partners who care about each other?) The children had all made birthday cards and gotten him flowers. More glowy happiness!

Heart and delta tattooHarold spent some time talking with his wife and I put the kids to bed. We fell into each other’s arms and the softness of bed. Tired happiness gave way to gentle kisses. deep probing kisses became grinding gyrations. Without any thought we were making love again. Happy birthday Baby and many more…

Oct 062013
 

Adv Couple's Guide to Sex Toys 2eBook: “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys”
Written by: Violet Blue
Foreword by: Dr. Charlie Glickman
Published by: Cleis Press

We dare you to read this book.

Are you scared to ask your partner to try the kinky things you fantasize about? Or maybe you are at the other end of the spectrum – you think that together you’ve tried all of the sex toys? Then we double dare you to read Violet Blue’s new book, “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys.” Whether you’ve never even broached the subject of sex toys or you’re getting bored in the bedroom, we think you can use this guide to find some inspiration.

We’re pretty adventurous. Collectively, we have over 60 years of experience making, buying, and using sex toys. While we try to be as safe as possible, there have been some misadventures, so the first thing that we noticed about “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys” was Blue’s well informed safety tips. Important information is covered clearly and often highlighted in a boxout, making it easy to access. We wish that there had been a book like this when we were first looking at sex toys!

Countless people have told us stories of shame that made it impossible to ask their partner for what they really want. It drives us crazy because we believe that everyone deserves to have a fulfilling sex life. Well! We now have a resource to recommend to those people. “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys” doesn’t have all of the answers, but it focuses on good communication and offers some concrete suggestions for starting the sex toy conversation or surprising your lover with a toy (hint: surprise is not always a good idea). Blue’s personality shines through her writing, putting you at ease like you were having coffee with your sex smart best friend. There is no shame here, only fascinating data meant to empower you.

Our biggest criticism of the book is that it’s fairly heteronormative. While Blue has been very inclusive of all people, the book largely addresses straight couples. The chapter on strap-on sex has some great information about introducing men to anal play, but nothing about women playing together. Most of the material is presented in an unbiased fashion, but we found the overall assumption tended toward heterosexual couples. A minor thing of note: we found some of the language a bit forced or awkward from time to time, but it doesn’t interfere too much.

We loved pretty much everything else: the brightly colored cover, the highly accurate illustrations by Zanne DeJanvier, the foreword written by Charlie Glickman, PhD, and a whole chapter on resources for acquiring good sex toys. We appreciate Blue’s candor in naming names when talking about products she believes in. “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide” bravely covers the gamut of sex toys: vibrators, butt plugs and other anal toys, dildos, strap-on harnesses, bondage, and nipple clamps. We were most excited to read about teledildonics (including webcam), sex machines, and sex furniture.

We found a lot of stuff in “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys” that we have tried. What surprised us was how much new information there was. Well, maybe not new, but things we haven’t ever talked to each other about. We read the book separately, but when we compared notes we discovered that we shared a whole new realm of fantasy we have not yet explored. Just reading this book was a huge turn on – thinking about everything we’ve done and things we’d still love to do inspired some heavy sexting and at least one masturbation session. Without this book, we might never have shared with each other a mutual and intense interest in trying out a Monkey Rocker!

So, we dare you. We dare you to share this book with your lover.

~Evoë  & Harold