Orgasm

Feb 142017
 

Ocean waves

The evening wind is a gentle pressure against our bodies as we look out at the waves, the light of the full moon reflecting on the gathering seafoam. His hand squeezes mine. I tip my head to try to encompass the vastness of the sky. I feel myself expand to hold it all – the huge luminous moon, the velvet sky, the endless ocean, and his love. He holds me, kissing my face, tasting my tears. “What is the ocean to you?” he asks.

She is mother. The ocean is infinite unconditional love. She is the goddess, Aphrodite. My sadness and rage can be taken in and transformed in her waves. She is birth and rebirth. She is life.

Intense emotion rises in my core. We stand shoulder to shoulder, balanced between moon and waves. I want to scream into the waves, but it’s too hard to find the right moment to release. The pressure inside builds, but I still can’t let go. I know he feels me struggle, but he just holds the space in love. I breath in the wild ocean air, letting it penetrate and purify me. When I exhale, every shred of pain I am feeling is carried out with my voice and swallowed by the waves…

 _______

We are tangled in the sheets, wet with sweat and desire. I arch my back, pressing my ass against his erection. He holds me against him, one arm pressed against my throat, one hand pinning my hip in place. I writhe and moan because I want him to fuck me more than I can ever remember wanting anything. His voice is soft and firm in my ear, but I can’t process what he says. I am consumed with wanting. Teeth grasp hard at the junction of neck and shoulder. I flinch and cry out, then fall still at his touch…

 _______

I can’t seem to stop talking. My voice has decided that I won’t sit still and be quiet. Freed by the ocean and made vulnerable by his trust, I tell him everything about my life. I want to know everything about his. We make dinner together in the tiny kitchen that makes frequent contact necessary. We sing along with Queen and dirty dance in the kitchen. I kiss him deep as the ocean and pull back a few inches. He shudders at the energy of it, his blue eyes wide…

 _______

Reflections of TylerI can feel the rhythm of the waves in my body, desire running from my cunt to my heart and back again. Looking down at his beautiful face, I want to hold on to this moment forever. I slide his cock inside me a centimeter at a time. I am awash in love. So slowly, I rock back to take in his whole length. I want him slow and soft. His hips lift to meet me and the sensation is almost too much. I lean down to kiss his chest, but the angle is not right. Braced by his hands on my hips, I lean back, feeling the flow and ebb of the ocean building inside me. There is only this – our bodies rocking to meet each other in spasms of ecstasy, our spirits entwined…

 _______

Children run on the sand, chasing the waves then racing back screaming in delight. I am filled with a deep contentment as we walk along the beach in the sunlight. I decide that sandpipers are my new spirit animal. We laugh at how they move. We take photos of random things on the beach. I see a dog in the distance that turns out to be a log. We have to stop to kiss every few feet. I feel so present, anchored in this moment, this place, this human by my side…

 _______

We snuggle down to sleep. My body hums with desire simply knowing he is near. I wrap my arms around him, pressing my breasts against his back. I try to sleep but the scent of his warm skin make me feel drunk. The back of his neck needs kissing. He gasps when I wrap my fingers in his long hair and pull his head back. His surrender leaves my cunt soaking wet. I grind my pelvis against his ass, wishing so hard that I had a cock. We fuck energetically, tension building until we can’t stand it.

We slide the dildo into the harness and he start to give me head. My toes curl and my back arches in pleasure. I can feel him sucking my cock. It’s unbelievably sexy. “How should we do this?” he asks…

 _______

We wash each other’s hair. We rub soap all over each other, sliding around in the steam and spray of the shower, while music surrounds us. He kneels in front of me wrapping his arms around me. I feel loved and honored in his embrace. He stands up and we gaze into each other’s eyes. We kiss and the feel of him on my lips ignites my passion. I plead for him to fuck me but he laughs and tells me to wait. I go down on him instead, floating on a tide of sensation…

 _______

When we fuck, it is rough, like a wrestling match, and yet he is always gentle. We fuck all over the bed, rolling around and laughing when not utterly intent. Fucking is not close enough. I want more of him. I want deeper. I moan face first into the bed, my hands grabbing fistfuls of pillows while he thrusts into me from behind. There is no me any more, only a fierce hot need. “Use your nails!” I order, “Harder!” He complies, nearly drawing blood down the length of my back. The edge of pain pushes me into pure bliss. We both come together…

 _______

We come over and over in a spiral of building trust and learning bodies. We make love until our bodies give out. He stops mid-fuck, “How is your body doing Love?”

“My body is feeling great.” I protest, urging him to continue.

“Yes, but how is your body doing?” Oh. My body should stop.

He leans over me, with his long hair tickling my chest. I gaze up at him, full of love and desire, “Let’s be mermaids…”

 _______

Evoe and Tyler at the oceanBefore we leave, we walk along the sunlit beach one more time. I hover on the verge of orgasm, laughing and shivering with joy as each wave rushes to embrace us and we dance away. We see driftwood that looks like a sailing ship stranded on the shore. Our mood is bittersweet with the knowledge that all things must end, yet we are grateful for beginnings. Birth and rebirth. I walk into the waves to wet my hands. I touch the seawater to my face, my heart, and my cunt. I offer up my prayers to Aphrodite, “Lady, I am your vessel. Thank you for the love I have experienced. Let me be open to your flow. I will be a vehicle for love in the world.”

We walk toward the car and he takes my hand…

Oct 312015
 

The creature pinned my naked form to the bed, its soft clacking noises lulling me into a strange stupor. Although the huge insectile monster was terrifying to behold, it handled me with great care, gently prodding all of my most delicate places. Dimly I noted that I could feel a stinging sensation on the back of my neck, but a heavy warmth spread through my body, filling me with a euphoric longing. I gazed up at the moist chitin of the alien, writhing with pleasure as it passed some sharp appendage down the soft flesh of my cheek and neck. Its odd clacking song shifted to whirrs and hard clicks. Something clamped down hard on each of my nipples and I hovered on the edge of orgasm. Something firm and wet pressed against my inner thigh. I looked down to see a cock unlike any I had ever seen. Something round, gelatinous, and luminescent slid from the end as I watched. Following suggestion, I spread my legs wide, guiding the ovipositor deep inside. The alien eggs pumped into me one at a time, and each time I screamed in ecstasy with a new orgasm.

Fantasies are a strange thing. If people can imagine it, there’s a fetish for it. I had no idea that I would be into ovipositor sex, although maybe my reaction to the movie Aliens should have clued me in. Then I saw this sex toy, produced by Primal Hardware, all over the internet a few months ago. There was something about the videos that was so…compelling. Perhaps it’s just that I’ll try almost anything at least once, and this was something pretty far off my beaten path.

Actually, I often fantasize about sex with non-humans when I’m by myself. It makes gender issues easier. Hell, it just lets me have a sexual experience without all of the confusing human emotion parts. I like to get off thinking about having sex with machines for the most part, yet alien sex is so tantalizingly other. Just lay back, let them implant their eggs, and feel immense pleasure. Or whatever your imagination dreams up! (I also like mad science fantasies.)

We purchased the Krubera model from Primal Hardware in the “supernatural” color for $110. I’m pleased with the quality of the product; it seems to be made out of good silicone. It’s huge – about a foot long and about 2 inches in diameter. It came with instructions and a mold to make six gelatin eggs. Making the eggs was simple and really fun. It doesn’t take very long, but you do have to plan ahead because it takes some time for them to set up. It’s also important to note that the gelatin eggs will be pretty cold when you take them out of the refrigerator!

I was immediately disappointed with my ovipositor because it was incredibly difficult to get the eggs into it. The base is very tight, presumably so the eggs don’t drop back out, but it was impossible to get eggs in. Imagine two people covered in lube to the elbows trying to force a gelatin egg into a too tight opening and I’m sure you can guess how much fun we had. The eggs were starting to break into gelatinous chunks by the time we got the thing loaded up. We figure it holds about three eggs before they just start popping out the other end.

It’s creepy (in a sexy way) to watch the eggs distend the ovipositor, oozing and writhing their way toward the opening. At a certain point, the eggs just pop out the opening, catapulting themselves forward. It’s fantastic.

At first I was thinking that this would be a terrible anal toy because you never, never, put something in the ass without a flared base or some way or retrieving it. But then I thought, it’s just gelatin. It really is just gelatin, not even sugar or anything. It would simply break down by itself. Contemplatively, I tried the weird ovipositor in my dildo harnesses and it strained the capacity, but still fit.

I got super excited about an ovipositor as an anal toy! But you know what? There is no way I am going to get this novelty toy in Harold’s ass without a lot of working up to it. The whole thing is big. We tried. It’s not happening. For one thing, the ovipositor is kind of floppy until an egg is in it. Those eggs are the same size as chicken eggs! And if you get an egg near the opening at the end, the orb launches. I’m sure some of you have experienced similar circumstances, but this was a new problem for me. It is actually somewhat disastrous to pop off when you are trying to insert the tip into someone’s bum.

Luckily, it worked it bit better in my cunt. Floppy was still a bit of an issue, as this is not a dildo to get fucked hard with. I also took exception to how cold everything was, but my imagination supplied me with the chill appendage of the alien queen seeking my hot core to activate her invading spore. A sticky slurp preceded the first egg, its passage causing every muscle in my cunt to contract repeatedly.

Bottom line: Whatever the fantasy, however messy, I liked the outcome. Where would your ovipositor take you?

Grade: B

Aug 082015
 

A cloudy summer afternoon in the tree house…

Naked in the tree house

…feeling the air on my skin…

Leaf

…talking about serious things while the leaves drift down…

Foot play

…he begins to stir under my foot…

From behind

“What does it look like from up there?”

Intensity

…the sweetest release…

Satisfaction

…relaxed, smug, and connected to the universe…

Blood offering

…a single drop of blood left in thanks.”

 

 

See what other people have been doing for this Sinful Sunday!

Sinful Sunday
Mar 292015
 

“There’s a park coming up on the left, just before the bridge. Let’s go check it out.” Just in time, he sees the turn I mean and swings the car around. We bump down the gravel drive toward the water. The parking lot is empty except for a park ranger’s truck. I groan inwardly. I guess we aren’t going to fuck in the car.

In the dirtWe get out and casually walk down the beach, arm in arm. There are maybe a dozen small boats at anchor along this stretch, but I don’t see anyone on board. My feet shift and slide on the rocks. The air smells of sea and rain. We’ve just missed a spring downpour. As we continue down the shore, around a bend to a place where trees grow out over the water, the sounds of traffic on the bridge fade into the background.

Now out of sight of the parking lot, we stop and kiss. A warm tingly feeling starts at the soles of my feet and rises up, filling my body with golden desire. We pull each other closer. I am deeply rooted in the moment, no longer aware of the cold or our surroundings. Love fills me until I feel that my chest can no longer contain the heat of my desire. I open to him, send my energy to flow into him with my breath. He gasps with the pleasure of it and I know that he feels me.

Cool treeFor a moment I transcend my body, this beach, everything. My consciousness soars and I am a part of all things. He brings me back with his passionate hands roaming my body. I pull away to see his eyes. I want to make love with him. Immediately.

“Let’s go check out that cool tree!” I say, imagining how awesome it would be to have sex on the broad trunk that slopes out 10 feet over the beach. The tree is amazing, but I suddenly feel too exposed. I scan the area for just the right place. There, up the hill a bit.

We climb an impromptu creek bed, rain water running back to the Sound. The fresh scent of the soil squishing under our feet turns me on even more. Part of me feels primal. Part of me is giggling over being transgressive.

We reach the spot I’d picked. We have a great view of the Hood Canal Bridge in it’s entirety, but no one will spot us. Anyone on the boats could see us, but probably won’t. Ditto for park goers. It has just the right balance of public and private to get my juices flowing.

Going down by the SoundWe aren’t sure what to do next. We kiss and feel each other up with growing intensity. I straddle a mossy log and lay back, letting him undo my pants and pull them down to below my knees. He presses his face between my thighs while I contort and hang on with all I’m worth. The colloquial saying about something being as easy as falling off a log runs through my head, but it feels fantastic.

I really want to fuck! I convince him to stop and let me suck his cock. We usually take more time than this, but I am excited. I want him to fuck me from behind. We try it one way while straddling the log, pants pulled down. Then the other, hoping that the angle would be better. Finally I order him to lie on the forest floor and I squat over him.

I easily return to that sensation of being both extremely present and one with everything. I open myself to the world all around us, yet we are alone together in a bubble of our love. Every time I slide up and down the length of his cock, waves of pleasure ripple through my body. The sensations build. I feel my orgasm approaching and I move faster. His face contorts and I can tell he is also near. I draw the moment out, savoring that blissful anticipation, before giving myself over.

Almost thereHis cries ring out over the water as he finds release. I laugh until the muscles in my cunt push him out. I love him so much. I love him like this, on his back in the moss and ferns, by the water, his pants down around his knees. I feel happy and alive. We have so much fun together.

We dust off the dirt and leaves. We find a safer way down the hill to the rocky beach. We kiss and hold hands and look for interesting rocks. Back at the car we notice that the ranger’s truck is gone. We gaze into each other’s eyes, reliving that moment in the woods. We didn’t even get caught this time.

Feb 082015
 

CuppingJust when I think that the new relationship energy must be over – that maybe we’ve exhausted our passion, or built up too much resentment for intimacy to feel good – sex is suddenly better than ever. The past month has brought a sea change in my relationship with Harold, perhaps born of many hours working through old pain in our relationship, but more likely simply paying more attention to some health issues.

It’s amazing how different our relationship is when my thyroid levels are back in balance and Harold gets enough sleep and takes vitamins. He says that vitamins give him the ability to act on the fact that he wants me all the time. Amazing! I can’t wait to see what happens when we both start exercising on a regular basis.

Our connection has always been sexual, but now we can’t get enough of each other – it’s been five times a week, sometimes twice a day. We are suddenly able to experience each other in ways that we’ve wanted but been unable to quite achieve. Harold topped me for a whole session, sending me into spasms of delight. I put needles through his balls, deeply satisfying his adventurous spirit. We played around with cupping while listening to old vinyl on the record player, bonding through a shared love of the blues. We’ve been seriously kinky and had so much fun!

My new favorite thing is being tied up and spanked while I’m on top of the Magic Wand. I don’t come quickly, but the ride is intense. Also, I’m enjoying being fucked from behind with a butt plug in, so it feels like I’m being fucked in both holes. Coming like that is beyond description. I’ve never felt so close to Harold as in those moments of pure pulsing pleasure.

NeedleWe are more romantic right now too. All of that oxytocin surging through us is making us all mushy. We’ve been doing sweet little things to help each other, getting small presents that would bring joy, and leaving love notes. I feel like he is understanding me in ways that were out of reach before. We are both stretching, trying hard to be big enough for this fire that is our passion.

Not everything is roses. I can see how important it is for us to take care of our bodies and our psyches so we can keep having unbelievable sex. We still have moments nearly every day where we feel some twinge of pain or frustration, but now we have the golden nectar of love and sexual connection buoying our souls. For that balm, I will brave a few thorns.

Jan 312015
 

Going downI wake up to him going down on me. My body responds before I am really awake – legs wrapping around him, back arched, hands making fists against the sheets. In the tent under the blankets the scent of his skin surrounds me. The darkness is soft and warm. I focus on the feel of his tongue passing over my clit. When did I get so wet?

I need this man like water in the desert. I’ve been so horny lately, so stressed. In the very early morning he comes to me like a river. He flows over my body. His tongue says, “Be hot for me Baby. Go ahead and burn. I will ease your fever.”

I let go. Sleepily, blissfully, I melt into him. The whole huge complexity of the world narrows to one point. Love. I can forget about everything else for a while. My burdens will wait. I exhale and release all my tension. I’m floating, but his body anchors me. This is the safest I have felt in days.

Heat builds under his mouth. I realize that I am making loud moaning noises and I try to be quieter, but it doesn’t matter. I am pressing myself against him as hard as possible. He pins my wrist to the bed with one hand and captures my soul. I don’t know if he’s doing it on purpose, but this small decisive action tells me that he owns me. I give him everything of me. It’s all his.

Making loveHe is still licking my clit with quick intense motions that make me twitch. Now his other hand roams up to my nipples. He gently pinches and my sounds get louder. I want everything all at once. I want to be right here forever. I want to come. “Harder,” I tell him.

He tweaks my nipples in earnest and my body stiffens as pleasure lances through me. Oh my god. I am gasping with each small jolt of pain. I am overwhelmed with love and flooded with lust for this man. I want more!

I love the weight of him on top of me. It feels secure, like a seatbelt. His is my shield against despair. I writhe under him, swollen with desire, blazing with need. He kisses me deeply and it is like diving into a lake on a summer’s day. His face is moist with my juices. I thrust my impatient tongue between his lips. His mouth is firm on mine. I invite him in.

I feel like a volcano heading for eruption, all lava and pressure. The feel of him inside me, pressing against my g-spot is nearly enough to make me explode. He hands me the vibrator.

That moment just before orgasm is the best – the slow build to powerful peak, poised at the edge of incredible intensity, striving both to slow the inevitable and speed the climax. I find it compelling and excruciating all at once. I think I live there.

He fills me. I am rocked by his motions. Suddenly, like seeing a waterfall approaching, I know I’m going to come. I get swept over the edge, and I am tightening around him in powerful waves. A flood of emotion Connectedovercomes me and then evaporates. I am awash in love. Sweaty, steamy love.

We snuggle in stillness for a few moments. Maybe this is the best part. I feel grounded, connected in a way that has been elusive lately. There are no words here, no need to talk, just us. In the early morning, in the warm quiet dark, we lie in each others arms and we whisper, “Let’s try that again in a few hours.”

Aug 152014
 

Hotel sexMy head is still swirling with images from last weekend – memories of taking the train to Portland, experiencing my first leather event, and swanky hotel threesome sex all invade my mind. It was a good time. I felt like a teenager running away from home, full of excitement tinged with a trace of fear. I felt like I was getting away with something wicked and I relished every moment on my own. I made it all count.

Harold dropped me off at the train station, where Hobbit and her Princess Girlfriend found me. On the way down to Portland they explained the basics of leather culture and titles. They were both very gracious in answering all my questions. Although I’ve spent most of my life on the edges of the LGBT  and BDSM communities, I have never directly attended a leather event. (I love new experiences!) In Portland, we met up with Woody, DW, and Shawna.

Shawna's formal look

Photo courtesy of Leland Carina

My Sweet Girl, Shawna, was running for Ms. Oregon State Leather. I wanted to be there to see her in her element. And I was there, with the taste of whisky in my mouth, the smell and creak of leather around me, music blasting, and the trace of a lover’s fingers along the back of my neck. I felt alive in a way I rarely experience, but value more than anything. I got to see Shawna and the other competitors explain how they would serve the community. I watched the outrageous manifestations of their fantasies come to life onstage. I witnessed the contestants poise when answering pop questions. I learned a lot about leather culture observing their numerous outfit changes. Underneath everything was a sense of humor and unapologetic sexuality.

Everyone I encountered was warm, respectful, and self-contained. It’s the first time I have ever been in a bar or club and not had someone come on to me in a sticky or obnoxious way. People did talk to me. I had fascinating conversations with interesting people. But I never even came close to having to tell someone to fuck off. It’s nice to be fully and comfortably in my sexual self and not have to defend my boundaries because someone else thinks that all my shiny is for them. I think these leather folks are onto something.

Shawna's victory pose

Photo courtesy of Leland Carina

Mostly, I was happy to see Shawna win the title. My Sweet Girl is now Ms. Oregon State Leather 2014! I’m so proud of all that she’s accomplished and I know that she’s going to spend the next year doing great things for the leather community. I am endlessly amazed by her humility and grace, as well as the strength of her convictions and iron will. I love her.

I was proud of myself because after the contest was over, I did exactly what I wanted to do. I did not go to the after party. I did not go out to eat with friends. I went back to my lovely hotel and engaged in self-care. I ate food that I brought with me, that would not make me sick. I put ice on my broken toes. I read my book.

While I enjoyed alone time, I was excited when DW texted to say that he was in the lobby with Shawna. I took the elevator down to get them. In a surreal moment, we went back up with a couple that had just gotten married. They asked about Shawna’s Ms. Oregon State Leather sash!

When I think about you...It’s such a joy to sit and talk to friends. Even better when we snuggle up in bed together. I think DW delights in helping people actualize their desires because soon hands were roaming and Shawna started moaning. DW had her ask me for fisting (which I had mentioned being into earlier). We had her spread across the bed between us – DW’s cock in her throat and my whole hand inside her beautiful cunt. Fisting is such a deeply spiritual experience for me, although I normally have more of an opportunity to check in with the person I am inside. Her vaginal contractions were so strong, she would force my hand out over and over. It was the most amazing thing.

When Shawna felt she’d had enough, she switched to giving DW head from on top. I played with his nipples and sat on his face until I came. Shortly after, DW orgasmed.

It was four in the morning. I usually go to bed no later than 10:00, but some things are well worth staying up for. Shawna and DW left to return to their hotel room, but Shawna confessed that this was her first threesome. I feel honored that she chose to spend the evening with me. I hope I did right by her.

Satisfied and dreamyI tumbled into a contented, dreamy sleep, only to awaken at 8:00 a.m. That’s sleeping in for me! I stumbled around figuring out coffee and rejecting room service. Woody texted me from the Bolt Bus on his way back to Seattle. I got him to sext me while I used my vibrator to come over and over. I wonder what the person next to him thought.

My own trip home was good. I thought lots of deep thoughts. I felt both satiated and hungry for more. I really love the train. It’s so relaxing to stare out the window and think in peace. My fantasy life is rich, but occasionally, real life eclipses my imagination.

Jul 132014
 

BraggingMaybe it isn’t nice to brag, but I’m not a nice person and I’ve had an incredible week. Seriously, amazing! After complaining about not getting enough sex over the last bit, I am suddenly romantically and sexually saturated. I mean like, sex nine times in the past week! I haven’t been this active in years.

I love summer. All of my happy sexual energy flows like a fountain when the weather heats up. I’ve been investing energy in nurturing my existing relationships and going out into the world and cultivating new relationships. Now everything has blossomed in the summer sun.

I am so grateful for the amazing people in my life – the ones I’ve written about before and a couple of new ones I’m sure I will be writing about! (There are even a few people still on the hook for later.) In the mean time, let me break down my wild week for you…

  • That feeling when you admire someone from afar and then all of a sudden you find out that they are into you too? Yeah, I’ve been chatting all week with a gloriously gorgeous, sexy, smart woman.  Flirting and getting to know her makes me glow.
  • Now that I’ve made a commitment to do more photo shoots, I have many awesome people volunteering to be models. So excited!
  • So. Much. Kissing! Making out is the best thing ever.
  • I love having people cook for me and this week two different men cooked me incredible dinners. One was raw tacos, spicy and sensuously eaten. The other was oysters, salmon, shitakes, and peppers off the grill, served lakeside with raspberries in champagne. This totally gets me going!
  • MarksI learned about fire cupping, leaving many large dark circles on my front and back. (I’ve been told either I look like I was attacked by a hentai octopus or like an angel whose wings have been removed.)  Cupping was an excellent starting place for an erotic adventure.
  • Got the best spanking of my life from an experienced Daddy. I totally pushed the limits of what I thought I would be able to handle. My ass is black and blue. It made me want a fucking in the best way.
  • I spent one full moon evening naked with a group of people I care about while we tried to slap away mosquitos. I got to be their gender fluid hoser. No really, I sprayed them down with a garden hose! I also inherited a huge box of dongs. The jokes write themselves.
  • If you are open-minded about your definition of sex (and I am), I had sex an astonishing 9 times in 7 days: Four interesting and passionate partners, once by myself. Sometimes quick and dirty, once deep into the night in every position, three times in the shower until the water went cold. Four penis-in-vagina instances, more often making love with mouths and hands. Twice no one orgasmed (but it felt fantastic), three times only I came, and four times it was an all-skate. Every single time felt intimate and connective.

That’s right, I’m bragging about how great my sex life is. Actually, my whole life is awesome. Sometimes when I have a lot of sex I begin to feel out of balance, like I can’t sustain the pace and I might crash. It isn’t like that at all right now. I feel very grounded and balanced and good! I’m just needing to find more time in my schedule to write. I have so much to write about, but it’s happening faster than I have time to write.  I can’t wait to see what happens next!

Jun 212014
 

KissHarold and Melanie are having a date right now. It’s making me feel all warm and tingly thinking about them finding pleasure in each other. Their love for each other is a beautiful thing and makes the whole family happier. I adore Harold, so I want him to enjoy himself. I feel compersion – joy and expansiveness in my partner’s pleasure with others.

In fact, today I did my best to gift wrap Harold for Melanie’s enjoyment. From the time I woke up this morning, until he left for their date, I kept him turned on. We both knew he mustn’t orgasm, but everything else was fair game. We avoided penis-in-vagina penetration because neither of us has that much willpower. Other than that, I was ruthless. I know Harold’s body so well. I can keep him pretty close to the edge without going over.

We just flowed together from the moment I stretched myself awake and demanded that he scratch my back. We kissed, hard and wild, soft and sensuous, deep and demanding. I let him go down on me until I couldn’t stand it. I came for him with his fingers curled inside me. I taunted him with my body until he took his pants off. His balls suffered my brutal attentions. I squeezed, stroked, and slapped his hard cock.

Although I had no intention of actually letting him fuck me, I slipped into guy mode, turning the tables with every lame-ass wheedling plea I have ever heard: “Come on, I know a slut like you wants to,” and “You don’t want my balls to get blue, do you? You don’t want to hurt me,” and “Stop being such a tease.” It felt empowering to role-play with those ridiculous lines. We almost couldn’t resist!

Even though we were laughing and thoroughly enjoying ourselves, we both could feel when we needed to stop. There is a place where the energy shifts and frustration takes over, turning desire into something uncomfortable. We went to make breakfast, but we kept some low-level tension going – mostly caresses and kissing, innuendo and eye contact.

I picked it up again later, taking advantage of him helping me to bleach my hair by sliding a couple of lubed fingers into his asshole. I might have followed up with some lube on his penis. Poor boy. But I didn’t get into the shower with him. Again, we don’t have infinite willpower! I’m glad that I can orgasm as much as I want.

Delayed gratification can be so good. I don’t even care that he isn’t going to be fucking me! I imagine him like a wind up toy that I have spun up and sent in Melanie’s direction. I can’t wait to hear about how it goes!

Jun 082014
 

A-okayTwo weeks ago I wrote about starting a difficult conversation with my partner of 14 years, Joel, bringing up things I was unhappy with in our sex life. It was extremely painful for us both when I admitted that I wasn’t getting everything I desired, but it gave us a chance to talk through hurt feelings and realize that we really do want the same things. It’s a relief to let go of old resentments and just enjoy being together.

Our whole relationship has been lifted to a new level. We are spending more time hanging out together, working as partners, making love to each other. He says beautiful things to me all the time, letting me know that he respects me and is attracted to me. I really listen when he tells me about the loneliness he feels spending half the week away from home and the jealousy he feels toward my other partners. We take care of each other. We are dreaming and planning the future together.

We’ve been like this all along, but I feel so much more aligned with Joel right now. He is way more present with me. Maybe the things I wrote before kind of woke him up. Maybe stepping forward to talk about these uncomfortable things made it possible for me to be more present with him. Either way, or both, I believe we are happier together than we have been in years.

Last night Joel came into the bathroom to keep me company while I got ready to go out. I had 20 minutes to be totally ready to walk out the door. As I finished applying mascara, he commented on my cleavage. I’m not even sure how it happened, but I was almost instantly out of my pants and underwear, balanced on the edge of the counter, bracing my feet against Joel’s shoulders as he buried his face in my cunt.

When the sensations got too intense to stand any more direct stimulation, I bent over the sink and asked him to give me a few swats. His hand landed a few well placed spanks, leaving my ass hot and stinging. My face was level with his cock when he unzipped his fly. I gave him a few strokes and looked up at him. I wanted to be fucked. Joel positioned himself behind me while I braced myself against the sink. It took us a moment to get him inside me because I was so wet. Feeling him thrust into me, pulling my hips back to meet him, made my toes curl in ecstasy.

He came, pushing deeper into me and holding back his orgasmic cries. We held position for a few moments, hearts pounding, breathing hard. Then he held me and we laughed. I wiped up and finished getting ready.

I thought about this encounter compared to the one I wrote about 2 weeks ago. In many ways what happened was the same – quick, in the bathroom, cunnilingus, fucking, no orgasm for me – but my experience of it couldn’t be more different. Two weeks ago I felt like I hadn’t fully consented, that I was being used, and that we weren’t connecting. Last night we made love in a way that I felt in control of, was super sexy for me, and brought us closer together. I made a conscious decision not to try bringing myself to orgasm because I wanted to spend my evening in that turned-on state. Call it prolonged foreplay. The time limit actually contributed to my ardor. I love a good quicky.

I am so much happier now than I was a few weeks ago. I wish I would have been brave enough, ready enough, to have these conversations with Joel sooner. I think that resentment kills relationships quicker than anything else. Letting go of the things I resented has let me feel close to him again. Communicating better about what I want has let Joel participate in my life in a way that we both want. I feel more involved in his life as well. Everything simply seems easier. I’m going to keep talking.