The other component of sex is what’s in your brain.
Most people, men and women both, fantasize — during masturbation, but also during sex with partners. The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex says that in one study, 71 percent of men and 72 percent of women said they fantasized while with partners to get more turned on. Similar rates fantasize during masturbation. More than half of men and nearly a quarter of women think of sex at least once a day.
Fantasies push toward the edge of experience and beyond. Often fantasies include acts and partners people would never consider in real life — wherever the edges are. Anything from sex with your boss, to sex with a family member, to sex with a horse could turn you on, in your mind. And that’s your business — unless you want to write erotica, and make your fantasies turn someone else on. It’s pretty normal to fantasize the outré, and never do it. It can be just a daydream, a mental change of pace.
Not only does fantasy take you places you may never go, it can take you places you definitely want to end up in. Many people first did their partners in their minds. That hot checker at the grocery store? Hmm… what if you walked up and… hmm, the walk-in refrigerator? Too cold. The parking lot? Pretty public… maybe that’s good…
You can take it from there.