“Love is not singular except in syllable.” ~Marvin Taylor
This is a real illustration of our polycule’s love. We’re missing a member in this photo, but her love is still with us, entwined like our limbs. Love is not singular, I am blessed many, many times over.
To see other entries in this week’s Valentine’s competition, click below…
Photography lights were crowding the bathroom, focused on the bathtub where water was running. Harold was already naked. I was asking our photographer, the talented David Steinberg about his boundaries: Was there anything he was uncomfortable with us doing? (I had already checked with Harold and he was fine with anything but scat and age play.) David just didn’t want us to drag him into the tub with his photography gear. Awesome! That left a lot of things open.
For some reason I was more nervous about this photo shoot than I normally would be. Usually Harold and I are just messing around with the camera, but sometimes we’ve done more serious shoots. It wasn’t David. He’s very sweet and wise, always professional, easygoing. I love working with David and I consider him a friend. I trust him.
I think that I was more nervous this time around because of my current emotional state. Sex is not always easy right now. If it were just Harold and I having a date, I wouldn’t be anxious because if I freaked out or just couldn’t manage to be in my sexy place, he would hold me, or we would go for a walk, or something. There’s more pressure to perform when someone is there with a camera, even if the intention is for us to do what we would normally do, ignoring David and his camera as much as possible.
I’m actually pretty good at that – creating a bubble around Harold and myself and filtering out everything else. It helps that our intense sexual energy tends to occupy my mind. Sure, at one point I wondered if I was taking too long to come and would Harold and David get bored? It was a quick thought, easily overcome. I had another moment when Harold left the room for a few minutes and I was in the bathtub alone with David taking pictures. I felt uneasy briefly, and then got myself off to keep the energy going.
I did encounter a time when I felt uncomfortable and a little freaked out. Harold had been topping me a bit and flogging me. I loved the sensation of the flogging, but something just wasn’t right. We stopped and he held me – me lying on top of him in a position that I find soothing. We murmured at each other while David fussed with his lights. It afforded us a kind of privacy to work things out. I know that David would have left the room for us or that I could have stopped right there if I wanted. That made it possible for me to stay in the moment. Instead, I shifted our play toward something that I particularly love, squirting.
After we were all done, David mentioned that our lovemaking style was that of sustaining low-level intensity in order to build to a super intense finish. I think it must be fascinating to get to observe so many different people making love intimately. What an amazing job!
While it was a lot of fun to do, now I’m feeling fragile. Harold and I did many of the things that are usual for our sex life, but we did them MORE. A good scene can be exhausting. Also, I have the sense that I put myself out there rather more than I am used to at the moment. Time for some aftercare and self indulgence.
I won’t know for a while how the photos came out. David shoots film rather than digital. It’s all a grand experiment that I’m thrilled to be a part of. It’s exciting waiting for the outcome – kinda like waiting for Santa.
Today marks 18 months of blogging since my first post on June 1st, 2010. This is also my 300th post!
When I first agreed to blog my sex life, I didn’t have any idea what I was getting into, I just did it, without thinking about how it would impact my life. It took me a while to find my voice. I still like to experiment with different formats and approaches. While sex has always been a big part of my life, it’s been interesting to frame my life in terms of sex. It’s made me broaden my definition of sex.
I find I’m sometimes tempted to do something sexually just because it would make a good blog post, but that doesn’t make a huge difference because I’m also just adventurous. Many times my sex dates include testing out products for review. My partners know that anything is fair game for the blog. But my life is by no means all sex. I am the mother of 5 children, and you wouldn’t believe (or maybe you would) how many posts I write with Blues Clues or Barney in the background.
It’s been a great trip – and I plan to keep going! I want to share with you some of my favorite experiences so far…
I am most proud of my gender series. I learned so much interviewing Colleen, David, Jim, Kyle, and Aleksa. I’m still learning about gender all of the time, especially my own. I wrote about my experience packing a cock in My Inner Boy. I’ve worked harder on this series than anything else I’ve done for the blog and it’s been totally worth it in terms of what I got out of it – especially the friends I made.
Making erotic videos is something that I’d like to get better at. (I have plans!) Of the ones we’ve already made, a few stand out for me. The Rainy Afternoon video is precious to me because of the energy between Harold and me. We had a lot of technical difficulties, so the result is very “art house,” but I was pleased with it; a genuine connection is harder to capture than anything. I also have to mention the More Love video that we made for all the poly people on Valentine’s Day (and for a fan who wanted to see some plushy sex). Harold and I should both be embarrassed by our acting, but it was sooooo fun to make. I like being so totally silly. I was disappointed that it didn’t provoke more of a reaction.
We got a huge reaction over our Figging Lab Experiment and the Figging Lab Results. Our labs are written rather tongue-in-cheek, but people took them pretty seriously. I am disappointed that I made up such a beautiful data sheet, but that no one to date has returned a completed experiment to me. That’s too bad! Another post discusses the mathematics of Viagra. Did you know that Viagra leads to math?
Some of my posts have been deeply emotional and reveal much of my inner workings. You can see my journey over time working through sex abuse issues and wanting to be topped in The Opposite of Love, Sex in the Shadow, Okay on the Outside, Walking through the Darkness, Fear and Arousal, Magic Words, and Deep Dark Fantasies.
My trip to Hawaii was big for me. I got to spend time with my girlfriend, Erika, and I met a bunch of really fabulous people. All of the foliage in Hawaii looks erotic.
Another pivotal moment for me was the first close up picture of my cunt I’d ever seen. I wrote about it in Ready for my Close Up, talking about all of my conflicting feelings.
It’s interesting to read Is Thin the Only Sexy? written almost a year ago. I talk about my body image after seeing nude pictures of myself and realizing that I was fat. I decided that fat is still sexy. It totally is. But I also realize that I’ve lost 35 pounds since then. I feel much more comfortable in my body now, but I still look at pictures of myself and feel unhappy.
Some of my favorite posts have to do with being part of a family. My children drew pictures for Secret Life of a Mommy. In Love Song for my Metamour I got to express all of the wonderful things I feel about sharing my life with Melanie. A Poly Jolly Christmas talks about how blessed I feel to have my large poly family together over the holidays.
Finally, I do a lot of reviews, but a few things have really changed my life. One of them is the book, I’ll Show You Mine, which features gorgeous photographs of vulvas. Another is Buck Angel’s Sexing the Transman, a documentary/porn flick that taught me a ton about transmen. Also, working with the photographer, David Steinberg, over two photo sessions was deeply moving.
Photo by David Steinberg, 2011
As you can see, blogging has had a huge impact on my life. These posts represent my highs and lows, ins and outs of the last 18 months. I want to thank all of our readers for your thoughtful comments and constant support. Your participation means so much to me!
Winning a contest is fun, but winning a cool kinky sex toy is even better! I recently won one of Crystal Delights‘ giveaways. I didn’t know what they were going to send me, but it turns out it was a gorgeous glass butt plug with a real fur tail attached! I feel like such a lucky girl! I love this tail – just don’t call me a furry!
Furries are a community of people into anthropomorphic animals with human characteristics. Some furries also eroticize anthropomorphic animals and explore the sexual aspects of furridom. An animal tail butt plug lends itself perfectly to this type of play. I immediately want to put the tail in and romp around in the woods! I think that makes me a wild grrrl. It’s an interesting idea, but not what I’m into. Or is it?
Sure, Harold and I fought over who got to wear it first. It’s awesome. I’m only partially inclined to stick things in my ass and I thought it was cool. I can wag my tail! And it was incredibly comfortable. The glass is totally smooth and a great shape. It took me a couple of minutes to ease the plug into my ass, but it never felt bad. In fact, it was hardly noticeable once in place.
I did go out into the woods, in the cold, cold rain, to dance around. Then I curled up in front of the fire and snoozed, my tail wrapped around me. It didn’t feel sexual, exactly. It felt sensual. Primal and animal. Then I let Harold have a turn. That was a turn on – seeing Harold with a tail! It looks so real.
Neither of us had any problems inserting, wearing, or removing the Minx Plug. I did worry about how to clean my new tail. The pyrex plug washes right up with soap and water, but what about the fur? I found these instructions on the Crystal Delights website:
Based on how much care my new tail needs and the inability to sterilize, I am unlikely to share it with anyone but Harold. It’s really a one person sex toy.
I’m really taken by this plug with tail. I’ve never tried anything like it, so I don’t have anything to compare it to, but I think it’s just amazing. I never would have thought to purchase a tail, which makes me doubly grateful for the opportunity to try this one out. Also, I have been very impressed with Crystal Delights quality and customer service so far. Winning this tail has been a great experience from one end to the other!
The only drawback to the tail, from my perspective, is that a real tail would come out at my tailbone. My rectum is too low. Even as I type this, I’m cracking up – no, I’m not a furry. I don’t care about how realistic it looks, right? Anyway, I don’t know what you would do to make a butt plug look like it came out higher. It’s not really a flaw, just my observation.
Bottom line: This beautifully made plug with tail makes me bounce with glee!
Grade: A
I’ve decided to spend most of today in bed. I’ve earned it with my wild weekend and I have to remind myself that I’m still healing from surgery 4 days ago. I’d like to say that I’m having a crazy sexy time, but most of that is going on in my mind, not my body, as I process through the incredible amount of input I’ve gotten over the past two days.
Mostly, it’s been SEAF – the Seattle Erotic Art Festival. What an amazing experience! I feel very lucky to have participated this year, both as an artist and as an attendee. I’m blown away with how engaging this year’s festival is. There is the visual art – fantastic artists like David Steinberg, Michael Rosen, Patti Beadles, Charles Davis, Mina Bast, and Jeff Hengst. And there was way more, those are just a few that particularly caught my attention. Then there was the literary art. I got to do my first poetry reading. People asked me to sign their copy of the book. And the people I heard read are all so good. I was particularly impressed with (and maybe crushing on a little) Kyle Jones. It’s so fulfilling to be surrounded by people who not only think a lot about sex, but craft their thoughts into beautiful concepts, wielding words like hammers or paintbrushes. I can feel it go right through me.
All of this would have been enough to have me reeling for days, but there was more. Like the Queeriodic Table, modeled after the periodic table and full of good words to describe any point on the Queer spectrum. I found a new word for myself (I love new words!): I am a futch. Like femme-butch. It can mean both at once, or alternating. I can’t decide if I like it better than boi. I suppose I can use both!
And La Figa was there, covering gorgeous bodies with luscious food and handing out samples. A couple danced the tango amidst the art. There were boxes mixed in with the visual art that featured scents. There were so many great displays and decorations, so much to take in. Perhaps my favorite joy was seeing the wild outfits people wore to feel sexy, as wildly divergent as their sexual predilections. It was all there – from street hooker to drag queen to kilt to The Matrix, to practically naked, to elegant, to metallic, to feathers, to robotic, to rave – everyone was showing off in all their splendor. It was very difficult for me to not touch or put it in my mouth.
Outside of SEAF I had a few notable experiences. Harold and I had sex in front of about 30 people who all paid admission. Okay. Truthfully, we were models for a workshop that David Steinberg taught about taking erotic photographs of couples. It was an interesting experience. The workshop itself was a lot of useful information about the kind of photography I want to be doing. Then the demo part happened and Harold and I made love in the center of a big room with people all around. It was easier than it sounds. I mostly closed my eyes and shut out everything but Harold. I was occasionally aware of David taking pictures, but mostly not. I had a few momentary thoughts of sucking in my gut to look good, but I quickly let that go. The most important thing was to be real in my love for Harold. I’ll be curious how the photos come out!
I also had a weird experience where I offered to publicly support a new non-profit organization that fights for the rights of sex workers, only to be told no thanks because I’m only a sexuality blogger, not a sex worker. I thought the whole point of working toward rights for sex workers is to make people aware that not all sex workers are street walkers. People make a living through sex in many different ways and they are all subject to discrimination. Sorry SWAAY.org, I think you’re missing the point – I hope you get it figured out.
It’s just been an incredible weekend. I’ve met so many fascinating people, many of whom I hope to work with in the near future. And the weekend’s not over yet – this evening I’ll get out of bed to go see Susie Bright with Melanie and Harold. No rest for the wicked!
Today is the first anniversary of my public commitment ceremony with Harold, where Joel and Melanie officiated. I’m sentimental and romantic. I like to acknowledge and celebrate everything. I’m not the kind of girl who expects gifts on her anniversary and feels hurt if he doesn’t remember. I just like looking back at the highlights and seeing where the path has led from that place. It’s a way of remembering the good things and measuring my progress.
Today’s anniversary got me thinking about the other important dates in my relationship with Harold. (I have a whole other set of dates I celebrate with Joel!) It amuses me to see how long Harold and I have been circling around each other. Around six years ago, Joel started inserting Harold into the fantasies he wove for me when we made love! Here are our mushy milestones…
October 1, 2005 – First time Harold brought me to orgasm. Harold and I had been flirting heavily and making out every chance we got. On this date, we were at a party at Harold and Melanie’s house and everyone was outside at the bonfire. Harold and I ended up in the kitchen alone together. We started kissing. I was pressed up against the kitchen counter. He pulled up my skirt and started rubbing my clit through my panties. It only took a few minutes for me to come, rather loudly. A friend walk through the kitchen right about that time, which made me laugh. It was fabulous.
April 29, 2006 – First time I did CBT on Harold. We were at a sex party and Harold handed me one of his ball whackers. I blanched when he explained that he wanted me to hit him in the balls. I hadn’t known he was into having his balls hit. We hadn’t ever had that discussion. I told him that I couldn’t do it because I couldn’t hurt someone else, but I didn’t let go of the mallet. Harold slowly talked me through it and let me try a few slow hits. When Joel came to ask for my attention, I growled at him because I was so enthralled by CBT. That mallet is still my favorite CBT tool.
August 19, 2006 – First time Harold went down on me. Harold was talking about wanting to do more erotic photography so I volunteered to model. It was a beautiful warm sunny day and we took pictures in Harold’s back yard. It took me a little bit to warm up, but by the time we were in his treehouse everything was flowing. I was all naked and stretched out on a bench when Harold put down the camera and asked to lick my pussy. I was so surprised because I was in work mode, but honestly it was the start of how we work and make love now.
August 31, 2007 – Beginning of our committed relationship. This was the first time we actually were alone together for several hours in order to make love. We had all of the necessary discussions with our spouses. In fact, Melanie came home early from work to watch the kids when my babysitter fell through. My memory is that it was good, but not fantastic – that was the second time we had sex, when it was so amazing that using protection totally escaped us.
March 27, 2008 – Day our child was conceived. We were staying in the French countryside outside of Switzerland. We spent hours of that trip fucking in our little garret, but this particular time I knew it was right. We had been using condoms, but on this day Harold paused and we looked at each other. We both knew that we would make a baby. We were nervous because I had miscarried a few months before and we didn’t want the pain of that. So in this very long moment, we looked at each other and we told ourselves that we were sure. And we fucked without a condom.
December 17, 2008 – Day our child was born. Her birth did not go as planned. Our home birth stretched past 24 hours of labor and became a hospital birth. It was many hours of nightmare for me, but we were all united together, the four of us as a team. In the wee morning hours our girl was born, changing everything. I had thought that I was giving Harold and Melanie something they wanted, but the truth was more profound and is still revealing itself to me. This is the day that our family was truly born.
August 31, 2009 – Harold and I made commitments to each other privately. We were on a backpacking trip at one of the prettiest places in the world, Goldmyer Hot Springs. While sitting in the hot springs, with the hummingbirds whirring and the river rushing, we pledged our love and our lives to each other. It was powerful and intense and changed our relationship. The seeds of WholeSexLife were also sown on this trip.
May 15, 2010 – Harold and I celebrated our commitment in a public ceremony. With 70 or 80 of our closest friends, we created a magical wedding. We dressed in fey finery and created a grove of sparkling trees in the backyard. It was fun and beautiful and we had Melanie and Joel to help us, as well as all seven of our children. It was important to me that we acknowledge our relationship publicly because I want everything that we would have if we were monogamous. It lets everyone see how normal it is and gives everyone permission to celebrate love. What can be better than that?
See, I get very sentimental about my relationships. I’m amazed at how many of my special dates mark something sexual! Time seems to go by so quickly, but I like to remember. I like to look forward as well, to all of the firsts and life events yet to come. It seems my life is made of joy.
The Seattle Erotic Art Festival is only a week away! I’m pretty excited about SEAF because I finally submitted my work this year and they chose to feature one of my poems and one of my photographs. This is the first time I’ve ever had my visual art in a show. It’s been a learning experience, but I can’t wait to see the results. It’s awesome to see my work professionally printed and framed. The poem has been published in an anthology for the occasion and is available to purchase online or at SEAF itself. I believe I’ll also be reading it aloud on Friday and Saturday evenings at the Festival. But I’ll share it here as well…
Deeper
I struggle because I like the feel of the fight.
Show me your strength, Baby.
Prove that you are worthy of my surrender.
Bind me to your will.
Hold me fast,
And you’ll know when you hold my heart.
Open my eyes.
Show me Innana’s footsteps in the dust of my soul,
Lead me deeper.
I’ll dance naked to your drum.
Take me down
To the simple beat of leather on flesh,
To a rhythm of sensation.
Breath in, breath out.
I want to feel you
In the throb of every heartbeat
And the sting of every stroke.
The only path to peace I know is pain.
Open me up with your heat
Petal by petal like a dewy rose
In the bright light of a summer morning.
Strip me bare.
Make me scream.
Baby, the only refuge I need,
Is you.
Give me waves,
Deep oceanic currents,
To crest and ride above the swirling debris of my mind
And crash against the rocky shores.
Let me break against the force of you,
Then draw me in with your undertow.
Take me deeper.
Open the door
To the quiet places inside.
Show me your world,
Knowing beyond words
The mysteries of you.
Make us one.
When I am breathless and begging,
Burning with desire,
Dionysus shivering and shattered,
Baby, let me be your temple
And your tempest.
Enter and find haven in the circle of my arms.
Let me rock you over and over
‘Til the storm subsides.
And then I’ll take you deeper…
I’ve been working on a duct-tape corset to wear to the event and contemplating wearing red chain one of the evenings. After all, I have an artist’s reputation to uphold. I think it’s going to be a sexy, fabulous, amazing, good time. I hope to see you there!
I’m in pervy heaven. Harold and I are in the San Francisco Bay area, having a great time visiting with his sons. We’re staying with Ned and Maggie who are both kinky sex-positive activists and performers. It’s awesome! I’ve never stayed in a guest room decorated in floggers and condoms before. And the conversations rocks! It’s a great vacation, but it’s also giving me lots to think about.
When we arrived last night, we took the BART from the airport into town. It took around 45 minutes, which gave me lots of time to gaze at Harold lovingly, then blush and look away when he met my eyes. I don’t know what’s gotten into me! It’s like we’re 15 and newly in love. He actually bent down and kissed the back of my hand. I’m twitter-pated.
We had dinner at the most amazing Ethiopian restaurant in Oakland. I love that you use the spongy flat bread (called injera) to scoop up your food. It tasted so good. And it’s so much fun! We also drank 
enough honey wine to be tipsy. It’s a lovely place to be. We sat and talked until after midnight. I am rarely up past midnight, but that didn’t stop Harold and me from making love after we went to bed. The lure of his skin rubbing against mine was too great. I couldn’t resist. Plus I shaved my legs and that felt fabulous across flannel. I’m a sensualist.
I don’t know what my excuse is for waking up horny this morning. I was awake at 6:30 and couldn’t fall back asleep. And there are all of these sex toys on the wall. I was jittery and needed calming. All these reasons are true, but mostly I am relishing this time to be close to Harold without all the needs of everyday life interfering. I’m hungry for that intense intimacy. I adore that we can fuck without thought.
It’s not all fucking though. Today I am sporting a new look that Maggie tells me is “hip dyke.” Cool. I feel totally different. I hold myself differently, move differently, and present myself to other people differently. Harold and I walked to the farmer’s market, where hip gay boys courted me – a kind of non-sexual come-on or recognition of kindred souls. I like this. Of course, if I’m a hip dyke, Harold comes off as an old fag. Queers on vacation!
Then we were off to a brunch with some of Ned and Maggie’s friends. It’s great to meet like-minded people, but maybe a little awkward to be cautiously treated like the cool, but sexually unaware parents. No, it wasn’t that bad, especially when I mentioned what I do for a living. It ended up being fun.
Now I’m taking some down time, resting up for whatever the city has in store for me this evening. I have a feeling it’s something big.
Sometimes sex can be therapeutic. Today I used a long-time fantasy to help myself work through some childhood trauma. I understand that the resulting images may be difficult for some people – if blood freaks you out please close your browser window now. We used a lot of stage blood and dirt and sweat and ashes to make me a dirty, dirty girl. A girl who is pissed as hell and gonna kick your ass as soon as she gets out of those chains! It was a weird trip today, but I think it helped…
Full of fear
Filled with hate
Only violence is forever
Beauty is a fragile, fleeting thing
A brief respite…
Love is a pastime
Trust is a game
Family is a farce
Anything can be broken
Promises are pointless
Words are empty
Faith is temporary
Rage is survival
Blood is reality
Only violence is forever
-Evoë (1991), age 18
Saturday, 8:17 am – Joel is ordering room service! I’m all sleepy and warm and someone is going to bring me breakfast. This is heaven. I’m even being bad and wicked and getting orange juice. I haven’t had orange juice since I started dieting 6 weeks ago! Now Joel is explaining how a male ejaculation is a data transfer of 1587 terabytes of data in about 3 seconds. He got this off of Twitter from an 18 year-old gay furry. I love my life.
Saturday, 9:00 am – Room service! There’s something so wonderful about hearing that knock at the door. I also really love that the guy brought the tray in while I was wearing only a sheet. And he put the try down on the desk, right next to my vibrator. They did mix our order up with someone else’s, but they fixed it quickly. Freshly squeezed orange juice, hot coffee with cream, and a vegetable and cheese frittata. Fabulous.
Saturday, 10:32 am – I’m still lazing about in bed. I called home to check on everything and got stricken with a wave of panic. I’m so far away from my children. It would take me hours to get home if anything happened. I feel horrible about taking time off. I tried to explain it to Harold and ask for reassurances, but he just got defensive and confused. I just want to know that my children are safe and that I am loved. I’m not good at this lax and indulgent conduct. I’m horrible at relaxing. Everything I’m holding in comes out when I let go. I want to sit in the (very nice) closet and cry. Instead I’m going to trust everyone at home to take care of things and get over myself. Maybe with a shower and an orgasm…
Saturday, 11:03 am – Menstruating. Might explain the weepiness, anxiety, and vague crampiness in my midsection. Thankfully I don’t bleed very much due to the IUD. It wouldn’t do to stain the nice white sheets.
Saturday, 12:26 pm – Okay. After an orgasm, a shower, a valium, and another call home, I am ready to venture out into the city. Fuck, all of this relaxing is stressful.
Saturday, 4:11 pm – We’re back at our hotel room after roaming around Portland’s Saturday market and all of the blocks in between. I had heard that Portland has a lot of strip clubs and I am finding this to be true. Nude girls dancing everywhere! The market itself was great. I’m amazed at how many people were there and the diversity of the goods offered. We bought some amazing spices, some birthday presents for our oldest, and some greek food from a man wearing a shirt that said, ” I have a feta-ish.” I approve. We walked past Voodoo Doughnut where “the magic is in the hole” because Joel was curious, but the line literally stretched around the block. I’m just not that into donuts. Came back to the hotel to discover that I’m bleeding more heavily than I thought and managed to soak both my panties and my jeans. Suck.
Saturday, 6:47 pm – All dressed up and ready to go to dinner. It’s fun to put on make up and stockings, even if no one ever knows. It makes me feel sexy.
Saturday, 10:45 pm – Dinner was AMAZING. We went to Castagna and had the chef’s tasting menu. It’s totally sex. This is what making love is all about – small tastes of many different things, each one a work of art, served slowly with style, to delight your senses. Joel had the wine pairings as well, so he had 11 or 12 half glasses of wine. He’s pretty toasted. I can’t get over how good this food is. I ate truffles! And candied beets with goats milk ice cream and hay crackers. And just so many creative and beautiful dishes. I feel so inspired. And Joel and I really enjoyed taking the time to sit and talk together. Dinner took 3.5 hours from start to finish! Maybe because they kept taking away all of our silverware and bringing fresh. I’m so happy!
Sunday, 12:14 am – On the way back from the restaurant I asked our cab driver about all of the strip places I’ve seen in the city. Portland must be full of gentlemen since there are so many gentlemen’s clubs. He said that even some restaurants have put in small stages and offer strip shows. I’m all for nudity, but this seems excessive. Joel and I went into the dive of a strip club down the block from our hotel. I knew what to expect, but it still seems depressing. The girls performing are just doing a job. They seem kind of vacant or bored. I’d hoped for some energy, something sexy. One of them was pretty good. She was a bit of a contortionist. Joel tipped her on our way out because she reminded him of me, only 15 years younger. Ouch, but I know he meant it to be complimentary. I’d hoped to make love tonight, but Joel is completely asleep. I’m going to drift off to sleep now, thinking about how blessed I am and how in love…
