I consider myself pansexual and genderqueer, but over the past few years I’ve presented more like a straight woman. I have two male partners and a passel of kids. Sure, I have a crew cut, but I can be pretty femme. I’m polyamorous, but I haven’t really dated at all in the past 4 years. I was busy helping to forge our family. Then I’ve been doing all of my intense emotional work. And WholeSexLife takes up a lot of my time. But I’ve had a few people on my radar, just waiting for the right moment.
Blyss is a good friend who I’ve been flirting heavily with for a couple of years. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other and build some basic trust, with some sexual teasing mixed in for interest. When she moved out of state recently I figured that I’d missed my chance. But then she wrote me a letter and kept sending me messages online. I was touched – and interested. I saw Blyss around Christmas time and invited her to have sex with Harold and I and to take pictures for the website. She was totally interested, but then had to cancel.
I saw her last week and all of my boi stuff kicked into high gear. In a fit of bravado and sexual interest, I asked Blyss to come and spend the night with me. I even asked in front of one of her other partners and one of mine. I didn’t even think about it – I wanted her.
Later, I freaked out a bit – What was I thinking? (That I wanted to spend time with her.) I don’t know how to make love to a woman! (Not true. I’ve done it before.) What if she canceled again? (Always possible, but not the end of the world.) I spent all week thinking about the upcoming date. I went to trim my nails to lesbian standards and couldn’t find any clippers. I ran out and purchased 3 sets of clippers. I cleaned my bedroom. I bought sexy new panties. I put clean sheets on the bed. I arranged roses and candles. I went through my sex toys trying to think of using them on a female. In short, I was anxious and obsessive. Thankfully, Harold didn’t mind that I talked a lot about Blyss.
Just before Blyss was supposed to arrive I gave up. I decided I couldn’t do it. Then she came through the door and everything was okay. She has such a beautiful way of making everything good. It helped soothe much of my awkwardness. We did normal homey things like eating dinner and reading a bedtime story to the kids.
Then we talked and talk and talked. Blyss is brilliant and sensitive. We giggled. And the boi kicked in again. I wanted to make love to this woman. Enough talking, I pounced. We rolled around, kissing, exploring each other with mouths and hands. She left hickeys on my neck. She has amazing breasts. I loved doing things to her nipples that make her squirm and squeal. I was reminded of how much I adore cunts. She likes to be stretched, so I worked up to four fingers, curling and pressing. I added clit rubbing and nipple stim until she came. SO amazing!
Strangely, sex with a woman really isn’t any different than sex with a man. People are people. It has me thinking about how passive I have traditionally been in my relationships – I have let men take the lead and then decided whether or not to follow. It is a cultural gender paradigm that I was following without thought. With women, I have often felt awkward, waiting to see who would make a move. I’m proud to say that this time, I made a move.
After that, I had to fuck her! I found my two-way and buried my cock in her cunt. The brilliant thing about the two-way is that I get both g-spot and clitoral stimulation with it. I actually orgasmed fucking her, only MY cock stayed hard. I felt like such a boi, needing to bone the beautiful girl. The energy was fantastic. 
Sadly, at that point I was getting really tired. Probably all of the oxytocin being released into my system from the orgasms. I had to ask Blyss if she would be offended if we went to sleep. We cuddled up. I woke much the same way in the morning. I worked from bed, holding her hand, and watching her sleep, marveling at my good fortune to have such an amazing person in my bed.
When she woke, we made breakfast for the children. We sat and talked. She left for work. It all felt so smooth and natural. Seamless in a way that I always long for. It was my girlfriend experience. It’s early yet, but I can see possibilities in this relationship. I’ve invited Blyss back again.
Other posts that might interest you:
- Book tour: Say Please, edited by Sinclair Sexsmith
- I kissed a girl
- Blood, Sweat, and Queers
- Gender fluidity
I purchased my first set of nipple clamps 18 years ago. They looked a lot like miniature jumper cables. They were adjustable from painful to ohmygodIamgonnadie. I loved them. I put them on my boyfriend’s scrotum. I wore them when I masturbated, the heavy chain swaying, but really, they were kind of extreme. I find that, now that I’m older and like myself more, I’m looking for versatile clamps that offer a firm pinch without a lot of pain.
Kinklab’s Mandible Body Clamps seem to meet my needs. I asked Babeland to send me some nipple clamps to review and let them choose the best set to send to me. As always, Babeland has an excellent grasp of quality sex toys. Mandible Body clamps have a lot going for them (besides a low price of $20!)…
They are aesthetically pleasing. Kinklab says these babies are based on vintage surgical clamps from 1909. I know it’s shallow, but I can’t help but judge by appearances. I want to make sure that if I scene in public, all will be beautiful. If I am going to wear something, it had better look good. I love the shine of the Mandible Clamps’ chrome plated steel. The drape of the chain is attractive. The clamps are just large enough to make a statement, without being obnoxious. In other words, they look great.
They are versatile. The gap between the tips adjusts from 1/2″ to 1/16″ making it possible for the same set of clamps to be used on my large pierced nipple and my guy’s tiny nubbins. In fact, you are limited only by your imagination. I tried these clamps on my tongue and my labia. Both feel interesting! I also like that the chain that connects these is removeable.
They are comfortable. If you can say that about a body clamp. The tips are covered in rubbery PVC (latex-free!) and the ends bend out to grasp your appendage. The point is to tighten the clamps until they stay in place by themselves, not to cut off circulation. They even worked pretty well with my piercings.
They are very sexy. It turns me on to use these clamps on someone else. I like to pull on the chain while doing wicked things with my other hand. And I totally get off on using them myself. My intention is to bring my awareness to my nipples while also being engrossed in other sensations. I especially like being fucked from behind while wearing nipple clamps. The movement of the chain sends delicious thrills from my nipples, to my brain, to my cunt. It just feels good.
Of course, there are a few down sides. It did take me a few tries to figure Mandible Body Clamps out. I tend to turn the knob the wrong way fairly consistently. And it can be confusing to have two knobs – I once needed to remove a clamp quickly in a scene and I removed the chain instead. Like most clamps, these will sometimes slip off when you don’t want them to, but it’s a moment’s work to put them back on. I found it a little tricky to find a good position for the clamps around my piercings, but Kinklab’s design actually works much better than other clamps I’ve tried.
Overall, I really like Kinklab’s Mandible Body Clamps. They are not painful. Occasionally I long for painful clamps, but usually I prefer the level of sensation Kinklab provides here. The quality is obvious in design and construction. The look, function, feel, and fuck action are excellent!
Bottom line: perfect beginner and general use body clamps, but not for those looking for high levels of pain.
Grade: B+
Many families get together over the holidays and snap a few photos. Our family is no exception, but we can boast that our family includes porn stars! Harold and I teamed up to take some photographs of the incomparable and totally adorably in love, Ned and Maggie Mayhem of meetthemayhems.com while they were here visiting.
It was fun to watch them together during the very active photo shoot. Ned and Maggie are both athletic and playful. There was wrestling and Ned doing pushups bearing Maggie’s weight. Their sense of humor permeates their interactions, but mostly what I see is love. There is nothing as sexy as people in love.
I step into the shower. The lights are dim and soft music is playing. The children are asleep. It’s just me. I start to relax under the hot spray. It’s been a long day and a stressful week. I turn the water up as hot as I can stand it and let it pound against my back. I can let go. I don’t have to jump at every little noise. It’s okay to spend some time with myself.
I wash my hair. I let myself get drawn into the music and the sound of the shower. I start to breath slower and deeper. I feel myself present in my body. And I start to cry.
I give myself that. I let myself have it all out. The crying helps me to relax. I feel more grounded now. I realize that the water beating against my nipple feels pretty good. I switch to the other nipple. I’m starting to feel turned on. And for the first time in my life, I don’t have to share a shower with one or more children. I keep a vibrator in my shower now. No one is going to ask me what it is or pretend to drive it around the bathroom. It’s just mine. My time, with my vibrator, in my shower.
I use the vibrator on my clitoris while the water works on my nipples. My mind is blank. I’m just in the moment, experiencing my pleasure. All too soon, I come. Slow rippling waves of pleasure fill my body. I slump against the wall of the shower, staring idly at the tile. I come back to myself.
I am so grateful for this time. I’m so busy all of the time that I sometimes forget that I’m my own best company from time to time. I need to pamper myself. I need to escape the stress and just feel like a princess. A self-pleasuring princess.
As much as I enjoy intercourse (really a lot!), sometimes NOT having intercourse can be just as nice. There are times when having intercourse is not advised, but you still feel turned on or you want to connect with your partner. There are some couples who never have standard penis-in-vagina sex. I went through 6 weeks during pregnancy where I was told not to have penetrative sex or orgasm. We got really creative then. Just now, I’m experiencing some pain from a ruptured cyst on one of my ovaries. Penetration is sounding uncomfortable, so Harold and I played with some alternatives to intercourse on our date.
He went down on me right away. He’s very good at oral sex. He takes his time and doesn’t focus solely on my clitoris. He’s just amazing. Usually he’ll put a finger or two inside me, but he didn’t this time. He played with my nipples. I love that so hard. Between the nipple tweaking and his tongue, I came. It hurt some, so we decided not to do that again.
We kissed. We kissed long and slow. Is there anything more erotic than kissing? I felt him along the length of my body, but all of my focus was between our lips. Our mouths became instruments, playing a symphony of desire. Or perhaps we were communicating in a language our tongues translated for us. I felt so totally in the moment, so full of love. I had a few moments where I thought, ah, so this is what supersaturated feels like.
I decided to take over. Harold struggles with being receptive. He’d rather do things to me than let me give him pleasure. (Well, except for CBT. He’ll let me do what I want to hurt his balls.) So I turned him onto his stomach and massaged his back. As soon as I had the knots out and he began to relax, I got out a heavy flogger and I brought it down on the big muscles in his shoulders. I beat hard against his back, shoulders, and ass. I could see him melt into the bed as my rhythm soothed him. When his back was red, I stopped.
I rolled him over and tied up his scrotum. I started massaging his balls and licking the head of his cock. I gave a few experimental sucks, feeling him grow hard in my mouth. I spent a few minutes really deeply enjoying Harold’s cock with my mouth. Then I took off my rings and gave his balls a few hard punches. I love when he flinches and curls protectively. He looks in my eyes and I know that I have him.
He was now impressively hard. I took my time exploring his cock and balls with my hands and mouth, bringing him to the edge of orgasm and backing off. When I couldn’t take it any more, I squeezed a dollop of lube into my hands and wrapped them around his cock. My best hand job technique brought him to the edge again.
Inspiration struck. I got more lube and inserted a finger into his asshole. I pressed against his prostate while pumping up and down on his cock. He came like crazy. I’ve never seen so much spooge at once! I think it was 3 or 4 times as much ejaculate as normal – all of the semen in his body. I was so impressed. And I guess that it felt really intense as well. I would imagine that each contraction pumping out semen would feel pleasurable. Certainly, Harold seemed to be having a very good time.
After, we did a lot of hugging, kissing, and rolling around. We had this feeling of incompleteness, like we missed intercourse. I think it meant that we could have kept playing. We’re just used to finishing off our lovemaking with intercourse. Might be time to explore more activities that are not intercourse!
I miss having a girlfriend. It’s been a year since I went to visit Erika in Hawaii. I haven’t been intimate with anyone female in that year. It’s been longer still since I had a regular girlfriend. I keep thinking about what it felt like to kiss girls a few nights ago. It’s so different from kissing boys.
I really love kissing. Girls are so soft. And some of them bite! And girls have yummy curves that I want to run my hands all over. They have breasts and smooth skin. I like the way that most girls smell. And some girls have cunts. I miss being able to stick my whole hand inside someone. I miss the joy of bringing someone to orgasm over and over until they can’t stand it. I like feeling my breasts pressed against another set of breasts. I want to twine my fingers in her hair and pull. I want to massage her back and ass. I want to take sexy photos. I want a fucking girlfriend!
I just haven’t been in the best place to start a new relationship. I have so little time as it is. I have 5 children and two life partners. What do I have to offer a girl? I have an abundance of love. I also have a fair amount of 
desire. I’m working through my emotional stuff. I’m actually pretty stable, but I’m coming out of a needy phase. Would I be a good grrrlfriend? I’m enthusiastic.
And how would I go about finding a girlfriend? Shop around on OKCupid? Start looking at my friends in a different light? I know a lot of attractive and wonderful people. It seems so much easier with boys. I can tell when boys are into me, but I have no idea with girls. When I was younger I just turned straight girls, but now I’ve gotten all careful and responsible. Maybe when I’m ready the right girl will appear and I will recognize her.
Is the time for a girlfriend soon? I’m full of longing. I kissed a girl.
Hot summer days are sexy. I love the sun against my skin, sweat trickling between my breasts and behind my knees, the respite of a slight breeze through my hair. I want to live outdoors, close to the dry earth. I want to have sex – warm, sticky, joyful sex.
But a grrrl has to cool off once in a while. Today I couldn’t stop fantasizing about the cool kiss of ice on my skin. I took the Hitachi outside and had Harold help me video record some intense self-love with a bowlful of ice. I hope our quick-and-dirty home movie shows how much fun it was to get off in the hot and cold!
Photo by David Steinberg
Deep in the night we lie together, whispering endearments, legs tangled together with the sheets. Your fingertips brush my leg, spreading desire through my body like ripples through water. Our lips slowly come together, yours parting so your tongue can thrust between my teeth. I open for you. My own tongue traces the edge of your upper lip. My fingers follow the line from your shoulder to your hip. We both move to the slow heat building between us.
Deep in the night I feel my body come alive to you. I tingle at your touch. All sensations go straight to my cunt. I can feel my panties get damp as you murmur sexy things in my ear and kiss down my neck. Your fingers find my already hard nipples and tweak them painfully. Your passion makes me writhe in the sheets. I love this easy, sleepy, longing I feel for you.
Deep in the night I want you. As your fingers outline my pussy, I grasp your balls in one hand, letting them slide from one side of my fist to the other. I squeeze and knead until you groan. Your cock feels so right in my hand, the head sliding across my palm. My eyes are closed, my focus narrowed to these few points: the warmth and wetness of my cunt, your breath against my cheek, your hard cock against my ass, and the sweetness of the moment.
Deep in the night our fervor mounts. We rush to pull away my underwear, tossing it carelessly aside. I will be looking for it later, but I don’t care right now. You kneel between my thighs, but I don’t want to be fucked like that. I roll over, presenting my ass to you. You slide your cock into my cunt and I slide down onto my stomach with you inside me. You move your legs to either side of mine.
Deep in the night you fuck me hard. I love every thrust. I am so close to orgasm. It feels so good. You rock my whole body. You whisper to me that you are about to come, should you stop? No, no, no. I want you to fill me with your jizm. Please come. Fuck me.
Photo by David Steinberg
Deep in the night you plunge into me, your lust exploding into me. I move with you, taking you in. You are mine. We relax into bliss. Then you flip me back over and start in on overwhelming my senses. With fingers and tongue you bring me to my own orgasm. And then again.
Deep in the night we fall into each other’s arms, sated and full of love. Your fingers brush through my hair and your lips press against mine. I feel claimed, owned, cared for, and loved. We belong to each other, at least for this moment. We untangle the sheets. I find my panties. We collapse.
Deep in the night we snuggle down, bodies pressed together, breathing slow and even. Deep in the night we smile and sleep.
David Steinberg, by Evoë Thorne
Back in May, Harold and I volunteered to be models for an erotic photography workshop. They were looking for a couple who would be comfortable having sex in front of a room full of people, while being photographed. The instructor and professional photographer was David Steinberg. Sure, no problem, right?
Actually, it was okay. There were about 30 people in the room, but I just created a bubble for me and Harold to exist in. At first I was slightly aware of flashing my pussy at people and David and his camera being in our space. By then I had built up trust with David. We had talked on the phone a couple of times and met in person for a while before the day of the workshop. He seemed unassuming, thoughtful, warm, interested, professional, and playful. I liked David instantly upon meeting him, so I felt good about letting him be in our bubble for the workshop. After a few minutes of making love, I didn’t notice David or anyone other than Harold.
It was fun. Some part of me did know that people were watching, but rather than feeling like I had to perform, I let their energy fuel my sex. Yes, I am an exhibitionist. No, it wasn’t exactly like the ways we make love when we’re alone. For one thing, we tend to talk a lot more. I think it would have been better to have had loud music playing. It would have given me enough of a cover of privacy to feel more intimate with Harold. But it was still incredibly hot fucking on display.
I learned a lot and I met several cool people. David’s workshop on erotic couples photography was great. David’s philosophy about people and sex is very similar to mine – catching people when they are authentically in a sexual space is very sexy and endlessly interesting. No matter what people’s bodies look like or how old they are, I find images of real people who are turned on and in love to be hotter than traditional porn. Real sex is riveting. I hope I’m doing my part to further that cause.
Evoë Thorne, by David Steinberg
A few days later, David came out to Harold’s house and shot us again. This time it was just the two of us in our natural habitat, the way that David usually works. Our energy was more relaxed. I had just had surgery and the Seattle Art Festival weekend had worn me out. If I remember correctly, I had some emotional stuff up as well, but Harold and I are just good together. We did some CBT and bondage, a lot of oral sex, and a bit of fucking. We’re into each other and it shows.
David gave us proofs of both shoots. I’ve spent hours pouring over them. I think they are amazing. I love David’s perspective – his way of being in just the right place and capturing an authentic moment. I have my favorite 30 pics to share with you. You should know that I’ve cropped some of them and the two that are sepia toned were originally color that David forgot he had in his camera. Any mistakes there are mine.
I hope that you enjoy this glimpse into our intimacy. (It’s worth it to make Cool Iris full screen to browse the photos!)
These photos are so authentic, so real. I look at them and think about how much I love it when Harold looks at me like that or kisses me just so. I know what my body looks like, but I am amazed at how beautiful I look in spirit – like I’m actually inhabiting my body. I think that’s more true for the workshop than at home. I was higher energy. What surprised me was the number of images, from both shoots, in which I am touching Harold’s face in some way. I didn’t know that I did that!
I want to tell you which photos are my favorites, but I start picking them all. I’m so glad that we had a chance to work with David. Now we have this photo story of where and who we are as a couple right now. And it gave us a chance to get to know David. He’s a great guy. I consider him a friend. Although I don’t know him very well, we have been intimate together. Harold and I opened up to David and let him record our private selves. And he respected that in every way. Thank you, David Steinberg, for a beautiful experience and such beautiful photos.
David is always looking for couples to shoot. He doesn’t charge a fee, as long as he can use your photos for art shows and magazine publication. He gave us proof copies of all of our photos and digital copies. If you think you might be interested in experiencing an erotic photo shoot with David, here is his contact information:
David Steinberg
www.davidsteinberg.us
eronat2@gmail.com
415-674-1618
831-234-1073 (cell)
I can’t seem to get enough. Each orgasm seems to inflame my desire rather than sating me. My nipples ache and I long for them to be squeezed. My cunt is so wet that my panties are soaked. I feel desperate. It’s starting to scare me how out of control I feel. I’m obsessed.
It’s this teacher/student power dynamic role-playing that Harold and I have been doing. It’s come up at odd times all day. Even when we’re not actively engaged in the play, I’m fantasizing – thinking about what he might do to me next. I am so turned on. I’ve masturbated twice today and we had sex once. Until Mr. Henry became my Health teacher, I spent 2 or 3 weeks feeling uninterested in sex. Why am I suddenly on fire?
The fantasy is so strong and the reactions that get triggered in me have their roots in childhood abuse. I’m doing my best to get all of the good out of a bad experience, even if that means that I get turned on by things I’m ashamed of. It’s rocky. I’m constantly on edge, thinking that Harold will be appalled by what a slut I am and reject me. I don’t normally worry about that at all. He loves how sexual I am. But when I’m in this submissive kind of space it’s different. I’m scared that he won’t want me. It makes me act strangely.
Harold is good. He reigns me back in. He claims me and feeds my fantasy. He talks in my ear, telling me what to do. Today he said he needed me to model human anatomy for the class. He had his fingers inside me while he pinched my nipples. He said that I couldn’t come. He told me that he was going to let boys beat off above me and ejaculate all over me. It got me so fucking hot.
I’m hot all over again just writing about it. Obviously this is working. It’s a good thing to explore things that enhance your sex life, but when it gets out of control, what do you do? I think I might do anything Harold asked me to right now. Is there a point at which it becomes too much? What if it reaches obsession level?
I don’t think I’m there yet – I’m still taking care of the kids and working on my projects. But I am going to go get myself off again. This feels good.
