My Whole Sex Life

I’m skeptical of reviews done by people who don’t have the proper equipment to evaluate the product – for example, me reviewing the JackStrap, a device meant to help people in possession of a cock and balls to get off. I do not biologically possess a set of cock and balls. But here’s the thing, I approach sex like science. When I’m testing out a new product, I’m collecting data. I always try something several times before I review it, collecting as much information as possible, and lucky for me, I have two guys – so I can get both of them to try a penis-oriented product.

Jack Strap was sent to me by Ntimate, the same company that made the ingenious FleshWrap. I am eager to try out everything they can come up with based on my experience of FleshWrap. But what does the JackStrap do? From their website, “This simple silicone strap loosely connects your balls to the fingers you wrap around your cock. So, every stroke of your cock now also tugs and bounces your nuts.” Is this a good thing?

I rely on my guys to give me good information about penis-oriented things, like jacking off and the things they might do on their own to get off. Joel and Harold both confessed that sometimes it feels good to get some ball-bouncing action going, which is what Jack Strap is all about. Harold enjoys rough play with his balls, Joel is extremely sensitive and generally doesn’t like me to touch his balls.

It was Joel that tried JackStrap first. It really is a simple silicone strap with loops at either end. We struggled for a while to get his balls into the round opening, but he felt very cautious about pulling his scrotum through. I wrote to the company saying that we couldn’t get him in it, even with lube. The CEO of Ntimate, Jack Campbell, emailed me back himself:

Hmmm… That’s odd, as the JackStrap is stretchy enough to go around a 16 oz. drinking glass.

The procedure is to put both sets of fingers (both hands) into the larger round hole and pull them apart, and stretch the bejesus out of the JackStrap opening. Pull your hand maybe 4-inches (100mm) or so apart, creating an opening much, much larger than the target scrotum. Then while holding it that way, put it over the balls, and slip your finger out.

The point is that you cannot hurt or break the JackStrap by tugging it WAYYY open. And, a delicate approach is not best. Be aggressive. Grab the thing, slip all your fingers into the hole, pull it apart between your hands like you’re trying to break it, and just yank it wide freaking open.”

I gotta love a CEO who gives that kind of advice! Unfortunately, Joel wouldn’t let me near his junk again with the JackStrap, so I had to try it on Harold.

Harold I can be quite rough with and he had no problems getting JackStrap over his balls. His problem with JackStrap is that, sadly, he is not hung like a porn star. His penis is of average size and the finger holes for JackStrap hit much higher than the place he would normally hold his cock for beating off. Having too much give in the strap means that there is no ball-bouncing. It just didn’t really work.

Both of my test subjects said that, while the concept of JackStrap is good, there’s not really a lot of point in purchasing an item to do what they’ve already worked out ways of doing when it feels like the thing. They demonstrated masturbation techniques that elicited results similar to what JackStrap purports to do. My guess is that most men who would be interested, already have their method as well.

My conclusion to this science experiment? Based on my sample of two, JackStrap is not the ingenious device that FleshWrap is. It’s probably not worth shelling out the bucks for. But I have to rave about the company. Ntimate is an up and coming name in the sex toy industry, creating innovative products for men. Their customer service rocks my socks and I can’t wait to see what they do next.

Bottom line: unless you are a porn star who wants to jiggle and bounce your balls, wait for Ntimate’s next big breakthrough.

Grade: C-

 

Related links:

• Review: My Hand
• Review: FleshWrap
• Review: Ophoria v-ring
• Review: Tenga Eggs
• A trampling table for me
• The bondage chair

FleshWrap, by Ntimate, has me more excited than any toy I’ve reviewed in the past year (except maybe the Mystic Wand). It’s difficult to explain, but the results are spectacular. It’s a “male pleasure system,” different from anything I’ve ever seen, and Harold and I have tried a lot of testicular experiments.

Don’t get me wrong, FleshWrap is not a CBT device. It’s like an oval made of hypoallergenic polycarbonate rod, bent into the shape of a taco. You massage and stretch the testicles until you can place the scrotum into the FleshWrap, with one end up against the perineum and the other resting against the balls. Then you carefully work the skin of the scrotum into the frame until you have enough room to insert a stainless-steel crossbar that holds everything in place. I know that sounds confusing, but it’s fairly easy in practice, and just takes a bit of time. Harold can do it faster by himself, but I think it’s more fun as part of our foreplay. I only worry that I might pinch him!

The result of wearing a FleshWrap is that the balls are pushed up toward the cock, while putting pressure on the perineum. It pulls the skin of the penis tighter, increasing hardness. It had an amazing effect on Harold. His erections while wearing this product have been incredible. We’ve even been able to fuck at times when he didn’t expect to be able to. His orgasms were improved because of the extra stimulation to his balls. It seemed to work especially well when I was on top.

Of course, we are into CBT, so we used FleshWrap to get up to some serious stuff. We usually tie off Harold’s balls for any kind of impact play. If he’s standing, I like to stretch his balls down. I love Fleshwrap when he is lying down because his balls are presented to me so perfectly. It also gives him a hard-on in an impressive way. I can smack his balls easily in this position. We also used FleshWrap as a platform for some needle play that was very successful.

Sadly, Fleshwrap does not fit all men. They say on their website that you have to be able to put your thumb and forefinger around the base of your scrotum after some massage and stretching. I know it also helps to be in a warm environment, but Joel was not able to fit into the FleshWrap no matter what. I hadn’t realized that there were such dramatic differences in scrotum type. Joel’s is more round, Harold’s more dangly. I was very disappointed not to get a second perspective.

I would mention that it’s easy to get confused about which way the FleshWrap goes. It can be frustrating to be trying to insert the crossbar and it not fitting no matter what you do, until you figure out that you’ve got the frame turned sideways. Two different sized frames come in the package, along with two different sized bars, and each bar can be used with either frame. While this gives you a fair amount of latitude for finding the best possible fit, we didn’t notice much difference no matter what the combination. The largest frame and smallest bar was the easiest to get into to.

I am so impressed with and excited by this device! I wish I could use it on both of my guys. I recommend Fleshwrap for everyone with a scrotum. Don’t be scared off if ball pain makes you cringe, because FleshWrap is NOT just a CBT toy, although it’s certainly an excellent starting point for CBT. I really love balls. I love to caress them and suck on them and squeeze them – and now I want to put them in a FleshWrap.

Bottom line: try out this brilliant scrotum device for intense pleasure!

Grade: A-

 

You might also be interested in these posts:

• Coming outside the box
• Video – My Sex Object
• Viagra leads to math
• All of you
• NOT Computer Based Training

It doesn’t snow in Seattle very often, so when it does, everything stops. Right now we have about a foot of snow. It turns everything magically beautiful. I love the snow. I like walking in the cold expanses of white, as though I am the first person in the world to tread there. I like the soft silence of snow falling and when a branch dumps it’s snowy load all at once in a cloud of white. I even like being naked in the snow, with my nipples hard and my skin alive with the touch of snowflakes. Snow days are a time for inner work, playing outside, drinking tea, and getting cozy with the ones you love.

Today Harold and I walked out into the woods to his cabin. We built a roaring fire and curled up to talk out all of the things going on in our lives. When it was nice and toasty, I slipped out of my clothes and ran around in the forest in only my boots. It makes me so happy. I feel really alive. It’s simultaneously like being in a fairy tale and experiencing intense sensual delight (but better than Anne Rice could tell it). This is the childlike wonder that I approach sex with.

And we did have sex. We went back to the cabin and warmed my chilled flesh. Harold wrapped his arms around me. His scent, that smell that is unique to him, filled me with desire. It’s just goes straight to my animal brain and I think, I know this man. I want him. I simply wanted to come right away. I asked him to use his mouth and his fingers, and later a few toys, to bring me to climax. As I orgasmed, I looked out the window at the gorgeous wintery weather, with the snow falling down. I felt more peaceful than I have in a long time. Then I looked in Harold’s eyes and took in all of the love I saw there. It makes me smile.

For days, I’ve been fantasizing about all of the wicked things I wanted to do to Harold. The snow gives the illusion that we have all the time in the world. We were insulated from the rest of the world – two children in a magical clubhouse. I suspended his balls from the ceiling and did wicked things to them. Amazingly enough, one of our leather wrist restraints fits perfectly around his scrotum! I attached clamps to his nipples and stuck things in his ass. Fellatio is one of my favorite things, so I spent extra time sucking his cock.

Then we reached that moment of decision. The point at which we lament he has but one orgasm to give at this juncture and we must debate the best method for him to spend it. I want him to jizz all over my face, but that didn’t seem quite as nice as both of us coming together. Love tends to win out big time. I just wanted to be as spiritually deep inside him as I could get, so I sat on top of him. I adore the feeling when his cock first fully slides into me. It’s amazing. I always have an “oh, there you are” kind of moment, like my body has been incomplete without him.

I twine my fingers into to his and begin to rock back and forth. His cock is rubbing against my g-spot. I alternate between gazing into his eyes and rolling my head back in ecstasy. I tend to lose my sense of self and just melt into him. Then I feel heat build all over my body. And I come. As soon as I start to orgasm, he is right there with me. We both scream and laugh and cry and hold each other. Today was like that.

I kept him inside me while I held him and cried. I do this sometimes. When I open up, things come out. Today I was just so relieved to feel how much Harold loves me. I think the snow can feel isolating as well.

We lay for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, as the sweat dried from our bodies and the snow glittered outside. Eventually, Harold coaxed another sweet orgasm from my cunt. I think each one gets better as we play longer. After, I really had to pee

I’m no stranger to peeing outside. I’m very proud at how adept I’ve gotten. Harold is quite delighted at how he’s corrupted me into being a wild grrrl who will squat in the dirt. But today it was snow and I didn’t want to squat down in a foot of snow. So I peed standing up! I’ve never done that before. It’s very satisfying. I’m not up to writing my name in the snow yet, but look out!

The fire was dying down and our time was running out. We put our clothes back on, gathered up our things, and set off back to civilization. The snow crunched under every step and we walked with all the magic of a snow day in our hearts. And satisfied smiles on our lips.

While Harold is gone for a few days, I am thinking a lot about him. I’m thinking about all of the really hot and sexy things we’ve done together and fantasizing about the things we haven’t done yet. The things that push us past our comfort, but turn us on like crazy. I want him so much. I want the things that scare us as well as all the lovely things that we enjoy together every time. I want everything. Today I am spinning a fantasy out of our desire, both tested and untried…

 

We are enjoying dinner together at our favorite restaurant. We’ve both dressed up a bit, as though for a special occasion. You’re laughing at something I’ve said. Your hand rests on top of mine. I look into your eyes and see how much you love me. I feel warm and happy. You smile and say, “I’m going to fuck you.”

I’m suddenly aware of the wetness between my legs. I press my palms against my legs. Through my napkin and my skirt I can feel my garter straps against my thighs. I want to touch my clit. I decide to go to the bathroom. You look at me with some amusement as I place my napkin on the table. “Bring me your panties,” you say, as though you know exactly what I’m thinking.

I’m a bit shocked, but also intrigued. I stand up carefully and step over to your side of the table. I bend to kiss you, aware that I am flashing the tops of my stockings to the gentlemen at the table behind us. It’s a long kiss, full of lust and tongue. After, I whisper in your ear, “You can have my panties, but only if you wear them.”

I sashay toward the restrooms. They are off a dim hallway, across from the abandoned coat-check. The ladies’ room is first and thankfully empty. I go in and lock the door. My hands run over my breasts and down my hips. I hike up my skirt and slide my fingers under my panties, finding my clitoris with my first two fingers. I lean against the door, breathing hard and thinking of how much I love you. My body is rigid, close to orgasm, when someone knocks on the door. Damn.

I quickly slide my underwear off and shove it in my purse. I smooth down my skirt. I flush the toilet for good measure. I wish that I were having an orgasm. I open the door. There’s no one there. Then I notice you back in the coats.

“You interrupted before I was done!” I accuse, but you don’t care. You press my back against the wall. Your hand holds the back of my neck, firm with your fingers in my hair. I want to argue, but I’m melting into you. I want you to kiss me so bad. But you don’t. Your other hand lightly traces my arm from bare shoulder to wrist. I’m pinned by your gaze. You cup my ass and pull me up against you. I can feel your erection. Finally you kiss me. I’m losing all sense of self. There is only this desire. And your tongue probing my mouth while you hold me tight.

You could fuck me right here and I would be happy, but I know that someone is bound to come by at any moment. Besides, I want to torment you some more. I grab hold of your balls through your slacks and squeeze. Your knees buckle a bit and you groan, but keep kissing me. I love you so incredibly much. I break off and push you back. “I have something for you Darling, “ I say as I pull my panties out of my purse, “Go put these on, I’ll take care of the check.”

You look at me for a moment, then take the lacy underwear and turn toward the men’s room. I’m waiting by the front door when you walk out. I wonder if anyone but me can tell that you are walking a little funny. I love knowing that you are secretly wearing my lingerie. I’m so turned on that each step to the car threatens to make me come.

Once in the car, you head for home. I’m quiet, thinking about who might get tied up when we get there. You put your hand on my knee, but it wanders up my thigh to my cunt. Soon my skirt is pulled up and once we’re on the freeway, your fingers are either buried in my cunt or rubbing my clit. I lean the seat back and let go. Soon I am moaning in pleasure as I finally find release, rocking against your hand. I watch as you lick your fingers.

Of course I’m going to return the favor. I unzip your pants and slip my hand inside, running my fingers over the hardness of your erection under the lace of my panties. I pull your cock out and pump up and down a few times, liking your reaction. I lean over and put my head in your lap. I lick the head of your cock, favoring the sensitive frenulum. Then I slowly take the whole thing in my mouth, as deep as it will go. I hope that you can still focus on driving, but I don’t want to wait until we get home.

I am focused on giving you the best blowjob ever, so I don’t notice at first that we are slowing down. When I pop my head up to see what’s going on, I’m not sure where we are. It appears to be a deserted dead-end road with a park. There’s only one streetlight, but the moon is full and bright. You drive to the end and park the car.

I think that we might just fuck here in the car, but you tell me to get out. You come around to my side of the car and carefully remove my heels, stockings, and garter belt. You kiss me again, deeply. “Now run,” you say.

I’m confused. Run? You nod toward the park and start to remove your own shoes. I laugh, perhaps with an edge of hysteria, and start to half-heartedly jog. After 20 paces I stop and look back. You are just removing your pants. I see you start after me and I run more seriously.

I race across the grass, dodging branches and ferns. I feel my limbs go liquid, so that I seem to be gliding across the ground. I feel animal. I am chased. I love it. You are a beast come to take me. I run deeper into the brush.

I’m not sure how you manage it, but you circle to the side and surprise me. You leap onto me, taking me down. We roll together, landing in a pile of leaves. You are on me instantly, flipping me face down and plunging your cock into me. We are both grunting and howling. I exist only for the thrill of each thrust, for the rhythm of our mating.

I feel you so deeply and intimately. I can tell your orgasm is building to match mine. We get closer and closer with each thrust. You are fucking me so hard. I love how wild and savage we are. Suddenly your yell fills the night and I am coming with you. We are rocking together with the fierce joy of the moment and declaring our passion for the world to hear. We have claimed each other and been taken.

We murmur soft lover’s words to each other as we pick leaves from our hair, animal grooming for animals in love. Slowly we find our feet again and make our way back to the car, arms wound around each other. We put our clothes back on, grinning at each other foolishly. We climb into the car and I think again about who gets tied up when we get home.

As much as I enjoy intercourse (really a lot!), sometimes NOT having intercourse can be just as nice. There are times when having intercourse is not advised, but you still feel turned on or you want to connect with your partner. There are some couples who never have standard penis-in-vagina sex. I went through 6 weeks during pregnancy where I was told not to have penetrative sex or orgasm. We got really creative then. Just now, I’m experiencing some pain from a ruptured cyst on one of my ovaries. Penetration is sounding uncomfortable, so Harold and I played with some alternatives to intercourse on our date.

He went down on me right away. He’s very good at oral sex. He takes his time and doesn’t focus solely on my clitoris. He’s just amazing. Usually he’ll put a finger or two inside me, but he didn’t this time. He played with my nipples. I love that so hard. Between the nipple tweaking and his tongue, I came. It hurt some, so we decided not to do that again.

We kissed. We kissed long and slow. Is there anything more erotic than kissing? I felt him along the length of my body, but all of my focus was between our lips. Our mouths became instruments, playing a symphony of desire. Or perhaps we were communicating in a language our tongues translated for us. I felt so totally in the moment, so full of love. I had a few moments where I thought, ah, so this is what supersaturated feels like.

I decided to take over. Harold struggles with being receptive. He’d rather do things to me than let me give him pleasure. (Well, except for CBT. He’ll let me do what I want to hurt his balls.) So I turned him onto his stomach and massaged his back. As soon as I had the knots out and he began to relax, I got out a heavy flogger and I brought it down on the big muscles in his shoulders. I beat hard against his back, shoulders, and ass. I could see him melt into the bed as my rhythm soothed him. When his back was red, I stopped.

I rolled him over and tied up his scrotum. I started massaging his balls and licking the head of his cock. I gave a few experimental sucks, feeling him grow hard in my mouth. I spent a few minutes really deeply enjoying Harold’s cock with my mouth. Then I took off my rings and gave his balls a few hard punches. I love when he flinches and curls protectively. He looks in my eyes and I know that I have him.

He was now impressively hard. I took my time exploring his cock and balls with my hands and mouth, bringing him to the edge of orgasm and backing off. When I couldn’t take it any more, I squeezed a dollop of lube into my hands and wrapped them around his cock. My best hand job technique brought him to the edge again.

Inspiration struck. I got more lube and inserted a finger into his asshole. I pressed against his prostate while pumping up and down on his cock. He came like crazy. I’ve never seen so much spooge at once! I think it was 3 or 4 times as much ejaculate as normal – all of the semen in his body. I was so impressed. And I guess that it felt really intense as well. I would imagine that each contraction pumping out semen would feel pleasurable. Certainly, Harold seemed to be having a very good time.

After, we did a lot of hugging, kissing, and rolling around. We had this feeling of incompleteness, like we missed intercourse. I think it meant that we could have kept playing. We’re just used to finishing off our lovemaking with intercourse. Might be time to explore more activities that are not intercourse!

An element of danger can be a powerful aphrodisiac.

Yesterday Harold and I wanted to test out some products for review. When we got to his house, there were firemen wanting to go out to the edge of his lookout to see if they could spot smoke from a reported fire. They weren’t able to see anything. Harold and I went down to his cabin with all of our gear. Helicopters started circling overhead, presumably also looking for the fire (or were they after us?). We walked naked through the woods, trying to figure out what the helicopters were doing and hoping to catch sight of smoke ourselves.

We couldn’t see anything or even smell smoke, so we went back to the cabin. The thrumming helicopter noise ceased after a bit. For some reason, I felt incredibly turned on. I really wanted to throw myself into fucking – I wanted all of my holes filled, my body handled roughly, my senses overwhelmed. I wanted to consume Harold – take him all in, cover him in me, hurt him in all the ways he likes, dominate him with my kiss. Outside the cabin was the potential for danger. Inside the cabin was a pure, raw need to confirm that we were alive. Sex is a confirmation of the joy of being embodied. This is why so many babies are conceived during disasters.

I started using a vibrator on myself. Harold soon came to help, slipping his fingers inside my cunt and twisting my nipples. I was right on the edge of coming, but not quite there. I asked him to fill me with chain, which he did with the help of a lot of lube. It’s an amazing feeling, the weight of all that chain, the way it slides around. I came before he quite got to the end, Harold’s finger in my ass. We left the chain in place for a while. I focused on Harold’s cock and balls. As part of some research I’m doing for a potential feature for the blog, I filled a toilet paper tube with lube and slid it over Harold’s erection. It was obvious that he liked it, but it was not entirely satisfactory.

I tossed the cardboard tube on the floor and used my hand instead, sliding my hand up and down in the lube, paying special attention to the head and frenulum. He had me go very, very slowly when I really wanted to pump like mad. From there I moved to ass play. I stuck one finger in his asshole, then two. I rubbed his prostate and his cock at the same time. He moaned and panted, making me feel powerful. I got my strap-on and slid into him, his knees hooked over my shoulders. I love this moment in our play, when I am buried deep in his ass and I’m looking into his eyes and I gather him to me and we kiss. I felt so incredibly close to him. There is so much love between us.

Sometimes I physically orgasm from fucking Harold anally. Yesterday was not one of those times, but I did come energetically, twice. The energy built up as we were fucking and I reached a point where I could totally feel myself shooting a load into him. I felt completely the boy. It’s lovely.

We cleaned up a bit from the anal play. Sad to say, I used Windex on my hands. It’s great with lube. I wanted to make love at this point, but it didn’t feel quite right. We snuggled and talked for a while. We went back out into the forest to see what was going on because the helicopters had started up again. We talked more. We decided to go back and make love.

Harold started off with an amazing oral sex session, licking and sucking and pressing against my g-spot with his fingers until I came hard. Then we traded places and I applied my mouth to his cock and my hands to squeezing his balls. When I knew that he was close to orgasm, I moved up to kiss him and guide his cock into me. It felt incredible. I could tell that we were both moments away from orgasm. I made Harold change positions so that he was behind me, doggy-style. I like being fucked like this because it’s so rough and primal. I like to feel him thrust inside me so deeply. I came and he followed, bellowing and grunting. I totally love it.

After, we lay in each other’s arms, gasping for breath and full of love. The air was heavy with the smell of sweat, shit, jism, and faint traces of smoke. It wasn’t at all unpleasant. There’s a particular satisfaction to having been well and thoroughly fucked. But our time was up. We packed up our things to go back up the hill. I debated walking naked, but ultimately decided to wear clothes. Which was good, because when we got back to the house, more firefighters were waiting, wanting to cut through to the fire – evidently an abandoned structure that had caught fire. At this point we could taste the smoke on the air.

They did take care of the fire. It would have been disastrous for us if they hadn’t been able to track down the fire and put it out. So I’m thankful to the Fire Department and the Sheriff’s helicopter for doing such a great job. I wouldn’t wish for fires so near, but I will say that the threat of danger did amazing things for my sex yesterday.

It just sounds kinky – Inked Glass probe. I’ve wanted a glass dildo for a while, so I was excited when California Exotics sent me a unique, hand blown,  Inked Glass probe. It’s totally smooth and seamless and retails for around $29. I think probe means, “smallish dildo.” It’s only 6 inches long. It’s cute, but that’s fine – I have a glass dildo.

Of course the first thing I did when I opened the package was drop it on the floor. I felt like an idiot for dropping the glass dildo first thing, but it was fine! I picked it up and looked it over. When they say Inked Glass, it’s because they’ve put tattoo inspired images on the thing. Now, normally I would be into that, some hearts and bluebirds would be cool, but they’ve chosen some weird designs. Yes, there is a heart. But there’s also an anchor and a big honkin’ cross. And orange is the predominate color. I am shallow enough to want my sex toys to color coordinate and nothing in my tool box is orange. Just sayin.’

Color clashing aside, I’ve had some good times with this toy. Harold slid it into my cunt and had me stand there keeping it inside. Sort of like doing super kegels with the heavy glass. The weight felt awesome in my body. It was totally hot. Well, actually, the probe was very cold until my body warmed it. I would recommend running the probe under warm water for a few minutes before use.

I also stuck the probe into Harold’s ass. I think it was designed for this purpose! The narrow shaft of the dildo was just right after my fingers and before my strap-on. He had the probe in for a long time while I did things to his balls. It didn’t slip out much, although it did mostly have to be held in place. The broad flared base kept the probe from getting sucked into his ass and the cock-like head stimulated Harold’s prostate. It also looked awesome with the clear glass!

I’ve added this toy to my toolbox because I think we’ll be able to come up with more fun things to do with a glass probe. I think my only real complaint is the artwork etched on it. Although, if I think about it, I don’t mind shoving a heart, an anchor, and a cross up Harold’s back door. Inked Glass, for the ass. Does that make me a bad person?

Bottom line: The retail price is low for a useful and effective toy. Go for it.

Grade: B+

Why am I so turned on by the things I am afraid of?

Not everything scary is a turn-on. For instance I don’t get aroused by being afraid that I can’t pay my bills or thinking that my children are in danger. But a fair number of things seem to be hard-wired into my sexual system. Is it that fear and arousal both activate similar processes in the body – preparatory processes to respond appropriately to the present situation? Did my wires get crossed through traumatic sexual abuse? Is being turned on a normal response to living through something terrifying? Is sex a way of resolving an irrational fear? I’m just not sure.

I think other people deal with some fear/sex dynamics too. I’ve noticed it with one of my current adventures – a CBT (cock and ball torture) photography project. Some of the men I’ve talked to are really turned on by the thought of being, say, kicked in the balls, largely because there is an innate fear of being kicked in the balls. They think about it almost obsessively.

It must also have something to do with fantasies and masturbation. There is a wealth of whacking material that focuses on things so outrageous that most people would never consider actually doing them, yet people find intensely hot to fantasize about – things like incest, cannibalism, necrophilia, or mind control. How do these things become part of a healthy sexuality? I think fear.

I’m finally beginning to understand some things about myself. Harold and I have been struggling with finding a power differential or a Domination/submission context that would work for me. I think I’m an awesome Top, but there is a certain place in myself that I can only access in a submissive role and I want to go there with Harold. We’ve tried painfully and unsuccessfully to get to my sub space. Today Harold asked me what I was afraid of sexually so he could use that in our play. I realized that I am afraid of submitting.

I fear loss of control. I’m afraid of going wild and doing something I’ll regret. I’m terrified of giving another person power over me, of finding myself willingly performing acts I would not normally consent to in order to win favor and more arousal. I fear becoming animal, full of unreasoning lust. So of course I am breathlessly, moistly, obsessively turned on by the prospect of handing control over to someone I trust and letting myself go wild. Normally very self-possessed, now I want to feel wanton and ashamed.

It’s kind of a circular problem, this being afraid of submitting. I want it desperately, but I can’t get myself to let go. Harold won’t take me without my consent. So we go round again. Actually, today I’m feeling optimistic. We will have our date in a couple of days and we will see if we’ve managed to figure out a way for me to submit. In the meantime, my fear is turning me on like crazy.

Back in May, Harold and I volunteered to be models for an erotic photography workshop. They were looking for a couple who would be comfortable having sex in front of a room full of people, while being photographed. The instructor and professional photographer was David Steinberg. Sure, no problem, right?

Actually, it was okay. There were about 30 people in the room, but I just created a bubble for me and Harold to exist in. At first I was slightly aware of flashing my pussy at people and David and his camera being in our space. By then I had built up trust with David. We had talked on the phone a couple of times and met in person for a while before the day of the workshop. He seemed unassuming, thoughtful, warm, interested, professional, and playful. I liked David instantly upon meeting him, so I felt good about letting him be in our bubble for the workshop. After a few minutes of making love, I didn’t notice David or anyone other than Harold.

It was fun. Some part of me did know that people were watching, but rather than feeling like I had to perform, I let their energy fuel my sex. Yes, I am an exhibitionist. No, it wasn’t exactly like the ways we make love when we’re alone. For one thing, we tend to talk a lot more. I think it would have been better to have had loud music playing. It would have given me enough of a cover of privacy to feel more intimate with Harold. But it was still incredibly hot fucking on display.

I learned a lot and I met several cool people. David’s workshop on erotic couples photography was great. David’s philosophy about people and sex is very similar to mine – catching people when they are authentically in a sexual space is very sexy and endlessly interesting. No matter what people’s bodies look like or how old they are, I find images of real people who are turned on and in love to be hotter than traditional porn. Real sex is riveting. I hope I’m doing my part to further that cause.

A few days later, David came out to Harold’s house and shot us again. This time it was just the two of us in our natural habitat, the way that David usually works. Our energy was more relaxed. I had just had surgery and the Seattle Art Festival weekend had worn me out. If I remember correctly, I had some emotional stuff up as well, but Harold and I are just good together. We did some CBT and bondage, a lot of oral sex, and a bit of fucking. We’re into each other and it shows.

David gave us proofs of both shoots. I’ve spent hours pouring over them. I think they are amazing. I love David’s perspective – his way of being in just the right place and capturing an authentic moment. I have my favorite 30 pics to share with you. You should know that I’ve cropped some of them and the two that are sepia toned were originally color that David forgot he had in his camera. Any mistakes there are mine.

I hope that you enjoy this glimpse into our intimacy. (It’s worth it to make Cool Iris full screen to browse the photos!)

These photos are so authentic, so real. I look at them and think about how much I love it when Harold looks at me like that or kisses me just so. I know what my body looks like, but I am amazed at how beautiful I look in spirit – like I’m actually inhabiting my body. I think that’s more true for the workshop than at home. I was higher energy. What surprised me was the number of images, from both shoots, in which I am touching Harold’s face in some way. I didn’t know that I did that!

I want to tell you which photos are my favorites, but I start picking them all. I’m so glad that we had a chance to work with David. Now we have this photo story of where and who we are as a couple right now. And it gave us a chance to get to know David. He’s a great guy. I consider him a friend. Although I don’t know him very well, we have been intimate together. Harold and I opened up to David and let him record our private selves. And he respected that in every way. Thank you, David Steinberg, for a beautiful experience and such beautiful photos.

David is always looking for couples to shoot. He doesn’t charge a fee, as long as he can use your photos for art shows and magazine publication. He gave us proof copies of all of our photos and digital copies. If you think you might be interested in experiencing an erotic photo shoot with David, here is his contact information:

David Steinberg
www.davidsteinberg.us
eronat2@gmail.com
415-674-1618
831-234-1073 (cell)

I’m easily impressed when it comes to male genitalia. I don’t have a cock of my own. Well, actually I do, but it’s more of an accessory than a live cock with balls. I love my two-way, but sometimes I just want to play with real thing. Since I am sans cock-n-balls, I have to borrow someone else’s to explore. Have you ever watched a scrotum up close? They move. Scrotums move in a freaky ocean creature kind of way, like a sea anemone. It’s so cool.

I really get off on watching cocks get hard too. How amazing is that? They go from soft and floppy to rock hard and bouncing. It’s incredibly awesome. I like being an intimate part of that process. I like using my mouth, but hands are even better because I can watch everything change. I want to see the veins bulge and the head flush. Lately, I want to slap that hard cock around. Right now, only Harold reacts positively in any way to my slaps, and he doesn’t like it that much. That’s why I have to tie him up first.

That’s what happened. I tied him between two trees and got him hard. I didn’t think it would work because he’d just come, but somehow he wasn’t impaired. In fact, he rose to the occasion with great enthusiasm. And then I slapped his cock over and over. He groaned and tried to squirm away. I think he likes it.

Then came the best part. He was wearing a parachute around his balls – kind of like a leather cone with strings hanging down. When he was good and ready, I attached weights to the parachute, pulling his scrotum down. The whole system is designed to put a great deal of pressure on the balls. We used 6 kilograms of weight – that’s about 13.2 pounds. Awesome! I’ve been fantasizing about this for 20 years.

This seems like a lot of weight, but it’s nothing compared to the guys who are really into it. Some men can suspend crazy amounts of weight from their balls. It isn’t something I want to do on a regular basis, but it’s pretty interesting. I watched Harold’s scrotum slowly stretch out. He’s told me that it’s difficult to stay hard or to orgasm after weights. That’s an argument for making this an occasional activity.

That said, we didn’t have any troubles. He stayed hard and he came – for the 2nd time in two hours. I’m feeling very proud of myself and my mad skills. And I’m proud of my Honey and his cock-n-ball prowess!