Aug 042014
 

I used to be able to have sex without using anything other than body parts – mouths, hands, cunts, cocks. Nothing will ever take the place of flesh, but I now find that there are certain…tools…that I pretty much can’t live without. Since I don’t often have kinky sex at home, I have a sex kit and I carry it around in an innocuous black backpack. I never use everything in one sitting, but I never know what I might want. It’s become a bit of an art determining what my necessities are.

Wanna know which sex toys/tools I care enough about to carry around with me? I recently emptied out my bag and took a picture so I could share…

Sex kit

  1. Play piercing supplies – I have sharps of various lengths and gages, antibiotic cream, and tiny corks to put on the ends of needles if people want to wear them around a bit.
  2. Scalpel – This is a surgical grade scalpel with disposable blades that I use for blood play. Sometimes I just feel moved to carve a heart in Harold’s ass!
  3. Nitrile gloves – A must have! These non-latex babies get used any time someone puts fingers inside my vagina (my pH balance is delicate) and for anal play.
  4. Condoms – Not just for safer sex! Condoms are also awesome for easy toy clean up. Mine are latex free and non-lubricated if I can find them. I react badly to most lubes.
  5. Lubricant – My current favorite is Sliquid Naturals Sassy because it’s thicker, lasts longer, is non-irritating, and doesn’t taste like anything.
  6. Band-aids – This is more about being prepared for little mishaps than anything sexy. Not shown in this picture, but equally important is feminine hygiene products!
  7. Lip balm – For kissable lips and smooth blow jobs.
  8. Nipple clamps – I carry four types of nipple clamps and a set of sugar tongs for pinching. I have to admit, I like using the clothes pins best (on other people).
  9. Vibrator – Inside the mysterious black bag is my Mystic Wand. I have several because I want to have one within reach at all times. If I could only have one sex tool, this would be the one. Not only do I use it to get myself off, a vibrator is tons of fun on a cock.
  10. Lil Devil – This battery powered electrosex toy produces an electrical shock when both prongs touch skin. It can make for some intense sensations.
  11. Stronic Zwei – Delivers strong pulse action to the prostate or g-spot.
  12. Aneros – We’ve tried many different butt plugs and Aneros is far and away the best. Everyone seems to orgasm harder with one of these in their ass. SERIOUSLY.
  13. njoy Fun Wand – Although this is heavy, it’s so worth the weight. This is the most versatile sex tool I own. And it’s shiny.
  14. Wartenberg wheel – One of my favorites for sensation play. I have to admit that I like to use it on scrotums so I can watch little drops of blood well up.
  15. Strap-on harness – My harness is red leather. I love it for pegging. And feeling butch.
  16. Dildo – I can’t remember what brand this is, but it’s a perfectly average silicone dildo. At about a handspan, it seems to be a perfect size for almost everything I want a dildo to do.
  17. Rope – I like to carry a variety of rope because you just never know what kind of situations you’ll find yourself in. No wait, I have a variety of rope because I know I’ll be up to mischief! I like the lighter weight stuff for things like cock bondage. Heavier rope is great for tying people to trees.
  18. Carabiners – Handy for stringing people up! Also good for a quick release when I need to fuck them instantly.
  19. Chain – This is a 6 foot length of chain. I suppose in theory I could use it for bondage, but really what I like is to insert the length of it into my cunt one link at a time with lots of lube. That’s why it’s sterilized and sealed in a plastic bag.
  20. Ball whackers – Harold made both of these tools for ball torture. I usually start with the soft solid black one then work up to the harder wooden-handled one. His pleasure really turns me on.
  21. Fleshwrap – This clever device is like a push-up bra for scrotums. Goes well with #1 and #14.
  22. Ball Ties – Harold likes binding his balls. Through extensive experimentation, he has discovered that lengths from women’s tights work best. I like bright colors!
  23. Vise – When I want maximum impact, I reach for the vise. It’s another tool that Harold made for ball torture. See it here and here. We’ve even tried fitting a breast in there!
  24. Collar – Harold has a purple leather/leopard fur collar that I put on him when I’m feeling especially Toppy.
  25. Rabbit fur – My rabbit fur is painted to look like leopard, of course. Nothing beats the sensual feel of fur.
  26. Cuffs – Black leather wrist and ankle cuffs are a necessity. I have a set that Joel handcrafted for me, but it feels wrong to use them with everybody else. This is my general use set.
  27. Leather paddles – Harold made both of these larger ones. The black one is very well made and fairly standard. The pink heart is like a child’s valentine gone horribly wrong, but I love it. It stings like fuck! (The teeny one off to the side is great on cocks.)
  28. Floggers – We own a several floggers, but these two ended up in my bag. The black one is a commercial model and Harold made the green leather one. It’s heavier and generally better.
Jan 122014
 

FundamentHarold tells me that “fundament” is a nice medieval word for the asshole. It’s making me giggle, especially since we’ve been revisiting a few of our anal-play explorations, or “fundamentals.” Over the years we’ve tried a lot of things. Some of them were total flops and some were so successful that we integrated them into our standard practices. The rest, the ones that landed somewhere in the middle, were often pretty good, but for whatever reason, we didn’t do it again. Well, lately we’ve been thinking… What about putting ginger in our arses again? Where is that awesome butt plug with the tail? Why did we stop doing electrosex?

Opening up old experiments for further exploration is fun, kind of like visiting friends you haven’t seen for ages. The fact the Harold and I have stories from our first adventures with each of these things just adds to our pleasure. There may be a thrill over trying something new, but additional play lets you go deeper.

Figging

Bottom in laceIn April of 2011, we published two posts on figging (lab and results) that have definitely been one of our most popular topics ever on the site. We wrote our figging information in a very tongue-in-cheek quasi-academic science-lab format, complete with a downloadable lab result form. I’m not sure that anyone got that we were joking. Despite our silliness, we were serious about sticking fingers of ginger into our bottoms. We’ve tried this experiment a couple of times, but not for a number of years now. When I repeatedly found myself daydreaming over large hands of ginger at the grocery store, I figured we might as well give it another go.

In my original research, I read that peeling and preparing the ginger fig a day ahead of using it would increase the potency. I am eternally curious, so I had to give that a try. The day before a date with Harold, I carefully selected two segments of ginger. When I was done they each looked like a crooked finger. I put them in a ziplock bag in the fridge for about 30 hours.

We only occasionally play with my ass, so it was exciting to prepare for the fig. At first I didn’t notice anything but the increased pressure of having something in my anus. Then it started to burn. It wasn’t uncomfortable, more like heat. My ass and genitals felt hot. It’s intense in a good way. I came in about 3 seconds with the vibrator. It was similar with Harold. I’d hoped to be able to apply prostate pressure with the fig, but it didn’t really matter. He was hard and ready to go. We fucked, but the heat and arousal made it fairly quick and intense. Preparing the fig ahead of time does increase the effect. And I still think there is a sort of psychoactive effect to having ginger in your bum.

Figging is totally cool. We would probably use ginger more often in our anal play, but I’m not always good at preparing ahead. I’m currently seeing how long a ginger fig can sit in the fridge before drying out or going bad. Maybe I can just always have one ready!

Crystal Minx Tail Plug

Minx TailA couple of years ago we wrote a review of a pyrex butt plug that had a real fur tail attached. It was given to me by a very cool company called Crystal Delights, which has since expanded in several incredible directions (check out these Kitty plugsReignbow Pony tailsbunny tails, and gorgeous glass dildoes). Wearing this fur tail was a very unique sexual experience for us. Feeling your tail brush the backs of your legs is very sensuous and arousing in a primal way, but for some reason, the tail got set aside at some point and we kind of forgot about it. Until recently…

Last month there was an occasion when I really wanted some sort of anal stimulation and what Harold came up with was the tail plug. We were also doing some power-play, where Harold was Topping me, so this was an interesting layer to add to the energy mix. Wearing the tail while being bound and spanked was super hot! Now I just have to figure out how to keep my tail out of the way.

In my original review, I was obviously worried about being branded a Furry. I have matured since then and could not care less. Wearing that tail is wild, sexy fun – truly fundamental.

Electrosex

Oh yeah, now I remember why we stopped playing with e-stim – it was that time I had Harold all wired up and he ended up coming blood. It was the sound in his penis and not the electroplay that caused the bleeding, but I still have a strong association. If I recall correctly, though, electrosex was getting pretty interesting before that.

My experience of using electricity sexually is that you have to be intelligent about it (take your brain with you while you are playing) and that it leads to creativity and making stuff. Also, there is not enough information out there about what to do or how to play safely. I find that I have no trouble running current through Harold in a way that is sexy for him, but I still have yet to figure out anything that is more than mildly interesting for me.

Santa brought me a new TENS unit, presumably because I’ve been very bad. I’m sure he meant for me to use it on my neck pain, right? The instructions are in Chinese and it plays a cute little melody when you turn it on. It can handle six leads and it has more power than the old unit. Based on recent experience, I can tell you that it works very well to torture balls.

From behindE-stim seems to work best anally, perhaps because it’s easy to stick something conductive into your bum. Harold just made an anal probe out of copper plumbing bits. I’m excited to see what we can come up with in the future, using the conductive self-adhesive tape we found on the internet! I’m planning on wiring up a couple of our favorite anal toys and maybe a dildo or two.

Fundamentals

I can’t say if figging, the fur tail butt plug, and the electrosex experimentations will continue to be a thing. Our sex life is always evolving and expanding. We follow our desires. If it continues to have heat, we’ll keep doing it, but I’m sure that we’ll keep playing with our assholes. That’s fundamental.

Nov 012013
 

Beautiful morningA few days ago Harold (my partner in life, love, and hare-brained scheming) turned 65.  He’s not much for celebrating, but we wanted to do something special. Of course we wanted to make love, but what else? We couldn’t think of just the right thing until the day before. I don’t remember now, how tattoos came up. Initially it was sort of a dare or a jest, then we started talking about tattoos as a form of submission to each other – how cool it would be to channel the energy of pain and excitement into sexual energy.

What if I gave my pain to him while I was being marked by his symbol? What if he actually brought me to orgasm while I was being tattooed? We were intrigued by the possibilities, but neither of us was sure there was a permanent mark we were willing to take on. We had feverish conversations throughout the eve of his birthday. Optimistically I made us an appointment.

The next morning we got together early. I wanted to shower and spend some time connecting, so I started up some Janis Joplin and both of us squeezed into a shower clearly made for one. I adore hot water and slick soapy skin. Things were starting to heat up.

With his cock hard in my hand, I asked Harold what he wanted sexually. Like normal, he temporized, telling me to just go with what I felt was right. I’ve been pushing him more to think about and vocalize the things he desires, so I didn’t let him off the hook.

Going downHe began to talk about me punishing him somehow. I was in an excited sexy place, so it took me a few minutes to realize that the energy had changed between us. It stopped feeling sexy. I immediately centered myself and opened up to Harold. I sat him down on the toilet seat and straddled him, wrapping my arms around him. I could feel some pain from his childhood there – something that I had triggered when we fought  last week. We talked through it until it felt okay for us both. We do this kind of thing a lot and it makes for much better sex.

We walked down to the cabin in the glorious morning sunshine, wearing only shoes and coats. The chill air on my thighs and the thrill of being naked outdoors started to make me wet. There was already a fire going in the cabin. We proceeded to have some of the hottest sex we’ve had in a long time. He went down on me until I came. I strung him up in cuffs and did wicked things to his nipples and balls. I pushed him more than I ever have before and we both reached new heights.

IMG_3613When neither of us could wait another second, I bent over in front of him and let him fuck me from behind, his arms still suspended above his head. This is one of my favorite positions. I bent over the bed, where I had all of my tools spread out. He pounded into me. I rocked forward with each thrust, my breath coming out in harsh gasps, escalating to full throated moans, followed shortly by Harold’s ecstatic bellows.

Evidently my head was bumping my phone in the final throes of Harold’s birthday sex and Siri heard our vocalizations. Her voice surprised us, “I do not understand ‘who, who, who, who.’ I could search the Internet for you.” I laughed hysterically when I figured out what was going on.

From there we drove to to get tattoos, anticipation and anxiety sharing equal space. We knew what we wanted but we weren’t sure where. We talked through the positives and negatives of every possible location. Eventually we went with what felt right for each of us.

Harold and his tattooHarold went first. You have to understand that he’s never wanted a tattoo before. The fact that he celebrated turning 65 by getting his first tattoo is very inspirational to me. I think he enjoyed the process. He got spacey in a charming way, holding my hand. Afterwards, he was proud and blissed out. I love him so much.

This was not my first dance, but I was shocked by how intense the pain was in the tender flesh of my upper stomach. It got better over time, but initially there was no way that I could have sexualized that sensation. I’m just not a masochist. What I did do, over and over, was send the energy to Harold, giving him my pain, taking his mark. He held my hand and touched my face.

After, we were so high on endorphins. I felt amazing. We had so much fun.

We went home to my darling husband, who had prepared an incredible and gorgeous conch and squid ceviche just for Harold. Joel had even managed to find Harold’s favorite alcoholic beverage, Punt è Mes, which is rare in these parts. (Have I mentioned that sometimes it is unbelievably awesome to have two partners who care about each other?) The children had all made birthday cards and gotten him flowers. More glowy happiness!

Heart and delta tattooHarold spent some time talking with his wife and I put the kids to bed. We fell into each other’s arms and the softness of bed. Tired happiness gave way to gentle kisses. deep probing kisses became grinding gyrations. Without any thought we were making love again. Happy birthday Baby and many more…

Jun 262013
 

Evoe and Joel getting intimateI’ve finally figured out what is more intimate and intense than making love with one of my partners – making love with both of my partners at once over a long period of time! Today I am sore in places I previously was not aware of having muscles. Today I tingle and twinge and shiver in remembrance of our time together, but I feel satisfied. I have amazing men in my life, lovers who know every inch of me, inside and out. I feel accepted, loved, and set free to soar.

When we set out, I wasn’t sure it was going to work. It was our first time with three of us going away together. 24 hours in a cabin could be heaven or it might be a trap if things blow up. With our busy lives, kids, and everything, it wasn’t easy to find the time to run away together. We’ve had occasional dates, an afternoon, but not enough time to really relax and talk. This was our chance to sync up.

We work well together. From grocery shopping together, to unloading the car and getting settled, we operated as a team. There was a little bit of awkwardness – like that moment when everything was done and we sat there looking at each other, wondering what to do next. Luckily we were in a beautiful place, in a cabin next to the river, with a hot tub and a king-sized bed. It didn’t take us long to get naked. And start taking photos.

Joel and Harold snugglingWe quickly discovered how nice it is to have three people, because when two people are engaged in some kind of activity, the third person can take pictures. I also really appreciated Joel taking photos because he’s so much of an artist and I rarely get the chance to have him involved. At first I played model self consciously, unsure of our surroundings, but as the evening progressed our sex play got kinkier and I started to ignore the camera.

We did talk a lot, working through things that have been bothering us, but each emotional revelation brought us closer to each other, often inspiring a round of sexual activity. Harold especially is prone to spasms of, “I love you soooo much!” followed by oral sex. It’s a very pleasurable way to work through things that might otherwise be too painful. I felt inspired and supported by their love, making it easier to release the stress and pain that builds up over time. Sandwiched between my Loves, I could cry and they could kiss everything better.

Joel surprised me by being vulnerable in sexual way, which I can’t remember seeing in the 13 years we’ve been together. Maybe in the first couple of years. but not for a long time. Shyly at first, then more clearly so I couldn’t mistake it, he asked me to explore anal with him. Each step of the way he made his consent clear, but he was opening up to me, letting me take him. I cherish his trust in me. It was a beautiful, deeply erotic pleasure to explore him at his request.

PeggingAfter that we spent time outside, under the clear night sky, beside the fierce river, the heat of the fire warming our flesh. When the cold got to our toes, we climbed into the hot tub, where I watched the guys make out and gazed at the stars. I felt soothed and at peace for the first time in about a month. Seeing Joel and Harold be physically intimate lifted some weight I didn’t know I was carrying. The don’t exactly turn each other on, but they do love each other a lot. It matters.

When we went inside, it was Harold’s turn to feel sad and vulnerable. I took him in hand, trying to find the right combination of loving touch and firm punishment. I spread him across my lap and delivered a good spanking, pausing from time to time to give his balls attention. I really get off on spanking and it helped to bring Harold back into alignment with me. We both reached a point where we couldn’t take it any more and had to fuck. We changed positions all over the bed, with Joel giving an assist here and there, before finally settling into an exhausted sleep all together.

Evoe going down on Harold while Joel takes picturesIn the morning we gathered in the sunroom to drink coffee, eat breakfast, and discuss world events. There’s a lot of comfort to be had in easy camaraderie, sharing a simple meal, having the luxury to meet each other’s eyes and just know that we’re thinking the same thing. I woke up with a new sense of optimism.

We spent more time in the hot tub, sharing business plans. I went in to shower and masturbate. Joel took pictures, his lust building. When he couldn’t stand it, we all three went upstairs and fucked in a flurry of limbs, tongues, and vibrators. My nipples never lacked attention. I was amazed to realize that both of my men seem to be turned on by watching me have sex with someone else. Both are willing to go down on me after the other has come inside me, when I am messy. I love them both so much.

Everything is kind of a blur now – a kaleidoscope of pleasure, sex, and love. I can’t explain what happened. Yes, it was all about sex, but the sex was just the language we used to connect to each other. It was a kind of magic. I think we must each glow with goodness. We make a pretty awesome threesome.

Jun 192013
 

Breast tie portraitFunny how things stop seeming kinky when I do them all the time. Squeezing Harold’s balls seemed shockingly, outrageously, horrifyingly kinky when he first proposed it to me. Now I knead his testicles pretty much any time we are sexual together. It has become normal. In fact, I would say that we hardly ever do anything kinky any more, but I know that other people think we do. I am beginning to see how the definition of kink would change from person to person and even for the same individual over time.

Today we did something that felt kinky. Actually, a couple of things – we tied up my breasts and filled my cunt with chain. That added edge of knowing that I’m doing something that pushes my boundaries is so sexy! I find that there is a fine line between hot and not when working with kink, so communication becomes super important. I need to be able to let my partner know when things feel more uncomfortable than provocative, but hovering between the two can really turn me on.

I’ve had my breasts tied up before, but it didn’t do very much for me, other than seem weird. For some reason, it was just the right thing to do today. I tied them myself, bending over at the waist and wrapping each breast tightly, crossing over in the middle. The effect was to make my breasts firmer and to stick out more. Having all that blood trapped made my skin so sensitive. Harold couldn’t stop stroking and tweaking. Every touch sent a rush of heat to my cunt.

Tied and happyIt was pretty easy to bring me to orgasm the first time. Wow. I might have been able to orgasm with breast stimulation alone, but we added oral sex and then a vibrator. I came so hard with Harold’s hands on my breasts! As the sensations subsided, the ropes around my chest suddenly didn’t feel right any more. My breasts were also turning blue. It was time to unwind the binding, but I was still pretty turned on.

After such an amazing orgasm, I was wet and I wanted something inside me. Our backpack of sex toys yielded up a length of chain that we have tried vaginally a couple of times. (You can read about it here.) Basically, we didn’t start until I was warmed up and we used a lot of lubricant to insert the chain, one smooth link at a time.

Initially, the only sensation was Harold’s fingers pushing the chain into my vagina. Then involuntary spasms of pleasure would clench my internal muscles around the chain and the resistance would make me spasm all over again. I started experiencing a feeling of fullness and the links started to feel pinchy going in and we halted there. (I’m getting good at stopping before things get uncomfortable!)

I can’t describe what it’s like to have my cunt full of chain. Physically, there is a sense of heaviness or fullness that is both comforting and erotic. Intellectually, although I know that we are doing this as safely as possible, chain registers on my danger meter. There is some part of me wondering what the hell I’m doing. Isn’t it just plain wrong to put foreign objects in your cootchie? Emotionally, I take all of the raw sexual energy of those thoughts and transform it all into blindingly hot sex.

SensationsI don’t know how else to explain. I was nearly coming the whole time Harold was inserting chain. Once it was in, I used a vibrator on my clit and orgasmed right away. Harold slowly pulled the chain out (about 5 feet worth) as I came and the orgasm lasted the entire time and then some. Having chain in my cunt is the most fabulous thing ever. And it’s kinky (for the moment).

May 062013
 

On the verandaI like sex in all seasons, but I am especially gleeful when it is time to fuck outdoors again. This past week has seen a wide range of activity and temperature.

A week ago I woke up to it snowing. I spent a quiet morning in bed with my coffee, watching the flakes drift down and stick to the tree bows. That afternoon I made love with Harold in the cabin, by the blazing fire. I took him hard, pushing his limits, making him mine. I cuffed his wrists over his head and did terrible things to his balls. Bondage combined with cock-and-ball tease might be my favorite thing ever. I enjoy taking control and overwhelming him with sensation.

Only two days after it snowed, we fucked outside for the first time of the season. It was suddenly 75 degrees. I was reading on my little veranda and Harold came to talk to me. It was one of those situations where all of a sudden I was just turned on. The sun and fresh air swept us up and we had to be as close as possible.

At first Harold got me off and I thought that was going to be it. Sometimes we focus on one or the other of us – simply following what feels right. But this time I really wanted to fuck. I needed the primal connection between us. Harold took a little persuading, but I can be persuasive. I’m good with my mouth and my hands.

When he entered me, everything in the universe felt right. His cock hit just the perfect spot inside me, the sun was shining, the green leaves waved above me, and I could drink in his golden love like honey. Whatever else we have going on in our lives, we have moments like this.

And it got better! A couple of nights ago I had a beautiful group sex experience. It was incredible to be surrounded by people I trust who are all focused on my pleasure. I stopped taking care of everyone else and opened myself to being receptive. Six pairs of hands caressed me all over; lips brushed my flesh. When I asked for it, 60 fingers lightly scratched me from head to toe. I floated in pure bliss for what felt like forever.

Cunt like a flowerIt was a gorgeous night. We lay on cushions and blankets before the bonfire, looking up through leafy branches at the brilliant stars in the clear night sky. I was both sweaty and cold, naked under the blankets, limbs tangled on either side, full of love and lust. I felt Harold’s breath against my neck as I listened to people making love on either side. I watched Joel’s face as he gave himself to a woman I admire, respect, and care about very much. I am thankful for that moment of observation, when I realized that I was experiencing a perfect moment.

Like sunshine in Western Washington, sex is meant to be somewhat ephemeral. We get swept up and filled with joy. Sex should make us feel good, whatever we are into, and we can carry those good feelings into all the other areas of our lives. But by all means, fuck outdoors when you get a chance.

Nov 092012
 

Blyss and HoltAnyone who thinks that being polyamorous means not feeling jealousy, is sadly mistaken. I don’t often feel jealous, but it does come up – and often not in the ways that I expect. I want my partners to be happy and fulfilled. I get off on them getting off even when it isn’t with me and even if they are doing things that I wouldn’t be into. But I do occasionally get jealous.

Harold and I did get a chance to play with Blyss and Holt. It was fantastic. I got to see a side of Blyss that I haven’t seen before, her very excellent Toppy side, as she took fantastic care of a totally adorable Holt. I got to admire how beautiful Holt is and run my fingers over his gorgeous skin. We got to explore CBT technique. I love teaching moments. Harold helped me come while I had a person on each nipple. Totally ecstatic. We spent hours in a casual sexual environment.

I felt very good about the whole thing – close to everyone, sexy, comfortable, happy. It wasn’t until I looked at the photos that I felt jealous. No, thinking back, I believe I felt jealous just after, but it manifested as a bout of extreme insecurity about being parted from Harold. See, Harold, to his dismay, is not very attracted to men. He would like to be more physically attracted to men. He’s had a bit of a crush on Holt since Blyss showed us pictures. I don’t mind that at all. I think it’s sweet.

Harold and HoltI want Harold to explore every bit of his sexuality. Fuck every mountain, leave no stone unfucked, and all that. We’re good for each other like that. I’ve done my best to help Harold explore gender in the context of our sex play. I’m a very good man to his woman. It works. I was honored to help hold the space for him to explore with Holt. I know that the safety of having me there, the grounding of our relationship, made it possible for Harold to be comfortable making love with Holt.

At the time, I was so caught up in the energy that all I felt was the glory of the moment. Later I looked at the pictures. The lens didn’t capture how sweet it was for me to watch Harold. Nearly every shot has Harold looking at Holt with longing. No, that’s not true. That’s the jealousy talking.

My jealousy is two-fold. First, I am jealous because I don’t have a cock and balls and I never will. Harold wants something sexually that I can not provide. Realistically, I don’t expect to be everything for him, but emotionally I feel sad that there are places I cannot meet him. Second, I feel jealous because what I see in the photos is Harold pursuing Holt. Again, logically I know that Harold pursued me, but my lizard brain says that I had to stalk him.

Holt, Evoë, and HaroldJealousy often comes up around something that I perceive as a lack, either a lack I can’t meet for my partner that someone else can, or an emotional lack in myself that I believe can’t be met. Paying attention to these feelings can be really helpful in working out areas that might otherwise become grounds for resentment in the relationship.

Talking to Harold about my jealousy is incredibly helpful. He doesn’t judge me for my emotions, but helps me see them for what they are. He’s very responsive which makes me feel loved and supported. It’s important too, because I’m realizing how I felt after the fact, to know that my feelings of jealousy don’t have anything to do with Blyss or Holt, or even Harold. These feelings are natural and normal. Even for poly folk.

Nov 032012
 

Sexy BoiI’ve been playing out little videos in my mind for weeks, imagining what might happen when my girlfriend, Blyss, has her boi, Holt, come to visit from out of town. I’ve never met him before, but I hear about him all the time. Blyss even shows me sexy pictures of him. We’ve said hi to each other over Skype. I think I’ll like him. I certainly am enjoying the fantasies of Harold and I having sex with them – maybe even Joel too.

I know the new boi likes cock-and-ball torture as much as Harold, so I’m drooling over the idea of having a cock in each hand and two sets of balls to squeeze. I’m visualizing the positions I will put them in, where I will place myself and Blyss. There is a heck of a lot you can do with four people who are all willing to be intimate together! It’s like a very grown up version of playing with dolls. I hope I get a chance to teach Blyss what I know about CBT. I hope I get to make the bois fuck each other in the ass. I want to dress them up in lingerie. I want to Top them all!

I have amused myself with these thoughts while I have driven the children around or while I did the laundry. It’s these kinds of happy thoughts that make life worth living. It doesn’t matter that it might never happen. That’s not the point of a fantasy. My fantasies prime my sexual pump, get me going. I think that there is power in imagining what you would like to have happen in a sexual context, but you have to be careful to stay flexible.

The map is not the territory. What I mean to say is, a fantasy is a good representation of sex potential, but actually being there having the experience is very different. There are things that will happen that you can’t anticipate. Chiefly, if you are having sex with other people, they will also have their own boundaries and expectations. I also find that sex works much better if I have a set of fantasy ideas, rather than a set script. That allows me to follow the energy of what feels right in the moment. My fantasies are mostly a good jumping off place to talk about what I might want t have happen.

I don’t even know if we will have an opportunity to get naked together. I hope so, but I know how things go sometimes. It’s important to me to develop something of a relationship with someone before I jump into fucking. Holt may be my girlfriend’s boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean that we will necessarily hit it off. Either way, I have some great wanking material happening in my head. And that may be the best use of a fantasy.

Jun 152012
 

Evoë all dressed up and ready to goI love how life gives me so many opportunities to practice the things that I’m learning. Like how to listen to my emotions and communicate them during sex play. A few days ago I got the chance to stop a public sex scene in the middle when it wasn’t feeling right. I’m pretty proud of myself.

Harold and I were in San Francisco. I was excited to go to a sex club I hadn’t been to before to see how it was run. I like getting dressed up and thinking about the kinds of sexy things we might do. We brought some of our favorite toys with us just for the occasion. I went without panties, which pushes my boundaries a bit. I felt wicked and slutty, in a fabulous way.

I was also experiencing a headache from flying. Over the course of the afternoon and evening I tried a variety of medications, hoping to eradicate this headache. My migraine meds finally did the trick, but I think they interacted badly with some of the over the counter drugs in my system. I was pretty out of it – impaired in a drunk-like way. I almost decided not to go to the club, but in the end, I just went with it.

I’m glad we went. It was fun to dance and talk to people. There was a whole back room filled with naked fucking people. I adore the vibe of that, and the visual – a sea of writhing, groaning bodies taking their pleasure. Beautiful! I was totally having a good time. And then the dungeon room opened up!

I knew that this is where I wanted to be for the kinds of things I like to do to Harold. For some reason, ball torture tends to squick some people. We laid claim to a bondage chair, but sadly I had left all of my rope in Seattle. I just told him to stay put where I arranged him. I spread out my tools, slipped off my heels, and started to get to work on some CBT.

We play together often. I know Harold’s body and his responses. I know when to push him and when he needs more of something. What I enjoy most about our sexual connection is the exchange of energy. Playing in public is interesting and fun because anyone observing is also contributing their energy. I am an exhibitionist. I like to perform and I want to be watched. I was looking forward to displaying my skills and the endurance of my boi in a new venue.

I tied off his scrotum so his balls wouldn’t roll around. I ran my hands all over Harold’s body and gave him a few experimental slaps. I took his cock into my mouth. I was just sinking into the space I inhabit when I Top. I started giving his balls light taps. Generally, I expect the energy between us to slowly build when we play – for every one of my actions to incite Harold into a greater state of arousal, which then turns me on more, and I go a little further. This feedback loop wasn’t happening.

My internal voice said, “This isn’t working. We should stop.” Now, if someone was doing stuff to me and I thought this, I believe I would say something pretty quickly. As the top, I took several more breaths before I acknowledged the thought. Then I thought about the fact that I really wanted to have this scene and people were watching, before realizing that I needed to listen to that voice.

I wrapped my arms around Harold and told him how I was feeling, that things were not building like I expected them to, and that I thought we should stop. He was totally in the same spot. The energy was not building for him either. I decided to be proud of myself for following my hunch. We reconnected, cleared out of the dungeon, and went to join the mass of naked fucking people.

I’m not sure what wasn’t working for us. I suspect it has to do with me being slightly altered and not as present. I do not think that I will ever again try to Top when I am (even slightly) inebriated. I want to be entirely present and high on endorphins, if anything. It doesn’t actually matter what was going on. The fact that I stopped the scene in the middle because it felt wrong, is huge.

No pantiesIt’s been difficult to get in touch with that inside voice. Dealing with abuse in my life meant that I didn’t get to say yes or no, so it took some time for me to be able to hear myself. I’ve worked hard to be able to say yes when that’s what I want. I’ve learned to let myself have pleasure. Part of that journey was also learning to stop the action if it felt wrong for any reason. Now I’m getting to practice those skills as a top.

Everyone is responsible for safeguarding their own sexual experience. Trusting your own voice and your partners’ voices, especially in the middle of some intense sexual play, is vital. Yes, I’m a little disappointed not to have the experience I hoped for, but I have no doubt that if we had continued in the direction we were headed, it would have felt icky for both of us. I want our sex to feel intense and amazing, which means that every time, always, we need to listen to the inside voice.

 

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