The stress has been getting to us. Between working hard all of the time, the children, managing a home and multiple relationships, working through my childhood abuse scars, and money being tight, my relationship with Harold has been very strained lately. Not that it’s been bad, just harder for us to find the powerful connection that we share. So I made an executive decision to get away for a weekend and our spouses helped to make it happen.
I’m so glad that we did! We took a ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge Island and stayed in a little cabin there. I adore the ferry – it feels like magic. Being on a boat automatically shifts the energy and gives the impression of being on a journey. I feel the same way about airplanes and trains. I like to travel; it’s exciting. It also turns me on. I always want to find some way of fucking, but I’ve only managed to have sex on a ferry boat once before, sadly not on this trip.
After the refreshing ferry ride, we walked around in downtown Winslow and Poulsbo. It felt good to spend unstructured time together. We’re always so goal oriented and busy. Here we just wandered and talked. I felt at ease for the first time in a long while. The sun was shining and all was right with the world. Part of having a family and being polyamorous is that I am always thinking about other people’s needs. It’s very nice to have no thoughts beyond the moment.
We did manage to have some sex. Again, spontaneity is amazing – the ability to just be sexual whenever the mood strikes is a gift. In fact, Harold came three times over the weekend! This is significant for me because over the past several month erections have been scarce. I am relieved to know that if we get into a more relaxed state, everything still flows. Our sexual connection is just as hot as it always has been. When we have the time and space, we are as horny as teenagers and ready to jump each other.
We did other things too. We spent a lot of time in the hot tub. We worked. We spent a delightful evening catching up with some old friends of mine. We cooked together. We walked on the beach and picked up shells. We talked easily and openly about all kinds of things. We watched movies and cuddled. It was a good time.
As with most vacations, it didn’t feel like enough time – we had just begun to unwind. Yet I was ready to face the world again. I felt rested and focused. This mini-vacation proved that our love is still strong. What more do I need?
Other posts you might enjoy:
- Love matters
- Relationship problems
- Ocean, here I come!
- Married sex
- Finding healthy boundaries for family
- Happy Birthday Week to me!
I wanted something different for our date this week, someplace to get away to. Harold and I have been going through a spate of arguments lately – largely because I’m working through more big emotional things and I’ve been bitchy. It’s been rocky. So I wanted to relax and reconnect with each other in a space that we haven’t been to. I took him to the hourly hot tub place. I’ve been fantasizing about making love there ever since Joel and I went.
It’s a bit of a drive, about 45 minutes, but that’s okay because it gave us a chance to talk. The first hour of our dates are always spent talking anyway. We need the time to get caught up after being apart for a few days. It helps to sync up our energy – make sure that there isn’t anything lurking in our psyches that needs to be addressed. I require a mental health check in order to open up and be truly intimate with my partner. Wild sex requires trust. Talking helps.
The hot tub place is fairly unassuming when you enter, nice, but kind of comfortable. The service was fantastic and the guy at the desk didn’t blink an eye at our camera gear. We got situated in our room – shower, sauna, tub, narrow bed, stereo system. Perfect for boinking. I could just feel my tension melting.
I rinsed off in the shower, the industrial spray hitting my nipples like needles. I sat at the edge of the tub and dipped my toes in. I sat at the edge and ran my vibrator lightly over my clit, through my labia. After a while I eased into the water and luxuriated in the warmth, feeling free and weightless. Harold let me have my space while I eased into my first orgasm, then he joined me in the tub.
We gravitated toward each other, half floating, able to twine around each other in new ways. There is so much comfort in being held skin-to-skin. I love him so much but things have been difficult for the last bit. I’m angry, but not at him. I know that I have been pushing him away, even while I want him to stay close. I needed that time with him in the hot tub. Time to just be together peacefully.
Peaceful quickly became sexual for us. Despite the challenges of fucking under water, he slid into me. We experienced the exquisite joy of movements being simultaneously slowed and amplified by the water. His thrusts were muted, but the motion caused ripples against my flesh. It created new possibilities as we anchored ourselves with our hands and floated. I could have stayed there forever, but natural lubrication doesn’t hold up under water and the silicone lube was across the room.
We took turns going down on each other. I really like oral sex. I especially liked being in the water with Harold’s cock at eye level as he sat on the edge of the tub. It felt both sexy and relaxing. For me it had an edge of power play as well, I think because he was above me, yet sucking cock makes me feel powerful.
We took a break to rehydrate and have a snack. We sat in the sauna for a while, sweat pouring down our faces and bodies. We went out to the bed. I poured lube in my hands and started on Harold’s cock, lavishing lots of stroking and repetitive motion, really getting into the feel of it. Hand jobs can be so meditative. Then I laid him down and rode him til I came.
I went back for a few last minutes in the hot tub before showering off, all of my limbs feeling loose and my heart bursting with love. The hot tub was continuously filling up and spilling over, like my emotions have been lately. It occurred to me that maybe it was for the same reasons – basic hygiene. Keeping everything flowing makes sure that the system stays clean.
Other posts you might enjoy:
- Banking foreplay
- Accruing interest
- The threat of danger
- Elliott Bay Sauna & Hot Tub Company
- A perfect picnic
I had my whole hand inside of her body. I keep thinking that. Last night I worked my whole hand into her cunt. It was so amazing. Fisting is incredible. I can’t get over how close I feel to her, even now. She’s so beautiful. I’m so lucky. I had my whole hand inside her.
She showed up last night after the children were asleep, bearing lambic and dark chocolate. I told her that I felt unworthy of her affection, having only Folgers and cheap sulfite-free wine to offer such a goddess. She kissed my doubts away. We curled up on the bed, talking and stroking exposed bits of flesh.
I love her eyes. And her wicked smile. She has many different smiles that say a multitude of things, but I especially like the one that lets me know that she has done something very clever and deliciously bad. Usually to my benefit. Then there’s her hands, her fingers lacing in and out of mine while we talk.
We caught up on the last couple of weeks and discussed our other relationships. It’s nice to share with each other about all of the love we have in our lives. We talked about sex. Then I pin her to the bed and ask what she can’t live without in sex. I imagine the things she might detail, perhaps oral sex or orgasms or pain, but I’m surprised when she answers: connection. OMG, I’m in love. Of course connection is why I have sex. I want to know someone through sex. I’m so in love.
We’re still new to each other. We are learning each other’s bodies and preferences. I wanted to go down on her in a major way, but I was nervous. I haven’t actually had a lot of practice at cunnilingus, especially recently. I got all shy and awkward telling her what I wanted, yet warning her that I’m fairly inexperienced. She looked baffled for a moment, as though unsure how to respond before reassuring me that that she wouldn’t judge me too harshly. It made me laugh.
Determined to give it a good go, I worked my way down her body, kissing, sucking, and biting. Her cunt is gorgeous. She has 3 rings through one side of her labia. It’s just perfectly right. I nuzzled around in her pubic hair, taking in her earthy scent. I thought about what I like in oral sex and tried to do the same on her. I took my time and explored. It turned me on. As things heated up, I found myself with my whole face buried in her cunt, licking with wild abandon, following her rhythms. After she came, I kissed her, everything a juicy mess.
Then I wanted to be inside her. The vagina is such a mysterious and amazing place. She is so hot. I slipped a couple of fingers in and worked up to my whole hand with lots of lube and erotic play. I found myself glad that I had trimmed and filed my nails and worried that it hadn’t been enough. Her body writhing and contracting around my hand filled me with intense awe. I was so grateful to her for allowing me in, for sharing herself with me. I wanted to fill her and surround her and melt through her.
I thought that she should go to sleep then, but that wicked grin showed up. My turn. She explored my cunt, letting me know that she thought I was beautiful. What she thinks matters a lot to me because of my abuse history and having given birth 5 times. I am not always comfortable with my body. I was absurdly touched by her gaze and her compliments. Then she did wicked things with her mouth.
I’m not exactly sure what she did. Her mouth latched on to my clit and she rode my bucking pelvis until I came, hard and fast. My new favorite thing is her eyes looking at me while the rest of her face is obscured by my pubic hair. Have I mentioned that I’m in love? Because as soon as I’d come, she rode the waves of that orgasm straight into the next. Then I held my beautiful girl in my arms and she looked very smug. Deservedly so.
There’s a certain satisfaction to snuggling down in bed, with the smell of sex everywhere and a naked woman pressed against me. I felt at peace in the darkness for the first time in a while. This morning we woke early so she could go to work. I allowed myself the luxury of falling back to sleep, smelling her scent on the sheets. I’ve got it bad.
Other posts you might enjoy:
I consider myself pansexual and genderqueer, but over the past few years I’ve presented more like a straight woman. I have two male partners and a passel of kids. Sure, I have a crew cut, but I can be pretty femme. I’m polyamorous, but I haven’t really dated at all in the past 4 years. I was busy helping to forge our family. Then I’ve been doing all of my intense emotional work. And WholeSexLife takes up a lot of my time. But I’ve had a few people on my radar, just waiting for the right moment.
Blyss is a good friend who I’ve been flirting heavily with for a couple of years. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other and build some basic trust, with some sexual teasing mixed in for interest. When she moved out of state recently I figured that I’d missed my chance. But then she wrote me a letter and kept sending me messages online. I was touched – and interested. I saw Blyss around Christmas time and invited her to have sex with Harold and I and to take pictures for the website. She was totally interested, but then had to cancel.
I saw her last week and all of my boi stuff kicked into high gear. In a fit of bravado and sexual interest, I asked Blyss to come and spend the night with me. I even asked in front of one of her other partners and one of mine. I didn’t even think about it – I wanted her.
Later, I freaked out a bit – What was I thinking? (That I wanted to spend time with her.) I don’t know how to make love to a woman! (Not true. I’ve done it before.) What if she canceled again? (Always possible, but not the end of the world.) I spent all week thinking about the upcoming date. I went to trim my nails to lesbian standards and couldn’t find any clippers. I ran out and purchased 3 sets of clippers. I cleaned my bedroom. I bought sexy new panties. I put clean sheets on the bed. I arranged roses and candles. I went through my sex toys trying to think of using them on a female. In short, I was anxious and obsessive. Thankfully, Harold didn’t mind that I talked a lot about Blyss.
Just before Blyss was supposed to arrive I gave up. I decided I couldn’t do it. Then she came through the door and everything was okay. She has such a beautiful way of making everything good. It helped soothe much of my awkwardness. We did normal homey things like eating dinner and reading a bedtime story to the kids.
Then we talked and talk and talked. Blyss is brilliant and sensitive. We giggled. And the boi kicked in again. I wanted to make love to this woman. Enough talking, I pounced. We rolled around, kissing, exploring each other with mouths and hands. She left hickeys on my neck. She has amazing breasts. I loved doing things to her nipples that make her squirm and squeal. I was reminded of how much I adore cunts. She likes to be stretched, so I worked up to four fingers, curling and pressing. I added clit rubbing and nipple stim until she came. SO amazing!
Strangely, sex with a woman really isn’t any different than sex with a man. People are people. It has me thinking about how passive I have traditionally been in my relationships – I have let men take the lead and then decided whether or not to follow. It is a cultural gender paradigm that I was following without thought. With women, I have often felt awkward, waiting to see who would make a move. I’m proud to say that this time, I made a move.
After that, I had to fuck her! I found my two-way and buried my cock in her cunt. The brilliant thing about the two-way is that I get both g-spot and clitoral stimulation with it. I actually orgasmed fucking her, only MY cock stayed hard. I felt like such a boi, needing to bone the beautiful girl. The energy was fantastic. 
Sadly, at that point I was getting really tired. Probably all of the oxytocin being released into my system from the orgasms. I had to ask Blyss if she would be offended if we went to sleep. We cuddled up. I woke much the same way in the morning. I worked from bed, holding her hand, and watching her sleep, marveling at my good fortune to have such an amazing person in my bed.
When she woke, we made breakfast for the children. We sat and talked. She left for work. It all felt so smooth and natural. Seamless in a way that I always long for. It was my girlfriend experience. It’s early yet, but I can see possibilities in this relationship. I’ve invited Blyss back again.
Other posts that might interest you:
- Book tour: Say Please, edited by Sinclair Sexsmith
- I kissed a girl
- Blood, Sweat, and Queers
- Gender fluidity
It doesn’t snow in Seattle very often, so when it does, everything stops. Right now we have about a foot of snow. It turns everything magically beautiful. I love the snow. I like walking in the cold expanses of white, as though I am the first person in the world to tread there. I like the soft silence of snow falling and when a branch dumps it’s snowy load all at once in a cloud of white. I even like being naked in the snow, with my nipples hard and my skin alive with the touch of snowflakes. Snow days are a time for inner work, playing outside, drinking tea, and getting cozy with the ones you love.
Today Harold and I walked out into the woods to his cabin. We built a roaring fire and curled up to talk out all of the things going on in our lives. When it was nice and toasty, I slipped out of my clothes and ran around in the forest in only my boots. It makes me so happy. I feel really alive. It’s simultaneously like being in a fairy tale and experiencing intense sensual delight (but better than Anne Rice could tell it). This is the childlike wonder that I approach sex with.
And we did have sex. We went back to the cabin and warmed my chilled flesh. Harold wrapped his arms around me. His scent, that smell that is unique to him, filled me with desire. It’s just goes straight to my animal brain and I think, I know this man. I want him. I simply wanted to come right away. I asked him to 
use his mouth and his fingers, and later a few toys, to bring me to climax. As I orgasmed, I looked out the window at the gorgeous wintery weather, with the snow falling down. I felt more peaceful than I have in a long time. Then I looked in Harold’s eyes and took in all of the love I saw there. It makes me smile.
For days, I’ve been fantasizing about all of the wicked things I wanted to do to Harold. The snow gives the illusion that we have all the time in the world. We were insulated from the rest of the world – two children in a magical clubhouse. I suspended his balls from the ceiling and did wicked things to them. Amazingly enough, one of our leather wrist restraints fits perfectly around his scrotum! I attached clamps to his nipples and stuck things in his ass. Fellatio is one of my favorite things, so I spent extra time sucking his cock.
Then we reached that moment of decision. The point at which we lament he has but one orgasm to give at this juncture and we must debate the best method for him to spend it. I want him to jizz all over my face, but that didn’t seem quite as nice as both of us coming together. Love tends to win out big time. I just wanted to be as spiritually deep inside him as I could get, so I sat on top of him. I adore the feeling when his cock first fully slides into me. It’s amazing. I always have an “oh, there you are” kind of moment, like my body has been incomplete without him.
I twine my fingers into to his and begin to rock back and forth. His cock is rubbing against my g-spot. I alternate between gazing into his eyes and rolling my head back in ecstasy. I tend to lose my sense of self and just melt into him. Then I feel heat build all over my body. And I come. As soon as I start to orgasm, he is right there with me. We both scream and laugh and cry and hold each other. Today was like that.
I kept him inside me while I held him and cried. I do this sometimes. When I open up, things come out. Today I was just so relieved to feel how much Harold loves me. I think the snow can feel isolating as well.
We lay for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, as the sweat dried from our bodies and the snow glittered outside. Eventually, Harold coaxed another sweet orgasm from my cunt. I think each one gets better as we play longer. After, I really had to pee
I’m no stranger to peeing outside. I’m very proud at 
how adept I’ve gotten. Harold is quite delighted at how he’s corrupted me into being a wild grrrl who will squat in the dirt. But today it was snow and I didn’t want to squat down in a foot of snow. So I peed standing up! I’ve never done that before. It’s very satisfying. I’m not up to writing my name in the snow yet, but look out!
The fire was dying down and our time was running out. We put our clothes back on, gathered up our things, and set off back to civilization. The snow crunched under every step and we walked with all the magic of a snow day in our hearts. And satisfied smiles on our lips.
I’m getting ready to go on a date with my husband. I like spending time with him and I hope that this will be a romantic date. My preparations are a form of foreplay. Every action puts me mentally, physically, and emotionally in a sexually receptive state. Initially, I was hurrying to be ready when the sitter arrived, but Joel told me that women have the right to take as long as they want. So I am lingering in each sensation.
Our holidays were very good, but I’ve had very little time to myself. All the small things matter right now. The sparkly red polish on my toes, the hot shower spray on the tense muscles of my neck and shoulders, letting go of the details I’ve had to hold in my mind. I belong to myself right now.
I feel so much better in the shower that I bring myself to orgasm for the first time in a while. Sex has not been an active part of my life during the past couple of weeks. Coming puts me back in my body. I play with the energy a bit, drawing out the pleasurable spasms. The rest of my cares slide away for now. I’m in a good place.
I wonder what Joel and I will do tonight. Maybe we will make love. I’m in the mood to tease him. I want him to find me attractive. Wherever we go, I want every head to turn to watch me walk across the room. But it’s all for him. No, that’s not really true. It’s for me. I want to feel shiny and new and sexy. And I do.
I put on a light amount of make up. I try something new with my hair. I wear the new earrings that Joel gave me for the holidays. I like them and I hope that he will notice I’m wearing them. I put on the sexy fishnet tights that were also a gift. They’re wild and wonderful. Everyone will notice them! I add low heels and a short button-down denim dress. Casual and comfortable, yet glamorous. It works.
I’m done nearly on time anyway, but I feel so much better than I would have if I rushed. I’m in a sexy frame of mind and I can tell that Joel appreciates the extra effort I took getting ready. It looks to be a good date.
I’ve gone over a week without posting, which hasn’t happened for a long time. It’s a combination of factors, like having a bad cold, working on other projects, and generally feeling bad about myself. But there have been some sexy moments…
For the first time, I got to photograph a couple making love. It was an incredible experience. I went into the photo shoot without expectations, but certainly hoping that they would feel comfortable enough to be intimate together. I feel very honored that they trusted me enough that they could follow their desire where it led. I tried to create a safe space and I’m pleased that it worked. It’s actually very hard work to take photos over an hours-long shoot. I kept thinking that it’s so much easier for me to be in front of the lens having sex! I’m still struggling to figure out the technical aspects of photography so I was disappointed in the overall quality of the results, but there are some shots that I really love. An erotic photo shoot is quite a creative rush. My models were amazing! If they decide they are comfortable with publishing any of these pics, I will certainly share. I’m hoping to practice more photography in the near future, so if you are in the Seattle area and want to model, drop me a line.
I spent an evening cuddling in bed with Joel and giggling about a few R&B/Blues songs by the light of the Yule tree. I adore nasty blues and these are great. The first one was Denise LaSalle singing “Lick it before you stick it,” with great lyrics like, ”You’re makin’ her feel good, but you can make her feel better/ If you treat your lady like a stamp and a letter/Lick it/Before you stick it” and advises men to “find the little man in the boat.” Then there’s “Strokin’,” by Clarence Carter with these lyrics, “I remember one time I made love/On the back seat of a car/An’ the police came an’ shined/His light on me, an’ I said/I’m strokin’/That’s what I’m doin’/I be strokin’.” And finally, Barbara Carr with, “If you really want to please me/You know you’ve got to stake your claim/And make hot love to me boy/’til I want to wear your name” from a song with the best title ever, “Bone me like you own me.” I so enjoy that these songs are strongly about owning your sexuality and prioritizing pleasure.
I’ve been masturbating a fair amount – sometimes testing out products that I’ll be reviewing this month, sometimes just to spend quality time with myself. I end up touching myself when I’m in the shower or alone in bed. It helps me to feel focused and grounded. I love drawing out the orgasms and playing with sensations. I also think that it’s easier right now to be with myself than to be with other people. I’m just more inwardly focused.
Which isn’t to say that I haven’t had sex with other people. Harold and I had some heavy foreplay going on one evening, but the wee one’s stamina was greater than ours. We all snuggled in to sleep instead of fucking. It was nice to be cozy, but I still fell asleep wanting more and feeling lonely. Thankfully, Harold and I had a date the next day.
Our date sex was fairly simple. We had sexted about all of the kinky things we wanted to do to each other, but when it came down to it, our love making was about intimate touch and making out. There was some power exchange. I kept him pinned while I caressed him with my nipples and kissed him all over. It’s totally hot to use my whole body 
to bring pleasure. The really amazing thing is that I’m currently menstruating so we got blood everywhere. I know that some people are squeamish about menstrual blood, but I love it. We got blood all over my thighs and Harold’s cock, balls, and hands. Beautiful!
Like most people, right now I’m struggling to balance home, work, family, and self-care with the holidays tossed in for extra fun. It’s actually going fine, but I want to make sure that sex stays on the list. In reality, sex is so much a part of who I am that I’m not really worried. More important than sex, is love. I am lucky to have so much love in my life. I think that’s my lesson for the holidays – letting the light of love fill me up. Even the places where I don’t love myself.
I step forward, he steps back. We sway to the music, our hips pressed against each other. His eyes are closed. Our lips brush. His body spins away from me and back again. I show him what I want him to do with subtle cues from my body. He’s following my lead.
Joel and I go on a date every week. It’s our investment in our relationship, the time when we can catch up about everything going on in our lives, a chance to strengthen our connection and enjoy each other. We tend to be fairly traditional. Usually we go out to dinner. Sometimes we catch a movie. Sometimes we have sex. We always relax and have a good time, but occasionally I just have to mix it up a bit. Last night we went blues dancing.
The Center for Sex Positive Culture in Seattle was offering blues dancing after their monthly poly potluck. We opted for spending more family time at home rather than attend the potluck, but we were in for the dancing. It sounded like a great idea – a chance to go dancing among other people who understand that even though we’re together, we may be open to other people. Poly blues dancing seemed like an inexpensive, yet fun date.
It can be hard to get out of the house. I tend to feel ambivalent about going out. I’m tired at the end of the day. I get involved with projects at home, but I do love to go out. I like to get dressed up. Last night I was feeling kind of butch so it was a tank top, pinstripe pants, and combat boots. Then we had a 45 minute drive. It let us talk and sync up.
We arrived just in time for the beginner’s lesson on how to blues dance. Five couples circled up on the dance floor. We practiced stepping from side to side in a standard high-school shuffle. We danced forward and back. We were asked to find a partner. Easy enough since everyone had arrived as couples. Then we were told to figure out who was the lead and who was the follow. I appreciate that there was not an immediate gender assumption about who would lead.
There was a bit of a scuffle between Joel and me. I always want to lead when I dance. Joel didn’t feel comfortable leading because he’s very new to this kind of dancing. Yet there is the tradition of men leading. We realized that everyone was waiting for us to figure out our power dynamics and quickly settled on me leading. I placed my right hand on his shoulder blade and my left hand up “as though I was holding a beverage.” We practiced our shuffle.
Then our instructor told the follows to thank the leads and move to the right. Wait a minute, what? I greeted my new female partner and smirked at Joel in the arms of another man. We were certainly mixing things up. I learned a lot from the people I danced with. Each of them had good advice for how to be an effective lead. Joel also got a bunch of advice. While I felt a bit awkward at first, being a lead was turning out to be fun.
Blues dancing is sex-on-a-stick. I adore blues and watching people dance was hot. It felt good to dance too. You have to be in your body to blues dance. I could feel myself relax and open up to Joel. I loved leading him around the floor, firmly in control, yet letting the sexy flow.
The vibe followed us off the floor as well. Joel started rubbing my back and planting little kisses all over. The fantastic thing about being at the Center was that I could invite Joel into the back room, where we got naked. Joel kept telling me that I was the lead. It made me feel very much in control, which made me feel safe and turned me on. I’m such a top!
The blues music oozed through the walls. We kissed, slowly and passionately, our hands roaming all over each other’s skin. We floated in that place of pure sensuality. Eventually, I rolled him over and climbed on top of his face so he could lick my clit. I returned the favor by going down on him. Then I couldn’t stand it, I just wanted him. I told him to get on his knees. I rested my feet on his shoulders and he fucked me, cock plunging deep into me.
Afterward, we lay still, listening to the blues and softly talking. It’s such a luxury to be together like that. It’s a space that isn’t always easy for us to get to with all that we have going on in our lives. I love him so much and I feel so blessed to have him.
A chill in the air and a desire to use the bathroom got us back in our clothes. We danced to one more song then we made our way to the car. Exhausted and blissed out, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open on the drive home. Joel took care of everything and let me tumble directly into bed. I dreamed of him following my lead.
Sometimes you have to hunt happiness down and force it into submission. At least that’s what my day was about. This past week has been very challenging emotionally. I’ve worked hard to take care of myself. I got a pedicure, went to the spa to meditate, had a two hour long therapy session, spent long hours talking to my partners, played with my kids, ate and slept well, and got into a huge fight with Harold. And still, things were occasionally so bad that I considered every out. I hurt. I’m angry. Being angry makes me feel helpless. But none of these emotions is about anything that is happening now.
Right now, I want to feel close to my family. I want to experience joy. I want to make love. I’m doing all of the self-care, but spontaneously joyful moments elude me. So now, I have to muscle my way to happiness. It isn’t easy. But it is possible. I just have to grab hold of my bliss.
For example, yesterday was Harold’s birthday and I wanted to do something nice to surprise him. We had a date scheduled and we almost always spend our dates in the cabin he built. So I plotted and planned ahead and went to the cabin a couple of hours before we were scheduled to begin. I built a fire. I put out a tray with champagne, glasses, an assortment of Harold’s favorite pastries, and fruit. I put roses everywhere and covered the bed in rose petals. Then I scattered rose petals on the trail up to his house.
I was so excited to have him see my work. I felt bad about fighting the night before. I wanted him to see how much I care. I figured he would be there in about half an hour. I was about to head back to my house, when our teen daughter’s school called to say that she was sick. Damn. Harold was the closest parent to her location at that moment. Of course I want to take care of my kids, but I also wanted to surprise Harold. I realized that it would just put us back an hour and came to terms with that. Harold went off to pick up the girl.
I waited, impatient and miserable. It’s so difficult to feel bad and desperately want to feel good. I get very struggly. But I keep trying to fake it until it works. I thought a lot about the sex that Harold and I might have. I haven’t been very into penis-in-vagina sex recently, but I still like to come. I thought about some of the toys that I have to review. I watched it start to rain, and I thought about all of the rose petals on the path. I wondered if the wind was blowing them away. Finally Harold showed up. I put my daughter to bed, checked in with the nanny, and we were off.
I felt as nervous as I would on a first date. It was pouring rain. We decided to walk down to the cabin naked, on the principal that our clothes would stay dry. It was sort of a mutual dare. We walked past the first few petals and Harold didn’t say anything, but I smiled. A few more steps and he mumbled something about Melanie doing a project. Then he started to suspect something.
We got to the cabin and Harold opened the door. The warm air wrapped around us like a blanket. Harold’s eyes filled with wonder. It was like watching a 4-year-old on Christmas morning. His face at that moment is going to be my happy thought for a long time to come. Yes, some of the desserts were melty and the champagne had gotten warm and the roses had wilted a bit, but it didn’t matter. He was touched that I had gone to the trouble and I was delighted to make him happy.
The best part, of course, was making love. I’ve never rolled around on top of rose petals before. It’s nice. We talked and our joy melted away lingering tensions between us. We got to a place of surrender, just flesh on flesh, hearts open to each other. We fed each other delicious morsels and used champagne in oral sex. We kissed, slowly and sweetly, lingering in the depths of each other. When the time was right, I invited him in and we fucked. It felt divine.
As is our want, we continued to make love long after Harold had orgasmed. There is always so much more to do. So many sensations to experience. Kisses to place in little hollows. Skin to taste. Important topics to discuss. Love to share. And as always, our time was over too soon, but I think my plans worked. I’ve managed to make happiness my bitch. Well, for a while. I’m still feeling pretty good. Things are still emotionally challenging, but I have a secret weapon. I’m not afraid to chase my own happiness and I am loved. I hold that in my heart for all of the gray days.
While Harold is gone for a few days, I am thinking a lot about him. I’m thinking about all of the really hot and sexy things we’ve done together and fantasizing about the things we haven’t done yet. The things that push us past our comfort, but turn us on like crazy. I want him so much. I want the things that scare us as well as all the lovely things that we enjoy together every time. I want everything. Today I am spinning a fantasy out of our desire, both tested and untried…
We are enjoying dinner together at our favorite restaurant. We’ve both dressed up a bit, as though for a special occasion. You’re laughing at something I’ve said. Your hand rests on top of mine. I look into your eyes and see how much you love me. I feel warm and happy. You smile and say, “I’m going to fuck you.”
I’m suddenly aware of the wetness between my legs. I press my palms against my legs. Through my napkin and my skirt I can feel my garter straps against my thighs. I want to touch my clit. I decide to go to the bathroom. You look at me with some amusement as I place my napkin on the table. “Bring me your panties,” you say, as though you know exactly what I’m thinking.
I’m a bit shocked, but also intrigued. I stand up carefully and step over to your side of the table. I bend to kiss you, aware that I am flashing the tops of my stockings to the gentlemen at the table behind us. It’s a long kiss, full of lust and tongue. After, I whisper in your ear, “You can have my panties, but only if you wear them.”
I sashay toward the restrooms. They are off a dim hallway, across from the abandoned coat-check. The ladies’ room is first and thankfully empty. I go in and lock the door. My hands run over my breasts and down my hips. I hike up my skirt and slide my fingers under my panties, finding my clitoris with my first two fingers. I lean against the door, breathing hard and thinking of how much I love you. My body is rigid, close to orgasm, when someone knocks on the door. Damn.
I quickly slide my underwear off and shove it in my purse. I smooth down my skirt. I flush the toilet for good measure. I wish that I were having an orgasm. I open the door. There’s no one there. Then I notice you back in the coats.
“You interrupted before I was done!” I accuse, but you don’t care. You press my back against the wall. Your hand holds the back of my neck, firm with your fingers in my hair. I want to argue, but I’m melting into you. I want you to kiss me so bad. But you don’t. Your other hand lightly traces my arm from bare shoulder to wrist. I’m pinned by your gaze. You cup my ass and pull me up against you. I can feel your erection. Finally you kiss me. I’m losing all sense of self. There is only this desire. And your tongue probing my mouth while you hold me tight.
You could fuck me right here and I would be happy, but I know that someone is bound to come by at any moment. Besides, I want to torment you some more. I grab hold of your balls through your slacks and squeeze. Your knees buckle a bit and you groan, but keep kissing me. I love you so incredibly much. I break off and push you back. “I have something for you Darling, “ I say as I pull my panties out of my purse, “Go put these on, I’ll take care of the check.”
You look at me for a moment, then take the lacy underwear and turn toward the men’s room. I’m waiting by the front door when you walk out. I wonder if anyone but me can tell that you are walking a little funny. I love knowing that you are secretly wearing my lingerie. I’m so turned on that each step to the car threatens to make me come.
Once in the car, you head for home. I’m quiet, thinking about who might get tied up when we get there. You put your hand on my knee, but it wanders up my thigh to my cunt. Soon my skirt is pulled up and once we’re on the freeway, your fingers are either buried in my cunt or rubbing my clit. I lean the seat back and let go. Soon I am moaning in pleasure as I finally find release, rocking against your hand. I watch as you lick your fingers.
Of course I’m going to return the favor. I unzip your pants and slip my hand inside, running my fingers over the hardness of your erection under the lace of my panties. I pull your cock out and pump up and down a few times, liking your reaction. I lean over and put my head in your lap. I lick the head of your cock, favoring the sensitive frenulum. Then I slowly take the whole thing in my mouth, as deep as it will go. I hope that you can still focus on driving, but I don’t want to wait until we get home.
I am focused on giving you the best blowjob ever, so I don’t notice at first that we are slowing down. When I pop my head up to see what’s going on, I’m not sure where we are. It appears to be a deserted dead-end road with a park. There’s only one streetlight, but the moon is full and bright. You drive to the end and park the car.
I think that we might just fuck here in the car, but you tell me to get out. You come around to my side of the car and carefully remove my heels, stockings, and garter belt. You kiss me again, deeply. “Now run,” you say.
I’m confused. Run? You nod toward the park and start to remove your own shoes. I laugh, perhaps with an edge of hysteria, and start to half-heartedly jog. After 20 paces I stop and look back. You are just removing your pants. I see you start after me and I run more seriously.
I race across the grass, dodging branches and ferns. I feel my limbs go liquid, so that I seem to be gliding across the ground. I feel animal. I am chased. I love it. You are a beast come to take me. I run deeper into the brush.
I’m not sure how you manage it, but you circle to the side and surprise me. You leap onto me, taking me down. We roll together, landing in a pile of leaves. You are on me instantly, flipping me face down and plunging your cock into me. We are both grunting and howling. I exist only for the thrill of each thrust, for the rhythm of our mating.
I feel you so deeply and intimately. I can tell your orgasm is building to match mine. We get closer and closer with each thrust. You are fucking me so hard. I love how wild and savage we are. Suddenly your yell fills the night and I am coming with you. We are rocking together with the fierce joy of the moment and declaring our passion for the world to hear. We have claimed each other and been taken.
We murmur soft lover’s words to each other as we pick leaves from our hair, animal grooming for animals in love. Slowly we find our feet again and make our way back to the car, arms wound around each other. We put our clothes back on, grinning at each other foolishly. We climb into the car and I think again about who gets tied up when we get home.
