The stress has been getting to us. Between working hard all of the time, the children, managing a home and multiple relationships, working through my childhood abuse scars, and money being tight, my relationship with Harold has been very strained lately. Not that it’s been bad, just harder for us to find the powerful connection that we share. So I made an executive decision to get away for a weekend and our spouses helped to make it happen.
I’m so glad that we did! We took a ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge Island and stayed in a little cabin there. I adore the ferry – it feels like magic. Being on a boat automatically shifts the energy and gives the impression of being on a journey. I feel the same way about airplanes and trains. I like to travel; it’s exciting. It also turns me on. I always want to find some way of fucking, but I’ve only managed to have sex on a ferry boat once before, sadly not on this trip.
After the refreshing ferry ride, we walked around in downtown Winslow and Poulsbo. It felt good to spend unstructured time together. We’re always so goal oriented and busy. Here we just wandered and talked. I felt at ease for the first time in a long while. The sun was shining and all was right with the world. Part of having a family and being polyamorous is that I am always thinking about other people’s needs. It’s very nice to have no thoughts beyond the moment.
We did manage to have some sex. Again, spontaneity is amazing – the ability to just be sexual whenever the mood strikes is a gift. In fact, Harold came three times over the weekend! This is significant for me because over the past several month erections have been scarce. I am relieved to know that if we get into a more relaxed state, everything still flows. Our sexual connection is just as hot as it always has been. When we have the time and space, we are as horny as teenagers and ready to jump each other.
We did other things too. We spent a lot of time in the hot tub. We worked. We spent a delightful evening catching up with some old friends of mine. We cooked together. We walked on the beach and picked up shells. We talked easily and openly about all kinds of things. We watched movies and cuddled. It was a good time.
As with most vacations, it didn’t feel like enough time – we had just begun to unwind. Yet I was ready to face the world again. I felt rested and focused. This mini-vacation proved that our love is still strong. What more do I need?
Other posts you might enjoy:
- Love matters
- Relationship problems
- Ocean, here I come!
- Married sex
- Finding healthy boundaries for family
- Happy Birthday Week to me!
I’m just waking up, sitting in bed with coffee in hand, but I haven’t had a sip yet. He comes out of the office and stands at the foot of the bed, talking to me. I’m not really hearing what he’s saying. I’m watching his body language and wishing that he had woken me up with sex this morning. It’s not that I’m feeling sexy, really. I just want him close to me.
I tell him I want him and like a shot, he slips off his shoes and slides into bed with me. We fit together perfectly. I press tight against him and our mouths meet. It’s an explosion of sweetness in my heart. Our lips are soft together. A flurry of little kisses draw us closer. My hand follows the broad expanse of his chest. His tongue parts my lips and I open for him.
It feels incredible to kiss like this. I’m so present in the moment… lips pressed… mouth inviting… tongues exploring… breath shared… this is heaven. His fingers are cool against my skin as he rests his hand against my throat, gripping slightly. My heart races and my cunt spasms. I adore the feel of his hand on my neck. It turns me on, but I’m intent on making out.
I thrust my tongue deep into his mouth. He starts to moan a bit and his fingers follow my spine to the small of my back. He pulls me tight against his side while pressing his lips tighter to mine. His hand happens to be applying pressure to the bruises on my back that I acquired yesterday when we fucked on the floor of the office. I am thinking of that and how hot that spontaneous sex was while we kiss. We’re pretty good together.
I am floating in love and bliss as I nibble on his lips. I don’t think that I am interested in anything very sexual for the moment, but his hand wanders down to my crotch. He teases me, not actually hitting anything that would be just right. At first I wonder why he’s being obtuse, and then I realize that he’s doing it on purpose to get me riled up. All of a sudden I very much want him to bring me to orgasm.
He shifts and slides down my body so his face hovers over my vulva. I spread my legs for him. I want him to kiss these lips. He lowers his face, nuzzling into my furry cunt. My breath catches and my fingers trace the edges of my mouth as I lose myself to the sensations.
His fingers slide into me. Each thrust is exquisite and his tongue is sending heat up into my belly. My body rocks in time with his motions. I can feel myself getting close to orgasm, my cunt sucking at his fingers to try and bring him deeper inside. I want to draw it out, revel in the sensations, but it feels too good. I come hard around his hand, hips bucking and rolling. His hand cups my mound, letting me push out a few final spasms of pleasure against his palm.
We’ve made a mess. His hand is soaked and I’m lying in a big wet spot. I don’t care because I feel fantastic. We kiss again. I love him so much – and not just because he makes me come. I feel a little guilty that our love making is rather one sided this morning, but he reminds me of how I feel when I go down on him. I enjoy it immensely and laugh at the idea of it being one sided. I can see that it would be the same for him.
We kiss some more, then he goes downstairs to make breakfast. I sip my coffee. I gaze out the window, remembering the feel of his lips on mine. I love making out!
Other posts you might enjoy:
I’m feeling Spring in my body. This morning I went for a 4 mile walk. It was brisk, but I could see signs of returning life all along the trail – lush moss, tiny flower buds emerging, pale green leaves bravely opening to the light rain. It was still fairly early in the morning and the air itself seemed full of promise. That’s Spring – a promise of things to come. Life ready to explode into action. In other words, Spring is all about sex.
I feel Spring physically. For the past week my pussy has been wet all of the time. I’m ready for all of these things that are coming. This morning I felt so good that I took my clothes off and spent some time naked on the trail. It was magical. I still feel fresh and renewed. Almost like there is some secret to the morning that you can only feel with your flesh.
It didn’t end there though. I came home and Joel did his best to warm my chilled ass cheeks. One thing led to another and we ended up fucking in the shower, warm mist swirling around us. A hard man is good to find, but it was the shower head and some intense nipple stimulation that made me come. I feel full of love.
Not everything about Spring is good. All the pollen from the trees having sex is wreaking havoc with Joel’s allergies. Some days he can barely open his eyes. I’ve been having a struggle with depression and anxiety, but getting out this morning is helping me to feel more hope. And that’s what Spring is about for me – the hope of a brighter future, the power of life as manifested through sex, and knowing that everything is getting ready to change.
Happy Spring everyone!
Other posts you might enjoy:
My 15 year old came out at a family dinner for her sister’s 21st birthday. We were eating and she announced, “I’m bi-curious. And I have a girlfriend.” In the raucous chaos that is our family, there was congratulations and some light teasing – mainly about her predilection for boy-on-boy. All in all it was a minor occurrence in the general celebration. No one was shocked or surprised. We all love her and support her choices, especially during this time when she should be exploring her sexuality.
She and I talked before her declaration. We had a quick errand to run before dinner and she said, “Mom, now that I have some one-on-one time with you, I want to ask you about my girlfriend.” See, I’ve known for a while that she has a girlfriend, but I figure it’s her business. I like the girl – they’ve been friends for years. My daughter is very wise and handles things very well. I trust her.
I haven’t said much about her being bi-curious and she hasn’t brought it up. She wanted to make sure that I was okay with her choices before she came out to the family because I haven’t said very much. She was worried that it meant I disapproved. No! I should have been more vocal with my support.
Of course I am so proud of her. I love how she feels confident to be herself. I want her to follow her heart where it leads. I know that she isn’t going too fast or doing anything that might be harmful. Her relationship with her girlfriend is significant, no matter how that relationship manifests. Learning to love is one of life’s vital tasks.
My daughter wanted to know if I had mentioned her orientation to anyone else. I hadn’t because that is up to her. I didn’t know if she was telling people. She laughed, “Oh, I tell everyone!” She goes to a private school where people would be open to that. Okay then. I suggested that maybe she should tell her family. I think she knows that her family will support her and they deserve to know what’s going on with her.
So we ended up at a family celebration, made more joyous by my daughter’s revelations. Even the birthday girl was encouraging, having been a long time LGBTQ ally. It makes me so happy to have created a family like this. We are not the standard American family unit, yet I think we function very well indeed. I hope we have an environment where everyone, children and adults alike, feel safe to explore who they are in all ways. I want to raise children who know they can trust their parents enough to discuss their sexuality openly and with pride.
My daughter is amazing. I expect that she is just getting started on her journey of self-discovery. Perhaps there will be other comings-out as her awareness of herself evolves. It’s been suggested that maybe she shouldn’t be quite so open because she might encounter discrimination. That’s up to her, but personally, I think she should shout it from the roof-tops if she wants. Her sexuality is normal. How else are we going to change the way that people look at so-called alternative sexualities? Let’s treat normal things as normal.
My teen came out and I’m very proud.
Other posts you might want to read:
- Parental support
- Poly Myths
- My child’s classmates’ parents
- Stand up, come out
- Love song for my metamour
I consider myself pansexual and genderqueer, but over the past few years I’ve presented more like a straight woman. I have two male partners and a passel of kids. Sure, I have a crew cut, but I can be pretty femme. I’m polyamorous, but I haven’t really dated at all in the past 4 years. I was busy helping to forge our family. Then I’ve been doing all of my intense emotional work. And WholeSexLife takes up a lot of my time. But I’ve had a few people on my radar, just waiting for the right moment.
Blyss is a good friend who I’ve been flirting heavily with for a couple of years. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other and build some basic trust, with some sexual teasing mixed in for interest. When she moved out of state recently I figured that I’d missed my chance. But then she wrote me a letter and kept sending me messages online. I was touched – and interested. I saw Blyss around Christmas time and invited her to have sex with Harold and I and to take pictures for the website. She was totally interested, but then had to cancel.
I saw her last week and all of my boi stuff kicked into high gear. In a fit of bravado and sexual interest, I asked Blyss to come and spend the night with me. I even asked in front of one of her other partners and one of mine. I didn’t even think about it – I wanted her.
Later, I freaked out a bit – What was I thinking? (That I wanted to spend time with her.) I don’t know how to make love to a woman! (Not true. I’ve done it before.) What if she canceled again? (Always possible, but not the end of the world.) I spent all week thinking about the upcoming date. I went to trim my nails to lesbian standards and couldn’t find any clippers. I ran out and purchased 3 sets of clippers. I cleaned my bedroom. I bought sexy new panties. I put clean sheets on the bed. I arranged roses and candles. I went through my sex toys trying to think of using them on a female. In short, I was anxious and obsessive. Thankfully, Harold didn’t mind that I talked a lot about Blyss.
Just before Blyss was supposed to arrive I gave up. I decided I couldn’t do it. Then she came through the door and everything was okay. She has such a beautiful way of making everything good. It helped soothe much of my awkwardness. We did normal homey things like eating dinner and reading a bedtime story to the kids.
Then we talked and talk and talked. Blyss is brilliant and sensitive. We giggled. And the boi kicked in again. I wanted to make love to this woman. Enough talking, I pounced. We rolled around, kissing, exploring each other with mouths and hands. She left hickeys on my neck. She has amazing breasts. I loved doing things to her nipples that make her squirm and squeal. I was reminded of how much I adore cunts. She likes to be stretched, so I worked up to four fingers, curling and pressing. I added clit rubbing and nipple stim until she came. SO amazing!
Strangely, sex with a woman really isn’t any different than sex with a man. People are people. It has me thinking about how passive I have traditionally been in my relationships – I have let men take the lead and then decided whether or not to follow. It is a cultural gender paradigm that I was following without thought. With women, I have often felt awkward, waiting to see who would make a move. I’m proud to say that this time, I made a move.
After that, I had to fuck her! I found my two-way and buried my cock in her cunt. The brilliant thing about the two-way is that I get both g-spot and clitoral stimulation with it. I actually orgasmed fucking her, only MY cock stayed hard. I felt like such a boi, needing to bone the beautiful girl. The energy was fantastic. 
Sadly, at that point I was getting really tired. Probably all of the oxytocin being released into my system from the orgasms. I had to ask Blyss if she would be offended if we went to sleep. We cuddled up. I woke much the same way in the morning. I worked from bed, holding her hand, and watching her sleep, marveling at my good fortune to have such an amazing person in my bed.
When she woke, we made breakfast for the children. We sat and talked. She left for work. It all felt so smooth and natural. Seamless in a way that I always long for. It was my girlfriend experience. It’s early yet, but I can see possibilities in this relationship. I’ve invited Blyss back again.
Other posts that might interest you:
- Book tour: Say Please, edited by Sinclair Sexsmith
- I kissed a girl
- Blood, Sweat, and Queers
- Gender fluidity
Seattle was hit with what amounts to a serious snow storm (for this area) last week. Our power was out for nearly 100 hours, with over a foot of snow and trees and branches falling everywhere because of the ice. We’re not used to this kind of wintery weather. Especially when we lost the water and land line at my house.
Our poly family lives in 2 houses. We are basically prepared for adverse conditions, provided we share resources. We ended up at Harold and Melanie’s house because they have a fireplace, a generator, and working water. We actually did very well. The hard part is keeping children busy for long hours. At the end of the day, I was relieved to burrow under the covers and roll around in bed with Joel. It was under these circumstances that I tried out California Exotics l’Amour Premium Power Pack 8-Speed Bullet.
Under mountains of wool blankets and down comforters, I warmed myself up with my favorite vibrator on my clit. Then I inserted the bullet part of l’Amour Premium Power Pack. It’s very smooth and a good shape and size for internal use. A cord attaches it to the controller. It’s easy to use, with only two buttons. I don’t like that you have to go through all 8 speeds to turn the bullet off. The “power pack” takes four AAA batteries. It really is fairly powerful. I’m not sure why it needs so many speeds. It’s true that each increase in speed ramps up the intensity. It’s also pretty loud. Joel and I could hear it under all of those blankets (and inside me), sounding like a jet getting ready for take-off. The lower speeds seem gratuitous.
Unfortunately, I am not a person for whom internal vibes work well. Maybe it’s my anatomy – my uterus tips back instead of forward. I tried to find a good position, but I mostly just felt like it was vibrating my rectum. I added my favorite vibrator back into the mix. Coming took much longer than normal, but I did eventually orgasm, and having the bullet inside me made coming more intense.
Ultimately, this is not the toy I would chose to use internally. It works okay, but I don’t like having the cord and controller. It also doesn’t get anywhere near my g-spot, which is my preference. It is definitely not a toy to be shared since it is impossible to sterilize. This bullet was interesting foreplay for a snow day, but I prefer the warmth of Joel’s arms. L’Amour Premium Power Pack 8-Speed Bullet doesn’t rate a place in my sex kit.
Bottom Line: An adequate, but unexceptional internal bullet vibe.
Grade: C
Many families get together over the holidays and snap a few photos. Our family is no exception, but we can boast that our family includes porn stars! Harold and I teamed up to take some photographs of the incomparable and totally adorably in love, Ned and Maggie Mayhem of meetthemayhems.com while they were here visiting.
It was fun to watch them together during the very active photo shoot. Ned and Maggie are both athletic and playful. There was wrestling and Ned doing pushups bearing Maggie’s weight. Their sense of humor permeates their interactions, but mostly what I see is love. There is nothing as sexy as people in love.
I’m getting ready to go on a date with my husband. I like spending time with him and I hope that this will be a romantic date. My preparations are a form of foreplay. Every action puts me mentally, physically, and emotionally in a sexually receptive state. Initially, I was hurrying to be ready when the sitter arrived, but Joel told me that women have the right to take as long as they want. So I am lingering in each sensation.
Our holidays were very good, but I’ve had very little time to myself. All the small things matter right now. The sparkly red polish on my toes, the hot shower spray on the tense muscles of my neck and shoulders, letting go of the details I’ve had to hold in my mind. I belong to myself right now.
I feel so much better in the shower that I bring myself to orgasm for the first time in a while. Sex has not been an active part of my life during the past couple of weeks. Coming puts me back in my body. I play with the energy a bit, drawing out the pleasurable spasms. The rest of my cares slide away for now. I’m in a good place.
I wonder what Joel and I will do tonight. Maybe we will make love. I’m in the mood to tease him. I want him to find me attractive. Wherever we go, I want every head to turn to watch me walk across the room. But it’s all for him. No, that’s not really true. It’s for me. I want to feel shiny and new and sexy. And I do.
I put on a light amount of make up. I try something new with my hair. I wear the new earrings that Joel gave me for the holidays. I like them and I hope that he will notice I’m wearing them. I put on the sexy fishnet tights that were also a gift. They’re wild and wonderful. Everyone will notice them! I add low heels and a short button-down denim dress. Casual and comfortable, yet glamorous. It works.
I’m done nearly on time anyway, but I feel so much better than I would have if I rushed. I’m in a sexy frame of mind and I can tell that Joel appreciates the extra effort I took getting ready. It looks to be a good date.
Sex is a place where I can snuggle down and feel warm and good. Sex is where I let myself go wild, rejecting outside rules that people try to impose on me. Sex is the intense moment where I lose all sense of myself and surrender to whoever I’m making love with. Sex is deeply private and full of personal revelation – a venture into the world of spirit. Sex is the gift I give to my partners and to myself.
I’m under a lot of stress right now. It’s easy to feel bad. Even easier to be looking for escape. I’ve broken most of my bad habits. I’ve had to figure out healthy ways of dealing. Sex is at the top of my list of coping mechanisms. There are so many benefits to sex: it feels fantastic, it’s good exercise, I forget about my troubles for a while, I get to connect with my partner, and I can’t help being who I really am when I get into my body for sex. Sex reminds me to be my higher self.
Sex is occasionally a challenge for me. It can be difficult for me to let go of my worries, make my brain stop looping. At times it’s hard to be trusting and to open up to my partner. I can get caught up in the physical aspects of sex and then ignore my emotional needs and then sex feels empty and achey. I even have flashbacks of abuse in the middle of sex, but that’s thankfully rare now. Sex is not necessarily easy, but even so, sex is worth the effort.
I like having sex. I manage to have sex with others 2 or 3 times a week on average. It would be great to have more sex, but the reality is that I can only fit in that much sex, usually. I masturbate as time allows – maybe once a day – because it’s easier than hooking up with one or both of my guys. So you can get an idea of how stressed I am when I say that I’ve had sex with a partner once or twice a day, every day this week. Not that I’m complaining!
I feel a lot more grounded after fucking. I tend to be relaxed and recharged, ready to tackle the world again. Or, sometimes, ready to go to sleep – but that’s also a blessing. It can be hard to fall asleep when I’ve got all kinds of things running around in my mind. Sex is my favorite soporific.
Sex is good for so many things. Sex is my health and wellness solution. (Sex is also my fitness plan! All you have to do is keep your heart rate up, right?) I’m glad that I have sex as an option as I move through a struggley time. This time of year can be difficult, but sex helps me to hold onto the joy. Sex is awesome!
Today marks 18 months of blogging since my first post on June 1st, 2010. This is also my 300th post!
When I first agreed to blog my sex life, I didn’t have any idea what I was getting into, I just did it, without thinking about how it would impact my life. It took me a while to find my voice. I still like to experiment with different formats and approaches. While sex has always been a big part of my life, it’s been interesting to frame my life in terms of sex. It’s made me broaden my definition of sex.
I find I’m sometimes tempted to do something sexually just because it would make a good blog post, but that doesn’t make a huge difference because I’m also just adventurous. Many times my sex dates include testing out products for review. My partners know that anything is fair game for the blog. But my life is by no means all sex. I am the mother of 5 children, and you wouldn’t believe (or maybe you would) how many posts I write with Blues Clues or Barney in the background.
It’s been a great trip – and I plan to keep going! I want to share with you some of my favorite experiences so far…
I am most proud of my gender series. I learned so much interviewing Colleen, David, Jim, Kyle, and Aleksa. I’m still learning about gender all of the time, especially my own. I wrote about my experience packing a cock in My Inner Boy. I’ve worked harder on this series than anything else I’ve done for the blog and it’s been totally worth it in terms of what I got out of it – especially the friends I made.
Making erotic videos is something that I’d like to get better at. (I have plans!) Of the ones we’ve already made, a few stand out for me. The Rainy Afternoon video is precious to me because of the energy between Harold and me. We had a lot of technical difficulties, so the result is very “art house,” but I was pleased with it; a genuine connection is harder to capture than anything. I also have to mention the More Love video that we made for all the poly people on Valentine’s Day (and for a fan who wanted to see some plushy sex). Harold and I should both be embarrassed by our acting, but it was sooooo fun to make. I like being so totally silly. I was disappointed that it didn’t provoke more of a reaction.
We got a huge reaction over our Figging Lab Experiment and the Figging Lab Results. Our labs are written rather tongue-in-check, but people took them pretty seriously. I am disappointed that I made up such a beautiful data sheet, but that no one to date has returned a completed experiment to me. That’s too bad! Another post discusses the mathematics of Viagra. Did you know that Viagra leads to math?
Some of my posts have been deeply emotional and reveal much of my inner workings. You can see my journey over time working through sex abuse issues and wanting to be topped in The Opposite of Love, Sex in the Shadow, Okay on the Outside, Walking through the Darkness, Fear and Arousal, Magic Words, and Deep Dark Fantasies.
My trip to Hawaii was big for me. I got to spend time with my girlfriend, Erika, and I met a bunch of really fabulous people. All of the foliage in Hawaii looks erotic.
Another pivotal moment for me was the first close up picture of my cunt I’d ever seen. I wrote about it in Ready for my Close Up, talking about all of my conflicting feelings.
It’s interesting to read Is Thin the Only Sexy? written almost a year ago. I talk about my body image after seeing nude pictures of myself and realizing that I was fat. I decided that fat is still sexy. It totally is. But I also realize that I’ve lost 35 pounds since then. I feel much more comfortable in my body now, but I still look at pictures of myself and feel unhappy.
Some of my favorite posts have to do with being part of a family. My children drew pictures for Secret Life of a Mommy. In Love Song for my Metamour I got to express all of the wonderful things I feel about sharing my life with Melanie. A Poly Jolly Christmas talks about how blessed I feel to have my large poly family together over the holidays.
Finally, I do a lot of reviews, but a few things have really changed my life. One of them is the book, I’ll Show You Mine, which features gorgeous photographs of vulvas. Another is Buck Angel’s Sexing the Transman, a documentary/porn flick that taught me a ton about transmen. Also, working with the photographer, David Steinberg, over two photo sessions was deeply moving.
Photo by David Steinberg, 2011
As you can see, blogging has had a huge impact on my life. These posts represent my highs and lows, ins and outs of the last 18 months. I want to thank all of our readers for your thoughtful comments and constant support. Your participation means so much to me!
