Aug 212014
 

Going downWe’ve been laying naked on the bed, chatting in that comfortable stream-of-consiousness way that we have together. The windows are open to the warm air and the sounds of nature. My body is alive to his touch. I am drawn to him, but without any sense of urgency. We belong to each other and we have all afternoon together.

He gets up – I think he is in transit, maybe to get a drink of water or check his phone, maybe get something from the sex toy bag – but he gets stuck. He snags between my legs. My knees fall open, his gaze glued to my cunt. Before I really register what is happening, his tongue is lapping lazy circles around my clitoris.

I had been pretty relaxed to begin with, but I close my eyes and drift through waves of pleasure. He’s good at using his mouth and he knows my body. I just give myself over to his care. My mind wanders. I think about the very first time he gave me head. I was lying in exactly this spot, but in my memory it seems different. I feel myself getting wetter as I get more aroused and I remember that first time being the same, although I interpreted it differently.

I open my eyes and look down at him, “Hey Sweetheart?”

He opens his eyes and looks at me, but doesn’t stop licking, “Uhmmmm?”

“When you do that, do you kind of…spit on me?”

His eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t answer.

“I’ve been thinking about the first time we made love and I was pretty sure you spit on me on purpose to have extra lubrication.”

He sort of nods, keeps licking.

I’m feeling a little foolish but continue on, “I thought that it was a good idea to have extra spit. Now I do that when I go down on someone.”

He pauses for a moment, “I drool.” He goes back to teasing my clit.

“What?”

“I drool during oral sex. I can’t keep it all in my mouth.” He lifts his head and I can see that the whole bottom half of his face is wet.

I begin to giggle. So much for my suave oral sex techniques!

Jul 132014
 

BraggingMaybe it isn’t nice to brag, but I’m not a nice person and I’ve had an incredible week. Seriously, amazing! After complaining about not getting enough sex over the last bit, I am suddenly romantically and sexually saturated. I mean like, sex nine times in the past week! I haven’t been this active in years.

I love summer. All of my happy sexual energy flows like a fountain when the weather heats up. I’ve been investing energy in nurturing my existing relationships and going out into the world and cultivating new relationships. Now everything has blossomed in the summer sun.

I am so grateful for the amazing people in my life – the ones I’ve written about before and a couple of new ones I’m sure I will be writing about! (There are even a few people still on the hook for later.) In the mean time, let me break down my wild week for you…

  • That feeling when you admire someone from afar and then all of a sudden you find out that they are into you too? Yeah, I’ve been chatting all week with a gloriously gorgeous, sexy, smart woman.  Flirting and getting to know her makes me glow.
  • Now that I’ve made a commitment to do more photo shoots, I have many awesome people volunteering to be models. So excited!
  • So. Much. Kissing! Making out is the best thing ever.
  • I love having people cook for me and this week two different men cooked me incredible dinners. One was raw tacos, spicy and sensuously eaten. The other was oysters, salmon, shitakes, and peppers off the grill, served lakeside with raspberries in champagne. This totally gets me going!
  • MarksI learned about fire cupping, leaving many large dark circles on my front and back. (I’ve been told either I look like I was attacked by a hentai octopus or like an angel whose wings have been removed.)  Cupping was an excellent starting place for an erotic adventure.
  • Got the best spanking of my life from an experienced Daddy. I totally pushed the limits of what I thought I would be able to handle. My ass is black and blue. It made me want a fucking in the best way.
  • I spent one full moon evening naked with a group of people I care about while we tried to slap away mosquitos. I got to be their gender fluid hoser. No really, I sprayed them down with a garden hose! I also inherited a huge box of dongs. The jokes write themselves.
  • If you are open-minded about your definition of sex (and I am), I had sex an astonishing 9 times in 7 days: Four interesting and passionate partners, once by myself. Sometimes quick and dirty, once deep into the night in every position, three times in the shower until the water went cold. Four penis-in-vagina instances, more often making love with mouths and hands. Twice no one orgasmed (but it felt fantastic), three times only I came, and four times it was an all-skate. Every single time felt intimate and connective.

That’s right, I’m bragging about how great my sex life is. Actually, my whole life is awesome. Sometimes when I have a lot of sex I begin to feel out of balance, like I can’t sustain the pace and I might crash. It isn’t like that at all right now. I feel very grounded and balanced and good! I’m just needing to find more time in my schedule to write. I have so much to write about, but it’s happening faster than I have time to write.  I can’t wait to see what happens next!

 

Jun 192014
 

ThreesomeI made love with two hot men while a third sexy man took care of the children and cooked me amazing Thai food! I’ve been thinking about that all day while contemplating how amazingly awesome my life is. I mean, really, I am in awe that I have somehow done something so right as to have three beautiful people doting on my pleasure. And this leads me to think about the fact that sex never happens in a vacuum. There is always a backstory, always a context.

When you watch porn or read erotica, the context is often stripped away so that only the sex remains. You might get a few clues about who the characters are and what happened to bring them together, but mostly it’s just titillating sex. If sex isn’t part of an ongoing conversation, it becomes something separate, maybe even secret. I’m realizing that part of what I do as an educator is give sex the same weight as everything else in life. I talk about sex as much as I talk about food or books or health issues.

Actually, health issues were kind of my context for making love yesterday. Yesterday morning I had a needle biopsy to check for cancer cells in my thyroid. (Don’t worry, it came back benign!) I was pretty anxious about having needles poked into my throat, but I had so much support. (If you read my post about why I practice polyamory, you will know how important this is to me.) I had Harold with me and lots of love over text.

I chose to do this procedure, but it still triggered me. Needles are invasive. Having to hold completely still was unbearable. The sensation of my skin, my protective covering, being breached while I sat helpless felt like rape. Then at one point, the sensation of the needle in my thyroid made me wonder if this is how it feels for Harold when I put a needle through his balls. That sexy thought got me past a difficult moment!

After that ordeal I felt super strong, but I also wanted to be wrapped up in love. I needed to let go of all of the tensions and anxieties of the morning. I longed to be caressed and covered in kisses. When I got home, Joel was there with his big strong arms to hug me and hold me. With his love as a solid foundation, I went off to spend the afternoon with Harold and Woody.

This was the first time I had been naked with Woody. It’s always exciting getting to know a new lover, figuring out what makes them gasp, letting them explore your body. It was surprisingly fluid for a first time, especially after we worked out that the men were okay touching each other, rather than it just being me in the middle. In fact, the men seemed to really enjoy each other, which makes me all kinds of happy.

One of my favorite sensations in the whole universe is being in a tangled naked pile, hands and mouths exploring whatever flesh happens to be presenting. I let myself be purely in the moment, wholly focused on pleasure. It ceases to be about individuals or ego, and becomes supercharged sensation. It’s amazing.

We mostly did sensation play. I adore how responsive Woody is to my fingernails, or the Wartenberg wheel, or electostim. He shuttered in pleasure in Harold’s arms as I applied each kind or stimulus to his back. It was delicious!

Men togetherAnother one of my favorite moments was spooning into Woody’s arms while he was sitting. We were all talking, then he spread my legs and held my labia open for Harold to lick at my clit. I liked that a lot! They asked me how I was doing and I admitted that being restrained was turning me on. I struggled for a few moments, enjoying the “forced” oral sex. Amazingly hot!

We made love for hours – sweet, rough, intimate, loud, wet, sweaty, slow, intense love. This process let me take back my body from the medical vehicle of the morning. Every kiss and caress I consented to was validation that I owned my body. Every act I instigated verified that I am whole and unbroken. If I can love, I am powerful.

Equanimity restored, we returned to Joel and the chaos of home. It is such a joy be relaxed and happy and come home to the people I love. Joel was producing incredible scents on the stove and the children were excited to share about their days. Having the freedom of sexual expression makes me such a better partner and mother.

That’s my context – mother, partner, lover, friend, human – with faults, and problems, and worries – and I am blessed, beyond my ability to imagine, with people who have my back. And are willing to help me come at a moment’s notice.

Jun 142014
 

LoveSex.

A lot of people I talk to think that polyamory is all about sex. Kinky sex, with lots of people, and orgies every weekend. While I sincerely hope that someone, somewhere is living that dream, sex is not why I practice polyamory. I love to have sex (and I do have sex with multiple partners) but sex isn’t the reason I choose to have multiple partners.

Everyone has their own reasons and methods for being polyamorous, and there is no “right” way to do it.  I do it for three simple reasons: support, change, and love.

Support:   I love the extended emotional, physical, and financial support of having an extended polyamorous family and community.

I envision people in a relationship as vines that twine around each other, offering support for individual growth – sometimes more together, sometimes more apart – but always commingled, always headed in roughly the same direction. Adding more strands strengthens the combined vine and makes it easier to get to where you are going, assuming that everyone has a similar goal.

I practice polyamory because the road of life can be long and hard to go alone. I want the support of many hands. Not everyone in my support system is a lover, but the intimacy of a sexual relationship tends to open me to deeper trust. I am blessed by the love and support of many people, something I do not think I would allow myself if I were in a monogamous relationship.

Some people worry that polyamory with be harmful for children. Practically speaking, all families with children could use more support than one or two parents can offer. Children are my top priority and they are a massive investment of time, energy, and money. Polyamory offers the extended support for childrearing that traditionally has been filled by extended family, small villages, or church communities. I am always vigilant for my children’s welfare and safety. Nothing replaces the stability of parents, but who says you can only have two? My kids have access to all manner of cool people who care about them. 

ChangeChange:  Being able to explore my connections with many different people helps me grow and change, letting me more fully become my whole self.

I have a lust for new experiences. I have never been content to sit still. My goal is always to continue learning and growing. No artificial limits! I conquer my fears one at a time because I want to live life to the fullest. Every poetic turn of phrase, sacred ritual, brilliant piece of art, heart wrenching performance, deep philosophical conversation, and wildly intuitive lover I experience influences my growth as an evolving person.

Not only do I want these catalysts for myself, I want the people I care about to also be expanding and thriving. I like to excite potential. I am intensely curious about the individuals I am drawn to. Peeling away the layers of interests, adventures, and emotion to get to the gooey center is delicious to me, and I can’t help but change the people I get that close to.

When people tell me that they could never be poly because they get too jealous, what I hear is that they are too afraid of change in the relationship. And they are right, it can be extremely difficult to watch your partner move in a direction that is away from you. Harder still to do the work necessary to keep up with their growth, whether to follow them or let them go.

SupportLove:  Genuine love for myself and others fills my life with ineffable sweetness that helps to balance the inevitable pain that comes with being alive.

Some people say that they are poly because it’s ridiculous to expect to get your needs met by one person. I disagree. I can absolutely get my needs met by one person – me. I practice polyamory because I am full of love. The more I love, the more it spills out onto everyone around me. Time, money, and energy are limited, but love is infinite.

I am so curious about people. I want to learn about the individuals I am drawn to, find out what they are passionate about, get down into their core. Sometimes I find a sexual connection and sometimes I don’t. Being poly means that I can let each relationship be just what it is, not just what I would like it to be. I am not trying to persuade myself to be in love where I am not and I am not trying to deny love when it is evident.

I am opening myself up to being inspired, even changed, by these people I love. Sex creates a deeper conduit, so I am careful about who I expose my soul to. Careful, but not fearful. I give my heart easily, knowing that pain will also be my teacher. When I fall in love, I let my curiosity drive.

 

Self loveI like to think that in practice, my form of polyamory has a lot in common with the best of monogamous marriage: I meet someone and fall in love, we find that we share common dreams for the future, and we commit to help support each other in being the best people we can be. The only difference is that I maintain several relationships like that.

The down side is that I am maintaining several marriage-level relationships. That’s a lot of communication. Mostly it’s not a problem, but sometimes I feel my limitations. I’m not always great at communicating. Some days I don’t feel very expansive and it’s hard to offer support, be open to change, or feel the love around me. Days like that I’m lucky that I’m not the only person in this system.

Jun 082014
 

A-okayTwo weeks ago I wrote about starting a difficult conversation with my partner of 14 years, Joel, bringing up things I was unhappy with in our sex life. It was extremely painful for us both when I admitted that I wasn’t getting everything I desired, but it gave us a chance to talk through hurt feelings and realize that we really do want the same things. It’s a relief to let go of old resentments and just enjoy being together.

Our whole relationship has been lifted to a new level. We are spending more time hanging out together, working as partners, making love to each other. He says beautiful things to me all the time, letting me know that he respects me and is attracted to me. I really listen when he tells me about the loneliness he feels spending half the week away from home and the jealousy he feels toward my other partners. We take care of each other. We are dreaming and planning the future together.

We’ve been like this all along, but I feel so much more aligned with Joel right now. He is way more present with me. Maybe the things I wrote before kind of woke him up. Maybe stepping forward to talk about these uncomfortable things made it possible for me to be more present with him. Either way, or both, I believe we are happier together than we have been in years.

Last night Joel came into the bathroom to keep me company while I got ready to go out. I had 20 minutes to be totally ready to walk out the door. As I finished applying mascara, he commented on my cleavage. I’m not even sure how it happened, but I was almost instantly out of my pants and underwear, balanced on the edge of the counter, bracing my feet against Joel’s shoulders as he buried his face in my cunt.

When the sensations got too intense to stand any more direct stimulation, I bent over the sink and asked him to give me a few swats. His hand landed a few well placed spanks, leaving my ass hot and stinging. My face was level with his cock when he unzipped his fly. I gave him a few strokes and looked up at him. I wanted to be fucked. Joel positioned himself behind me while I braced myself against the sink. It took us a moment to get him inside me because I was so wet. Feeling him thrust into me, pulling my hips back to meet him, made my toes curl in ecstasy.

He came, pushing deeper into me and holding back his orgasmic cries. We held position for a few moments, hearts pounding, breathing hard. Then he held me and we laughed. I wiped up and finished getting ready.

I thought about this encounter compared to the one I wrote about 2 weeks ago. In many ways what happened was the same – quick, in the bathroom, cunnilingus, fucking, no orgasm for me – but my experience of it couldn’t be more different. Two weeks ago I felt like I hadn’t fully consented, that I was being used, and that we weren’t connecting. Last night we made love in a way that I felt in control of, was super sexy for me, and brought us closer together. I made a conscious decision not to try bringing myself to orgasm because I wanted to spend my evening in that turned-on state. Call it prolonged foreplay. The time limit actually contributed to my ardor. I love a good quicky.

I am so much happier now than I was a few weeks ago. I wish I would have been brave enough, ready enough, to have these conversations with Joel sooner. I think that resentment kills relationships quicker than anything else. Letting go of the things I resented has let me feel close to him again. Communicating better about what I want has let Joel participate in my life in a way that we both want. I feel more involved in his life as well. Everything simply seems easier. I’m going to keep talking.

May 292014
 

TulipLast week I posted about my desire to deepen and improve my sexual connection with Joel. It sparked many conversations, giving both of us a chance to work through a bunch of stuff. I know that the things I said hurt him. He has always done his best to try to give me what I want, sexually and in all aspects of my life. I wish that I could have spared him that pain, but I am so grateful that we can talk about the things that hurt.

He asked if we could cuddle. We locked the bedroom door and snuggled under the blankets, our faces pressed close. It soothed me to feel his heart beat against the palm of my hand and his breath against my neck. One by one he brought up the things that felt painful and I listened. I reassured him that I think he’s a good person, and that I still choose him. I am bringing up the issue of our sex life because I care deeply and want our life together to be even better. I am advocating for my own pleasure even though I hate the conflict it inspires. I am teaching him how to help make me happier, which I know he wants.

We are lucky. At least we can have this conversation. At least each of us can look at the emotions that come up and see where they come from – see how the things that hurt most we first felt in childhood. We want to comfort each other. I know that if we can open up sex, love will pour over every hurt inside and help us heal.

With Joel spooned behind me and my emotions spread out to see, I began to be aware of him in a sexual way. I pressed my ass against his groin. I asked him to bite my neck. He complied with slow, sharp, sensuous nips. I picked up his hand and placed it on my breast, inviting him to squeeze and caress.  I was feeling that golden liquid desire that I love so much!

My hand found his cock straining against his jeans and I grabbed hold to stroke him. By this time I was kind of writhing around in lust. He slid his hand into my pants. I asked him if I was wet enough to fuck and he moved his fingers around to ascertain that I was indeed. He asked me what I wanted (yay!) and I said I wanted him to fuck me from behind. We had one of those moments where we were frantically trying to remove the necessary clothing.

It felt amazing.

He apologized before coming, because he knew I hadn’t orgasmed yet, but I didn’t care. I made him stay inside me while I ran my vibrator. When I couldn’t get the angle and pressure right, I rolled over to kiss him while focused on my pleasure. He stayed with me to the end.

We haven’t made love like that for a while. I still feel more connected to Joel, more open to him. I know we still have some things to work through, but I feel very hopeful. Maybe the answer is simply that I have to be brave enough to face my fears, speak up for what I want, and help my partner work through his fears too. I want him. I want us to be happy. I think we’re going for it. No flinching.

Jan 182014
 
Pleasure is a journey

Image by David Steinberg

The taste of his semen is still in my mouth. He is lying on his back with his eyes closed, a smug blissful smile on his face. I feel very close to him, but I am also enjoying the fact that I sent him into an ecstatic stupor. In these post-orgasm moments we are still wallowing in the pleasure we shared – first he focused on me and then I gave to him. He came this time, but often he does not.

To paraphrase Emerson, pleasure is a journey, not a destination. Neither of us really cares if we orgasm or not. I mean, we are trying to connect to each other and feel good, so an orgasm is often the natural result of that, but coming is not the goal. We are always there for the exploration of pleasure and the expression of love. I live for the experience of using pleasure to open him up like a can opener, hug his inner demons, and ride him like a rocket to the moon. It’s a journey.

Pleasure is a journey

Image by David Steinberg

Like any journey, we tend to follow some basic steps. We might plan, have a dialog about desires and expectations or make special requests. We prepare, whether that means getting out specific sex toys or going to the bathroom. Sometimes this means unpacking emotional baggage that has collected between us so we can be totally clean and present with each other. Once we embark, we follow our instincts. One of us might drive, taking charge and providing sensual delights for the other. The person being receptive can always make requests or suggestions. We can even decide to pleasure each other at the same time, letting all of the input overwhelm our senses.

When we follow the energy between us, we tend to know when to stop, change activities, or push harder. I like to draw things out as long as I can, bringing him right up to the edge of orgasm and keeping him there. Or approaching the apex, then letting the energy fade, only to build it back up again. He does this to me as well. Pleasure is a journey. How much fun can we have when we are naked together?

Pleasure is a journey

Image by David Steinberg

We do eventually get to a destination. That destination is not always an orgasm. It often is, but sometimes I get too overstimulated to come right then. I truly do not care because it feels so amazing. I want it to go on forever. It kind of does, because we make love all of the time in everything that we do. When pleasure is a journey, the definition of sex gets pretty loose. We are making love when we cook dinner together, when we snuggle together in front of a movie, when we have passionate discussions, or even when we grocery shop together. It’s there in every kiss and brush of skin on skin. But while we carry this love with us always, each journey tends to have some sort of climax.

After the energy peaks, we coast on a hormone high. In a destination driven system, this would be the “refractory period,” the phase during which a male is physiologically unable to orgasm again. The implication is that sex stops because the guy isn’t able to jizz, but pleasure is infinite. Skin is extremely sensitive in this state. It’s possible to for us to draw out the sensations for quite a while. Or ground out the energy if that feels right and be totally into each other – lay entwined, match relaxed breathing, laugh together, look in each other’s eyes, feed each other tasty food. I like it when he puts steady pressure on my chest with the palm of his hand. We bask in the glow of our interconnectedness.

Pleasure is a journey

Image by David Steinberg

That’s where I am now – happily remembering the sensation of his cock in my mouth, the taste of pre-cum on my tongue as I flick across the tip, his stomach muscles tense as I suck harder, his breath fast and harsh, his fingers in my hair… Then the feel of his heartbeat against my cheek, relaxing my body into his, fingertips tracing the curve of my shoulder, his very satisfied smile until I kissed his lips into softness… Working on projects separately, but finding reasons every so often to kiss the back of his neck, or look into his eyes, or scratch his back…

We’ve both known lovers for whom the orgasm was the goal. I understand it, I like to come. For many years, I had partners where my pleasure wasn’t a priority, so fighting for the ability to orgasm in the relationship made sense, but that dynamic just makes me feel like I’m always being shorted. I’m not interested in zero-sum sex.

Pleasure is a journey

Image by David Steinberg

The process of giving and receiving is incredibly powerful. It’s been difficult for me to learn how to trust him enough to let him do what he wants to my body, but now I just melt. He does such amazing things to me. His openness with me has been tremendously empowering for me as a person. I have a confidence that I learned with his balls in my hand. With a partner for whom pleasure is a journey, everything is about abundance. I find that the warmth of the journey carries me a long way. Not only do I feel fantastic about myself and my partner, I spill over with love in all of my relationships and have more to give to my whole family.

Dec 262013
 

Wrapped in lightsI’ve discovered that the normal holiday stresses are greatly alleviated by lots of sex. All the orgasms put me in a floaty, happy place full of love and tolerance. Whiny, overexcited little children? Let’s cuddle and tell stories. Partner’s anxiety spilling over? Oodles of hugs and kisses. It’s all good. The best gift I got this year was the space and time to make love as much as I wanted because it made every aspect of my holiday deeply satisfying.

It started Christmas Eve morning when I was sitting in bed working on my computer. Joel leaned over and said, “I want to go down on you for about 45 minutes. You don’t even have to put down your coffee, just lift your laptop.” Well of course I put my computer down. And it certainly wasn’t 45 minutes before I begged him to put his fingers inside me and use the vibrator. As soon as I came, I wanted him to fuck me. I came again when he did. Harold walked through the bedroom a minute later and we talked about how nice it would be for the three of us to go away again.

Harold and I took advantage of the holiday by having a longer date than normal. We’ve been getting 2 or 3 hours (for which I am extremely grateful), but Christmas Eve we were able to get 6 hours – 6 whole hours of debauchery! In the little cabin, on the soft down comforter, in front of the roaring fire, we slowly melted into each other. We made love in that place where our bodies were merely receptive units for sensation, our egos on vacation, our emotions perfectly in sync. We fucked in waves, sweat covering our skin, then stopped to kiss tenderly, or massage each other’s muscles, or engage in oral sex. I milked his prostate to take his jism then fucked him some more.

He gave me the best spanking of my life. He turned me over his knee and placed the vibrator against my clit. As his gentle pats built to stinging swats then firm paddling, I entered a drifty meditative space. I could have done that forever, it felt so good. Harold started proposing marriage to me. I laughed and said that we are already married. He pleaded for me to marry him, saying, “If you don’t say yes, I’ll stop.” In that frame of mind, I couldn’t puzzle out what I was supposed to do so he would keep spanking. (I still haven’t given him an answer on the proposal, but he knows I’m his.)

We rejoined the family just in time for the amazing dinner that Joel had prepared, the excitement of the children, and my grown-up daughter joining us. We had fabulous fun together as a family. We ate, drank, played games, snuggled, and laughed. I often feel exceedingly lucky in the life I have created for myself. This is the first year that I haven’t been a total stress monster about the holidays, trying to make sure every detail is perfect. It’s the first year I felt like it was safe to just be me and not worry about inadvertently offending my metamour with how much I adore our shared husband. It feels great.

Christmas morning, as usual, I was the first person awake. I love stockings, love the Santa mythos. It’s my favorite part of the holidays and really the only reason we celebrate Christmas. By 5:00 am my son was awake and quivering with excitement. We managed to put him off for an hour and a half so everyone else could wake up a bit, but I love him for being 12 and still believing in the magic. That sense of wonder and excitement is something I nurture and cherish in my children.

I totally believe in Santa. That guy brought me a good webcam so I can make naughty videos, and a bunch of sexy new panties, and a TENS unit so I can treat my sore muscles (and/or zap his balls until he comes). I can’t decide if he thought I was naughty or nice.

After Santa presents it was time to exchange family presents, but I needed to run home (just around the corner) and take care of the animals. I asked Harold to come with and keep me company. We took care of the chickens and the dogs. We wondered what things we should grab and take back with us. Then suddenly, I was totally turned on and we fucked quickly and efficiently, bringing me a couple of much appreciated orgasms.

Passionate kissLater, after the presents were all opened and before more family showed up, there was a natural lull. The children played with their new things or watched a movie. I tried to get the youngest to nap, but instead ended up between both of my guys, the little one off to play quietly with her brothers. I think I must be a naughty girl. My partners both fucked me, one after the other so I was loaded with come. There was something about that sweaty, giggly, cozy, semi-secretive sex that makes me so happy. It makes me feel like I belong to both of them, without either of them having any issues with the other, and without competition. I love them both and they love me. And they even love each other!

I spent the afternoon working on the kids’ gingerbread house and taking the older children to fire rifles in the woods. We played more games and ate dinner. I so rarely have unstructured time. It feels incredible to just do what I feel like doing. Not surprisingly, what I want to do is show the people that I care about how much I love them. What a gift to make love when I feel like it! What a joy to spend time with my family just having fun! I am full of gratitude for the best Christmas I’ve ever had.

Nov 052013
 

JoelI feel like Joel and I are getting our groove back. We are rediscovering our sexual connection. It’s not like we ever stopped having sex, but many years back it went from a passionate flood to an affectionate stream. We’ve found other ways of staying intimate and expressing our love – lots of hugging and caresses, talking about everything, weekly dates, sharing experiences, and taking care of each other. We know that skin-to-skin contact releases oxytocin (the “love hormone”) even without sex. Last night something happened that made me believe that we can have the passionate flood back.

Joel has some medical problems that have affected his libido and sexual performance. Recently, he’s taken charge of his health with overwhelmingly positive results, including a new sex drive like WHOA! All of a sudden he’s beating off every night with a cock that’s way bigger than it’s been for a decade. Sex feels good again. I’m so happy for him because I know it’s hard to be missing that part of yourself, but I’ve also had a difficult time adjusting.

My own sexuality has undergone a lot of changes since we were first together. It would not feel comfortable for me to try to pick up where we left off. The intensity of Joel’s desire right now tends to feel pressuring rather than flattering. We have been attempting to figure out how we want to be sexually together. I’ve gotten used to our relationship functioning the way it has for the last 10 years, but I want to have every part of Joel.

Last night, during our date, Joel had a brilliant suggestion. He recently read an article in Vice about the Orgasmic Meditation (OM) movement and One Taste. The idea is that two people spend 15 minutes focused on the clitoris. The One Taste website says, “It’s a meditation, equally powerful for both partners – only the object of focus is the clitoris.” They have some rules about what you are supposed to do, but Joel and I did what felt right to us.

It took me some time to relax into 15 minutes of pure clitoral stimulation. I wanted my vibrator so I could just come. I wanted to touch Joel’s cock which responded to his finger on my clit pretty much immediately. I really wanted to get fucked already. When I let go of all of that, I realized that I have never given Joel a guided tour of my clitoris before. He didn’t know that the very tip is super sensitive and likes a light tickle-like touch (maybe even a fingernail). When that got to be too much I showed him the bundle of nerves at the top of the hood that wants firm back-and-forth pressure. For 15 minutes we both connected with my body and that made me feel very open and loving with Joel.

I was right on the edge of orgasm for the whole time, without ever coming. I looked at him kneeling beside me with an expression between a blissful smile and a superior sneer on his face. It was obvious that he was experiencing OM as a Top, which made me laugh. Some things don’t change. I didn’t feel like I needed to bottom, but I appreciated that he was getting those needs met within the context of OM. At first 15 minutes seemed like an eternity, but as I got into meditative space, it was not nearly long enough.

All about the clitorisI was sort of disappointed when the timer went off. Then I realized that we were in a perfect position to play around. Joel’s cock is super sensitive, which is great for experiencing sensations, but I have to be careful not to let him come before I’m ready. We focused on my orgasm first – another teaching moment. Oral sex pushed each of us to the edge before we gave in to desire with some amazing doggy-style fucking. We finished with one more orgasm for me, assisted by some incredible nipple stimulation from Joel.

We are back in the groove! Our sex wasn’t particularly kinky, yet it pushed us in ways I couldn’t have predicted. Amazingly, this simple Orgasmic Meditation technique opened a door for us that I couldn’t even find. This gives us a tool to use if we need help finding our connection. I’m relieved and hopeful, finally seeing that the sexual relationship I’ve wanted is possible. It seems so obvious now that I don’t know why I never guessed: the way into my soul is through the clitoris.

 

Nov 012013
 

Beautiful morningA few days ago Harold (my partner in life, love, and hare-brained scheming) turned 65.  He’s not much for celebrating, but we wanted to do something special. Of course we wanted to make love, but what else? We couldn’t think of just the right thing until the day before. I don’t remember now, how tattoos came up. Initially it was sort of a dare or a jest, then we started talking about tattoos as a form of submission to each other – how cool it would be to channel the energy of pain and excitement into sexual energy.

What if I gave my pain to him while I was being marked by his symbol? What if he actually brought me to orgasm while I was being tattooed? We were intrigued by the possibilities, but neither of us was sure there was a permanent mark we were willing to take on. We had feverish conversations throughout the eve of his birthday. Optimistically I made us an appointment.

The next morning we got together early. I wanted to shower and spend some time connecting, so I started up some Janis Joplin and both of us squeezed into a shower clearly made for one. I adore hot water and slick soapy skin. Things were starting to heat up.

With his cock hard in my hand, I asked Harold what he wanted sexually. Like normal, he temporized, telling me to just go with what I felt was right. I’ve been pushing him more to think about and vocalize the things he desires, so I didn’t let him off the hook.

Going downHe began to talk about me punishing him somehow. I was in an excited sexy place, so it took me a few minutes to realize that the energy had changed between us. It stopped feeling sexy. I immediately centered myself and opened up to Harold. I sat him down on the toilet seat and straddled him, wrapping my arms around him. I could feel some pain from his childhood there – something that I had triggered when we fought  last week. We talked through it until it felt okay for us both. We do this kind of thing a lot and it makes for much better sex.

We walked down to the cabin in the glorious morning sunshine, wearing only shoes and coats. The chill air on my thighs and the thrill of being naked outdoors started to make me wet. There was already a fire going in the cabin. We proceeded to have some of the hottest sex we’ve had in a long time. He went down on me until I came. I strung him up in cuffs and did wicked things to his nipples and balls. I pushed him more than I ever have before and we both reached new heights.

IMG_3613When neither of us could wait another second, I bent over in front of him and let him fuck me from behind, his arms still suspended above his head. This is one of my favorite positions. I bent over the bed, where I had all of my tools spread out. He pounded into me. I rocked forward with each thrust, my breath coming out in harsh gasps, escalating to full throated moans, followed shortly by Harold’s ecstatic bellows.

Evidently my head was bumping my phone in the final throes of Harold’s birthday sex and Siri heard our vocalizations. Her voice surprised us, “I do not understand ‘who, who, who, who.’ I could search the Internet for you.” I laughed hysterically when I figured out what was going on.

From there we drove to to get tattoos, anticipation and anxiety sharing equal space. We knew what we wanted but we weren’t sure where. We talked through the positives and negatives of every possible location. Eventually we went with what felt right for each of us.

Harold and his tattooHarold went first. You have to understand that he’s never wanted a tattoo before. The fact that he celebrated turning 65 by getting his first tattoo is very inspirational to me. I think he enjoyed the process. He got spacey in a charming way, holding my hand. Afterwards, he was proud and blissed out. I love him so much.

This was not my first dance, but I was shocked by how intense the pain was in the tender flesh of my upper stomach. It got better over time, but initially there was no way that I could have sexualized that sensation. I’m just not a masochist. What I did do, over and over, was send the energy to Harold, giving him my pain, taking his mark. He held my hand and touched my face.

After, we were so high on endorphins. I felt amazing. We had so much fun.

We went home to my darling husband, who had prepared an incredible and gorgeous conch and squid ceviche just for Harold. Joel had even managed to find Harold’s favorite alcoholic beverage, Punt è Mes, which is rare in these parts. (Have I mentioned that sometimes it is unbelievably awesome to have two partners who care about each other?) The children had all made birthday cards and gotten him flowers. More glowy happiness!

Heart and delta tattooHarold spent some time talking with his wife and I put the kids to bed. We fell into each other’s arms and the softness of bed. Tired happiness gave way to gentle kisses. deep probing kisses became grinding gyrations. Without any thought we were making love again. Happy birthday Baby and many more…