My Whole Sex Life

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” -Oscar Wilde

With Mother’s Day coming up, my family has been asking what they can do to celebrate me. Honestly, I feel honored, loved, and cared for pretty much every day. I know that I hold a special place in my family. I’m not one to turn down breakfast in bed or some hand drawn cards, but what I really need is some quality time by myself.

My children are my top priority. After that, I take time each week to have a date with each of my partners. Everyone works together to take care of the house and I have my own work. I do have some time for myself built into the system, but it often gets filled up with doctor’s appointments, shopping, cleaning, or meetings. Sadly, when I get time to myself in the evening, I usually fall asleep.

I do masturbate regularly. It means a lot to me to be able to give pleasure to myself at any time. I’ve realized though, that I am not giving myself the kind of attention that I would give to a partner. Quick and easy orgasms in the shower or at bedtime have immense value, but what if I were to actually make love to myself with deliberate intention?

So, for all of the moms out there – actually, EVERYONE – I offer a suggestion: schedule a date with yourself. Nourishing your own sacred sexuality is a gift that stays with you forever and not only benefits you, but everyone you love.

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Find time and space to be alone. It’s important to give yourself several hours. If you can’t manage to be alone at home, or if being at home is too distracting, consider other creative solutions – renting a hot tub room, finding a totally private spot in nature, getting a hotel room for the night, or borrowing a friend’s home. Make sure that your children are in capable hands and that someone else will be responsible for anything that comes up.
   
2. Set the stage. Creating a special mood can enhance your experience. Putting clean sheets on the bed or lighting some candles sets this experience aside as something special. Play music that feels sexy to you. Get anything you might need (like drinking water, vibrator, or massage oil) readily available. Go naked, or wear something that feels sexy.
3. Relax. If you are anything like me, this might take a while. Turn off your phone. Step away from the computer. Do something that will help you let go of the daily stresses, whether that’s taking a walk, having a glass of wine, or sinking into a bubble bath. Focus on deep, even breaths, releasing tension with each exhale. Think about the things that make you happy.
4. Fantasize. Start letting out those private thoughts that get you turned on. Is there a movie star who makes you swoon? Some sex act too kinky to admit to your partner, but it gets your juices going? Bring it out! For this date with yourself, anything is possible.
5. Experience sensation. Wake up your skin. Start at your toes and work your way up, barely brushing over your erogenous zones. I like to keep my underwear on for this stage because the indirect stimulation to my genitals drives me wild. Use fingernails, feathers, massage oil, a wartenberg wheel, or whatever feel good and exciting to you. Pay attention to your whole body.
6. Build the energy. Slowly pay more attention to the areas that increase your arousal, like nipples, pubic area, and asshole – circling away and returning over and over. Listen to your body and your emotions. You want to prolong your pleasure as long as you can stand it.
7. Go for orgasm. This is a perfect time to introduce lube, a vibrator, a dildo, or whatever gets you off. You still want to draw out your pleasure, but now you can give yourself permission to focus on those areas that will lead to orgasm. Hold love for yourself in your heart and let it infuse your whole being. If you can stand the tension, bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm and back away again. When everything feels right, let the orgasm spill over.
8. Release. Just let go. You can send any residual stress out of your body on each wave of pleasure. If it feels good, try to prolong your orgasm or pause for a moment and start over at building to a new release.
9. Take care of yourself. You can give yourself aftercare. Give yourself plenty of time to bask in the good feelings. Let love for yourself seep into your skin. This is when I feel closest to the divine. You could go back to gentle sensations or drift into a few minutes of lucid dreaming. Drink water or eat a snack if you need to feel more grounded. Or jump up and run around naked. Whatever it is that makes you feel in love with yourself, do it now.

I don’t always orgasm when I make love to myself and that’s okay. When I’m by myself, I don’t have the stress of a partner who really wants to make me come. My only objectives are to love myself and experience pleasure. It’s a perfect time to explore the things that turn me on and develop a stronger understanding of my body.

As a mom, it’s sometimes hard to feel like I own myself, my time, my body. I don’t often get a chance to make love to myself, but when I do, I feel better all over. I challenge you all, but especially the moms on this Mother’s Day, to give yourself this gift!

I like sex in all seasons, but I am especially gleeful when it is time to fuck outdoors again. This past week has seen a wide range of activity and temperature.

A week ago I woke up to it snowing. I spent a quiet morning in bed with my coffee, watching the flakes drift down and stick to the tree bows. That afternoon I made love with Harold in the cabin, by the blazing fire. I took him hard, pushing his limits, making him mine. I cuffed his wrists over his head and did terrible things to his balls. Bondage combined with cock-and-ball tease might be my favorite thing ever. I enjoy taking control and overwhelming him with sensation.

Only two days after it snowed, we fucked outside for the first time of the season. It was suddenly 75 degrees. I was reading on my little veranda and Harold came to talk to me. It was one of those situations where all of a sudden I was just turned on. The sun and fresh air swept us up and we had to be as close as possible.

At first Harold got me off and I thought that was going to be it. Sometimes we focus on one or the other of us – simply following what feels right. But this time I really wanted to fuck. I needed the primal connection between us. Harold took a little persuading, but I can be persuasive. I’m good with my mouth and my hands.

When he entered me, everything in the universe felt right. His cock hit just the perfect spot inside me, the sun was shining, the green leaves waved above me, and I could drink in his golden love like honey. Whatever else we have going on in our lives, we have moments like this.

And it got better! A couple of nights ago I had a beautiful group sex experience. It was incredible to be surrounded by people I trust who are all focused on my pleasure. I stopped taking care of everyone else and opened myself to being receptive. Six pairs of hands caressed me all over; lips brushed my flesh. When I asked for it, 60 fingers lightly scratched me from head to toe. I floated in pure bliss for what felt like forever.

It was a gorgeous night. We lay on cushions and blankets before the bonfire, looking up through leafy branches at the brilliant stars in the clear night sky. I was both sweaty and cold, naked under the blankets, limbs tangled on either side, full of love and lust. I felt Harold’s breath against my neck as I listened to people making love on either side. I watched Joel’s face as he gave himself to a woman I admire, respect, and care about very much. I am thankful for that moment of observation, when I realized that I was experiencing a perfect moment.

Like sunshine in Western Washington, sex is meant to be somewhat ephemeral. We get swept up and filled with joy. Sex should make us feel good, whatever we are into, and we can carry those good feelings into all the other areas of our lives. But by all means, fuck outdoors when you get a chance.

Have you ever fucked in the car? Ever needed someone so immediately that you couldn’t wait to get home? Ever fumbled at genitals through clothing, mouths locked, bodies tangled, trying to avoid honking the horn? Ever fog up the windows with your heavy breathing? Ever look back at the experience and wonder how you managed to have such a good time in such an awkward space? Yep, this was me just a few days ago. Ah, the joys of spontaneous sex.

I’ve been going through one of those jags where I am turned on all of the time. I masturbate more, which in turn contributes to my over-all level of horniness. Basically, I sweat sex. I go through my day like normal, but everything takes on new erotic potential – like the errand running trip with my partner that ended in an amorous embrace in the driver’s seat of the car, followed by me bending over the kitchen counter with my pants around my ankles while he pounded into me, and then me riding him until he rug-burned his ass on the living room floor.

I like these spontaneous moments. I like how lust just washes over me and sweeps me away. It’s so clean and simple. I feel powerful and strong with the sexual energy flowing through me. Masturbation is an affirmation of my sexuality. Acting on the attraction I feel for my lovers is confirmation of the goodness of life. Bad things may happen, but so do good things. Really, really good things. It invigorates me to know that I can act on my desire any time I want. It makes grocery shopping or pumping gas seem loaded with erotic potential.

It also helps to shake up our routines a bit, sexual and mundane. I can’t believe how strange it felt it have sex without toys. I actually had to use my fingers to get off because I didn’t have a vibrator on me. I used to do it all the time, but it’s been a long while. My clitoris is sore because it took me so long to come.

Sudden sex is a hot concept. Look at the old porn trope of the pizza delivery boy getting lured in by the older woman. People like the fantasy of sex just suddenly happening. We want to be swept away in a tide of lust. Maybe for some people that gives them permission to be sexual – it’s not your fault, you got caught up in the moment. Of course, everyone is still responsible for their actions, but why not let yourself feel your desire?

Life is sexual. I don’t want to divide it all up into arbitrary sexy times and not sexy times. I want to live to the fullest – act when I feel sexual, don’t sweat it when I don’t. I give myself permission to have my feelings. And if those feelings lead me to some spontaneously lustful moment? Well, I’ll try not to set off the car horn.

“Love is not singular except in syllable.” ~Marvin Taylor

This is a real illustration of our polycule’s love. We’re missing a member in this photo, but her love is still with us, entwined like our limbs. Love is not singular, I am blessed many, many times over.

To see other entries in this week’s Valentine’s competition, click below…

Perhaps it’s true that pity can get you laid. It certainly seemed to work for Joel today, when I felt so sorry for him that I was willing to drop everything and get him off. Except, that’s not really the story…

See, he had an accident yesterday. We were out on the road, playing around with the children. Joel had a pump scooter and he was racing one of the children who was driving the Green Machine. Suddenly, the handles separated from the base of the scooter and Joel took a header. I was 30 yards away and missed the fall, just that he was up one moment and down the next.

I was scared. He caught himself largely on the balls of his hands, but also smashed his glasses and scraped his face and his knee. He’s basically fine, but for a split second, I wasn’t sure if he had suffered a heart attack or what. It was enough to make me very, very grateful for what I have.

Today Joel’s hands are so bruised and swollen that he can’t do much with them. He’s walking around holding his hands up like a surgeon with sterile gloves. I spent the morning doing my normal busy things, ending half an hour later than I really wanted to get ready for an appointment. About ten minutes before I needed to leave, Joel casually says, “I have an embarrassing question.”

Now, embarrassment can cover a lot of territory, so I asked, “Embarrassing for you or me?” He owned as how it’s likely to be awkward and uncomfortable for us both. I was intrigued. I pushed for him to elucidate, but he simply asked me to go upstairs with him. There, he leaned against the corner and kind of looked at his shoes.

“Well,” he said, “I’m just really horny, and it hurts too much to get myself off. Would you be willing to help me…” He trailed off, but looked at me hopefully. I started laughing. I couldn’t help it. Joel is normally so dominant – sweet, but used to being in charge. Seeing him in this predicament made my love for him well up, but it also struck me as really funny!

Of course I couldn’t let the poor boy suffer that kind of overwhelming desire without surcease. Still chuckling, I took him into the bathroom and had him strip. I took my top off so he could see my breasts bounce because I know that gets to him. I leaned him up against the counter and started on his cock, Realizing almost immediately that lube would improve this experience, I ran back to the bedroom and returned with my hands all goopy.

It was a lot of fun having him helpless in my hands, without him being able to reciprocate. I had one flash of being worried about being late and feeling annoyed about doing this, but it quickly faded in the face of his pleasure. Working my hands in various patterns and rhythms, I could soon tell that he was about to blow. I spread my legs so he wouldn’t hit my jeans, and angled his cock at the floor, just as he spurt all over the bathroom tile.

It turns out, I wasn’t late for my appointment, and I got to save the day. It wasn’t actually pity that I felt. I thought that Joel’s vulnerability in asking for what he wanted was very sweet and courageous. I know he isn’t always comfortable in that space. It allowed me to connect with him in a way that is somewhat atypical for us. I enjoy taking care of him. I get where he’s at. Maybe that’s really what is was – sympathy sex.

Sometimes you are getting all dressed up to go out and you get distracted by the redecorating project you have going on in the bathroom and your partner snaps a picture…

Wondering what other people are up to this Sinful Sunday? Click below!

Sunday mornings are one of my favorite times. I get a lot of work done. I usually wake up early, before everyone else. I get a cup of coffee and snuggle into bed with my laptop. Sometimes, like yesterday, I chat over IM with Harold, who is also up early. We just touch base. We tend to get ridiculously mushy. I can’t remember what we were discussing yesterday, but I think it was something that got me kind of turned on. I know I felt happy.

Much later, after the children were awake, I set aside my work and snuggled up to Joel to wake him. Actually, I rubbed myself all over him, hoping to share my sexual enthusiasm. He’s not a morning person, so that didn’t work so much, but I got some good skin-on-skin contact. When he could see straight, I handed him my photos for yesterday’s Sinful Sunday post.

I went back to working. Joel left to feed and water the children. Some time later, I was suddenly aware that a large bulge was moving toward me under the covers! Little kisses were planted up and down my inner thighs. I struggled valiantly to continue working, but then he shifted my panties to one side and started licking my clit. Who wants to work in this circumstance? I put the laptop down.

It was really some of the best oral sex I’ve experienced recently. The boy rocked me with skill. I was totally into it, too. Normally I am very nervous about making love when the kids are home, but I knew they were safe and occupied. I let myself go into the sensations. Joel pressed a finger to the moist opening of my cunt. I squirmed against him, mightily aroused and wanting him in me.

He teased me, slowly letting one finger slide into my pussy, still making slow even flicks with his tongue. I spread my legs wider to accommodate him. My fingers ran over erect nipples, the fabric of my tank top heightening the sensation. I groaned and ground my cunt into his hand while simultaneously trying to lift my clit closer to his mouth. I wanted more.

Joel gave me another thick finger inside. I felt full, stretched. I shyly asked if he minded me using my vibrator. Of course he didn’t mind. With his fingers and the Mystic Wand I came quickly and long. After experiencing every shudder with me, he pulled himself up to his knees, kneeling between my legs.

I took his cock in my hand, rubbing and caressing. I buried just the tip in my slick folds. His eyes closed as he tipped his head back in pleasure. My eagerness to fuck seemed to inspire him more. We were swift to find the easiest way to align ourselves for penetration. That moment when he slowly and firmly pushed his cock inside me was the most delicious. There was a time (that was both too brief and lasted an eternity) where everything was absolutely perfect.

He fucked me hard, hands griping my ankles tightly. I could feel the energy between us build. My g-spot was getting just the right kind of stimulation. I knew Joel was getting close to orgasm too, so I added as much sensation as I could – touching his nipples, making noise, squeezing my cunt around his cock. When he came, he thrust even deeper inside me and tried hard not to cry out.

I think the whole experience took only about 15 minutes. We felt very smug together, happy and relaxed. We resumed our Sunday activities satisfied, but with little fuss. He went off to check on the children, I went back to work. What an ideal work break! It was only later that I noticed the hand shaped bruise on my leg where he gripped me so tight. It’s a reminder of a good time. Working from bed has it’s advantages.

I’m alone in the house for the first time in days. I didn’t plan this miraculous occurrence, but I am taking advantage of it by lounging in the bathtub, musing about what it means to be part of a polyamorous household over the holidays. I was remembering this post I wrote two years ago – so much is the same and yet so different.

Our family seems to have grown larger, our connections stronger, and our love deeper. There is also the maturity that happens with two years of experience plus processing. I see it in everyone, from the children to the adults. Like any poly family, we are complicated.

I might need a diagram to explain our family. I’ve discovered that it’s useful to carry a pen and scrap paper for these occasions. At the very center of our family is me, my husband Joel, my other husband Harold, and his wife Melanie.  For the holidays this year we had our 4 year old daughter, boys of 9 and 11, two young adult daughters, an adult son and his wife (Ned and Maggie), my girlfriend Blyss, and Melanie’s boyfriend. We pulled off stockings and secret magical Santa stuff for all 13 people.

Polyamory makes for a lot of people, not to mention a lot of interconnections. Blyss and Melanie’s boyfriend have been known to roll around together from time to time, and he had his girlfriend over sometimes during our celebrations. I am pondering the idea that being in a relationship with someone does not necessarily make them part of your family. But everyone wants to be close to the people they care about at the holidays. I am imagining what it will be like when our children bring home multiple partners. Joyful chaos I think. It’s a good thing that I excel at logistics.

The bulk of our family currently consists of people in their 20′s. It’s the first time in my life where I am one of the older generation. I’m finding the sensation odd. There is a generation of adults significantly younger than me. I love sharing their enthusiasm for life. I’m not sure I’m ready to take my place at the grown-up table yet.

Santa was good to me this year, as always. My stocking was filled with sexy thong panties, a new Mystic Wand (because one is not enough!), a beautiful bracelet, good hiking socks, and a chest binder. It’s Christmas for the gender confused! Harold got the new Aneros Helix Syn prostate stimulator. We tried it out on Christmas Day and I’m going to have to write a full review. (It seems pretty impressive, but we must test it further, right?) I feel so supported by our family that Harold and I had a chance to slip away for a little bit.

We are doing fun things all week – sledding, movies, hiking through the mountains to the hot springs, building a gingerbread tableau, feasting, baking, maybe ice skating, roasting marshmallows and telling stories, or more playing in the snow. Whatever people want to do. And nobody has to do anything that they don’t want to do. It’s amazing.

I think the holidays tend to be stressful for everyone because it brings up childhood memories and expectations. It’s exponentially more difficult the more people you toss together. We certainly don’t have things all worked out, but every year together gets better. We did a lot of communication about what is important to everyone, including the children. This year I didn’t experience the same tension I normally feel. I have a very warm intimacy flowing through me, spilling out around me. I love my family so much. Poly is good.

Polyamory, sharing my life with many partners, has brought me a lot of joy. I worked hard to help create a complex and supportive family with my partners and it has paid off. Not only am I happy, but I get to see my partners’ happiness with other people. When it all works, we are sparking creativity and growth in each other all of the time. It’s beautiful. Fantastic. Amazing. I just have one gripe.

Darling, don’t kiss me when you’ve just been going down on someone else. It’s not about logic. I know, it doesn’t really make sense. Yes, I might have licked them at some point before, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve chosen to put my face in their genitals at this time. It’s different if we’re all in bed together, but if I haven’t shared in the pleasure, I don’t want to reheat the left-overs.

It’s not that I dislike genitals. Bodies are lovely and fun to explore! I enjoy bodily fluids in the right context, I just have this one little boundary. Ironically, I don’t mind kissing you after you’ve been worshipping my cunt. I like tasting myself on your lips. It’s not good if you still smell like pussy the next day though. What I’m saying is that I have a time limit, after which, I am squicked out by you kissing me while your face is covered in juices.

To be fair, it’s not just jism that makes me flinch when I see you mouth coming at me. I’m going to be a bit distracted by milk or jam or anything else clinging to your lip. I want to make out with you, not your breakfast. Or whoever you ate before breakfast.

I love you. Kissing you feels warm and wonderful, but not if I’m wondering where your face has been as you move in for a deep smootch. I know that there is not always time or opportunity to bathe between giving head and greeting me, but if you want that toe-curling, earthshaking experience, you gotta be clean. I don’t mind an intimate hug until you can wash your face. I’ll wait.

Really, Darling, don’t kiss me until you get a chance to wash up.

My husband has been sending me sexy text messages that say things like, “your ass: succulent, creamy, dreamy, and wonderful” and, ” your entire body is a masterpiece.” It’s gotten me kind of worked up while he was away at work. This morning we finally had a chance to connect sexually in the shower. Then, before we went to spend family time decorating for the holidays, he decorated his favorite part of me and took this photo…

Wanna see some other sexy images? Click below.