My Whole Sex Life

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” -Oscar Wilde

With Mother’s Day coming up, my family has been asking what they can do to celebrate me. Honestly, I feel honored, loved, and cared for pretty much every day. I know that I hold a special place in my family. I’m not one to turn down breakfast in bed or some hand drawn cards, but what I really need is some quality time by myself.

My children are my top priority. After that, I take time each week to have a date with each of my partners. Everyone works together to take care of the house and I have my own work. I do have some time for myself built into the system, but it often gets filled up with doctor’s appointments, shopping, cleaning, or meetings. Sadly, when I get time to myself in the evening, I usually fall asleep.

I do masturbate regularly. It means a lot to me to be able to give pleasure to myself at any time. I’ve realized though, that I am not giving myself the kind of attention that I would give to a partner. Quick and easy orgasms in the shower or at bedtime have immense value, but what if I were to actually make love to myself with deliberate intention?

So, for all of the moms out there – actually, EVERYONE – I offer a suggestion: schedule a date with yourself. Nourishing your own sacred sexuality is a gift that stays with you forever and not only benefits you, but everyone you love.

Here are some tips to get you started:

1. Find time and space to be alone. It’s important to give yourself several hours. If you can’t manage to be alone at home, or if being at home is too distracting, consider other creative solutions – renting a hot tub room, finding a totally private spot in nature, getting a hotel room for the night, or borrowing a friend’s home. Make sure that your children are in capable hands and that someone else will be responsible for anything that comes up.
   
2. Set the stage. Creating a special mood can enhance your experience. Putting clean sheets on the bed or lighting some candles sets this experience aside as something special. Play music that feels sexy to you. Get anything you might need (like drinking water, vibrator, or massage oil) readily available. Go naked, or wear something that feels sexy.
3. Relax. If you are anything like me, this might take a while. Turn off your phone. Step away from the computer. Do something that will help you let go of the daily stresses, whether that’s taking a walk, having a glass of wine, or sinking into a bubble bath. Focus on deep, even breaths, releasing tension with each exhale. Think about the things that make you happy.
4. Fantasize. Start letting out those private thoughts that get you turned on. Is there a movie star who makes you swoon? Some sex act too kinky to admit to your partner, but it gets your juices going? Bring it out! For this date with yourself, anything is possible.
5. Experience sensation. Wake up your skin. Start at your toes and work your way up, barely brushing over your erogenous zones. I like to keep my underwear on for this stage because the indirect stimulation to my genitals drives me wild. Use fingernails, feathers, massage oil, a wartenberg wheel, or whatever feel good and exciting to you. Pay attention to your whole body.
6. Build the energy. Slowly pay more attention to the areas that increase your arousal, like nipples, pubic area, and asshole – circling away and returning over and over. Listen to your body and your emotions. You want to prolong your pleasure as long as you can stand it.
7. Go for orgasm. This is a perfect time to introduce lube, a vibrator, a dildo, or whatever gets you off. You still want to draw out your pleasure, but now you can give yourself permission to focus on those areas that will lead to orgasm. Hold love for yourself in your heart and let it infuse your whole being. If you can stand the tension, bring yourself right to the edge of orgasm and back away again. When everything feels right, let the orgasm spill over.
8. Release. Just let go. You can send any residual stress out of your body on each wave of pleasure. If it feels good, try to prolong your orgasm or pause for a moment and start over at building to a new release.
9. Take care of yourself. You can give yourself aftercare. Give yourself plenty of time to bask in the good feelings. Let love for yourself seep into your skin. This is when I feel closest to the divine. You could go back to gentle sensations or drift into a few minutes of lucid dreaming. Drink water or eat a snack if you need to feel more grounded. Or jump up and run around naked. Whatever it is that makes you feel in love with yourself, do it now.

I don’t always orgasm when I make love to myself and that’s okay. When I’m by myself, I don’t have the stress of a partner who really wants to make me come. My only objectives are to love myself and experience pleasure. It’s a perfect time to explore the things that turn me on and develop a stronger understanding of my body.

As a mom, it’s sometimes hard to feel like I own myself, my time, my body. I don’t often get a chance to make love to myself, but when I do, I feel better all over. I challenge you all, but especially the moms on this Mother’s Day, to give yourself this gift!

I’m alone in the house for the first time in days. I didn’t plan this miraculous occurrence, but I am taking advantage of it by lounging in the bathtub, musing about what it means to be part of a polyamorous household over the holidays. I was remembering this post I wrote two years ago – so much is the same and yet so different.

Our family seems to have grown larger, our connections stronger, and our love deeper. There is also the maturity that happens with two years of experience plus processing. I see it in everyone, from the children to the adults. Like any poly family, we are complicated.

I might need a diagram to explain our family. I’ve discovered that it’s useful to carry a pen and scrap paper for these occasions. At the very center of our family is me, my husband Joel, my other husband Harold, and his wife Melanie.  For the holidays this year we had our 4 year old daughter, boys of 9 and 11, two young adult daughters, an adult son and his wife (Ned and Maggie), my girlfriend Blyss, and Melanie’s boyfriend. We pulled off stockings and secret magical Santa stuff for all 13 people.

Polyamory makes for a lot of people, not to mention a lot of interconnections. Blyss and Melanie’s boyfriend have been known to roll around together from time to time, and he had his girlfriend over sometimes during our celebrations. I am pondering the idea that being in a relationship with someone does not necessarily make them part of your family. But everyone wants to be close to the people they care about at the holidays. I am imagining what it will be like when our children bring home multiple partners. Joyful chaos I think. It’s a good thing that I excel at logistics.

The bulk of our family currently consists of people in their 20′s. It’s the first time in my life where I am one of the older generation. I’m finding the sensation odd. There is a generation of adults significantly younger than me. I love sharing their enthusiasm for life. I’m not sure I’m ready to take my place at the grown-up table yet.

Santa was good to me this year, as always. My stocking was filled with sexy thong panties, a new Mystic Wand (because one is not enough!), a beautiful bracelet, good hiking socks, and a chest binder. It’s Christmas for the gender confused! Harold got the new Aneros Helix Syn prostate stimulator. We tried it out on Christmas Day and I’m going to have to write a full review. (It seems pretty impressive, but we must test it further, right?) I feel so supported by our family that Harold and I had a chance to slip away for a little bit.

We are doing fun things all week – sledding, movies, hiking through the mountains to the hot springs, building a gingerbread tableau, feasting, baking, maybe ice skating, roasting marshmallows and telling stories, or more playing in the snow. Whatever people want to do. And nobody has to do anything that they don’t want to do. It’s amazing.

I think the holidays tend to be stressful for everyone because it brings up childhood memories and expectations. It’s exponentially more difficult the more people you toss together. We certainly don’t have things all worked out, but every year together gets better. We did a lot of communication about what is important to everyone, including the children. This year I didn’t experience the same tension I normally feel. I have a very warm intimacy flowing through me, spilling out around me. I love my family so much. Poly is good.

Polyamory, sharing my life with many partners, has brought me a lot of joy. I worked hard to help create a complex and supportive family with my partners and it has paid off. Not only am I happy, but I get to see my partners’ happiness with other people. When it all works, we are sparking creativity and growth in each other all of the time. It’s beautiful. Fantastic. Amazing. I just have one gripe.

Darling, don’t kiss me when you’ve just been going down on someone else. It’s not about logic. I know, it doesn’t really make sense. Yes, I might have licked them at some point before, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve chosen to put my face in their genitals at this time. It’s different if we’re all in bed together, but if I haven’t shared in the pleasure, I don’t want to reheat the left-overs.

It’s not that I dislike genitals. Bodies are lovely and fun to explore! I enjoy bodily fluids in the right context, I just have this one little boundary. Ironically, I don’t mind kissing you after you’ve been worshipping my cunt. I like tasting myself on your lips. It’s not good if you still smell like pussy the next day though. What I’m saying is that I have a time limit, after which, I am squicked out by you kissing me while your face is covered in juices.

To be fair, it’s not just jism that makes me flinch when I see you mouth coming at me. I’m going to be a bit distracted by milk or jam or anything else clinging to your lip. I want to make out with you, not your breakfast. Or whoever you ate before breakfast.

I love you. Kissing you feels warm and wonderful, but not if I’m wondering where your face has been as you move in for a deep smootch. I know that there is not always time or opportunity to bathe between giving head and greeting me, but if you want that toe-curling, earthshaking experience, you gotta be clean. I don’t mind an intimate hug until you can wash your face. I’ll wait.

Really, Darling, don’t kiss me until you get a chance to wash up.

To the Rapey Asshole in Pullman,

I just got off the phone with my daughter. You know, the girl you drugged in a bar last month hoping you could get some action because you are such a pathetic loser that you can’t get laid otherwise. She didn’t tell me until just now because she knew I would be furious and there’s nothing we can do about it. She doesn’t even remember you, just experienced your handiwork. She was sick for a week from that drug. You’re lucky that she didn’t die, because I would have hunted you down.

She doesn’t remember anything from that night. I can only imagine what she’s going through. Is it hell not knowing what actually happened, or is it a blessing to not know? She thinks that probably you didn’t rape her. I’m a bit more cynical. I fear the worst. I’ve seen your type, but I know my girl. I bet she fought like a wildcat. I hope you’re still suffering.

I may not be able to get my hands on you, but I believe in karma.

Beware,
a rage filled momma

To the Pullman Police,

When you found my daughter passed out in a ditch, did you put handcuffs on her right away? Or did you wait until she was weeping uncontrollably? Did you stop to think for just a second that her slurred speech could be from being drugged without her consent or do you assume that all college girls are drunken sluts? Did you not find it strange that witnesses reported her being with a man who ran away?

How could you possibly think that my daughter was anything other than a victim in this situation? Was she such a threat that you had to put her in custody? I want to jump up and down in frustration and rage that you would not handle my child with compassion and consideration for her well-being. That girl is my precious daughter. Every girl is someone’s precious daughter.

Is this a common situation in your town? Do you get a lot of girls passed out in ditches? Is it so common that you are inured to the sight? Maybe that’s because your town has a problem with date rape drugs. I bet every girl at that college has a story about it by the time they graduate. Yes, that is your problem. Clean it the fuck up. Now.

Fuck you,
a rage filled momma

To the Pullman Regional Hospital,

I am saddened by your lack of professionalism. Without your bill I would still be ignorant of this challenge my daughter has had to face, so I am glad for that. But why couldn’t you have done your fucking job when the cops brought my daughter to you?

I understand that she appeared inebriated, but then why not treat her for alcohol poisoning? Didn’t you notice the bruises and scratches all over my sweet girl? I wish someone had thought to call me. I would have been in my car and on the phone telling you all what to do. Where were you with the drug testing and the goddamned rape kit? Not that I would wish that on my girl, but WTF? Do your job.

I am thankful for the nurse on duty, who talked to my daughter days later and helped her to put together what happened when not knowing was killing her. She didn’t remember anything and you helped her piece together a bit of a story. That is a kindness.

Again though, how many college girls do you treat in this situation? Don’t you see this as a problem? Please treat this epidemic like you would any other.

Litigiously yours,
a rage filled momma

To the WWU counselor,

How dare you. How dare you slut shame and victim blame my help-seeking child! No, she is not suffering from alcohol withdrawals. She is experiencing panic attacks. No, her experience was not alcohol poisoning, she just told you that she got date rape drugged. Do you get what that means? No, you don’t.

It means that someone tried to rape my daughter. Maybe they did, we don’t know. What kind of misogynistic asshole neglects to acknowledge that? Isn’t that possibly why she needed an emergency appointment to see you? Were you the best the college could offer at that given moment? Cuz buddy, you suck.

It makes me so mad that my daughter would reach out for help at this difficult time and you would just assume that she drank too much. You don’t know my girl, you cynical fuckhead. Get over yourself and try to actually help the people you pretend to serve. College girls get raped. Help them.

Up yours,
a rage filled momma

My dear sweet darling daughter,

I love you so much. None of my rage is directed at you. You are my star. You are my first child and I am so proud of you. You are so responsible and such a good adult. You always make good choices, but even if you didn’t I would love you to the moon and back.

I’m so sorry that this bad thing happened to you. It drives me crazy that I can’t go back in time and change it. I want to always keep you safe and happy… but I can’t. I’m very impressed with how you have handled all of this. I wish you had told me sooner, but I get why you didn’t. It’s okay. You knew that I would react like this and you didn’t want the weight of that too. It’s okay sweet girl. I love you. Your whole family loves you so much!

I love that you have already thought of everything that I can come up with to do, including getting tested for STD’s at two months out. I hope that you are not too worried while you wait. I admire how well you have taken care of yourself. I’m relieved that you feel angry too.

I think that you are perfectly wonderful. It’s okay that your grades have slipped some. You are doing fine. We’ve got your back. It hurts me to think of this burdening you. I ache when I think of every girl who has to suffer this date rape drug bullshit. I want to thank you for every woman who has ever been slipped a date rape drug. Thank you for standing up and speaking out.

You are my hero beautiful brilliant girl.

All the love in the universe,
your momma

I love my life. I am so happy to be non-monogamous. My life is so full of love and amazing people. No, it’s not always like this. Sometimes I feel jealous or frustrated. At times it’s difficult to get my needs met because resources like time and money are scarce. But right now I am floating in a nice happy poly ocean of love.

My girlfriend has joined our family enclave. She has her own space, but she’s hanging out in the house a bunch. This is so good for me. I can’t even say – I’m ecstatic to have all of my people gathered together. Evidently this is what I do. I create family. And Blyss is fitting right in to our crazy family life.

She has her own adventures. She goes off and does her own thing for periods of time. I am totally happy to have her follow her pleasure, but when she is gone my heart reaches for her like my hand reaches for chocolate, only to discover that the secret stash is depleted. Then she comes back and things are all rainbows and sparkles again. She has a way of making me feel good about myself.

This last time she returned chock full of New Relationship Energy (NRE). It’s adorable. She found herself a beautiful boi and is twitter-pated. Sadly, he lives 15 hours away – but he may come visit us in a few months. I hear about him a lot. I don’t mind. It’s very sweet. They are at the sharing naughty photos stage of their relationship so I get sexted a bit. In fact, I got naked pics while I was chatting with the other soccer mommies! All the joy flows all over everything.

Blyss is asking my advice about Topping. It’s forcing me to realize that I AM actually a Top. Without a thought, I can dish out suggestions for Domination. It’s even let us have a discussion about what power dynamics might look like between the two of us. I’m looking forward to making it a reality. I’m also enjoying Blyss’s fantasies about her new boi – that we might “double date” when he visits so I can teach her some CBT technique. I think it sounds hot!

I think with two husbands, it really helps to have some feminine influence in my life. She’s not afraid to apply a loving 2×4 when I need it. Blyss even helped me sort out an argument with Harold this week. Harold’s wife, Melanie is often helpful in these ways, but we have a different dynamic, more of a partnership. And that is working very well right now too.

Three romantic relationships that are fairly serious, plus a metamour who is a co-parent,plus four children at home is a lot of people’s needs to keep in mind. So far, we’re doing it. I have almost as much sex as I could want. The oxytocin high is getting me through my days. Occasionally I struggle with a hard bit, but mostly I wonder how anyone gets by in a monogamous relationship. I am so lucky in love. I love my life.

I believe the most effective and radical act you can do to change the world is to be open and honest about your whole self. It’s hard to do to. It’s scary. It could be life threatening or cause you to lose everything you hold dear. And yet, I think many of us reach points in our lives where it becomes more painful to repress the truth about ourselves than to face our fears.

I recently had an opportunity to exchange emails with Kendra Holliday of www.thebeautifulkind.com. She is an amazing woman who has been blogging about her life for six years and has faced many challenges, but ultimately has been able to create the life she wants for herself and her family. Kendra is someone I admire because she is just such a radical activist. She is incredibly brave and she is educating people everywhere she goes.

Because I wanted to know how Kendra manages to be so open, I asked: You are the only person (besides myself) that I have seen blog honestly about their sex life while still being real about being a parent, AND you use your real name (I assume) and photos of yourself. What kind of consequences have you experienced since you “came out” and what have you gotten out of it? Is it more satisfying to be open?

I wonder where you are located? [Editorial note: near Seattle.] That makes a difference. I’m in the Bible Belt, St Louis MO, right in the middle of the U.S. It’s a conservative area, but not as bad as many think.

I do use my real name and pics of myself when blogging about parenting and my sexuality. I feel it’s important to demonstrate that people (particularly mothers!) are complex beings. It’s not healthy to deny or compartmentalize ourselves so much. It’s healthier to be fully integrated. Trouble is, that is very difficult to achieve in our society. People fear losing jobs, kids, families if people were to find out who they really are!

When I came out as a sex-positive mom in Oct 2010, I faced some serious persecution. Before I came out, I lost my job for having a sex blog. After I came out, I was ostracized, judged, and my ex-husband sued me for full custody of my daughter. I almost lost her and my house. I went into debt. It was very scary.

BUT I did not back down, I didn’t cave, I stood my ground. I walked through the fire and got out on the other side. And it was SO much better on the other side! It got better.

Now, I enjoy the respect of the community. The media contacts me for my opinion on issues that are near and dear to me. My relationships are stronger than ever. People who said terrible things about me and turned on me returned, sheepish and apologizing. I have a good job where my activism is a non-issue. I was able to keep my house. Best of all, my ex-husband dropped the suit against me right before it went to trial. He realized he could not prove I was an unfit mother. I’m a single mom working full-time and am raising an amazing, creative, knowing daughter. She is wiser than most adults I know!

I think everyone should explore their role in society on their own terms. Obviously a pre-school teacher couldn’t do what I did. At least not right now. But I’ve seen more and more people successfully claiming their sexual rights, and it’s extremely heartening. I’m proud to be an example. I hope my story inspires, and I’m very excited for my 12 year old daughter’s future – I think we’ll see a lot of progress by the time she’s 18!

Thank you for fighting the fight as well!
Kendra

Please show Kendra and The Beautiful Kind your love and support. Also www.sexstl.com, www.twitter.com/TBK365, & www.facebook.com/thebeautifulkind!

A vibrating sound is occurring somewhere in my room and I can’t pinpoint the culprit. It’s not coming from my bag of sex toys. It’s not my computer. It’s not the lights humming. It’s not coming from outside. It seems to be emanating from a diorama constructed of my pre-schooler’s toys, but she’s not anywhere around. I look around the room some more. Nothing. I go back to the toys and realize that the centerpiece is in fact a vibrator – a vibrator that looks like an adorable giant rubber duck.

I Rub My Duckie is the most cheerful sex toy I’ve ever seen. Babeland was nice enough to send it to me and make me laugh. (There are so many obvious jokes!) Don’t think that this is just a novelty item, however. This tub toy packs some serious vibration! If you are willing to fuck a duck, this baby will rock your world.

My biggest complaint is that it looks too much like a child’s toy. It blends in well. My kids are all drawn to it. The minute I had it out of the package my children were instantly present, as though my Duckie had summoned them. My eight year old took it out of my hands and examined it. “We need a screwdriver to put batteries in it,” he informed me. “It doesn’t look watertight. I bet you can’t really take it in the bath.” Where did this kid come from?

Harold agreed with him, but the two of the worked together to get batteries (2 AA’s) into it. It’s serious business. Powered up, the Duckie loudly vibrated across the kitchen floor, to the 3 year old’s delight. You have to squeeze the duck’s tummy pretty hard to turn it on.(Yes, I know.) It cycles through 3 speeds before it shuts off, which is kind of a pain if you want to shut it off quick. It’s very loud no matter what. I’m not sure how they justify calling it quiet. This is not a subtle vibe, but it is strong.

Surprisingly, I Rub My Duckie is totally waterproof and can indeed go in the bath. We had a lot of fun in the bathtub, me and Duckie! I love how the vibrations create ripples across the water. I also like how my duck can just sit on the edge of the tub looking cute, unlike my vibrator, which really just looks like a vibrator and isn’t something I want to explain to children or guests. Like I mentioned before though, it makes a lot of noise and makes all the kids come running to see what is happening – not conducive to Momma getting off.

One of the most interesting features of I Rub My Duckie is the variety of surfaces. For example, the tail feels more intense than the head. Or you can use both ends at once! Or tickle yourself with the beak! It can be fun to explore the different sensations, although I also felt kind of silly. I mean, I’ve never had a duck eat me out before.

I Rub My Duckie is unbearably cute, but ultimately, I don’t think I’ll be using it as a vibrator. On the plus side, it’s strong enough to get me off, made of body safe materials, and I can use it in the bathtub. On the minus, it’s loud, difficult to turn on and off, and a bit awkward to use. In my world it looks too much like a toy for me to keep it to myself.

Bottom line: this duckie is hardworking, but too cute for his own good.

Grade: B

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This week the whole family went camping – all four parents and the four children still at home, at the ocean for five days and four nights. It was fabulous. Despite requiring amazing feats of planning and packing, I think our trip was highly successful. We all worked together to make sure that everyone’s needs got met. I believe that this is one of the main advantages to polyamory – sharing goals and responsibilities so that everyone can have more fun.

We definitely focused on the children’s experience, but we also took care of ourselves. One of our priorities for our vacation was to make sure that each couple in our family had a few hours to themselves to do what they wanted. I think it’s important for the grown ups to have adult time alone together to keep relationships strong. With four of us, it meant that no one individual was ever saddled with all of the children by themselves. My perception is that this arrangement built trust and relationships all the way around.

For my “dates” I was interested in making love. Joel and I were sleeping in the tent that we had fucked like crazy in when we were first together, causing an international scandal. I wanted to make sure that the magic was still there inside those green nylon walls. Harold and Melanie took the children hiking so we could have the campsite to ourselves.

The moment they were gone, I was naked and digging out the only sex toy I brought with me – my vibrator. Joel also removed his clothing, watching me get myself off. He had been reading Rachel Kramer Bussel’s Going Down, Oral Sex Stories so he was eager to bury his face between my thighs, bringing me to orgasm again with his tongue and mouth. There is a lot to be said for creative inspiration!

He was good and hard by then, so I guided him in, my feet resting against his shoulders. It felt amazingly intense to have his cock so deep inside me. He rocked against me while the walls of the tent shuddered in the ocean wind. It was so good, his flesh on mine, surrounded by all of the camping smells, snuggled down on the sleeping bags. When Joel asked if he should come, I was ready.

Afterward, we took a long walk on the beach. We were more relaxed than we normally can manage, talking about whatever came to mind and enjoying the sand and sun. I felt closer to Joel than I have in a long time. It was very sweet and lovely.

The following day I spent time alone with Harold. He had some local sights to show me so we drove around for a while. He took me to the best general store ever, which just proves that he knows how to show a grrrl a good time. We talked a lot, and finally ended up parked on the beach with our picnic lunch. There were people in the distance and the occasional car drove by, but it felt as though we had the beach to ourselves. Seagulls surrounded us.

After eating lunch, I started feeling Harold up. We were both pretty hot for each other. He took his pants off altogether so I could play with his cock. There’s something particularly sexy about a hand job or blow job when he’s in the driver’s seat. Maybe it’s that I can beat his cock against the steering wheel.

I was wearing a dress because I had hoped that we would find a way to fuck, so I just slid off my panties, hiked up my skirt, and climbed into the backseat. Harold came around the vehicle and managed to find a position where he could go down on me. I did my best to keep my eyes open to look for anyone passing by.

I wanted Harold to put his fingers inside me, but his hands were not very clean and he’d sliced his finger open the night before shucking oysters. Luckily, I carry black latex-free gloves in my purse for just such a possibility! Before long, I was desperate for Harold to fuck me. He knelt in front of me and I braced my feet on the ceiling.

There we were fucking in the backseat of the car, right in plain view of anyone who might happen by. And a car did come toward us. I pointed it out to Harold and he made a point of coming before it did. We are more than a little exhibitionist. We laughed and held each other, his jism dripping out of my cunt onto the leather seat. We had managed to use our risk taking to renew our close bond.

After, we walked down to the waves and both of us peed in the sand. Peeing in nature always makes me feel both wicked and empowered. We finished our date by feeding the gulls and then going for coffee. We returned to camp feeling closer to each other, our partners, and the children.

I’m pleased that I managed to have good sex with both of my partners while we were camping. Sometimes it’s difficult for sex outside of the norm to be a tool for intimacy, but I think that in both cases the novelty of the experience, combined with a level of relaxation, worked for us. We did a bunch of fabulously fun things with the children – sandcastles, fort building, lighthouse climbing, dodging waves, kite flying, go-karts, going to the movies, hiking, roasting marshmallows, and telling stories. Giving the adults a chance to do what they want is important too, and it makes everything else more fun. This is poly family camping.

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The stress has been getting to us. Between working hard all of the time, the children, managing a home and multiple relationships, working through my childhood abuse scars, and money being tight, my relationship with Harold has been very strained lately. Not that it’s been bad, just harder for us to find the powerful connection that we share. So I made an executive decision to get away for a weekend and our spouses helped to make it happen.

I’m so glad that we did! We took a ferry from Seattle to Bainbridge Island and stayed in a little cabin there. I adore the ferry – it feels like magic. Being on a boat automatically shifts the energy and gives the impression of being on a journey. I feel the same way about airplanes and trains. I like to travel; it’s exciting. It also turns me on. I always want to find some way of fucking, but I’ve only managed to have sex on a ferry boat once before, sadly not on this trip.

After the refreshing ferry ride, we walked around in downtown Winslow and Poulsbo. It felt good to spend unstructured time together. We’re always so goal oriented and busy. Here we just wandered and talked. I felt at ease for the first time in a long while. The sun was shining and all was right with the world. Part of having a family and being polyamorous is that I am always thinking about other people’s needs. It’s very nice to have no thoughts beyond the moment.

We did manage to have some sex. Again, spontaneity is amazing – the ability to just be sexual whenever the mood strikes is a gift. In fact, Harold came three times over the weekend! This is significant for me because over the past several month erections have been scarce. I am relieved to know that if we get into a more relaxed state, everything still flows. Our sexual connection is just as hot as it always has been. When we have the time and space, we are as horny as teenagers and ready to jump each other.

We did other things too. We spent a lot of time in the hot tub. We worked. We spent a delightful evening catching up with some old friends of mine. We cooked together. We walked on the beach and picked up shells. We talked easily and openly about all kinds of things. We watched movies and cuddled. It was a good time.

As with most vacations, it didn’t feel like enough time – we had just begun to unwind. Yet I was ready to face the world again. I felt rested and focused. This mini-vacation proved that our love is still strong. What more do I need?

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My 15 year old came out at a family dinner for her sister’s 21st birthday. We were eating and she announced, “I’m bi-curious. And I have a girlfriend.” In the raucous chaos that is our family, there was congratulations and some light teasing – mainly about her predilection for boy-on-boy. All in all it was a minor occurrence in the general celebration. No one was shocked or surprised. We all love her and support her choices, especially during this time when she should be exploring her sexuality.

She and I talked before her declaration. We had a quick errand to run before dinner and she said, “Mom, now that I have some one-on-one time with you, I want to ask you about my girlfriend.” See, I’ve known for a while that she has a girlfriend, but I figure it’s her business. I like the girl – they’ve been friends for years. My daughter is very wise and handles things very well. I trust her.

I haven’t said much about her being bi-curious and she hasn’t brought it up. She wanted to make sure that I was okay with her choices before she came out to the family because I haven’t said very much. She was worried that it meant I disapproved. No! I should have been more vocal with my support.

Of course I am so proud of her. I love how she feels confident to be herself. I want her to follow her heart where it leads. I know that she isn’t going too fast or doing anything that might be harmful. Her relationship with her girlfriend is significant, no matter how that relationship manifests. Learning to love is one of life’s vital tasks.

My daughter wanted to know if I had mentioned her orientation to anyone else. I hadn’t because that is up to her. I didn’t know if she was telling people. She laughed, “Oh, I tell everyone!” She goes to a private school where people would be open to that. Okay then. I suggested that maybe she should tell her family. I think she knows that her family will support her and they deserve to know what’s going on with her.

So we ended up at a family celebration, made more joyous by my daughter’s revelations. Even the birthday girl was encouraging, having been a long time LGBTQ ally. It makes me so happy to have created a family like this. We are not the standard American family unit, yet I think we function very well indeed. I hope we have an environment where everyone, children and adults alike, feel safe to explore who they are in all ways. I want to raise children who know they can trust their parents enough to discuss their sexuality openly and with pride.

My daughter is amazing. I expect that she is just getting started on her journey of self-discovery. Perhaps there will be other comings-out as her awareness of herself evolves. It’s been suggested that maybe she shouldn’t be quite so open because she might encounter discrimination. That’s up to her, but personally, I think she should shout it from the roof-tops if she wants. Her sexuality is normal. How else are we going to change the way that people look at so-called alternative sexualities? Let’s treat normal things as normal.

My teen came out and I’m very proud.

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