Aug 152014
 

Hotel sexMy head is still swirling with images from last weekend – memories of taking the train to Portland, experiencing my first leather event, and swanky hotel threesome sex all invade my mind. It was a good time. I felt like a teenager running away from home, full of excitement tinged with a trace of fear. I felt like I was getting away with something wicked and I relished every moment on my own. I made it all count.

Harold dropped me off at the train station, where Hobbit and her Princess Girlfriend found me. On the way down to Portland they explained the basics of leather culture and titles. They were both very gracious in answering all my questions. Although I’ve spent most of my life on the edges of the LGBT  and BDSM communities, I have never directly attended a leather event. (I love new experiences!) In Portland, we met up with Woody, DW, and Shawna.

Shawna's formal look

Photo courtesy of Leland Carina

My Sweet Girl, Shawna, was running for Ms. Oregon State Leather. I wanted to be there to see her in her element. And I was there, with the taste of whisky in my mouth, the smell and creak of leather around me, music blasting, and the trace of a lover’s fingers along the back of my neck. I felt alive in a way I rarely experience, but value more than anything. I got to see Shawna and the other competitors explain how they would serve the community. I watched the outrageous manifestations of their fantasies come to life onstage. I witnessed the contestants poise when answering pop questions. I learned a lot about leather culture observing their numerous outfit changes. Underneath everything was a sense of humor and unapologetic sexuality.

Everyone I encountered was warm, respectful, and self-contained. It’s the first time I have ever been in a bar or club and not had someone come on to me in a sticky or obnoxious way. People did talk to me. I had fascinating conversations with interesting people. But I never even came close to having to tell someone to fuck off. It’s nice to be fully and comfortably in my sexual self and not have to defend my boundaries because someone else thinks that all my shiny is for them. I think these leather folks are onto something.

Shawna's victory pose

Photo courtesy of Leland Carina

Mostly, I was happy to see Shawna win the title. My Sweet Girl is now Ms. Oregon State Leather 2014! I’m so proud of all that she’s accomplished and I know that she’s going to spend the next year doing great things for the leather community. I am endlessly amazed by her humility and grace, as well as the strength of her convictions and iron will. I love her.

I was proud of myself because after the contest was over, I did exactly what I wanted to do. I did not go to the after party. I did not go out to eat with friends. I went back to my lovely hotel and engaged in self-care. I ate food that I brought with me, that would not make me sick. I put ice on my broken toes. I read my book.

While I enjoyed alone time, I was excited when DW texted to say that he was in the lobby with Shawna. I took the elevator down to get them. In a surreal moment, we went back up with a couple that had just gotten married. They asked about Shawna’s Ms. Oregon State Leather sash!

When I think about you...It’s such a joy to sit and talk to friends. Even better when we snuggle up in bed together. I think DW delights in helping people actualize their desires because soon hands were roaming and Shawna started moaning. DW had her ask me for fisting (which I had mentioned being into earlier). We had her spread across the bed between us – DW’s cock in her throat and my whole hand inside her beautiful cunt. Fisting is such a deeply spiritual experience for me, although I normally have more of an opportunity to check in with the person I am inside. Her vaginal contractions were so strong, she would force my hand out over and over. It was the most amazing thing.

When Shawna felt she’d had enough, she switched to giving DW head from on top. I played with his nipples and sat on his face until I came. Shortly after, DW orgasmed.

It was four in the morning. I usually go to bed no later than 10:00, but some things are well worth staying up for. Shawna and DW left to return to their hotel room, but Shawna confessed that this was her first threesome. I feel honored that she chose to spend the evening with me. I hope I did right by her.

Satisfied and dreamyI tumbled into a contented, dreamy sleep, only to awaken at 8:00 a.m. That’s sleeping in for me! I stumbled around figuring out coffee and rejecting room service. Woody texted me from the Bolt Bus on his way back to Seattle. I got him to sext me while I used my vibrator to come over and over. I wonder what the person next to him thought.

My own trip home was good. I thought lots of deep thoughts. I felt both satiated and hungry for more. I really love the train. It’s so relaxing to stare out the window and think in peace. My fantasy life is rich, but occasionally, real life eclipses my imagination.

Feb 252012
 

cuntI had my whole hand inside of her body. I keep thinking that. Last night I worked my whole hand into her cunt. It was so amazing. Fisting is incredible. I can’t get over how close I feel to her, even now. She’s so beautiful. I’m so lucky. I had my whole hand inside her.

She showed up last night after the children were asleep, bearing lambic and dark chocolate. I told her that I felt unworthy of her affection, having only Folgers and cheap sulfite-free wine to offer such a goddess. She kissed my doubts away. We curled up on the bed, talking and stroking exposed bits of flesh.

I love her eyes. And her wicked smile. She has many different smiles that say a multitude of things, but I especially like the one that lets me know that she has done something very clever and deliciously bad. Usually to my benefit. Then there’s her hands, her fingers lacing in and out of mine while we talk.

We caught up on the last couple of weeks and discussed our other relationships. It’s nice to share with each other about all of the love we have in our lives. We talked about sex. Then I pin her to the bed and ask what she can’t live without in sex. I imagine the things she might detail, perhaps oral sex or orgasms or pain, but I’m surprised when she answers: connection. OMG, I’m in love. Of course connection is why I have sex. I want to know someone through sex. I’m so in love.

We’re still new to each other. We are learning each other’s bodies and preferences. I wanted to go down on her in a major way, but I was nervous. I haven’t actually had a lot of practice at cunnilingus, especially recently. I got all shy and awkward telling her what I wanted, yet warning her that I’m fairly inexperienced. She looked baffled for a moment, as though unsure how to respond before reassuring me that that she wouldn’t judge me too harshly. It made me laugh.

Determined to give it a good go, I worked my way down her body, kissing, sucking, and biting. Her cunt is gorgeous. She has 3 rings through one side of her labia. It’s just perfectly right. I nuzzled around in her pubic hair, taking in her earthy scent. I thought about what I like in oral sex and tried to do the same on her. I took my time and explored. It turned me on. As things heated up, I found myself with my whole face buried in her cunt, licking with wild abandon, following her rhythms. After she came, I kissed her, everything a juicy mess.

Then I wanted to be inside her. The vagina is such a mysterious and amazing place. She is so hot. I slipped a couple of fingers in and worked up to my whole hand with lots of lube and erotic play. I found myself glad that I had trimmed and filed my nails and worried that it hadn’t been enough. Her body writhing and contracting around my hand filled me with intense awe. I was so grateful to her for allowing me in, for sharing herself with me. I wanted to fill her and surround her and melt through her.

exploringI thought that she should go to sleep then, but that wicked grin showed up. My turn. She explored my cunt, letting me know that she thought I was beautiful. What she thinks matters a lot to me because of my abuse history and having given birth 5 times. I am not always comfortable with my body. I was absurdly touched by her gaze and her compliments. Then she did wicked things with her mouth.

I’m not exactly sure what she did. Her mouth latched on to my clit and she rode my bucking pelvis until I came, hard and fast. My new favorite thing is her eyes looking at me while the rest of her face is obscured by my pubic hair. Have I mentioned that I’m in love? Because as soon as I’d come, she rode the waves of that orgasm straight into the next. Then I held my beautiful girl in my arms and she looked very smug. Deservedly so.

There’s a certain satisfaction to snuggling down in bed, with the smell of sex everywhere and a naked woman pressed against me. I felt at peace in the darkness for the first time in a while. This morning we woke early so she could go to work. I allowed myself the luxury of falling back to sleep, smelling her scent on the sheets. I’ve got it bad.

 

Other posts you might enjoy:

Nov 302011
 

in the showerI’m in agony. Well, no, not really – but I am pretty uncomfortable. There’s a burning sensation around my urethra, just below my clitoris and above my vaginal opening. I’ve been experiencing this discomfort for about 5 or 6 weeks. I’ve gone through two courses of antibiotic, which of course means that I’ve had to battle vaginal yeast infections. I went to pee in a cup a couple of days ago because I still felt the burning, but this time, there were no white blood cells, no infection.

I did some internet research on urethral pain with no Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). I found a lot of women with this problem with varying diagnoses. They talk about how difficult it is to have sex when everything in the vaginal area feels bad. They discuss all of the tests they’ve had and things they’ve tried, but it makes it sound like they will be in pain forever. I started to panic. I can’t feel like this for the rest of my life!

The physical sensations are bad enough. I have managed to keep having sex, but it isn’t as nice as it usually is. How could it be? And often, I just don’t feel sexy. The worst part, however, is emotional. This particular feeling at my urethra triggers flashbacks of childhood abuse. It makes me feel really yucky. I absolutely cannot cope with these feelings every day for the rest of my life. I’m doing pretty well a day at a time, but I will lose it if we can’t resolve the pain. How do women cope with this?

I went to see my doctor. She rocks. We talked for a while about different things that could cause this pain. Sexual transmitted diseases are a possibility. My last tests were fairly recent and everything was clean. I haven’t had any new partners. It does remind me that it might be good to check in with my partners and their partners about current safer sex practices. We haven’t had that conversation in a while and it can’t hurt. My doctor mentioned that I could have a micro-tear or something that I keep reopening with sex. That would suck. It’s possible that something I’m doing during sex is causing repeated injury. I hate this thought. I love my sex life. And I’m pretty careful – I use good lube, I pee after sex, and I use good hygiene. I find myself offering up little prayers like, “Please don’t let it be fisting.”

My doctor did a visual, vaginal, and pelvic examination. My kidneys seem fine. Everything checked out, except that my urethra burns. Ultimately, we decided to wait and see if the urine culture revealed an infection after all. She gave me a prescription for a medication that numbs the urethra. I can only use it for a few days at a time. It turns my urine a bright neon orange, makes it unwise to wear my contact lenses, and upsets my stomach, but I think it’s worth it. Love is not supposed to burn.

I’m trying to keep my freak-out under control. My doctor is working with me to discover the cause of the pain so we can treat it. It’s possible that things will resolve themselves. I’m going to keep trying to have the best sex life I can manage, including not having sex when it feels bad. I’ll keep getting through a day at a time until I feel better. There will be a time when I am not constantly aware of my privates in a negative way. My urethra just has to get better!

Oct 192011
 

Working up to fistingA couple of my favorite names in porn, Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee, have declared October 21st, Fisting Day. Fisting is the act of inserting a whole hand into the vagina or anus. While fisting is a beautifully intense sexual act, it is rarely depicted in porn because mainstream distributors won’t show it. Courtney and Jiz are coming out to say that hand sex is amazing. We want to support them in that stance.

I’ve never done any anal fisting, but I’ve experimented with vaginal fisting. It started about 5 years ago with my girlfriend handing me a copy of A Hand in the Bush by Deborah Addington. I read it cover to cover. And then my husband read it. It’s not a very long book, but it covers the world of vaginal fisting quite well. Sadly, I never did any fisting with that girlfriend, but I owe her a debt of gratitude for the introduction.

My first “hands on” experience was with my husband’s girlfriend. I loved playing with her because it was so easy to get her off. One evening, after a dozen or so g-spot orgasms, I started slowly easing my whole hand inside her. That moment when the widest part of my hand slipped inside, her eyes widened and met mine. There was such an intense connection between us. I can’t imagine a better way to feel that close to another human being.

It’s harder for me to be receptive with fisting. I have found that it’s a very good thing to do if I’m not in the mood for fucking, but want to feel close. Harold and I have been exploring fisting. Generally, we start with an orgasm or two, then he slowly uses his hands, tongue, and a some tools, like vibrators and nipple clamps to turn me on and stretch out my cunt. It takes us about 45 minutes to get to the point where he pushes past the wide part of his hand.

Harold’s hands are rather large. He has long elegant fingers. When we get to that point where his whole hand could go in, it tends to be a bit uncomfortable. I’ve only been able to relax enough to pleasure through it a few times. I’m usually goal-driven rather than open. And sometimes I can’t handle anything in sex that reads like pain. But when it has worked… astounding. Breathtaking. Totally hot. Lovely. Like a closed circuit between us.

Working up to fistingEven though we don’t always go all the way, I adore fisting. I like the feeling of fullness. I like permission to focus on me sexually in a context that I don’t feel guilt over. It’s just what the process is. My job is to relax, open up, and feel good. It’s amazing stress reduction and fabulous for our relationship. I’m opening up in more than one way.

Still with me? Think you might want to try some fisting? If this is your first time, Babeland has a good easy guide for how-to, Vaginal Fisting. Be sure and use lots of lube! Take off your rings and trim your nails. And have fun. Happy Fisting Day everyone!

Apr 272011
 

Fist before fistingMy date with Harold was a fuck fest. I like it when we get in that mood, pushing each other’s boundaries in such nice ways. This time it was fisting, both anal and vaginal, along with some prostate milking and rough sex. Oh yeah, and I really put the “cock” in cock and ball torture. Ah, good times…

I’ve been very emotional and anxious lately, leaving me feeling isolated. It takes something more to cut through my walls. Edge play, like what we just did, is a fucking can opener – opens me up so I can feel the love again. Of course my sexual boundaries are a moving target, but so far I haven’t run out of things to explore.

I’d had every intention of fucking Harold with my strap-on. I love our anal play. I adore feeling like a boi with my hard cock. Fucking like that is exquisite. I can feel his cunt. He can feel me spurt inside him when I come. Strap-on sex is an amazingly wonderful thing. But we didn’t do that. It never seemed like the right thing.

Oral sex plus fingersI did get most of my hand in Harold’s ass though. I wanted to stimulate his prostate. We’ve done some of that before, but Harold wanted to take me on a tour and I’m eternally curious. I took off my rings and lubed up. I inserted one finger and curved it toward his cock, slowly stroking a spot that feels a little different. That had good effect so I added another finger. At the same time I began to stroke his cock. Jism started to ooze out. It was really amazing – ejaculation without orgasm. I gather that it feels good. I totally felt powerful, like I was stealing his come. After I had gotten it all, I put the rest of my fingers into his ass. I got thumb and fingers in up to the knuckles before we hit the place where he would start tearing. Harold needs to do more stretching. I think I would like to actually get my whole hand inside of him.

I wanted to rub Harold’s back after that. We didn’t have any oil of lotion, so I used lube. Because I happened to use my whole body during parts of the massage, we both ended up covered in lube. We were in the cabin with a hot fire burning so soon we were covered in lube and drenched in sweat. I lost about 2 pounds in a single day!

The massage led to Harold going down on me. Always beautiful and wonderful! He’s perfected this way of licking my clitoris while putting two fingers inside my cunt and pressing against my g-spot. Sometimes he’ll take his other hand and pinch a nipple. It makes me orgasm instantly almost every time. This time, after I came, he slathered a ton of lube all over his hand and started inserting more fingers. I used a vibrator on my clit and every time I came he pushed his hand further in. Harold has long hands. He managed to get his hand in nearly to the wrist! It’s a very weird feeling, being so full. It’s not entirely pleasant, but it’s super erotic and intense. I came hard when he took his hand out.

Beautiful cockThen Harold was in a mood to be pushed past his comfort zone. He very nicely asked for cock attention, so I started sucking. I tied up his balls and gave them attention as well. When he was begging, I started slapping his cock pretty hard. I left blood blisters. Harold doesn’t normally like me to do anything painful to his cock, but this seemed to be what he needed because he asked for something more. I used a flogger on his inner thighs, cock, and balls – stopping only when his scrotum started to bleed. It sounds intense (and it was) but the whole thing was done in a context of love and connection to each other. It’s a gift that we give each other.

After all of that, we fucked like crazy, in a variety of positions. By then we were drenched in sweat and sticky everywhere with lube, but we had managed to strip away all of the built up crap and difficulties and simply be intimate together. It’s incredible to just fuck without thinking about anything but the moment. It can be so hard for me to let go. Sometimes rough sex is the key that opens all of those doors to let me soar. Sometimes sex really does make it all better.

Apr 172011
 

contemplating lubricantsLube is a vital ingredient for good sex. It just makes everything flow. From anal penetration to good vibrations to tit fucking to hand jobs to fisting – personal lubricant makes it all possible and pleasant. It’s really amazing what a little more slip will do for your favorite activities!

Several months ago I realized that my favorite silicone lube wasn’t working for me anymore. I discovered that it was damaging some of my silicone toys. And I kept getting bladder infections, which we figure was the silicone lube covering my urethra and trapping bacteria. The infections stopped when I quit using silicone lube. The message was clear: time to switch to a water-based lubricant, as it would be easier for my body to absorb and for me to clean up.

I have a very delicate system. Many lubricants make me feel stingy or give me vaginal yeast infections. It can be a big damper on my sex life – so not the point! So when I started searching for a new water-based lube I had some basic criteria: no glycerin (because it tends to cause infections for many women), and no parabens if possible (because they cause allergic reactions in some people). During this process I discovered that I react badly to an ingredient added to many commercial lubes – propylene glycol.

Lube in the handUpon doing some internet research, I found that propylene glycol can be toxic in large enough amounts, causes eye irritation, and in many women produces burning sensations when it comes in contact with their skin. Well. That explains why I can’t use lubricated condoms. With my sensitivities, I also avoid anything with color, flavor, scent, or warming ability. I just want a straight-forward, simple, inexpensive, slippery, all-purpose lube that won’t cause me pain or problems. Easy, right?

Um, not really. I’ve been testing lubes for months with varying degrees of success. Here are my results, starting with lousy and moving up to lubricious:

Lube: Almost Naked from Good Clean Love
Average cost: $14 for 4 ounces
I had high hopes for this lube because it’s all natural (no parabens or petrochemicals) and seems to get good reviews. I hated it. While it had a nice consistency, it dried up almost instantly. It’s supposed to be reactivated by water or our natural moisture, but here’s the problem with that – first, if I wanted to be spit on, I would forgo lube in the first place, and second, it makes this lube impossible to wash off with water. I didn’t like the sticky feel. I kept wiping my hands on the sheets, which of course made the sheets sticky. It took a lot of the product to work and at the expensive price, it isn’t worth it. To top it all off, Almost Naked smells weird. I like that some woman cooked this up in her kitchen, but it sucks.
Grade: D+

Lube: Liquid Silk by Bodywise Ltd.
Average cost:  $16 for 8.45 ounces
I had high hopes for this lube because it seems to be popular, widely available, and inexpensive. Unfortunately Liquid Silk contains parabens and propylene glycol and incites unpleasant warm burning sensations in my vagina. It also tastes kind of funny – but hey, it’s gluten free! The packaging claims that this product is non-tacky, but that wasn’t exactly my experience. It did maintain a fair amount of slipperiness for as long as I would usually need it, but it did start to get sticky after a while. While quite messy, Liquid Silk cleaned up great on toys, okay on hands with warm water, and left my pubic hair feeling oily.
Grade: C

Lube: Gun Oil 29 Whacks
Lubing the tip of the pirate vibratorAverage cost:$14 for 3.3 ounces
Okay, I admit that I had to try this one out because I like Gun Oil and 29 Whacks is a cool name. For some reason, masturbatory lube for men really turns me on. It does contain propylene glycol so I didn’t try it on myself, but I used it both of my guys with varied results. The product is a thick white cream that looks and feels like Noxema, but turns clear with repeated friction. Kinda weird, but it works. I did find that I needed to add more over time to keep the glide going, but I was trying to prolong the action. Joel said it felt very good, but it was messy, matted in his pubic hair, and was a pain to wash off. Harold found it non-stingy and non-sticky. It was tasteless when I used my mouth in addition to some hand pumping. Gun Oil 29 Whacks was what I was using on Harold when we had the coming blood incident, which means the lube definitely went down inside his cock. I’m not blaming the lube, but it is not an experience I wish to have again.
Grade: C+

Lube: System Jo H2O
Average cost: $13 for 4.5 ounces
Despite containing parabens and glycerin, this lube was fairly bland. It was great with toys and fingers and the only drawback was it’s slight scent. Unexceptional can be a good thing in a personal lubricant, but I want more because I’m a demanding bitch. I need a lube that rocks my world and this just doesn’t.
Grade: B

Lube: Frolic by Pink
Average cost: $21 for 3.3 ounces
This is the Pink specialty lubricant for women to use with sex toys. I found it to be a good all-around lube, almost identical to Pink H2O (see below), but it’s supposed to be slightly thicker and have anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, and anti-viral properties. It is considerably more expensive than Pink H2O, so it gets a slightly lower grade.
Grade: B

Lube and vibe hand jobLube: Pink H2O
Average cost: $10 for 3.3 ounces
I expected this to be my new lubricant of choice since Pink is exactly the same as Gun Oil, the lube I’ve been using for the past 5 years, but it wasn’t fabulous. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good product and I like it. I just wasn’t wowed. The consistency  is slightly runny and kind of like aloe vera gel (in fact, it contains aloe). In use it gets a bit sticky, but mostly stays smooth. Pink works well with toys. There is no scent or taste and it washes up nicely. Best of all, I had no negative reactions to the product, even though it has parabens!
Grade: B+

Lube: Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula
Average cost: $15 for 4.2 ounces
Sassy Booty is another product I picked for the awesome name – and the fact that it’s formulated for anal play so it’s thicker. It does not contain anything irritating and has a very smooth glide. Harold did feel that it might be a bit stingy when we used it on his ass. We used it on me for fisting and it rocked! We didn’t even need to add more lube in the process of vaginal stretching. It didn’t make a mess. It doesn’t smell strange. It tastes like nothing. It is, however, my new lube of choice for all around play. Ironically, I may have to find a new anal lube for Harold if it continues to sting – other than that, I’m sold!
Grade: A

I know there are many other lubes out there to try. I’ll probably keep experimenting with other products to see what I like best. My booty will only stay sassy for as long as Sliquid is the best thing I’ve used. If you have a personal lubricant that meets my requirements and I haven’t mentioned it here, leave me a comment about why you love it and I’ll be happy to try it out!

(See a few more water-based lubes reviewed here.)

Dec 132010
 

Reading is sexyIntelligence is sexy. People who think about things are hot! Have you ever met someone that you clicked with instantly and then spent hours talking about all kinds of things? Yeah, I have a kink for that. I want to crawl into people’s minds. I want to open them up and hear about the things that interest them. An articulate, intelligent person who keeps their brain engaged is a total turn-on.

I want knowledge – I love to figure out how things work and to gain new skills. One of the ways I do this is through voracious reading. Books are my great escape and the doorway to these new thoughts and ideas. Any time I want to find out about something I go to the library. But it’s hard to find good books about sex. At least that was true when I was younger. So when I found a book that made an impression on me, it was a big deal.

These are some of the books that have shaped my sex life in good ways, and I’m thankful for every one…

Our Bodies, Ourselves, by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, got me through puberty. It sat on my mom’s bookshelf and any time I had a question about anything to do with my body or sexuality I could smuggle it into my room. It reassured me that I was normal.

As a young adult, I read Exit to Eden by Anne Rice. It totally changed my life because, for the first time I realized that other people had the same thoughts that I did. Not only did they have sick perverted fantasies, they acted on them! BDSM was now a real thing that people did with each other. Wow!

Then I read My Secret Garden: Women’s Sexual Fantasies by Nancy Friday. I was so turned on. Other women thought about all kinds of sexy things that I had never considered before. I started to act out some of my fantasies because the book helped to see that it was okay .

I finally figured out that I was into bondage! Okay. What to do next? Get Jay Wiseman’s Erotic Bondage Handbook by Jay Wiseman, of course. Ooooh. I read the book with great interest, writing out a shopping list as I went. I not only learned about bondage, but I began to know about safety practices and basic BDSM etiquette. A fire was lit. I required more knowledge.

So when a new girlfriend handed me A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by Deborah Addington, I went home and read it cover to cover. I never got to try the techniques I learned on that girlfriend, but a couple of years later I had a chance to fist Joel’s girlfriend. I was like, hey, I totally read that book on fisting, so I know just what to do! It was AMAZING.

Sometimes I haven’t felt very good about my body. When I was worried that my cunt didn’t look right, Harold handed me Femalia edited by Joani Blank. The whole book is close up color photographs of women’s cunts. It’s so beautiful. Even as a bisexual woman, I have not seen this many cunts up close, in good light. I could actually see that “normal” is a broad range. This book helped me to feel beautiful too.

Read nakedI’ve spent the past 2 years actively working through childhood sexual abuse. Harold bought six copies of The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis so that we would all have a copy. I haven’t read the whole thing, just little bits here and there as I’ve needed to. It’s helped me to heal and be whole, including my sexuality.

Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan, Ph.D. & Cacilda Jethá, M.D. was so much fun to read. While their bias is obvious, I tended to agree with their premises. I learned so many good and interesting things, like the fact that men ejaculating inside of women actually enhances women’s moods. I think about this book all of the time!

Finally, I recently read S.E.X. by Heather Corinna of Scarleteen. As the mother of five, I am always looking for good resources for them. Well, this book is probably the best book about sex I’ve ever seen – for anyone. I think it’s amazing. I found it at the library, but I immediately purchased it for the household. It’s fabulous.

Books… they’re such satisfying food for the mind, where so much of our sex lives take place!

Aug 312010
 

cuffYou know it’s a good time when people are hanging from the rafters.

Which basically sums up my weekend. Harold and I got away for a couple of nights. I’m feeling much more relaxed, which is good because I was getting pretty wound up. Nothing relieves my tension more than a few days in bed.

One of the great things about being kinky is that it fosters a sense of creativity. While I was on my back, staring at the ceiling (I may have had a boy between my thighs), I realized it would work great to toss some rope over those rafters, attach some carabiners, put the boy (boi? He was wearing my lingerie at the time) in cuffs, and string him up. He looked beautiful against the tasteful decor. Bondage is so much fun!

We did all kinds of stuff. I adore the way we make love so seamlessly. It’s like we never really stop. Like we float in a river of desire. That warm rush can flow from oral sex to an hour of talking and kissing, to nipple clamps, to showering together, to anal sex, to sleeping all twined together, to talking some more, to 69, to feeding each other fruit, to ball whacking, to intense fucking, to staring into each others eyes, to using the vibrator, to reading aloud to each other, to fisting, to sitting on the porch naked, to making out… until I feel like I breathe love and sweat sex!

Aug 232010
 

HawaiiIn two weeks I will be going to Hawaii!

I’m very excited. This will be my first trip to Hawaii. I’m going by myself and staying with my sort-of former girlfriend, Erika for a week. I desperately need some time to myself – time to rest and relax, but I find myself thinking more and more about my dear girl.

I should explain. I’ve always considered myself bisexual, but I’ve only had a few girlfriends. Erika and I dated for about a year, maybe a year and a half, around 5 years ago. We never broke up, we just sort of drifted apart as our lives took us in very different directions. We have stayed friends, maybe even girlfriends, though we don’t have very much contact. And every time we see each other, we are magnetically attracted to each other.

I totally love Erika. She is such an amazing person – she is a published author, a spiritual counselor, healer and mentor. She sings in her church choir. She has been a sex-positive, kink-friendly educator (I learned flogging at one of her workshops)! Erika just feels good to be around.

But when we were dating, I was pretty insecure. I wanted so much to please her. I loved wooing her. I enjoyed our romance, I was just totally nervous about making love to her the right way. I was so sure that Erika had so much more experience than me. She freaked me out by giving me books about fisting. And telling me that my fingernails were way too long to have sex with a girl. I was worried, but I wanted her.

We did work our way through some of this stuff. I will be forever in Erika’s debt for slowly, slowly, slowly opening me up and telling me that my cunt is beautiful, something that no one had ever said before. It’s also Erika’s fault that I starting thinking that, yes, perhaps I would like to come, thank you. Now I tend to expect 3 or 4 orgasms a session, if not more.

Erika in HawaiiI’d like to repay that debt, you know, show my gratitude. I want to show Erika that not only did I read the whole book about fisting, I’ve had some opportunity to perfect my technique in the years since we were together. I know we will be attracted to each other. I’m pretty sure that she’s thinking the same things. She says that I should bring my two-way!

But I’m back to being nervous again. We haven’t been together for a while. I’m heavier than I was. I’ve gone through some major life changes and a ton of therapy. Her life looks very different. If we explore sexually together, does that imply a relationship? Do I want that? Should I just relax and go with what feels right?

I don’t know, but I’m trimming and filing my fingernails.