Jul 132014
 

BraggingMaybe it isn’t nice to brag, but I’m not a nice person and I’ve had an incredible week. Seriously, amazing! After complaining about not getting enough sex over the last bit, I am suddenly romantically and sexually saturated. I mean like, sex nine times in the past week! I haven’t been this active in years.

I love summer. All of my happy sexual energy flows like a fountain when the weather heats up. I’ve been investing energy in nurturing my existing relationships and going out into the world and cultivating new relationships. Now everything has blossomed in the summer sun.

I am so grateful for the amazing people in my life – the ones I’ve written about before and a couple of new ones I’m sure I will be writing about! (There are even a few people still on the hook for later.) In the mean time, let me break down my wild week for you…

  • That feeling when you admire someone from afar and then all of a sudden you find out that they are into you too? Yeah, I’ve been chatting all week with a gloriously gorgeous, sexy, smart woman.  Flirting and getting to know her makes me glow.
  • Now that I’ve made a commitment to do more photo shoots, I have many awesome people volunteering to be models. So excited!
  • So. Much. Kissing! Making out is the best thing ever.
  • I love having people cook for me and this week two different men cooked me incredible dinners. One was raw tacos, spicy and sensuously eaten. The other was oysters, salmon, shitakes, and peppers off the grill, served lakeside with raspberries in champagne. This totally gets me going!
  • MarksI learned about fire cupping, leaving many large dark circles on my front and back. (I’ve been told either I look like I was attacked by a hentai octopus or like an angel whose wings have been removed.)  Cupping was an excellent starting place for an erotic adventure.
  • Got the best spanking of my life from an experienced Daddy. I totally pushed the limits of what I thought I would be able to handle. My ass is black and blue. It made me want a fucking in the best way.
  • I spent one full moon evening naked with a group of people I care about while we tried to slap away mosquitos. I got to be their gender fluid hoser. No really, I sprayed them down with a garden hose! I also inherited a huge box of dongs. The jokes write themselves.
  • If you are open-minded about your definition of sex (and I am), I had sex an astonishing 9 times in 7 days: Four interesting and passionate partners, once by myself. Sometimes quick and dirty, once deep into the night in every position, three times in the shower until the water went cold. Four penis-in-vagina instances, more often making love with mouths and hands. Twice no one orgasmed (but it felt fantastic), three times only I came, and four times it was an all-skate. Every single time felt intimate and connective.

That’s right, I’m bragging about how great my sex life is. Actually, my whole life is awesome. Sometimes when I have a lot of sex I begin to feel out of balance, like I can’t sustain the pace and I might crash. It isn’t like that at all right now. I feel very grounded and balanced and good! I’m just needing to find more time in my schedule to write. I have so much to write about, but it’s happening faster than I have time to write.  I can’t wait to see what happens next!

 

Jun 192014
 

ThreesomeI made love with two hot men while a third sexy man took care of the children and cooked me amazing Thai food! I’ve been thinking about that all day while contemplating how amazingly awesome my life is. I mean, really, I am in awe that I have somehow done something so right as to have three beautiful people doting on my pleasure. And this leads me to think about the fact that sex never happens in a vacuum. There is always a backstory, always a context.

When you watch porn or read erotica, the context is often stripped away so that only the sex remains. You might get a few clues about who the characters are and what happened to bring them together, but mostly it’s just titillating sex. If sex isn’t part of an ongoing conversation, it becomes something separate, maybe even secret. I’m realizing that part of what I do as an educator is give sex the same weight as everything else in life. I talk about sex as much as I talk about food or books or health issues.

Actually, health issues were kind of my context for making love yesterday. Yesterday morning I had a needle biopsy to check for cancer cells in my thyroid. (Don’t worry, it came back benign!) I was pretty anxious about having needles poked into my throat, but I had so much support. (If you read my post about why I practice polyamory, you will know how important this is to me.) I had Harold with me and lots of love over text.

I chose to do this procedure, but it still triggered me. Needles are invasive. Having to hold completely still was unbearable. The sensation of my skin, my protective covering, being breached while I sat helpless felt like rape. Then at one point, the sensation of the needle in my thyroid made me wonder if this is how it feels for Harold when I put a needle through his balls. That sexy thought got me past a difficult moment!

After that ordeal I felt super strong, but I also wanted to be wrapped up in love. I needed to let go of all of the tensions and anxieties of the morning. I longed to be caressed and covered in kisses. When I got home, Joel was there with his big strong arms to hug me and hold me. With his love as a solid foundation, I went off to spend the afternoon with Harold and Woody.

This was the first time I had been naked with Woody. It’s always exciting getting to know a new lover, figuring out what makes them gasp, letting them explore your body. It was surprisingly fluid for a first time, especially after we worked out that the men were okay touching each other, rather than it just being me in the middle. In fact, the men seemed to really enjoy each other, which makes me all kinds of happy.

One of my favorite sensations in the whole universe is being in a tangled naked pile, hands and mouths exploring whatever flesh happens to be presenting. I let myself be purely in the moment, wholly focused on pleasure. It ceases to be about individuals or ego, and becomes supercharged sensation. It’s amazing.

We mostly did sensation play. I adore how responsive Woody is to my fingernails, or the Wartenberg wheel, or electostim. He shuttered in pleasure in Harold’s arms as I applied each kind or stimulus to his back. It was delicious!

Men togetherAnother one of my favorite moments was spooning into Woody’s arms while he was sitting. We were all talking, then he spread my legs and held my labia open for Harold to lick at my clit. I liked that a lot! They asked me how I was doing and I admitted that being restrained was turning me on. I struggled for a few moments, enjoying the “forced” oral sex. Amazingly hot!

We made love for hours – sweet, rough, intimate, loud, wet, sweaty, slow, intense love. This process let me take back my body from the medical vehicle of the morning. Every kiss and caress I consented to was validation that I owned my body. Every act I instigated verified that I am whole and unbroken. If I can love, I am powerful.

Equanimity restored, we returned to Joel and the chaos of home. It is such a joy be relaxed and happy and come home to the people I love. Joel was producing incredible scents on the stove and the children were excited to share about their days. Having the freedom of sexual expression makes me such a better partner and mother.

That’s my context – mother, partner, lover, friend, human – with faults, and problems, and worries – and I am blessed, beyond my ability to imagine, with people who have my back. And are willing to help me come at a moment’s notice.

Mar 092014
 

FlirtIt’s too bad that I don’t have a fetish for dirty linens because that’s what we faced when we arrived at our rental cabin – nothing had been cleaned. Dirty towels sat piled at the foot of the bed, which was rumpled and obviously not fresh. The thermostat said it was 50 degrees. It was late at night and Harold and I had driven for miles to get there. Not to be discouraged, we tossed everything into the wash, turned on the heat, and snuggled up on the couch.

I had gloried in fantasies of what we would do when we arrived, what manner of depravity I would inflict on Harold. I had lovingly packed our toy bag with needle-play paraphernalia and an assortment of rope. Harold’s breath caught in his throat when I told him of my plans to take him – I would tie him up, blindfold him, put in earbuds with a special playlist, overload his senses, bring him to the edge of orgasm over and over, put needles in sensitive places, come on his face while he was helpless…

But it wasn’t to be. At least not that night. It’s funny how things work. I have such an active fantasy life. Being able to imagine pleasure is awesome, as long as I don’t get too hung up on things happening exactly as envisioned. I’ve learned to trust my instincts. Going with the flow of erotic energy is always very rewarding.

When we woke up the next morning, the attraction between us was practically magnetic. We don’t wake up in bed together very often so it felt kind of amazing, maybe like waking up next to your favorite movie star crush. We smiled and gazed at one another in adoration. The room was still cool, but we explored each other’s bodies under the safety of three comforters. He tied me to the bed.

By the windowI’m not sure how we manage to know each other so well and still surprise each other with the things we do in bed. Harold can bring me to orgasm in minutes. He knows exactly how much pressure to apply and where. He knows when to tweak a nipple hard or how to make me beg for the vibrator. This time, I asked him to talk dirty to me (not a usual request) and he knew exactly what I wanted to hear, how to make me come hard around his fingers with his words and conjured images. I am lucky to have this experienced lover who is happy to excite me with new experiences.

Of course, it goes both ways. I meant to draw out the erotic sensations of sexual bonding as much as possible, but sometimes fucking just feels too good. I was just going to tease a little with penetration. We moved between positions and I stayed in control, not letting either of us climax, until he got behind me. I love being fucked doggy-style. This time I even had the vibrator on my clitoris. I knew I was fast approaching orgasm and I was beyond caring. Harold told me he was about to come, but by the time I was able to process that information, I was spasming around his cock and then he lost control.

It’s difficult to feel disappointed in an orgasm like that. I am always amazed at how powerful it is to peak together. I expressed some regret over not being able to torment him more and he said, “You could milk me into my mouth.” Uhhh…what? He explained that I could massage what was left of his ejaculate out of his prostate and into his open mouth. Like he would rest on his shoulders with his knees near his ears. And catch his own jism.

!!!!!!!!!

I love my life. We waited a bit. We ate breakfast. I painted his nails purple. We took a shower together. Always, we talk and talk. He gave himself an enema. I tied off his balls and we played around with some ball torment.

ReflectionWhen it felt right, I told him to get his ass in the air. It took a bit of positioning, with a pillow behind his shoulders, but Harold is flexible enough to position his cock over his face. (Have I mentioned how hot that is?) That left his asshole vulnerable to my lubed finger.

I enjoy prostate stimulation very much. Harold obviously gets pleasure out of what I do – just a firm stroke with a slightly curled finger. I have milked the semen out of him before. It makes me feel powerful to take his seed without granting an orgasm, but one of my favorite things is bring him to orgasm while doing prostate massage. What we did yesterday was like the best kind of sexual circus acts.

As I stroked Harold’s prostate, big fat drops of semen fell and he caught them in his mouth! Best trick ever. I wondered if he would be grossed out or humiliated, but he wasn’t. He sometimes longs for a boyfriend to go down on. If it were possible for me to love him more, I would!

Milking into his mouthWe managed to fill the weekend with more sex and good times. I may have come enough in the past couple of days to make up for how sparse things have been in the past few weeks, but as much as my pleasure is a priority for me, Harold’s trick of coming into his own mouth totally wins as my favorite moment of the weekend. Things may not have turned out the way I hoped they would – I think the mischief we came up with was better!

Jan 152014
 

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Jan 142014
 

Squeeze my breastsDarling, I suddenly really want you to squeeze my breasts, I say out of the blue. We are lying side by side on the bed. We’ve been talking, but this wave of longing has swept over me. I am envisioning him sitting on top of me, massaging my breasts. This isn’t something we normally do, but since the desire is there, I am trying to communicate it.

Harold is game. He straddles my waist and gives my breasts a good squeeze through my shirt. His hands are very warm. I start to feel turned on. He pushes my shirt up and I think – no, no, I want it through the shirt, it feels awesome – but I don’t say anything. He starts to focus on my nipples, which is normal foreplay for us, but not really what I wanted. Still, it feels pretty good. He peels off my panties and goes down on me. Harold is very skilled with his tongue and I am torn. This isn’t what I wanted. Do I stop him and explain again what I was hoping for? Do I let him keep going, trying to let go of my disappointment and resentment and lose myself in the pleasure?

He senses that I am not fully present and stops, gazing up at me. I take a deep breath and decide that trying to explain the type of connection I am lusting after is going to be best for both of us. It’s obvious that Harold can tell I’m not so into what we’re doing. I know he wants to know what is going to drive me wild, so I direct him back to my breasts. Not my nipples, full breast massage.

After a few awkward instructions, we are starting to get the hang of this breast squeezing thing. I am writhing in ecstasy, just feeling his hands cup my breasts. I kind of lose control, moaning, back arching – I am on the verge of orgasm with just his palpating. I watch his face. His eyes are closed and the look on his face is good. He looks very young, around 13 or 14, and maybe like a boy who has been given permission to do something he’s always wanted to do, but didn’t want to be bad.

Now he adds some nipple stimulation and I’m ready for it. I’m incredibly turned on. I think I could come just like this, but he’s pulling off his pants as fast as he can and sliding his cock into my super wet cunt. He keeps squeezing my breasts while we fuck. It all feels perfectly right.

I don’t quite manage to come before he does, but I can feel him throbbing inside me while he yells in the throes of his orgasm. As soon as he finishes, he digs around in the bedside table for the vibrator. He makes sure that I have a happy ending.

We bask in the afterglow, holding hands and talking about squeezing breasts. It’s funny that this hasn’t come up in all our years of flirting and fucking. I really enjoy attention paid to my breasts. I ask why he never grabs my boobs the way he grabs my ass when we are messing around. Don’t they appeal?

No, of course, he says, my breasts turn him on like crazy. He thinks a little, puzzled.  He realizes that he had early experiences where women had strong negative associations with having their breasts handled. Grabbing breasts was what disrespectful boys did. Considerate boys, apparently, only touched breasts with exquisite delicacy. On some level, without realizing it, he had adopted this as a universal preference, and it took me very explicitly requesting fondling and squeezing to even be aware of his preconceptions.

I’m glad that I did. It can be so hard to speak up about sexual desires, even in an open and accepting relationship like ours. It takes practice to say no to the things you don’t want. I find it even harder to insist on the things I want, but it seems to pay off big time. Harold stands ready to squeeze my breasts whenever I desire it.

Jan 122014
 

FundamentHarold tells me that “fundament” is a nice medieval word for the asshole. It’s making me giggle, especially since we’ve been revisiting a few of our anal-play explorations, or “fundamentals.” Over the years we’ve tried a lot of things. Some of them were total flops and some were so successful that we integrated them into our standard practices. The rest, the ones that landed somewhere in the middle, were often pretty good, but for whatever reason, we didn’t do it again. Well, lately we’ve been thinking… What about putting ginger in our arses again? Where is that awesome butt plug with the tail? Why did we stop doing electrosex?

Opening up old experiments for further exploration is fun, kind of like visiting friends you haven’t seen for ages. The fact the Harold and I have stories from our first adventures with each of these things just adds to our pleasure. There may be a thrill over trying something new, but additional play lets you go deeper.

Figging

Bottom in laceIn April of 2011, we published two posts on figging (lab and results) that have definitely been one of our most popular topics ever on the site. We wrote our figging information in a very tongue-in-cheek quasi-academic science-lab format, complete with a downloadable lab result form. I’m not sure that anyone got that we were joking. Despite our silliness, we were serious about sticking fingers of ginger into our bottoms. We’ve tried this experiment a couple of times, but not for a number of years now. When I repeatedly found myself daydreaming over large hands of ginger at the grocery store, I figured we might as well give it another go.

In my original research, I read that peeling and preparing the ginger fig a day ahead of using it would increase the potency. I am eternally curious, so I had to give that a try. The day before a date with Harold, I carefully selected two segments of ginger. When I was done they each looked like a crooked finger. I put them in a ziplock bag in the fridge for about 30 hours.

We only occasionally play with my ass, so it was exciting to prepare for the fig. At first I didn’t notice anything but the increased pressure of having something in my anus. Then it started to burn. It wasn’t uncomfortable, more like heat. My ass and genitals felt hot. It’s intense in a good way. I came in about 3 seconds with the vibrator. It was similar with Harold. I’d hoped to be able to apply prostate pressure with the fig, but it didn’t really matter. He was hard and ready to go. We fucked, but the heat and arousal made it fairly quick and intense. Preparing the fig ahead of time does increase the effect. And I still think there is a sort of psychoactive effect to having ginger in your bum.

Figging is totally cool. We would probably use ginger more often in our anal play, but I’m not always good at preparing ahead. I’m currently seeing how long a ginger fig can sit in the fridge before drying out or going bad. Maybe I can just always have one ready!

Crystal Minx Tail Plug

Minx TailA couple of years ago we wrote a review of a pyrex butt plug that had a real fur tail attached. It was given to me by a very cool company called Crystal Delights, which has since expanded in several incredible directions (check out these Kitty plugsReignbow Pony tailsbunny tails, and gorgeous glass dildoes). Wearing this fur tail was a very unique sexual experience for us. Feeling your tail brush the backs of your legs is very sensuous and arousing in a primal way, but for some reason, the tail got set aside at some point and we kind of forgot about it. Until recently…

Last month there was an occasion when I really wanted some sort of anal stimulation and what Harold came up with was the tail plug. We were also doing some power-play, where Harold was Topping me, so this was an interesting layer to add to the energy mix. Wearing the tail while being bound and spanked was super hot! Now I just have to figure out how to keep my tail out of the way.

In my original review, I was obviously worried about being branded a Furry. I have matured since then and could not care less. Wearing that tail is wild, sexy fun – truly fundamental.

Electrosex

Oh yeah, now I remember why we stopped playing with e-stim – it was that time I had Harold all wired up and he ended up coming blood. It was the sound in his penis and not the electroplay that caused the bleeding, but I still have a strong association. If I recall correctly, though, electrosex was getting pretty interesting before that.

My experience of using electricity sexually is that you have to be intelligent about it (take your brain with you while you are playing) and that it leads to creativity and making stuff. Also, there is not enough information out there about what to do or how to play safely. I find that I have no trouble running current through Harold in a way that is sexy for him, but I still have yet to figure out anything that is more than mildly interesting for me.

Santa brought me a new TENS unit, presumably because I’ve been very bad. I’m sure he meant for me to use it on my neck pain, right? The instructions are in Chinese and it plays a cute little melody when you turn it on. It can handle six leads and it has more power than the old unit. Based on recent experience, I can tell you that it works very well to torture balls.

From behindE-stim seems to work best anally, perhaps because it’s easy to stick something conductive into your bum. Harold just made an anal probe out of copper plumbing bits. I’m excited to see what we can come up with in the future, using the conductive self-adhesive tape we found on the internet! I’m planning on wiring up a couple of our favorite anal toys and maybe a dildo or two.

Fundamentals

I can’t say if figging, the fur tail butt plug, and the electrosex experimentations will continue to be a thing. Our sex life is always evolving and expanding. We follow our desires. If it continues to have heat, we’ll keep doing it, but I’m sure that we’ll keep playing with our assholes. That’s fundamental.

Dec 262013
 

Wrapped in lightsI’ve discovered that the normal holiday stresses are greatly alleviated by lots of sex. All the orgasms put me in a floaty, happy place full of love and tolerance. Whiny, overexcited little children? Let’s cuddle and tell stories. Partner’s anxiety spilling over? Oodles of hugs and kisses. It’s all good. The best gift I got this year was the space and time to make love as much as I wanted because it made every aspect of my holiday deeply satisfying.

It started Christmas Eve morning when I was sitting in bed working on my computer. Joel leaned over and said, “I want to go down on you for about 45 minutes. You don’t even have to put down your coffee, just lift your laptop.” Well of course I put my computer down. And it certainly wasn’t 45 minutes before I begged him to put his fingers inside me and use the vibrator. As soon as I came, I wanted him to fuck me. I came again when he did. Harold walked through the bedroom a minute later and we talked about how nice it would be for the three of us to go away again.

Harold and I took advantage of the holiday by having a longer date than normal. We’ve been getting 2 or 3 hours (for which I am extremely grateful), but Christmas Eve we were able to get 6 hours – 6 whole hours of debauchery! In the little cabin, on the soft down comforter, in front of the roaring fire, we slowly melted into each other. We made love in that place where our bodies were merely receptive units for sensation, our egos on vacation, our emotions perfectly in sync. We fucked in waves, sweat covering our skin, then stopped to kiss tenderly, or massage each other’s muscles, or engage in oral sex. I milked his prostate to take his jism then fucked him some more.

He gave me the best spanking of my life. He turned me over his knee and placed the vibrator against my clit. As his gentle pats built to stinging swats then firm paddling, I entered a drifty meditative space. I could have done that forever, it felt so good. Harold started proposing marriage to me. I laughed and said that we are already married. He pleaded for me to marry him, saying, “If you don’t say yes, I’ll stop.” In that frame of mind, I couldn’t puzzle out what I was supposed to do so he would keep spanking. (I still haven’t given him an answer on the proposal, but he knows I’m his.)

We rejoined the family just in time for the amazing dinner that Joel had prepared, the excitement of the children, and my grown-up daughter joining us. We had fabulous fun together as a family. We ate, drank, played games, snuggled, and laughed. I often feel exceedingly lucky in the life I have created for myself. This is the first year that I haven’t been a total stress monster about the holidays, trying to make sure every detail is perfect. It’s the first year I felt like it was safe to just be me and not worry about inadvertently offending my metamour with how much I adore our shared husband. It feels great.

Christmas morning, as usual, I was the first person awake. I love stockings, love the Santa mythos. It’s my favorite part of the holidays and really the only reason we celebrate Christmas. By 5:00 am my son was awake and quivering with excitement. We managed to put him off for an hour and a half so everyone else could wake up a bit, but I love him for being 12 and still believing in the magic. That sense of wonder and excitement is something I nurture and cherish in my children.

I totally believe in Santa. That guy brought me a good webcam so I can make naughty videos, and a bunch of sexy new panties, and a TENS unit so I can treat my sore muscles (and/or zap his balls until he comes). I can’t decide if he thought I was naughty or nice.

After Santa presents it was time to exchange family presents, but I needed to run home (just around the corner) and take care of the animals. I asked Harold to come with and keep me company. We took care of the chickens and the dogs. We wondered what things we should grab and take back with us. Then suddenly, I was totally turned on and we fucked quickly and efficiently, bringing me a couple of much appreciated orgasms.

Passionate kissLater, after the presents were all opened and before more family showed up, there was a natural lull. The children played with their new things or watched a movie. I tried to get the youngest to nap, but instead ended up between both of my guys, the little one off to play quietly with her brothers. I think I must be a naughty girl. My partners both fucked me, one after the other so I was loaded with come. There was something about that sweaty, giggly, cozy, semi-secretive sex that makes me so happy. It makes me feel like I belong to both of them, without either of them having any issues with the other, and without competition. I love them both and they love me. And they even love each other!

I spent the afternoon working on the kids’ gingerbread house and taking the older children to fire rifles in the woods. We played more games and ate dinner. I so rarely have unstructured time. It feels incredible to just do what I feel like doing. Not surprisingly, what I want to do is show the people that I care about how much I love them. What a gift to make love when I feel like it! What a joy to spend time with my family just having fun! I am full of gratitude for the best Christmas I’ve ever had.

Dec 232013
 

Evoë on datingI never thought I’d see the day, but I actually met a man I’m interested in dating on OKCupid. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to date. I’ve never really done it before — what I’m used to is letting friendships evolve over time into sexual and/or romantic relationships. As a result, I’m finding my current interest rather excruciating. Getting to know each other is fascinating, and playing with our mutual attraction is exciting, but we haven’t earned each other’s trust yet. I’m tearing myself up inside over this guy with whom I’ve spent exactly 90 minutes in person.

I’m really taken with him – he’s intelligent, very physically fit, good looking with a gorgeous smile, spiritual without being religious, a good communicator, and deeply respectful. I was impressed when I asked him for more photos and he didn’t send me a cock shot. Perhaps my favorite thing is that he’s very sexual without seeming desperate or sticky. He wants a chance to explore his sexuality and this appeals to me on many levels. I get so much pleasure out of helping people open up and showing them new things.

But not having established trust is getting to me. I don’t know how to find a good balance. My desire wants to just go for it, make a sexual connection, and use it to build trust later. The rest of me is freaking out a bit. I’ve been through date rape, and I certainly don’t want to put myself in that position again.

I sense that he’s not being totally forthcoming with me. I can’t find him in a Google search, which may mean that he’s being private online or it may mean that he isn’t who he says he is. He told me that he wouldn’t want me to blog about him because he likes his secrecy. I’m violating that request right now because it’s essential to me to be able to talk about my feelings and my process. I’m thinking about being alone with him, vulnerable and intimate, without really knowing who he is. How do I know he can be held accountable? What is a reasonable amount of faith before you have a solid foundation of trust?

He tells me he’s married, been married for over 20 years. They’ve just recently opened their marriage. This could be a very good thing for me, since I am so busy with my family that I have very little time and energy to give to another relationship. But here is my warning bell: he and his wife evidently have a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. He doesn’t want to meet my other partners and he won’t be telling his wife about us. He seemed confused by me trying to explain that I tell my husbands everything. Actually, I am unlikely to share his private confessions, but I would certainly be telling them about my emotional experience and the overall shape of the relationship. I don’t want to have to keep one part of my life separate from the others, and I doubt I’m even capable of it. I am profoundly suspicious of anything that must be kept secret. How, for example, do I know that I’m not causing harm to his wife?

There is also the body hair issue. After it became clear that we are attracted to each other, he asked me if I shave below the neck. While I’ve shaved in the past (body, head, everything at one time or another), I am currently really enjoying my body in a natural state. I love my hairy armpits. I trim my pubic hair, but I won’t be getting a Brazilian any time soon. I think I look ridiculous with a bald pussy and I hate going down on someone all stubbly. I don’t find shaved genitals attractive in general, but I do respect people’s right to do things they like with their body.

For him, however, this seems to be a deal breaker – he says he can’t get turned on if his partner has body hair below the neck. In his favor, he has wanted to know why it seems important to me not to shave. He is respectfully waiting to see what I want to do. Do I want to modify my body to make him happy? Don’t I want him to like me the way I am?

I suspect he may want clandestine sex. An affair. I understand the allure of something forbidden, a kind of exciting shame-fueled sexual adventure. I understand the attraction to the fetish-like taboo of secretive sex, but this is so not me. He says that he’s interested in my passion for normalizing sex, so I’m curious to see if he’s willing to step out of his comfort zones to meet me. But how far should I go to meet him? Where is the right balance between pleasing a prospective lover and holding your own boundaries?

I’ve been enjoying our interactions – mostly texting or sexting. I’m having fun! Sadly, this week is super busy. I had to cancel the second meeting we had scheduled because I am so overwhelmed with holidays, work, and child wrangling. Since I broke that appointment, I haven’t heard from him. Maybe he’s giving me space in this crazy chaotic time. Maybe he’s given up on me. Maybe, like me, he’s trying to figure out how to trust.

I’m not sure how to do this dating thing. I’ve had sex with strangers in the heat of the moment, but never this negotiation of preferences and boundaries, dreaming of steamy relationship potential while trying to navigate all the risk factors. Figuring out public transportation in a foreign country has caused me less stress than this. And yet… I want him. I want him to meet my challenge.

Nov 012013
 

Beautiful morningA few days ago Harold (my partner in life, love, and hare-brained scheming) turned 65.  He’s not much for celebrating, but we wanted to do something special. Of course we wanted to make love, but what else? We couldn’t think of just the right thing until the day before. I don’t remember now, how tattoos came up. Initially it was sort of a dare or a jest, then we started talking about tattoos as a form of submission to each other – how cool it would be to channel the energy of pain and excitement into sexual energy.

What if I gave my pain to him while I was being marked by his symbol? What if he actually brought me to orgasm while I was being tattooed? We were intrigued by the possibilities, but neither of us was sure there was a permanent mark we were willing to take on. We had feverish conversations throughout the eve of his birthday. Optimistically I made us an appointment.

The next morning we got together early. I wanted to shower and spend some time connecting, so I started up some Janis Joplin and both of us squeezed into a shower clearly made for one. I adore hot water and slick soapy skin. Things were starting to heat up.

With his cock hard in my hand, I asked Harold what he wanted sexually. Like normal, he temporized, telling me to just go with what I felt was right. I’ve been pushing him more to think about and vocalize the things he desires, so I didn’t let him off the hook.

Going downHe began to talk about me punishing him somehow. I was in an excited sexy place, so it took me a few minutes to realize that the energy had changed between us. It stopped feeling sexy. I immediately centered myself and opened up to Harold. I sat him down on the toilet seat and straddled him, wrapping my arms around him. I could feel some pain from his childhood there – something that I had triggered when we fought  last week. We talked through it until it felt okay for us both. We do this kind of thing a lot and it makes for much better sex.

We walked down to the cabin in the glorious morning sunshine, wearing only shoes and coats. The chill air on my thighs and the thrill of being naked outdoors started to make me wet. There was already a fire going in the cabin. We proceeded to have some of the hottest sex we’ve had in a long time. He went down on me until I came. I strung him up in cuffs and did wicked things to his nipples and balls. I pushed him more than I ever have before and we both reached new heights.

IMG_3613When neither of us could wait another second, I bent over in front of him and let him fuck me from behind, his arms still suspended above his head. This is one of my favorite positions. I bent over the bed, where I had all of my tools spread out. He pounded into me. I rocked forward with each thrust, my breath coming out in harsh gasps, escalating to full throated moans, followed shortly by Harold’s ecstatic bellows.

Evidently my head was bumping my phone in the final throes of Harold’s birthday sex and Siri heard our vocalizations. Her voice surprised us, “I do not understand ‘who, who, who, who.’ I could search the Internet for you.” I laughed hysterically when I figured out what was going on.

From there we drove to to get tattoos, anticipation and anxiety sharing equal space. We knew what we wanted but we weren’t sure where. We talked through the positives and negatives of every possible location. Eventually we went with what felt right for each of us.

Harold and his tattooHarold went first. You have to understand that he’s never wanted a tattoo before. The fact that he celebrated turning 65 by getting his first tattoo is very inspirational to me. I think he enjoyed the process. He got spacey in a charming way, holding my hand. Afterwards, he was proud and blissed out. I love him so much.

This was not my first dance, but I was shocked by how intense the pain was in the tender flesh of my upper stomach. It got better over time, but initially there was no way that I could have sexualized that sensation. I’m just not a masochist. What I did do, over and over, was send the energy to Harold, giving him my pain, taking his mark. He held my hand and touched my face.

After, we were so high on endorphins. I felt amazing. We had so much fun.

We went home to my darling husband, who had prepared an incredible and gorgeous conch and squid ceviche just for Harold. Joel had even managed to find Harold’s favorite alcoholic beverage, Punt è Mes, which is rare in these parts. (Have I mentioned that sometimes it is unbelievably awesome to have two partners who care about each other?) The children had all made birthday cards and gotten him flowers. More glowy happiness!

Heart and delta tattooHarold spent some time talking with his wife and I put the kids to bed. We fell into each other’s arms and the softness of bed. Tired happiness gave way to gentle kisses. deep probing kisses became grinding gyrations. Without any thought we were making love again. Happy birthday Baby and many more…

Oct 062013
 

Adv Couple's Guide to Sex Toys 2eBook: “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys”
Written by: Violet Blue
Foreword by: Dr. Charlie Glickman
Published by: Cleis Press

We dare you to read this book.

Are you scared to ask your partner to try the kinky things you fantasize about? Or maybe you are at the other end of the spectrum – you think that together you’ve tried all of the sex toys? Then we double dare you to read Violet Blue’s new book, “The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys.” Whether you’ve never even broached the subject of sex toys or you’re getting bored in the bedroom, we think you can use this guide to find some inspiration.

We’re pretty adventurous. Collectively, we have over 60 years of experience making, buying, and using sex toys. While we try to be as safe as possible, there have been some misadventures, so the first thing that we noticed about ”The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys” was Blue’s well informed safety tips. Important information is covered clearly and often highlighted in a boxout, making it easy to access. We wish that there had been a book like this when we were first looking at sex toys!

Countless people have told us stories of shame that made it impossible to ask their partner for what they really want. It drives us crazy because we believe that everyone deserves to have a fulfilling sex life. Well! We now have a resource to recommend to those people. ”The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys” doesn’t have all of the answers, but it focuses on good communication and offers some concrete suggestions for starting the sex toy conversation or surprising your lover with a toy (hint: surprise is not always a good idea). Blue’s personality shines through her writing, putting you at ease like you were having coffee with your sex smart best friend. There is no shame here, only fascinating data meant to empower you.

Our biggest criticism of the book is that it’s fairly heteronormative. While Blue has been very inclusive of all people, the book largely addresses straight couples. The chapter on strap-on sex has some great information about introducing men to anal play, but nothing about women playing together. Most of the material is presented in an unbiased fashion, but we found the overall assumption tended toward heterosexual couples. A minor thing of note: we found some of the language a bit forced or awkward from time to time, but it doesn’t interfere too much.

We loved pretty much everything else: the brightly colored cover, the highly accurate illustrations by Zanne DeJanvier, the foreword written by Charlie Glickman, PhD, and a whole chapter on resources for acquiring good sex toys. We appreciate Blue’s candor in naming names when talking about products she believes in. ”The Adventurous Couple’s Guide” bravely covers the gamut of sex toys: vibrators, butt plugs and other anal toys, dildos, strap-on harnesses, bondage, and nipple clamps. We were most excited to read about teledildonics (including webcam), sex machines, and sex furniture.

We found a lot of stuff in ”The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys” that we have tried. What surprised us was how much new information there was. Well, maybe not new, but things we haven’t ever talked to each other about. We read the book separately, but when we compared notes we discovered that we shared a whole new realm of fantasy we have not yet explored. Just reading this book was a huge turn on – thinking about everything we’ve done and things we’d still love to do inspired some heavy sexting and at least one masturbation session. Without this book, we might never have shared with each other a mutual and intense interest in trying out a Monkey Rocker!

So, we dare you. We dare you to share this book with your lover.

~Evoë  & Harold