Feb 252012

cuntI had my whole hand inside of her body. I keep thinking that. Last night I worked my whole hand into her cunt. It was so amazing. Fisting is incredible. I can’t get over how close I feel to her, even now. She’s so beautiful. I’m so lucky. I had my whole hand inside her.

She showed up last night after the children were asleep, bearing lambic and dark chocolate. I told her that I felt unworthy of her affection, having only Folgers and cheap sulfite-free wine to offer such a goddess. She kissed my doubts away. We curled up on the bed, talking and stroking exposed bits of flesh.

I love her eyes. And her wicked smile. She has many different smiles that say a multitude of things, but I especially like the one that lets me know that she has done something very clever and deliciously bad. Usually to my benefit. Then there’s her hands, her fingers lacing in and out of mine while we talk.

We caught up on the last couple of weeks and discussed our other relationships. It’s nice to share with each other about all of the love we have in our lives. We talked about sex. Then I pin her to the bed and ask what she can’t live without in sex. I imagine the things she might detail, perhaps oral sex or orgasms or pain, but I’m surprised when she answers: connection. OMG, I’m in love. Of course connection is why I have sex. I want to know someone through sex. I’m so in love.

We’re still new to each other. We are learning each other’s bodies and preferences. I wanted to go down on her in a major way, but I was nervous. I haven’t actually had a lot of practice at cunnilingus, especially recently. I got all shy and awkward telling her what I wanted, yet warning her that I’m fairly inexperienced. She looked baffled for a moment, as though unsure how to respond before reassuring me that that she wouldn’t judge me too harshly. It made me laugh.

Determined to give it a good go, I worked my way down her body, kissing, sucking, and biting. Her cunt is gorgeous. She has 3 rings through one side of her labia. It’s just perfectly right. I nuzzled around in her pubic hair, taking in her earthy scent. I thought about what I like in oral sex and tried to do the same on her. I took my time and explored. It turned me on. As things heated up, I found myself with my whole face buried in her cunt, licking with wild abandon, following her rhythms. After she came, I kissed her, everything a juicy mess.

Then I wanted to be inside her. The vagina is such a mysterious and amazing place. She is so hot. I slipped a couple of fingers in and worked up to my whole hand with lots of lube and erotic play. I found myself glad that I had trimmed and filed my nails and worried that it hadn’t been enough. Her body writhing and contracting around my hand filled me with intense awe. I was so grateful to her for allowing me in, for sharing herself with me. I wanted to fill her and surround her and melt through her.

exploringI thought that she should go to sleep then, but that wicked grin showed up. My turn. She explored my cunt, letting me know that she thought I was beautiful. What she thinks matters a lot to me because of my abuse history and having given birth 5 times. I am not always comfortable with my body. I was absurdly touched by her gaze and her compliments. Then she did wicked things with her mouth.

I’m not exactly sure what she did. Her mouth latched on to my clit and she rode my bucking pelvis until I came, hard and fast. My new favorite thing is her eyes looking at me while the rest of her face is obscured by my pubic hair. Have I mentioned that I’m in love? Because as soon as I’d come, she rode the waves of that orgasm straight into the next. Then I held my beautiful girl in my arms and she looked very smug. Deservedly so.

There’s a certain satisfaction to snuggling down in bed, with the smell of sex everywhere and a naked woman pressed against me. I felt at peace in the darkness for the first time in a while. This morning we woke early so she could go to work. I allowed myself the luxury of falling back to sleep, smelling her scent on the sheets. I’ve got it bad.


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Aug 122011

Glow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesCalifornia Exotics has sent me yet another astonishing sex toy to review. This time it’s a “Glow-in-the-Dark Life-Like Vibrating 8″ Emperor,” a beautifully hand sculpted, multi-speed dong with suction cup base. The shaft circumference is 6.5 inches/16.5 cm and the insertable length is 6.75 inches/17.25 cm. The dildo is made of phthalate-free PVC. The packaging says interesting things like, “Better than real, plus” and inexplicably, “I’m an American Stud and made in the USA.” Overall, this toy is so appallingly over-the-top that I’m speechless.

Sometimes the best thing you can say for a sex toy is that it made you laugh. That’s certainly true here. I looked at this glow-in-the-dark toy and swore that I would never use it. It smells bad. It feels weird and clammy against my skin. It’s too big to reasonably consider penetration. All this I explained to Joel as we were snuggled up falling asleep one night. He told me to show him this vibrator. I turned the light back on and pulled the toy out. He promptly stuck the giant dong to his forehead. I turned out the light to see it glow. It’s fabulous! It really does glow in the dark. I was giggling like crazy to see Joel bounce around with the glowing dong vibrating on his forehead like an excited atomic pornicorn. Totally hilarious.

I did actually try the “Emperor” out. I felt like I ought to give it a good go. The first thing I did was to wash the vibrator, hoping to mute the smell and make it clean enough to play with. The packaging says that it’s maintenance free, but I’m not sure what that means. It also says not to immerse in water, but to wash before and after each use. We carefully used the kitchen facet. Around this time, I started having double penetration fantasies about this dong. We experimented with putting the vibrator in my strap-on harness, trying to see if Harold could fuck me with both the “Emperor” and his erection. Although I think we worked out the kinks (so to speak), we did not attempt this venture.

Glow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesGlow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesGlow-in-the-Dark Life-Likes

I tried getting off with the “Emperor.” It didn’t work. The vibration is variable, but the 2 AA batteries that power it are not enough for clitoral stimulation. Internally, the vibration didn’t hit my g-spot, although it certainly vibrated my perineum and anus. It felt funny! And that’s not the only thing that felt funny – the dong itself was very cold and sticky feeling, kind of like the gummy hands that my kids get out of vending machines. I used a water-based lube as recommended by Cal Exotics for the materials. I gather that the phthalate-free PVC is fairly safe for sex toys, but it feels gross.

Glow-in-the-Dark Life-LikesHonestly, this isn’t a toy that I’m likely to ever use, but I do appreciate the sheer audacity of such a giant fucking vibrating life-like schlong, that fucking glows-in-the-dark and has balls! (Why does it have balls?) But it GLOWS in the DARK! And the suction-cuppy goodness allows one to wear it on one’s forehead! Surely this leads to bliss.

Bottom line: the “Emperor” is a ton of fun, but doesn’t turn me on.

Grade: C-

Jul 122011

Letter to Mr. HenryWe’re still deep in the teacher/student fantasy. Harold and Melanie went away to the ocean for a few days for a well deserved mini-vacation and quiet time together. In fantasyland, Mr. Henry went to visit his estranged wife in Minnesota. (Don’t ask, that wasn’t a detail that I contributed to this story!) Poor me, left at home to masturbate, decided to write Mr. Henry, the high school health teacher, a letter.

It feels so bad to do stuff like this. Things I do or say in character make me groan and smack my forehead in real life. Yet, I take a certain pride in playing my part really well. And it’s just as hot as it is squicky. Role-playing power dynamics is a fine line. So it was with this letter. I wrote it in my best 16-year-old, look-at-me-I’m-being-subtle, no-will-ever-guess, I’m-going-to-seduce-you-with-my-new-sexual-power, but I’m-in-awe-of-you voice. Of course I had to doodle in the margins. And cross out my spelling mistakes, and kiss the outside with lipstick, and seal the envelope with the perfume I actually wore in high school. Weird. Fun. Sexy.

Dear Mr. Henry,

Hi! I hope you are having a good time in Mina Minnesota, with your wife and her family. I think you are such a good husband! I just know that seeing you will make her feel better.

I’m bored with you gone. My friend Stephanie got a new dog. He’s REALLY cute. I love putting his collar on him and making him obey my commands. He gets so excited when I feed him treats! He kind of reminds me of you. I wanted to name him Henry, but Stephanie decided on Freud. Whatever.

I’ve been thinking about some of the things you were talking about in class. Like, I think that hig hygiene is very important. I trimmed my pubic hair in the shower today. I want to get a bikini wax, but my mom won’t let me. Maybe Stephanie can help me. Anyway, I spent a lot of time with the shower head, if you know what I mean!

Also, I am trying to keep myself fit. I tried running like you said, but my breasts bounce too much. I would go swimming, but I’m still so embarrassed about losing my swimsuit the last time I was at the pool. Do you have any personalized fitness ideas for me?

I can’t wait for more of those private lessons. I’ll be a very receptive student, I swear!



See? It’s kinda cringeworthy. If I wasn’t having so much fun, I might be embarrassed. As it is, Harold was excited to come home to this letter. When he came back, we headed off “into the woods behind the school” where he bent me over a downed tree, hiked up my short skirt, and fucked me. Why, hello Mr. Henry. HOT!

Jun 302011

I’ve tried out a wide variety of water based lubes. You can read my original reviews here and here. But things sometimes change with further exploration. Now that I’ve played around with what works best for me, I’ve come to realize that one lubricant is not enough. I never used to use lube at all! I’m amused to see that I’m using 3 different lubes, for different purposes.

These are my current lubes of choice:

Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula

Sliquid Sassy BootyWe’ve been using Sassy pretty extensively for months and I’m impressed with it. It doesn’t have a scent or taste. It cleans up easily, yet has excellent slip. My delicate system has never reacted to this lube, and although I originally thought that Harold might find it stingy, we haven’t had any problems since. As the name suggests, Sassy Booty was designed for anal play, and it works very well. I like that it’s a little bit thicker – I hate it when I pour lube into my hand and it runs between my fingers. Sassy Booty’s just a perfect lube for me. I use it for nearly all occasions. I just bought a big bottle (8.5 ounces) for only $13 online, so I’m happy with the price.

Pink H2O

Pink H2O packetsSometimes I need my lube to be more portable. Perhaps I want to carry some in my purse along with condoms and gloves to be ready for any event without the any messy spills, or take some on a backpacking trip, or keep some in the glove box for spontaneous car sex. Life is unpredictable and I try to be prepared so that the wild moments are pleasant. For these times, I use single-sized packets of Pink H2O. It’s runnier than Sassy and gets a bit tacky with friction, but it doesn’t taste bad or smell funny. It does contain parabens, which some people are allergic to, but I tolerate it well. Most importantly, for an on-the-go lube, Pink cleans up nicely, absorbing into the skin. It even makes skin softer with it’s aloe vera! I found sample packets online for about $0.55 each. Totally worth it.

Hathor Aphrodisia lubricant pure

Hathor Aphrodisia lubricant pureI first reviewed this product in terms of myself. I am one of the few rare people that has a negative reaction to this lube (which makes me sad because I love the company) so I discounted the lube as a viable option. It turns out, Harold really liked Lubricant Pure! He likes the erection enhancing properties – kind of like a topical viagra. I will confess to enjoying his rock hard erections myself – just not as part of intercourse. So we’ve come to an accommodation that makes us both happy. We use this lube in a male masturbatory way, when we know that we aren’t going to want penetrative sex. Yes, that happens. Occasionally. There is an increasing market for jacking off lube. Harold and I tried out Boy Butter and 29 Whacks which are both on that end. And truthfully, Harold will likely be able to use Lubricant Pure with Melanie without any problems, and he can certainly use  it to beat off. My experience giving Harold a hand-job with Hathor Aphrodisia’s lube was that I could get him hard and bring him to orgasm two times in 2 hours – something I gather is unusual for most men in their 60’s. So Harold had no compunctions purchasing more of this lube directly off of their website for $28 for 8 ounces.

Those are my three top picks: Sassy Booty for all around goodness, Pink H2O for on-the-go, and Hathor Aphrodisia for ho-my-god hard hand-jobs. I had foolishly thought that one lube would fit all occasions, but this is so much more fun!

Jun 242011

Hathor Aphrodisia Exotic Love OilImagine yourself lying in a patch of sunlight, a light breeze caressing your naked skin. Your lover pours warm oil onto your back. Strong hands rub the oil into your flesh, gently at first, then more firmly to work the kinks out of your muscles. The oil warms your skin, spreading a delightful scent, like trees and spice. You are suspended in a state of bliss, at one with your partner and the universe. This joyful experience is Hathor Aphrodisia’s Exotic Love Oil.

I actually had that experience on a beautiful date with Harold. He used the Exotic Love Oil on me and then I used it on him. I’m in love with Love Oil. And in love with Harold for giving me such an awesome massage. I just let go and floated in a nice smelling, relaxed place. I really like how Exotic Love Oil is warm on the skin and heats up with rubbing. Even my sensitive skin seemed happy with the Love Oil’s formula!

Massage in the sunWhen it was my turn to use the oil on Harold, I was impressed by the slip. Hathor Aphrodisia has found that perfect balance between having a long lasting glide and absorbing into the skin easily. Bravo! I enjoyed the silky feel of the Exotic Love Oil so much, that I coated my breasts and tummy and slid across Harold’s back and shoulders over and over. What a marvelous feeling! Hathor Aphrodisia’s website says that this product has been used in spa treatments for toning and firming the breasts. I would happily receive daily breast massages with Exotic Love Oil. You know, for science.

Evoë giving Harold a massageFurther exploration of the Love Oil lead me to believe that it also works as a bug repellant. After our mutual outdoor massage, Harold and I walked naked through the forest, surrounded by clouds of mosquitos. We discovered that we received very few bites, and none where the oil had been. Super bonus. I also found out that Love Oil is non-staining on natural fibers after my toddler poured some on the rug. This also gave me the opportunity to realize that the scent of the oil stays pleasant for many days. Thankfully.

A boi and his dogHathor Aphrodisia’s website also suggested that Exotic Love Oil could be used for bath and body oil. I think I’m going to try it in the bath tub now!

Bottom line: Another great product from a fabulous company. I don’t normally like massage oils, but I think I will keep this one on hand.

Grade: A

Apr 042011

Joel's hair beforeSometimes the most innocuous activities become sensuous under the right circumstances…

Tonight I cut Joel’s hair after we went out to dinner. There’s something about trimming hair that’s so nice. I love running my fingers through his hair. I don’t really know how to cut hair so I take a long time. I end up in odd positions where my breasts are very close to his face. Or my legs straddle his. Or my pubic bone rests against his back.

It’s very intimate. In fact, when Harold showed up unexpectedly because they needed baby milk at the other house, it felt kind of awkward. As if he walked in on us fucking. We had that kind of energy going. Hair cuts can be like that.

I like talking to each other and the close contact. I like the feelings of love that stir in me. I like the soft snick of the scissors. I like watching the locks of hair tumble to the ground. I like being centered in my body and focused on a project. It’s like art, but so practical. I enjoy doing things that are useful.

It was good for Joel too. He told me about getting his hair cut in London when he was 18. It was evidently one of the most sensuous experiences he’s ever had. He still remembers her perfume and fantasizes about things going further than a simple haircut.

Joel's hair afterIn a funny way cutting hair is Topping. When I cut hair, I’m in charge. I get to decide what the final style looks like. My subject must stay still for as long as I say. I use whatever tools I deem best. I’m physically altering their appearance to please myself. And I make them clean up. That’s pretty cool!

When you come right down to it, sex is a feeling, not a set of actions. I’m feeling deeply carnal after cutting Joel’s hair. We may just fall asleep in each other arms after this or we may indulge other desires. Either way we end up closer. But I’m hoping for an option with lube.

Feb 122011

Coffee and crittersIt’s morning and I’m awake, but still sleepy, snuggled under the covers with coffee cup in hand. My face hovers over the cup, drinking in the balm of the restoritive brew. I’ve been working on my laptop, but I’m stuck. I hear the car pull into to the drive and a moment later he walks in with our baby. They’ve been at their other house with the other momma. I brighten at their arrival, work frustrations melt away.

They cuddle up next to me, my baby cradled in my arms, my man’s body curling to meet mine. I feel protected, cozy, and safe. I breath in the scent of my daughter’s hair – that unique fragarance that says that she is mine, that goes straight to my heart and reminds me that I would die for this child. But she is a wild girl and can not be contained. My precious hoyden runs off to have adventures with a tiger and a duck, leaving me alone for a moment with my love.

SoapI rub my face into his neck, pressing my body against his. His arms hug me closer. He smells like his soap. He’s had a shower, which surprises me. He always showers before our date and before his date with his wife, but is often too busy the rest of the week. This feels like a special occasion. It feels like foreplay. When did the smell of soap on his skin become foreplay? Ah, when that scent has been a precursor to sex every week for years. Funny how such things become sexy. Soap and warm skin and I’m full of love and desire.

It’s a nice morning, basking in olfaction.

Dec 102010

LaundryLaundry is supposed to be sexy, right? Just ask any housewife and she’ll tell you how she gets off on that spin cycle. Well, try loading the washer full of urine-soaked, cat puke-covered, spooge-stained things and see how sexy you feel. The moment that everything in the house is clean, folded, and put away I swear I’ll orgasm spontaneously, but despite sounding like a jet engine revving up, my spin cycle doesn’t move me.

And yet, this morning I pulled an armful of dirty laundry out of the basket and caught a whiff of Harold’s sweat off of one of his shirts. It went straight to my animal brain. I felt totally turned on. Images of us making love played out in my mind. I had this primal reaction of realizing that this is the scent of my man. Weird.

Actually, not so weird. I remember reading in Sex at Dawn about research done with women and men’s sweaty t-shirts, that confirmed that most women will pick the man most genetically compatible to reproduce with based on scent alone. Unfortunately, being on birth control pills interferes with a woman’s ability to choose a mate by scent, sometimes with disastrous consequences – like my first marriage, for example.

As my first marriage was ending, and Joel and I were first falling in love, one of the things I noticed most was how good his smell is. He just smells right. I can’t explain it more than that. Now I just bury my face in his neck when we hug and breathe him in.

Armpit hairHarold shocked the hell out of me on our first date when he licked my armpit. I thought he was going to poison himself on my deodorant. Over time he’s convinced me to stop shaving my pits and to stop wearing deodorant. I’m largely ambivalent, so I don’t mind pleasing him. I have certain limits. I shaved for an Indian formal dinner that we attended and I put on deodorant when I’m flying or going dancing or something. If Harold wants to get his kink on by smelling me, I’m okay with that.

The scent thing even happens at random. Last night the man behind me in line at the grocery store reeked of body odor. He wasn’t at all attractive. I should have been appalled. But I wasn’t. He smelled kind of good, even though I knew he shouldn’t. Logically, I can assume that he would be a good genetic match for me and just walk away.

Lots of other things smell sexy. Different scents appeal to men and women, but I commonly hear that scents like vanilla, citrus, musk, lavender, jasmine, cinnamon, and licorice attract people. Currently, I’m drawn to the scent of fresh laundry. The spin cycle is coming up and I’ve got a few things to fold.

Nov 142010

Black & white breastsSometimes I find pleasure in the weirdest ways. Which is fine. I’ll take it however I can get it.

It was that kind of day. Everything was laid back, but I worked all morning. I did some laundry, had some lunch. Then I started feeling antsy – a bit anxious, kind of sad, and just wanting action. Circumstances made sex out of the question. I considered going for a walk, but it was cold and wet outside. I thought about sewing something, but I didn’t have the concentration for it. Finally I came up with a good idea…a bath!

Ah, relaxing in the bath with my vampire smut. And my toddler. Huh. Right. Well, not what I had in mind, but still fun. Joel brought me a cup of herbal tea that smelled heavenly. My daughter buffed my feet with pumice, which started me thinking about going to the spa. After the baby got bored and left, I decided to give the shower a thorough cleaning.

We have a lot of white tile in the bathroom. I drained the tub and ran really hot water through the shower. Still naked, I methodically scoured the white tile with Clorox bleach spray and a scrubby sponge. The slightly bleachy smell mingled with the herbal tea aroma. The bathroom filled with steam. Harold opened the door and gave me a deep, wildly passionate kiss before disappearing again. The mist in the bathroom was swirled and my skin was slick and flushed with the heat and desire.

I reveled in the satisfaction of knowing that the whole shower and tub was totally clean. I was quite pleased with the shiny. The whole experience somehow reminded me of wonderful times at the spa. I went to turn off the water, then stopped. I looked at the shower head. I pulled it down and adjusted the spray to the most vigorous setting. A little thrill of excitement traveled from my throat to my cunt.

SmileExperimentally, I ran the hot jet of water across each nipple. I gasped. My nipples reddened under the force and the temperature of the shower, as I did it again – longer this time. I was breathing hard and I could feel my cunt opening up. Did I dare try the water there? Of course. I parted my legs, bracing them against the sides of the tub and tightening my thigh muscles. I darted the fierce stream across my cunt, teasing myself with the tickle and heat, before directing the water right at my clit.

It was so intense. I held out as long as I could, but I came almost instantly, shuttering and twitching. I stood there for several seconds, feeling my body and the pleasure rocking through me in waves. Beautiful. Private. Mine.

When life is this good, who needs to go to the spa?